Emptiness

by Viktor Zólyomi

  I... agreed to his request...

  At first I didn't want to. I couldn't bear the thought of bringing such an abomination into the world... But he convinced me that a great good could be accomplished this way. So I agreed in the end.

  Everything seemed fine until that day came. When it was time for the birth, I began to feel weak. Very weak. During the birth of my child, I could feel my life force gradually leaving me, and being transferred into the child. It was... draining me. I could barely take a look at the half-demon when I passed out. I regained consciousness in the Afterlife...

  It... killed me. The half-demon child I had given birth to killed me. It drained my life force as it left the womb, and killed me. Master Jenathar did nothing to prevent it. I died for him, and he didn't even move his little finger to save me.'

  `I'm sorry for your fate.' I told her.

  `Don't be.' she said. `If I think back to what I could have become, I think this is perhaps better. I was meant to succeed Jenathar in the Council. Such power corrupts people, I could clearly see that in him. In retrospect, I am sure I would not have wanted to become like him. I just wonder what he truly wanted with the half-demon that killed me.'

  `Do you wish to ask anything from Elaine?' Aurach asked me, without saying my name.

  I hesitated to reply. I would have had a thousand questions to her, but there and then, after learning that I... I had killed her... I just didn't know how to speak to her about anything...

  `Not now. Can we perhaps speak again, at another time, in the future?'

  `If you summon me, I will have to come.' she replied.

  `I do not wish to trouble you if you don't want to...'

  `It's no trouble. The Afterlife is gray... Boring... Time passes so fast you barely notice that there is an existence of sorts in there at all. If you call, I can at least speak with the living.'

  `Then let us speak later, please.'

  `So it shall be.' she said. `May I know your name?'

  `I am Jason...' I told her.

  `Jason... I always liked that name.' she said. `Very well then, Jason. I shall await your calling.'

  `Thank you.'

  `You may leave now, spirit!' said Aurach, and she disappeared.

  `I just couldn't tell her... Not now, not like this...'

  `I understand you, Jason. This is hard for both of you to face. I shall summon her for you when you desire at a later time.'

  `Thank you...'

  He sighed deeply.

  `Are you ready to continue?'

  `There is more?'

  `Yes. The worst is yet to come.'

  The worst...

  `I'm ready...'

  He turned to the pentagram again, and another spirit appeared.

  A young human woman...

  Carrie...

  She looked at me with a mixture of shock and sadness.

  `Jason...'

  I stepped closer to her, but before I could approach her any more, Aurach interrupted harshly.

  `Spirit, I command you to answer all of Jason's questions, and answer them true!' he told her.

  `I will.' she replied.

  I was but an arms reach away from her, but I dared not reach for her, dared not attempt to touch her.

  `Carrie... Forgive me...' I told her.

  `It wasn't your fault, Jason. It wasn't you...'

  `I know, but...'

  I gazed down to the ground, and remained silent. I knew not what to say.

  Aurach broke the silence.

  `Tell him about your Master's orders to watch and eventually capture Jason, and how you failed to follow these orders, spirit!'

  Slowly I raised my head. I did not like what I had heard...

  `Watch me? Capture me? What is this about, Carrie?'

  `I had to watch you, Jason. I... I was charged with keeping an eye on you day and night, to report anything unusual to Jenathar. And... to incapacitate you and confine you in safety when the time comes.'

  `What...?'

  `Jenathar told us about you. That you harbor some powerful, but uncontrollable power essence inside you. He told us that this essence would eventually try to break out of you. He said it would transform you into a dangerous, uncontrollable creature. Reqa, Lerui, and I were to... tame the creature, when this would happen.'

  `Tame it? Just... just what were you supposed to do?! Against that? That demon I became?!' I asked, bursting out in anger.

  `We were supposed to use a special, powerful spell to render you helpless as you are transforming. Then we were supposed to put you in a stasis field and take you to Jenathar.'

  `A stasis field? How were you supposed to do that?! I was the number one apprentice, and Jenathar never taught me how to conjure a stasis field...'

  `Yes, Jason, you were the number one, but he taught us everything he taught you, so that we could overpower you together, should the need arise. As for the stasis field... He gave me a wand with a single charge of this spell.'

  A wand of stasis field... That's a very powerful magical item. It is quite risky to give such powerful items into the hands of apprentices...

  `He must have been very desperate to have me captured... Why did he want me? What did he want with me?'

  `He... didn't say what he wanted from you. He only told me one thing... That if this transformation were to happen to you, you would become uncontrollable, and a danger to all Re'Cas, and all Arghard. Therefore...'

  `He wanted to kill me...'

  `I don't know. I guess so.'

  `What did he say?'

  She looked down as she replied.

  `He said... that from the moment this power essence transformed you, you would be officially stripped of all your ranks and rights in Re'Cas... and... I... would take your place as his number one apprentice...'

  `I... understand...' I replied slowly.

  `No, you don't.' she said, looking me in the eye. `You don't understand any of it. Do you have any idea how long we've been watching you?'

  I didn't reply.

  `Three years, Jason... We've been charged with watching you since you were seventeen years old.'

  `What does that matter?'

  `Do you remember when we first kissed?'

  `About a year ago...'

  `By then I've been watching you for two years straight. Sometimes quite tense. As time passed, I began to question Jenathar's judgment. I saw no sign of any dark power within you, nothing that could turn you into some monster. I just saw... that I was attracted to you...

  We were supposed to watch you at all times and be prepared to act at all times, but I failed Jenathar. I disobeyed him. He found out about our romance and strictly commanded me to put an end to it, saying that it would distract me when I should act.'

  `This is why you asked for the secrecy then...'

  She nodded, and after a brief time of silence, she continued.

  `Jenathar was right in the end. That night, I was not prepared. When you killed me... It was over. The others had no chance to tame you without me. It would have taken all three of us to cast that initial spell which was to immobilize you briefly.

  Perhaps it's better this way. We deserved our fate. At least... I certainly did...'

  `Why do you say that?'

  `Don't you see? We've been lovers for a year, and I would have readily passed you into Jenathar's hand in a stasis field. All this, why? Because I wanted so much to be his number one apprentice...'

  I shook my head.

  `I don't believe that you would have done it.'

  `I would have.' she said, avoiding my gaze... `I cannot lie to you now, Jason. I would have done anything to be his number one apprentice. Anything.'

  `Anything...'

  `You asked for my forgiveness, Jason, but it is not you who should be asking for forgiveness. You never intended to harm me, and you never did. It was that power essence that transformed you. But me... You know well what I felt for you, and yet I would have readily betrayed you...'

  `Do I know w
hat you felt for me? I am no longer so certain, Carrie.' I said. `It was all a lie...'

  `No... It was true, Jason. It was all true... I just... wanted magical power more than I wanted you. I'm sorry...'

  I turned away from her. I didn't want to look her in the eye. It was too painful to face the truth.

  `I know you can't forgive me now, Jason. I don't deserve forgiveness. It is as I told you... I deserve my fate.'

  I pulled out the dagger she had given to me. I looked at it for long. I remembered all the good times we shared, all the joy we brought into each other's lives... Then I remembered how she died...

  `You betrayed me...' I told her, without facing her. `...but you did not deserve to die like that...'

  After a brief pause, I added:

  `Please leave, Carrie... I want to be alone.'

  `You may leave, spirit!' said Aurach. Carrie sounded sad, but she didn't object.

  `I wish you well, Jason. I know your life must be hard now.'

  `You have no idea...' I told her, as she slowly faded away and eventually vanished.

  I turned to Aurach.

  `Who's next?'

  `She was the last, Jason.'

  `I wish you hadn't brought her here. She did not deserve to die, especially not like that. And now I hate her for what she intended to do...'

  `This was necessary, Jason.'

  `Was it?! Why?'

  `Because you had to learn and understand that John has been expecting your transformation all along, and that he's been planning something for you, or rather, for the demon within you.'

  `Big deal...'

  `Think about it, Jason. You heard the story of your birth. You were born solely because John wanted you to be born. You heard how he's been plotting to have you incapacitated. He wants something from the demon within you.'

  `Like what?'

  `Hard to say. I have only speculations. One way or the other, John hopes to gain power from the demon inside you. Perhaps he seeks immortality by absorbing your demonic essence into himself. Or perhaps he seeks even more. He alone knows. None of his now dead servants know his true intentions.'

  `So Carrie and all those people died just because Jenathar wants more power?'

  `They died because the demon inside you wanted to kill. If you see this as John's fault alone, you have not fully understood. John is responsible, yes, but so is that demon inside you.'

  `Is that supposed to make me feel better?'

  `It's supposed to make you understand your situation and your origins.'

  `My origins... I am a demon spawn, plain and simple. I am an abomination. What is there to understand about that?'

  `Think about what you've learned today, and you will understand.'

  I did. Eventually I understood. But many years passed until that day came...

  *

  After having learnt all the many things from those spirits, I just stood by the window and stared outside into the rain. From the corner of my eye I saw Aurach standing beside one of his tables full of magical equipment. He was thinking hard on something. He had more to tell me, I could see it clearly. Then I remembered what he had said earlier.

  `You said you would tell me more about... my father...' I told him, breaking the long silence.

  `Indeed.' he said. `You must know, that Th'Mesh is one of the most powerful creatures of the Hellish Planes. For countless thousands of years, there have been two Demon Lords reigning over Hell. One of them is Sark de Haro, the self-proclaimed King of Hell. The other is Th'Mesh, often referred to as the Destroyer. They are two aspects of demonic nature, so to speak, and have been rivals for millennia. Both of them possess immense power, and both of them desire not only to reign supreme over Hell, but also to spread their influence to the Material Planes.'

  Then he picked up some of his equipment, two small flasks filled with colored fluids, one red, the other blue.

  `Th'Mesh... is powerful.' he continued. `But for all his power, he is weak. Like this chemical here.' he said, raising the flask with the red fluid. `It is strong, it has tremendous effects on the body when consumed. But alone, it cannot do what it was meant to do. It cannot kill.'

  He then raised the other flask.

  `But a few drops of this more-less harmless chemical...' he said, as he poured some of the blue fluid into the red one. `... and it is slowly transformed.'

  The red fluid began to turn purple, and it started to boil.

  `Now, it is one of the most lethal poisons ever created.'

  He put the flasks down and continued.

  `Like this chemical, Th'Mesh requires something in order to wreak havoc on Arghard: a body. Th'Mesh is immensely strong, but is unable to enter a Material World by himself. As you know, there are two kinds of worlds in the Multiverse: Material and Spiritual Worlds. Material Worlds like Arghard or Kh'Tal, and Spiritual Worlds like the four Elemental Planes and the plane of dead souls that we call Afterlife. Denizens of Material Planes have a body and a soul. Denizens of Spiritual Planes however have no material body, only a soul. This is a consequence of the nature of those worlds: they extend infinitely and infinitesimally at the same time. Spiritually they are infinite, and materially they are infinitesimal. Those worlds have absolutely no material component. So, neither do the creatures that are born there.

  Such creatures cannot exist in a Material World without a body. You have probably seen the summoning of elemental spirits, such as fire elementals. The summoning spell creates a body, a manifestation for the summoned elemental spirit, and the spirit occupies this body. Until the body is conjured, it cannot enter this world.

  The Hellish Planes are just as spiritual as the Elemental Planes. All demons require a body to be conjured for them before they could enter a Material World. For lesser demons, this is a relatively easy task. For more powerful demons, creating a manifestation is difficult. For the most powerful ones, the Demon Lords, it is next to impossible.

  Th'Mesh, for all his power, cannot enter a Material World. The mortals that worshiped him however, have opened the gates for him. Those like you can become an avatar for him. He can enter the Material Planes through those like you. If that happens... He will then begin fulfilling his insatiable desire.'

  `What desire is that?' I asked grimly.

  `He and Sark de Haro are two opposing aspects of demonic nature. Demons like Sark thrive for chaos and desire to enslave the Multiverse. Others however have different desires. Such as Th'Mesh. They call him the Destroyer, and this name truly befits him. For he desires just one thing: death.'

  `Death?'

  `Yes. Death. The death of everything he touches. He desires to spread death wherever he goes. He revels in death. All he wants, is to kill each and every mortal in Arghard, and then continue his killing spree in other worlds. Dozens of worlds fell before his might during his existence. He always focuses his attention to one world at a time, so that he can most effectively spread his influence in it. Why he chose Arghard as his next target after he was done with the last world he devoured of life, is anyone's guess.'

  `Does it even matter?'

  `For him, no. He lives for pleasure, and the only thing that gives him pleasure, is death. He cares little for where he can spread death, as long as he can do so.'

  `Now he can spread it from within me...'

  `No. He is not inside you. What you have within, is just a simple demon, not Th'Mesh himself. Had he himself possessed you, you'd never be able to seize control of yourself again. Through proper magics, Th'Mesh could take the place of this demon inside you. Fortunately this requires the consent of the host, in other words, Th'Mesh can never possess you unless you accept him into yourself. '

  `Simple demon? Are you saying this monster within me is weak? Can I kill it?'

  `It is weaker than Th'Mesh, but it is still strong. It is a part of Th'Mesh. It was born from a spark of his essence. It is this spark of Th'Mesh's essence that was transferred into you at the moment of conception. It is this spark that drained your mother
's life force when you were born. You must understand this, Jason... You did not kill your mother. This spark of demonic essence did. As you grew up, this spark of demonic essence grew with you. Eventually, it grew into a fully fledged entity of its own.'

  `Can I kill it?' I asked again.

  `In your youth, this spark could have been removed from you. Now it's too late. Now that it has become aware, and it has made a symbiotic link with you, it is no longer possible. You would die if your link was severed. Your life is now tied to the demon's life.'

  `Some life this is...'

  `The demon within you gives you strength. You regenerate fast, and you could see that you cannot die by conventional means. A stab in the heart is useless. You can still die... Decapitation can kill you, and certain powerful magics can destroy you... But as it is, you are nearly unkillable. You may even lose limbs, but in time they will grow back. You cannot die by natural means, so in some sense you are immortal. The demon has given you a lot. But it has taken from you as well.'

  `Yes, it has taken from me...'

  `It has, and it will continue to do so. Until you begin to give it what it desires. Only then will it leave you peace. As long as it gets what it wants, it will not torment you.'

  `Just what does this demon inside me desire?' I asked with a grim tone. Deep inside, I already knew the answer.

  `The same thing as its father: death.'

  `Death...'

  `Yes. If you kill, each life you take will bring it satisfaction. The more you kill, the more it will be satisfied.'

  I knew he'd get to this eventually, but I just wouldn't let it be. I just wouldn't...

  I turned my gaze away from the window and looked him in the eye.

  `I'm not going to become a ruthless killer just so this monster inside me can have a good day!'

  `If you don't, it will keep surfacing from you to take what it wants itself, and you will have no say in whom the demon will slay.'

  `There must be a way to stop it...'

  He sighed deeply as he replied:

  `In principal, there is... You can attempt to enforce your will upon the demon each time it tries to surface from you. Attempt to suppress the demon. It is not easy. It is almost completely certain that you will ultimately fail. If the demon becomes desperate enough, it will be overwhelmingly powerful. Suppressing him like that... is next to impossible.'