With Us (The Amato Series Book 1)

by Layla Frost

  “But that’s not reason enough to…” Guilt landed on my shoulders, twisting in my belly like a vice.

  “It was. Having hundreds of people under me means they’re my responsibility. If I’d let him drag me down, I’d have pulled all of them with me. He had plenty of warnings, but he pushed.” His eyes narrowed. “And then he brought you into it.”

  “But he—”

  “Was a crooked politician, a thief, and a pedophile.”

  I pulled back. “What?”

  “He had a strung-out teenage runaway upstairs. One of many in his history. He stole money from the government, was involved in some seriously nasty shit, and made it his personal mission to knock up every woman in America.”

  Suddenly, I wasn’t feeling as awful about his death.

  You’re a bad person, Dahlia.

  Black souled with a charred aura.

  “I knew he was creepy and off-putting, but I’d just assumed it was a typical politician thing,” I muttered.

  “No, he took it to another level.”

  “But he wasn’t the first person you’d…” I couldn’t bring myself to finish.

  He knew what I was saying anyway. “No.” There was a desperation in his gaze as he pushed closer to me, dipping his face to mine. “It isn’t a daily thing. And it’s never without reason.” He straightened, but didn’t step away. “Half the city is run by the Irish. Before things began to change in both factions, we were at war. A lot more fighting, more blood, more casualties. With RICO, the arrests of old-school bosses, and the increase of outside crime, we realized we couldn’t be against each other. We set parameters and stay within them. The Irish operate differently than us. The reward is greater, but so is the risk. To us, family is everything. In order to keep targets off not only our backs, but our families’, we needed to change.”

  Looking at him, I tried to picture the Theo from our first date. Attentive and thoughtful, he hadn’t even kissed me goodbye.

  I couldn’t form the image in my head. Instead, all I saw were blazing eyes, his body taut as he took me with blood covering his hands. The same hands that touched me. Held me and offered gentle affection. Made me come.

  My stomach twisted again, the knot so tight I’d swear it’d never loosen.

  Thinking of our first date reminded me of my next question. “Did you have Niall following me on the T before our Revel date?”

  He didn’t hesitate, nor did he look ashamed. “Yes. And I’m fucking glad I did.”

  “Did he… hurt those jerks?”

  “Not him. Someone else did.” When my eyes widened, he added, “Just hurt. Roughed them up with a warning not to fuck with anyone else.”

  “Any other times I was followed?”

  “Yes.”

  I slowly nodded, letting that sink in. “Any other times you or someone else interfered?”

  This time he did pause. His gaze shifted to the side, shooting back to mine when I tried to duck under his arms.

  I looked at him through narrowed eyes. “I told you, I need all of the truth, not just half.”

  “Yes,” he answered, spitting the word like he had to force it out.

  “When?”

  “Mystic Stones.” I opened my mouth, but he spoke over me. “He was already giving Wendy bad advice. It would’ve been only a few more months before she’d have had to close anyway. I just sped up the process.”

  Other than the dream version, I didn’t know Mystic Stones. He was an idiot and a con, but he didn’t deserve the same as the punks on the train.

  “How?” I asked.

  “Money. No one laid a hand on him, Dahlia, fuck.” He moved back a few inches, shaking his head. “I offered him cash. He gladly accepted and was on the phone with Wendy before the door closed behind me.”

  “And my apartment?”

  He nodded.

  “You took away my apartment and my only source of income.” I lost my hold on my emotions. Anger, frustration, and hurt ripped through me, reaching a hollow part of my heart I’d thought I’d lost as a child. Hot tears leaked down my cheeks. “You manipulated my life and trapped me here! You trapped me here, and then you left.”

  “Gattina—”

  “You gave me everything, Theo. Not the clothes. Not the house. Not the phone, cars, or any of that meaningless shit! You gave me a family. A sense of belonging. Of want. You gave me you, and then you took it all away.”

  “It’s still here—”

  “On lies. It’s all built on lies. Were you ever going to tell me the truth?”

  “Dahlia—”

  “Were you?”

  “It doesn’t—”

  “Just answer me!” I shouted.

  “Yes! Dammit! Yes, I was going to tell you.”

  I was about to share my disbelief, but the look in his eyes froze the words in my throat.

  He looked wild.

  Desperate.

  Unrestrained.

  “Once you had my name and babies,” he practically growled. “Tied to me. I wanted you wrapped up and in so deep, you wouldn’t leave once you knew. I’d planned to tell you once I had you even half as addicted to me as I am to you. Like my next breath doesn’t matter if I don’t have you. Like nothing fucking matters without you.”

  He was ripping me apart.

  His words pulled me together, only to rip me apart again.

  My connection to him was already that strong. I’d worried before whether I’d be able to sever the bond we had, and I still wasn’t sure. I needed to figure it out, though, because I felt as if I were being torn in two. Just like in the dream, pain tore down my middle. And though it was emotional pain, I felt it physically. It stole my breath, consumed my thoughts, and left my soul feeling so ripped apart, I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to put it back together fully.

  “I have to go,” I said, pushing to the side. When his arm stayed in place, my eyes shot to his. “I need space to think.”

  “You can’t.”

  “I—”

  “The man who tried to take you at the hospital yesterday was working for someone, and we don’t know who yet. It wasn’t the first attempt.” At my raised eyebrows, he added, “You were sleeping during the fake nurse one.”

  That explains the weird superhero dream.

  “Why?” I asked.

  Through the entire discussion, the only time Theo had looked guilty was when talking about hurting me. Physically hurting, or even killing, other people didn’t seem to cause him a hint of shame.

  As he looked down at me, though, guilt seemed to weigh on him. His eyes were sad, almost haunted. “Because of me.”

  “Then why don’t you just let me go?”

  As soon as the words were out, I wanted to shove them back in. Regret clawed at me to take them back. The feeling multiplied by when I saw the agony on his face.

  “Never,” he swore, the tone of his voice almost painful to hear. “I should. I shouldn’t have gotten involved with you at all, dragging you into my world. But I did, and I’m never letting you go. I’d give up everything else before I let that happen, Dahlia.”

  Confusion pulled me in a million different directions. My head swam, my stomach turned, and my heart ached. I felt like I was supposed to run away, never looking back. But a sick, twisted part of me wanted to claw at him. Rip his clothes from his body, and use my nails and teeth to mark him. I wanted to take out my anger until he was fucking me against the wall so hard I couldn’t think.

  “I have to go. Do what you’ve always done, and send someone to follow me.” I moved again, only to find my back pressed tight against the wall, his large body keeping me in place.

  His hand gripped my chin tenderly, his gaze travelling my face.

  In all our time together, I’d known only a small part of Theo. He’d kept a major part of, not just his job, but himself, well-hidden. As I looked into his eyes, I could almost see the fire that burned inside him. Beckoning me and drawing me deeper into the flames.

  It scar
ed me, but not for the reason it should have.

  “I have to go,” I said again, needing space to find my sanity.

  A shiver rippled through me as his hand slid up my neck to tilt my jaw. Hard and bruising, his mouth crashed down on mine. He ground against me, trying to get closer somehow.

  My tongue dueled with his, fighting for control. I bit at his bottom lip. Tugging his hair and scratching down his back, I lost my head for a moment.

  Lies.

  It’s all built on lies.

  Like a bucket of ice water, my thoughts brought me back to reality. I jerked my head back, ignoring the pain when it slammed against the wall.

  I stared to the side. “Please move.”

  His hand captured my jaw again so I’d meet his eyes. The fire in them burned deep, and in a way, I felt as though I was meeting him for the first time.

  “I love you so fucking much, gattina,” he said, low and rough. “Addicted and obsessed, I’d give up everything else. But never you.”

  When he dropped his hands and grudgingly stepped away, my body instinctively moved away from the wall to be close to him.

  I’m so messed up.

  Holding tight to my anger, I practically sprinted through the foyer and out the door, grabbing my purse as I went. I hopped into my Rover, and backed out of the driveway. Within thirty seconds, I could see Theo’s car in my rearview mirror. It was replaced a few minutes later by Luc in his own car. I could no longer see Theo, but I was willing to bet he was somewhere close.

  I drove for a while, lost in my thoughts and growing more confused by the mile. Pressing the phone command on the steering wheel, I called the only person I felt I could talk to.

  “Hello?” Julie said on the second ring.

  “It’s Dahlia. Are you working?” Julie worked from home doing graphic designs for businesses.

  “Just getting ahead, but I’ve got plenty of time until my deadline. What’s up?”

  “I… Can…” The tears I’d been holding back started, blurring my vision and stealing my ability to speak.

  “Do you remember how to get to my place?”

  I made a noise to mean yes, though it came out as more of a hiccupping grunt.

  “Come right over.

  “Mmhhmm.”

  “Drive careful. I’ll see you soon.”

  I got control of myself as best as I could during the short drive. It was all for nothing because as soon as Julie opened the door and pulled me into a hug, my tears started again.

  “Come in,” she said softly.

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t know where else to go.”

  She gestured to her couch. “Don’t be silly, I’m glad you’re here. Want a coffee?”

  “Please.”

  She came back in and handed me a mug, holding her own as she sat. “What happened?”

  “How much do you know? About Theo and his… work.”

  “I don’t know the specifics of his every day dealings. But I know what he does.” She paused, gauging my reaction as she added, “Who he is.”

  Chewing at my bottom lip, I nodded. “I spent weeks and weeks wanting answers. Begging for them. Now I finally know the truth, and I wish I could erase it from my head.”

  “What happened?”

  Through two cups of coffee and half a box of tissues, I recapped my conversation with Theo. I left out some details, like the men from the hospital and Senator Larson, but I shared pretty much everything else.

  As I spoke, my mind sorting through my feelings, my shame grew. Already unloading my feelings, I shared that, too. “And you know what the most fucked up part is?”

  “What?”

  “I’m not livid about what he does. I mean, maybe I’m in shock or something. But I’m not freaking out about him ki… hurting people as much as I should be. I should be flipping out about that, but I’m more upset he lied. Because he kept secrets and only told me because I made him. Otherwise he admitted he’d have waited years. Years of lies and deceit. But what he does? Who he is? Shouldn’t I be flipping out about that instead?”

  “Hold on,” Julie said, heading for the kitchen. I’d assumed she was refilling her coffee, but she came back a minute later with a book, a bottle of vodka, and two shot glasses. “Kat is going to a friend’s for the night, and the rest of this discussion requires alcohol.”

  Pouring us each a shot, we tipped them back before repeating the process.

  Once the warmth hit my brain, I said, “Vodka is definitely better than coffee right now.”

  “Exactly.” Inhaling deeply, she flipped open the photo book and turned it so I could see.

  Julie was beaming into the camera, her makeup beautifully done and her white dress fairy tale perfect. A dark-haired man in a tux had her pulled tight against his tall, lean body as he looked down at her. There was so much love in the picture, so much joy, my heart hurt for her seeing what she’d lost.

  “Marc worked for Theo.”

  My eyes shot to hers, widening as I remembered Theo’s words about Marc dying in an accident. “For Amaric?”

  She shook her head. “On paper, yes. But not technically.”

  “I didn’t know.”

  “Theo doesn’t like to talk about Marc. I think he wants to protect me, but I don’t mind. It isn’t like I’ve forgotten about him. He died when she was only a year old, so Kat deserves to know who her dad was. And Marc deserves to be remembered.”

  “Why don’t you tell him that?”

  “Because Marc’s death put Theo in a dark place for a while. They were cousins, but closer than brothers. The guilt still weighs on him, even though Theo did nothing wrong.”

  I wanted to ask, but wasn’t sure if I should. I tried to put myself in Julie’s place, but couldn’t understand how she could be so close to Theo and his family, knowing that her husband died because of his involvement in their world.

  Julie must have been able to tell, because her lips tipped up in a small smile. “Wondering what happened?”

  Nodding, I poured us each a shot. “If you don’t want to talk about it—”

  She waved her hand dismissively. “It’s fine. Theo told you about the service he offers businesses?”

  “Protection?”

  “Yes. Marc was kind of like the head of security. He helped decide who watched which areas. If someone was causing a lot of trouble, he was… an enforcer. There were other steps before it got to him, but yeah. Anyway, there was a little mom and pop mart near the commons with the nicest owners in the world. The woman had been battling breast cancer for years, but she had such positive attitude and was so sweet. They did tons for the community despite how sick she was. She worked when she could, but her husband shouldered most of it. They had a teenage daughter who helped, but they wanted her to focus on school.”

  My stomach sank as tears brimmed her eyes.

  Oh no.

  “They were such a loving family, and that only increased when the husband was diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer. Neither of them could work, but they needed the income and insurance. Their daughter left her freshman year of college and came home to work the store from open to close. Just like her folks, she did it with a smile on her face because she loved them.” She shook her head and wiped at her tears, anger clouding her eyes. “Everyone knew about what they were going through. They knew it was just the daughter running things. Theo stopped accepting money from them, but kept their store under his protection. When Marc went to check on their store as part of his rounds, he caught a robbery in progress. They knew. They knew her parents were sick, and they preyed on this young girl.”

  Expecting her to burst into tears, I almost thought she was delirious, or drunk, when she grinned.

  “He saved her. Shot three of the four fuckers before they even knew he was there. One got a round off, catching Marc in the thigh before he blasted his head away. Had it hit even half an inch to the side, he’d have been fine. Unfortunately, it nicked the femoral artery. He died, but he did it a hero
. He saved that girl, and many others before her.”

  She glowed with so much love and pride as she spoke about him. I looked down at their wedding picture again, seeing the love Marc clearly had for his new bride.

  “When did he tell you what he did?” I asked, wondering if he’d waited until they were married.

  “I always knew.”

  My focused returned to her, my brows raised. “You did?”

  “You know about the fights?”

  “Yeah, Theo mentioned them briefly.”

  “I used to be a fight girl. You know, the ones in the bikinis or skimpy clothes who walked with the sign telling the round number? I’d also flirt with guys to get them to bet more because I’d get a cut of whatever I brought in.”

  My already raised brows must have shot into my hairline.

  Julie was quiet with a suburban-mom style. It was cute, filled with lots of capris, cuffed skinny jeans, and flattering tops. But I couldn’t picture her in skimpy anything.

  She nodded, her smile mischievous. “Yup. I made good money, too. And the fights were amazing. Do you ever watch boxing or MMA?” At my head shake, she leaned forward. “Have Theo take you to a fight. It’s savage and primal and so exciting. You’ll end up going at it in the car.”

  I laughed even as I blushed, my mind wandering to Theo and I against the SUV.

  Her smile faded. “I’m not trying to make light of what Theo does. What they all do. They may toe the line of morality, but their feet are firmly planted on the illegal side.”

  Picking at the label on the vodka bottle, I nodded. “I gathered that when he told me some stuff.”

  “You were worried about why you weren’t freaking out. I went in knowing who Marc was. What he did. He broke a man’s arm the first time he saw me.”

  “What?”

  She smiled fondly at the memory. “I was working one of the fights and he came with Theo and Luc. I have no clue what made me look in his direction, but I did and our eyes met. And then some dickhole grabbed my ass. Marc was through the crowd within seconds, and broke the guy’s arm. Just snapped it like a chicken bone. So while this broken armed asshole is rolling around at our feet, luckily puking in the other direction, Marc says, ‘You’re done here. Let’s go home.’ I’d thought it was just a line, but he was hot, so I was willing to go along for the night. We got married a couple months later.”