Boy #1: The Wannabe Rockstar (Oh, Those Boys)

by Penny Sixsmith

  She didn't even want to imagine what her hair and face looked like.

  “Don't be red, don't be red, don't be red,” she panted, pressing her hands against her cheeks, praying she didn't look like a tomato. She brushed her fingers over her hair, hoped Josh liked the tousled look, and then she was at his door. She'd barely knocked before it swung open.

  “Hey,” he said, still in the act of pulling on a sleeveless shirt. She caught a glimpse of ridiculously defined abs, and she immediately stopped caring about her face and hair.

  “Hi,” she breathed, finally moving her gaze to his eyes. He smiled down at her.

  “You look gorgeous. Were you out running, too?”

  “Uh ...”

  She couldn't talk with her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth, so Cass was glad when he turned and walked back down his hall. She stepped inside, shutting the door softly behind her, then trailed after him as he led them into a spacious living room. It was very minimalistic, with one long, leather, mid-century style couch against the windows. A tv was mounted on the wall next to it, and he had some sort of furry rug, and that was it for furniture.

  “You want some water?” he called out as he walked over to his fridge.

  “Sure. Or I mean, no,” Cassie babbled, putting both her hands in her hair. When he came back, he had two glasses in his hands, so she took one. Drained the whole thing in a couple gulps. Josh stared at her with his eyebrows raised.

  “Must have been a hell of night,” he murmured, his eyes traveling over her form.

  “It's been interesting,” she was honest, handing back the glass. He set them both on the window ledge behind the couch.

  “So what brings you here? I mean, not that it's not good to see you,” he chuckled. “But I'm kinda surprised.”

  Cass stared up at him for a moment longer before she couldn't stand it anymore. She grabbed the front of his t-shirt in both hands, then jerked him down to her height. Now that she wasn't in heels, she realized he was quite a bit taller than her.

  Though not quite as tall as Micah.

  Stop it! Don't think that name!

  She stood on her toes and kissed him hard, shoving her tongue into his mouth. If he was surprised at her actions, he didn't show it. Josh simply wrapped his arms around her and yanked her close. She moaned and raked her fingers through his damp hair.

  “Must have been a really interesting night,” he breathed when she finally pulled away.

  “I want you to unwrap me right now,” she stated, fighting with her jacket as she tried to fling it to the floor.

  “You sure?” he checked, his hands smoothing over her ass while he spoke.

  “I'm gonna be completely honest,” she started, then licked her lips. His eyes followed the movement. “I like you, Josh. Maybe a lot. But I've had a bad night, and I'm very angry at someone, so right now? This is about sex. Sex between us, sure, but still. Just sex.”

  He absorbed what she said. Nodded his head. Then leaned in close and kissed her cupid's bow.

  “As enticing as that offer is,” he sighed, and he kissed her cheek. “And as extremely hard as it is to resist you,” he kissed her other cheek. “I don't think this is really what you want, Cassie. And I may not know you very well, but I already know that's something I'd like to do – give you what you really want.”

  Ridiculously, Cassie felt her eyes starting to tear up. Who was this woman? This over-dramatic, hot mess, emotional crybaby? She didn't even recognize herself. All this, over a boy who didn't even really like her. All this, to take advantage of a boy who really did like her.

  I'm so ashamed.

  “I'm sorry,” she sighed, dropping her head to his chest. When she tried to pull away, though, Josh held on tightly to her.

  “Don't be. Whatever is going on, I'm glad when you ran from it, you thought of running to me.”

  She snorted.

  “Don't say that. I'm ... I'm an awful person. You deserve someone better than me.”

  “Probably,” he laughed loudly. “Look, let's get some more water and food into you. We'll put on a movie, and you can cry or laugh or throw up, whatever you need to do, to get whatever this is out of your system.”

  “You're too good, you know that?” she whispered. “You can't be real life.”

  “Maybe real life has just been really shitty to you lately.”

  “It's definitely been shitty. I'm so sorry, Josh. I can't believe I -”

  From somewhere nearby, something started buzzing, interrupting her.

  “My phone,” Josh said when she pulled away. It started ringing again, Cassie could actually feel it against her leg – he must have had it in his pocket.

  “Do you have to answer?” she asked, staring up at him as the call ended.

  “You're more -”

  But then his phone rang again.

  “I'm sorry, it could be an emergency,” he sighed, stepping back enough to yank the device out of his pocket. When he glanced at the screen, he made a face that clearly told her it wasn't an emergency.

  “Something wrong?” she asked.

  “I don't know, this is the fourth time he's called. Something's up, could be important. I'm sorry, let me just check.”

  Cassie stepped up close to him again, relishing the feel of his solid body and his comforting presence. She wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned into him, and was happy when she felt his free arm go around her, as well.

  “Hey, what's up?” While Josh listened to the response, Cass nipped him on his chest, making him jump. He shocked her by giving her a quick spank, and she just barely managed to contain her laughter. “What, now? Jesus, it's ten o'clock at night. Tomorrow morning.” God, he sounded sexy when he was annoyed. “Why? Is it really that important? I'm kinda busy right now. No, I know, and I get that – but this shouldn't be my problem, man. Okay, okay, I get it. I get it. But you owe me. I'll meet you there in twenty minutes.”

  Before he even ended the call, Cassie stepped back, her pout already on her face.

  “You're leaving,” she stated in a dull voice. He groaned, then both his arms were around her, trying to pull her close again.

  “Trust me, I'd much rather be here taking care of you,” he assured her. “But one of the guys forgot some instruments and other stuff at the hall. They have a gig tonight, so they need it. I gotta go let them in.”

  Cassie froze for a moment.

  “Wait. Wait, wait, wait,” she stuttered. “'One of the guys?'”

  “Yeah, that band from your party? That was the lead guitarist.”

  “Micah,” she growled through clenched teeth.

  “Yeah, that's the one,” Josh said, then he groaned again as he pulled away from her once more. “He's freaking out, said he needs to get down there right now.”

  Josh started to walk away, but Cassie grabbed his arm. Yanked him back close to her.

  “He's lying,” she spoke quickly, though she couldn't tell him how she knew that. “Stay here.”

  “Twenty minutes there,” he said, smoothing a finger down her cheek. “Twenty minutes back. Hour, tops. Can you wait an hour for me?”

  “No,” she shook her head vehemently. “I'll have started assaulting your phallic vegetables long before then. Just stay, he'll be fine, I promise,” she insisted. Josh laughed and gently grabbed her hands. Raised them up and kissed her fingers.

  “An hour,” he promised. “Make yourself at home, there's plenty to drink. Bathroom is down the hall, or there's one in my room. I think there might be a cucumber in the fridge, but that's as phallic as it gets.”

  “Well, if there's no eggplant, then I'm leaving.”

  “I'll get one while I'm out. Wait for me?” he asked again.

  Cassie was annoyed. Once again, Micah had ruined things for her. He wasn't even within a mile of her, and he was shitting all over her evening. But that wasn't Josh's fault – she'd caught him in her fucked up evening. She'd done him a disservice. She owed it to him to stick around and explain herself
. An hour would be long enough to sober up, surely. So she folded her arms and nodded.

  “I'll be here.”

  Josh hurried down a hall, and Cass listened as a sink faucet was turned on. Then she got up, wandered into his kitchen. It was just as sparse as his living room, all shiny white cabinets and counter tops. A small white table, with only two white seats.

  Someone needs to get this man a Ficus. Geraniums. Something with color.

  She was standing between the living room and kitchen, fighting to open a bottle of water, when he walked back into the room. When she looked up at him, he stopped moving and just stared at her.

  “I gotta say, you are a wonderful sight,” he sighed. She looked down at herself and laughed. She looked like the personification of a train wreck. She struck a pose, putting her hand on her hip, and he finally moved to join her.

  “And you're leaving this sight to languish in your absence,” she teased. He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her in close to him.

  “Trust me – this is much harder for me than it is for you.”

  Oh, she knew how hard it was for him. It was pressing against her thigh, through the jeans he was now wearing.

  I'm an evil bitch. I have to tell him everything.

  He kissed her goodbye, which added another five minutes to his departure as his hands started wandering all over her. But eventually, he disappeared through his front door.

  Cassie chugged half the bottle of water, hoping to clear the spins from her brain. Then she went off on a snooping expedition. She and Josh didn't know each other all that well, so if he was willing to leave her alone in his apartment, he obviously had to be okay with her looking around.

  He hadn't been lying about the in-home gym – he had a weight bench and an elliptical and lots of dumbbells. A yoga mat was even rolled up in a corner, and there was a tv mounted high on the wall.

  There was a second bedroom that was an actual guest room, done all in neutral colors. She moved onto the bathroom next, nodding at the simple decorations and the large shower. Then she hesitated outside the master bedroom's door.

  She wondered how she'd feel if Josh were let loose in her bedroom. She had a stack of tabloid magazines growing to epic proportions on one side of her bed, that wasn't very cool. Her apartment didn't have any built-in closets, so she had several wardrobes against the far wall, and all were literally bursting open with clothing. In front of them were random fallen panties and bras and blouses.

  If he looked through her hamper, he'd find more dirty clothes than any person had a right to own. If he looked through her drawers, he'd find her birth control, her high school year books, and her vibrator, as well as the one dirty magazine full of steamy stories Natalie had bought for her ages ago.

  Cassie thought carefully about it, and didn't think any of it would embarrass her. Josh seemed to like her, and all those things were a part of her. He could go through her room with a fine tooth comb, and she wouldn't mind.

  So she shrugged off her worries and walked into his room as if she'd done it a million times.

  It looked a lot like the guest room, a king sized bed with neutral colored bedding and a natural wood frame, with matching headboard. Cupboards stood on either side of his night stands, and the one closest to her held jackets and blazers, a pile of shoes. Drawers in the bottom revealed socks. Good lord, so many socks. She laughed at a pair that had boobs on them, then put everything away.

  The other cupboard held a surprising amount of sports equipment. Rackets, skis, a snowboard. A football wobbled on the top shelf when she opened the doors, and the lone piece of clothing hanging in it was a thick leather jacket, with padding on the elbows. Under it was a helmet, and she wondered if it was for when he raced – or if maybe he owned a motorcycle.

  No wonder his house is so empty – he's too busy being out and about doing other things. I do feel embarrassed, actually. His life is so much fuller than mine. How can he like me?

  His bathroom was full of the typical guy stuff – razor on the counter, hair in the sink. Three different cologne bottles, of which she liked the blue bottle best. She spritzed some on her wrist and inhaled deeply, then realized it was the scent he'd been wearing the first time she'd met him. The drawers didn't reveal anything too interesting, no medications or awkward creams.

  The best part of the bathroom was an ornate jacuzzi tub. She contemplated taking a bath – what a sight for Josh to come home to – but there was still his walk-in closet to violate. So Cassie scampered over to it, polishing off her bottle of water and dropping it in his trash.

  The closet felt like the most personal room in his home. His smell was everywhere – he clearly favored that one cologne – and she ran her hands all over his hanging suits. Took in a shockingly large collection of band t-shirts. He had a section of shelving just for shoes, and they ran from expensive dress shoes and leather boots, down to tatty running sneakers and tennis shoes.

  Finally, she hit pay dirt in the drawers at the end of the room. The top drawer was underwear and more socks – what human being needed that many!? – but the second drawer was full of folders and papers and pictures. She wasn't that big of a snoop, she wasn't about to start going through his personal paperwork.

  But the pictures couldn't be ignored. The top one staring up at her was of Josh, but obviously when he'd been much younger. Maybe in college? It was black and white, and taken during night time. He had his arm slung around a friend's neck, and they were both smiling while yelling at the camera. He looked so young and carefree, and still had that amazing body. He took her breath away a little.

  She just wanted to see more of him in his early twenties. Or maybe hopefully find something from high school, something to giggle at, or moon over. So she took out the stack and flipped through the pics. The first batch were all from that same night, and then they abruptly changed. Full color, and judging by how he looked, from much more recent times. They also featured something else different.

  There was a woman in them.

  “The ex,” Cass breathed, running her fingertips down the photo.

  The girl was very pretty. She had long, thick, shiny brown hair, and a wide smile in each shot. Her eyes were blue and her skin porcelain. She complimented his good looks; they made a striking couple.

  And they'd clearly liked each other. There were lots of pics of them laughing together. A few with their arms around each other. And even a couple of them kissing. One on a tropical beach, the woman had a large flower tucked above her ear and a sarong wrapped around her waist. It was at sunset and their arms were around each other, and Cassie could just feel it through the photo. Whenever it had been taken, wherever they'd been, they'd been in love. Real love.

  Had she ever been in love? She sniffled and shuffled the pictures back together. Laid them back in their place in the drawer. Sniffled again, then hurried out of the closet. Rubbed at her nose as she ran to the safety of the couch.

  She'd dated a lot, had several serious boyfriends. Had even said the L-word a couple times, but now she wondered if she'd really meant it.

  At one point, Josh had loved that woman so much, he'd convinced himself he'd wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. And she had loved him so much back, she'd agreed with him. Even though it hadn't worked out, they'd felt that way about each other. They'd gotten to experience that – would Cassie ever? Did she want to? Could something like that ever even last? And if not, what was the point?

  She was wallowing in her self-pity when she realized she could hear a beeping noise. Her phone, inside her jacket. She crawled across the floor and pulled it loose, then glared when she saw it was a text from Micah.

  Don't do anything you'll regret, St. John. I fucked up – like I said I would. You fucked up – probably not something you're used to. Let's not both fuck this up even more before we have a chance to figure it out. Please. Don't do anything.

  God, here she was this amazing man, in his amazing apartment, and she knew he was fully ca
pable of truly loving someone. And yet she kept going round on some sort of fucked up merry-go-round with Micah.

  Which is why you've never meant the L-word when you've said it – you like the drama. The rush. The fight. Josh gets that thrill from drag racing or whatever. You get it from fucking your fucked up neighbor.

  Cass didn't respond to the text. She turned off the overhead light, then stretched out on Josh's couch. Glanced at the time. It had only been twenty minutes – she had another twenty before he'd even be close to coming home. Not too long. She dropped her phone to her chest and closed her eyes.

  Not too long at all.

  But will I sleep with him? Maybe I should leave before I can disappoint us both. I never should have come here. I should leave. I should get up and leave before he gets back.

  She didn't leave, though.

  Instead, she fell asleep.

  THE NEXT TIME CASSIE was aware of herself, she was moving. She mumbled as she felt arms dipping between her and the couch. Then yawned as she was picked up.

  “An interesting night,” Josh was speaking softly as he carried her across his living room. “I'm gonna put you in the guest room, okay?”

  “No,” she yawned again. “Your room. Let's go to bed.”

  He didn't argue with her, just turned into the master. Gently laid her out on the side of his bed. He disappeared into his closet after that, and Cass was pretty sure she dozed off again, because when she opened her eyes next, he was pulling back the covers and laying down next to her. He smelled of toothpaste and was only wearing a pair of boxers.

  “Sorry I ditched you,” he sighed, pulling the sheet up to her shoulders. She shook her head.

  “No, this is good,” she assured him. “I was being silly earlier. Thanks for indulging me.”

  “Always, Cass.”

  He was laying on his side, smoothing her hair back away from her face. She realized he'd automatically laid her to his right, and then taken the other side. He was used to sharing a bed with a person, unlike her, who naturally drifted towards the center and didn't have a particular side.