We Shouldn't

by Vi Keeland

  “Bennett?”

  “Hmm?”

  “Have you ever talked to anyone about this? I mean, the whole story. What Sophie meant to you, what she shared the night she died, and the relationships you’ve had since then—or lack of relationships?”

  He shook his head.

  “Thank you for telling me. I know it’s been a long day, but I want you to know I’d love to hear all about Sophie. When you’re ready.”

  He looked into my eyes. “Why? Why would you want to hear about her?”

  “Because she’s obviously very special to you, she’s the mother of the boy you love, and whether you realize it or not, she’s helped make you into the man you are today.”

  Chapter 45

  * * *

  Annalise

  I reread the letter I’d typed to Jonas a second time. I wasn’t ready to give it to him just yet. But typing it brought me one step closer. It felt right—like trying on a pair of jeans that hadn’t fit for a really long time, and suddenly the zipper closed. It had been a long time since anything in my life really felt like it fit.

  My desk phone rang, so I quickly folded the letter into an envelope and stashed it in my drawer. I figured it was Bennett calling from two offices down to yell at me to hurry my ass up since I said I’d be ready in ten minutes at least a half hour ago.

  “Annalise O’Neil.” My voice was almost sing-songy.

  But when I looked up, with the phone cradled between my shoulder and ear, Bennett was standing in my doorway. I smiled.

  Until the voice on the other end of the line came through the receiver.

  “Anna? Hey. I figured you might still be at the office.”

  Andrew.

  I don’t know why, but I panicked. “Ummm… Yeah. I’m still here. Hang on one minute.” I held the phone pressed against my chest and spoke to the man currently ogling me from the doorway. “It’s my mom. I’ll just be a few minutes.”

  Bennett nodded. “Take your time. Give me your keys. I’ll pull your car around the front so we can load your presentation stuff in when you’re done.”

  I fished inside my purse, hoping he didn’t notice the flush creeping up my face. Luckily, he didn’t seem to. He took the keys and kissed my forehead before leaving my office. I waited, listening to his footsteps fade until they were in the distance, and for the sound of the front door of our offices opening and closing.

  I lifted the phone back to my ear.

  “Hi. What’s going on? Is everything okay?”

  “Did I catch you at a bad time?”

  I sat down. Was there ever a good time for an ex to call out of the blue? “I’m just getting ready to leave. What’s up?”

  “Still working too late, I see.” He was teasing, but I wasn’t in the mood for small talk.

  “I’m actually heading out to get some dinner. So I need to make this fast, Andrew. What’s going on?”

  “Dinner as in a date?”

  That pissed me off. I huffed. “I really need to go.”

  “Okay. Okay. I just wanted to let you know I’ll be joining Lauren and Trent for your dinner tomorrow night.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I want to see you.”

  “What for?”

  Andrew sighed. “Please, Annalise.”

  “This is a business dinner. Last time I checked, you had no interest in your family’s business.”

  “I’m still a shareholder. And I’ve been helping out over there the last few months—revamping copy for the catalog and stuff.”

  His parents had always wanted him involved in the family business, but Andrew had stuck his nose in the air when they’d suggested he take a role that involved writing in their empire. Anything but literature was beneath him.

  “Fine. Whatever. I need to run.”

  “I’m looking forward to seeing you.”

  The feeling was not mutual. “Goodbye, Andrew.”

  ***

  “Have you heard from Lucas?”

  Bennett rubbed my shoulder. We were in what had become our usual post-sex sleeping mode—his left arm wrapped around me, my head resting on his chest, his fingers tracing my shoulder while we talked.

  “I texted him this afternoon to remind him I’d be by Friday before school to say goodbye. He’s leaving for Minnetonka with Fanny directly after classes end. I hate that he’ll be gone for three-and-a-half weeks while we’re in this fucked-up place. I should’ve pushed Fanny harder to let me tell him after he was back.”

  “Maybe the time will be good for him—make him realize he misses you.”

  “I don’t know about that.”

  “Did he text you back?”

  “One word: fine.”

  I smiled. “That’s better than nothing. He’ll come around. He just needs some space.”

  Bennett kissed the top of my head. “You nervous about tomorrow night?”

  Because I had a guilty conscience, I immediately thought he meant about seeing Andrew, even though I hadn’t mentioned he was coming to my presentation with Lauren and Trent.

  “No,” I snapped.

  He chuckled. “You’re really a shit liar. I don’t even need to see your red face to know you’re full of shit.”

  Now would have been the perfect opportunity to mention that Andrew was joining us for my meeting. But I didn’t. I knew it would upset him, and he’d had enough stress lately.

  When Andrew had called earlier, my immediate reaction was defensiveness. I was still angry over how things ended, and I didn’t want him trying to get back into my good graces—if that was what he even wanted. Anger was easier to deal with. But the more I thought about it, the more I thought maybe seeing Andrew was just what I needed.

  While I’d tossed around the idea of quitting a few weeks ago, it had seemed sort of ludicrous to risk so much for a far-fetched chance with a man who had no interest in a relationship. But after last weekend—after Bennett had confided in me about what had happened with Lucas’s mother—I wasn’t so sure he had no interest in a relationship. He just didn’t feel he deserved happiness. He harbored a lot of misplaced guilt.

  I needed a sign that going with my heart was the right thing to do. Maybe seeing Andrew would make me certain what I felt for Bennett wasn’t some sort of a rebound. I needed to be sure my emotions were real and not a fantasy.

  Bennett yawned. “You’ll do great.”

  I’d almost forgotten we were still talking about tomorrow night. “Thanks. You all ready for your presentation?”

  “Just about.”

  “How soon after do you think we’ll hear about the board’s decision?”

  Bennett’s hand at my shoulder stilled. “Not sure. Pretty fast, I think.”

  Which meant I could have less than a week to figure out if Bennett and I would be separated by more than a thousand miles.

  ***

  “Your ideas were really great.”

  I turned from staring out the big bay window in Lauren and Trent’s living room to find Andrew walking toward me with a glass of wine in each hand. He extended one to me.

  “No thanks. I’m driving.”

  He smiled. “More for me, then. My car is in the shop, so Trent picked me up on his way home from the office.”

  I nodded.

  Andrew had been pretty quiet while I presented my ideas before dinner, and then he’d stayed in the background of our conversation while the four of us shared a meal.

  I took a minute to look at him. He wore a button-up shirt, untucked, with a pair of dark denim jeans and loafers. He had a light beard, which really surprised me. In fact, his entire laid-back look surprised me.

  “You look different,” I said.

  He sipped his wine. “Is that a bad or good thing?”

  I looked him over again. “Good. You look relaxed. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in a beard except when you were on a multi-day writing binge.”

  He nodded. “You always said you liked me with facial hair.”

  That
was true. I’d always liked him with some scruff. But he didn’t…so he never had any.

  I looked over my shoulder toward the kitchen. Lauren and Trent had insisted on cleaning up and not allowing me to help. But they’d been gone a while.

  Andrew drank more of his wine, watching me over the rim of his glass. “I asked them to give us a little time to talk.”

  “Oh.” I nodded. Feeling suddenly uncomfortable, I turned my attention back to the big window. It had been pouring all night. “It’s really raining out there.”

  Andrew kept his eyes glued to me. “I hadn’t noticed.”

  He walked to an end table and set his wine down. When he returned, he stood a little closer to me. “You look beautiful tonight.”

  I looked over at him, and our gazes caught. The warmth of his smile threw me back to a long time ago. We used to be happy. That smile used to make my insides feel warm—the way Bennett’s did now. Only Bennett’s smile did so much more to me. It made me feel warmth and excitement, and even though he gave me nothing to indicate he felt more than a mutual, physical attraction to me, it made me feel loved and taken care of.

  Andrew reached out and pushed the hair from my face. His fingers brushed my skin. I felt it, warm and soft, but only a shadow of what it felt like when I was around Bennett. Bennett could pass me a pencil in a meeting, and the accidental brush of our fingers lit my body on fire. Andrew’s touch was the comfort of a cozy blanket—a familiarity. I couldn’t remember the last time Andrew and I had been on fire. Had we ever been? Or had I just grown comfortable in the security of what I’d known?

  He leaned in a little closer. “I miss you, Anna.”

  I stared at him. His lips were so close and his familiar scent all around me. Yet…I had no desire to kiss him. None.

  A smile sprouted at the corner of my lips. I was excited to feel nothing, and in that moment, I made up my mind. I was going to take a chance with Bennett.

  Andrew misread what was going through my mind and leaned in for a kiss.

  My hands jumped to his chest, stopping him just short of our lips meeting. “No. I can’t.”

  Lauren and Trent picked that moment to emerge from the kitchen. I took a step back, putting distance between Andrew and me before they joined us in the living room.

  “All done with the clean-up.” Lauren smiled. “And Trent only broke one plate tonight.”

  Trent put his hand on his wife’s back. “I keep thinking she’ll stop making me do dishes if I bust another one. But she just keeps buying more and forcing me to help.”

  I was grateful for the interruption. I also suddenly wanted to get the hell out of here and surprise Bennett on my way home. We had something to celebrate tonight, even if he had no idea what was about to happen.

  “Thank you so much for dinner. It was delicious.”

  “Thank you,” Lauren said. She looked at her husband. “We both loved your ideas. I don’t even think we need to hear the other presentation, to be honest.”

  “That’s very sweet. But I definitely want you to have the campaign you like best, so maybe keep your mind open until after you see what Bennett presents when you meet with him on Monday.”

  Plus, if you go with my ideas, I might be asking you to follow me to a new firm. I need at least a few days to get my resume floated out there.

  Trent nodded. “Sure. Of course.”

  “I hope you don’t mind, but I’m going to get going. The rain is really getting heavy out there, and I don’t want to be driving with flooded streets.”

  “Oh. Of course,” Lauren said. Her eyes shifted to her brother and then back to me.

  “Would you mind giving me a lift?” Andrew said. “That way Lauren and Trent don’t have to go out in this weather.”

  “Ummm…” I couldn’t very well say no. Andrew’s house was right on my way home, and it was pretty nasty out there. “Sure. No problem.”

  Maybe this was good. We’d kept the door open an inch, and it was finally time to close it and say goodbye. I could tell him on the way that I’d met someone. It was the right thing to do after eight years. And I didn’t need any hard feelings between Lauren and me, if we were going to be working together.

  The four of us said goodbye. It felt strange to be leaving their house with Andrew—we’d had dinner so many times as couples. Together, Andrew and I made a run for the car. But the rain was coming down sideways, and we were both drenched by the time we slammed the doors behind us.

  “Damn.” Andrew shook off his arms. “It’s really raining.”

  I swiped water from my face and started up the car. “Yeah, awful.”

  “You want me to drive?”

  Driving in this was the last thing I wanted to do. But that didn’t matter. “No, I’m good. Thanks.” Looking in my rearview mirror, I took a deep breath and whispered, “Checking for oncoming cars,” before putting the car into drive. “Pulling away from the curb.”

  “This is one of the things I missed the most.”

  I heard the smile in Andrew’s voice, but I kept concentrating on the road. It was pouring like I’d never seen before, and the streets were already starting to flood.

  “Not sure if that’s a compliment or an insult that this is what you missed the most.”

  I white-knuckled the steering wheel and navigated my way to the highway. The windows were starting to fog up, and when I looked in the side view mirror to merge onto the highway, I could only see a blur of lights through the cloudy driver’s side window. The rearview wasn’t much better because of the fogged-up back window. So I pressed the button to roll down my window and get a better look. But just as I did, a car passed, sending a big splash of water through my open window and directly on my face.

  My innate reaction was to hit the brakes. But that caused me to hydroplane on the merge. I gripped the steering wheel, and my car started to fishtail out of control.

  The car pulled to the right, toward the traffic moving on the highway, and I jerked the steering wheel to the left.

  Everything happened in slow motion after that.

  We started to spin.

  I lost all sense of what was forward and what was backward.

  Lights flashed in my eyes.

  And I realized it was because we were facing the wrong way.

  On the merge of the highway.

  A horn started blare.

  The car coming toward us swerved to the right.

  But there wasn’t enough room for two of us.

  I braced for impact.

  We got hit.

  It was loud and jarring.

  My body jolted to the left and then to the right.

  Andrew screamed my name.

  Then everything became quiet again.

  I started to think we might be okay.

  And then…

  We got hit a second time.

  Chapter 46

  * * *

  Bennett

  I pulled up in front of Lucas and Fanny’s house a few minutes early and checked my phone for the tenth time since last night.

  Still nothing.

  I’d texted Annalise to see how her presentation went and never heard back. Even if she’d gotten home early and went to bed, she’d definitely be up by now. Most days she was in the office by seven.

  I’d had a fucked-up, anxious feeling all night after I didn’t hear back. But that was probably more due to the shit going on with Lucas and having to say goodbye for three weeks after what went down last weekend.

  I shoved my phone back into my pocket, looked up at Fanny and Lucas’s house, and took a deep breath before getting out of the car.

  Fanny opened the door with her usual sunny disposition.

  “He could use some spending money for his vacation.”

  I shook my head. Yeah? So give him some. “Fine. Is he ready?”

  She slammed the door in my face, and I heard her shriek, “Lucas! Get your butt moving!”

  My heart started beating erratically when I heard his big
feet clomping down the stairs. I had no idea what I’d do if this kid didn’t come around. The palms of my hands started to sweat.

  The door swung open, and Lucas stepped out, putting on his backpack.

  I treaded lightly, keeping my hands in my pockets. “Hey.”

  He lifted his chin to me. “Hey.”

  It’s a start.

  “You ready?”

  He nodded, and we got into my car. I turned on the ignition and tried to make small talk. “You excited for your trip to Minnetonka?”

  Lucas wrinkled his face like he’d smelled something sour. “Would you be?”

  He had a point. “Go in the glove compartment. Take out the tan envelope. I printed you out some information on local lakes last night. There’re a few within walking distance of where you’re going that sound like they have good fishing. There’s some cash in there, too, so you can get bait and lures and stuff.”

  He took the envelope and stuffed it into his backpack. “Thanks.”

  We made some more small talk on the short drive to his school, but it was stilted conversation and basically consisted of me talking and him saying yeah, no, or thanks.

  It could have been a lot worse, I supposed.

  When we reached the front of his school, we were still a few minutes early, so I pulled to the curb and put the car in park.

  “Listen, buddy…” I cleared my throat. “…about what I told you last week.”

  He looked down, but didn’t make an attempt to get out of the car at least.

  So I continued. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry the accident happened. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you until now. But that was never why I spent time with you.” I dragged my fingers through my hair. “I’m not going anywhere. Take some time if you need it. Be mad at me for the accident. Be mad at me for taking too long to talk to you. Hell, I’m mad at myself for everything. But I’ll be here every other week after you get back just like I’ve always been because I love you—and while I feel guilty about a lot of things, that guilt has nothing to do with the time we spend together.”