After hours of roaming the woods, I heard sounds of vicious combat nearby. I approached silently, and watched the scene. A group of native humans were fighting a number of tall, furry beasts. Creatures that resembled a mixture between man and wolf.
Werewolves.
That was the first time I met such creatures. I had heard many tales of the werewolves of Kh'Tal. They were fearsome combatants in their werewolf shape, they could only be harmed by magical weapons, and they regenerated fast. Since every night was a full moon in this dark world, they could assume their beast form any night they wished. They were best avoided. Avoided far.
These unlucky humans that stumbled into them met their demise quickly and brutally. Several of them were dismembered during the battle, and all died just minutes after my arrival. The werewolves suffered no losses.
As the battle came to an end, they began to feast on their fallen foes. I watched them feed, and considered what could come next. Slowly, I stepped out of the cover of the trees.
The biggest of them, the pack leader, immediately noticed me. He rushed towards me, ready to attack, but promptly stopped ten feet from me.
`What do you want, creature?' he sneered. Creature, he called me. He knew what I was, or at least sensed something of it.
`You were about to attack me. Why did you stop?' I asked.
`I thought you were here to attack us. We have finished our hunt for today, we've no reason to fight you.' he replied, as the other werewolves rallied around him.
`Truly? Is it not rather that you are... afraid of me?'
`We do not fear your kind, creature! Come if you dare!' replied one of the other werewolves harshly. Their leader silenced him quickly.
`Enough! There will be no more fighting on this day! Not with this creature.'
`You are afraid of me...' I told him. This time, he himself responded harshly.
`I fear nothing, creature! Leave, while I am in a generous mood!'
`Generous? No. You fear me. It is crystal clear. You want to avoid fighting me.'
`I know what you are, creature, but do you know what we are? Do you realize what we can do to you? We can rip you apart before you know it! Don't tempt the fates! Do you want to die?'
`Perhaps I do. What do you care?'
He looked me in the eye, and I saw that he was an experienced fighter, one who became a pack leader rightfully. He realized why I had come, and he didn't want to give me what I wanted.
`Walk away, creature... I will not slay you.'
He clearly didn't want to kill a man who desired to die, but I was not about to let them go so easily.
`What of your pack?' I asked. One of them readily made a step forward, but the pack leader's words made him reluctantly freeze in his tracks.
`They will do as I say, and I say we will not fight you! Now leave!'
Then, I slowly unsheathed my sword.
The werewolf that was about to step forward saw this as a clear threat, and fueled by anger he lunged towards me.
`Back!' the pack leader commanded, but to no avail. The disobedient werewolf wouldn't listen. I evaded his hurriedly launched attack and struck with my sword towards his neck. In the next moment, his head was severed from his neck by my enchanted blade.
The pack growled in anger and slowly began to surround me. The pack leader however still tried to hold them back.
`Enough, do you hear me? Enough!'
`We will not let this killer walk away now!' screamed one of them.
`We'll rip him apart!' yelled another. Others added similar threats, and the pack leader had to realize that it was too late.
`Now look what you've brought upon yourself, creature! Is this what you wanted? Do you desire death so much?'
`Just get it started. Let's end it. Now!' I replied.
`So be it! Kill him!' the leader commanded, and they all attacked me together.
*
We fought hard. I attacked them with all my strength and skill and without conjuring a magical shield to protect me, in hopes of provoking a ferocious onslaught from them with which they would overwhelm me. But I was wrong. They fell one after the other, and the wounds they had caused me did not slow me down. As I fought them, the battle fury overwhelmed me, and for the time being it made me forget why I had picked that fight in the first place. Before too long, the experienced pack leader alone was left alive. Alone, even as strong as he was, he could never have killed me.
Our duel was longer than the fight against the rest of the pack, but in the end, he fell to my blade. As he lay there dying, I looked down on him and the battle fury slowly faded, and I realized what I had done. I picked a fight so I could die, and it never occurred to me that the seemingly overwhelming odds may not truly be overwhelming. The demon in me gave me enormous strength, so much that a pack of angry werewolves were not enough to slay me. Had I stood there, had I not fought back, they'd have ripped me apart eventually. But that would have been suicide. I did not want such a pathetic death. I wanted them to take me fighting. but in that, I failed to let them have a fair chance.
What would it take to kill me, I wondered. I knew that dragons could be found in some parts of Kh'Tal, and for a moment I contemplated trying to find one. Before I could think on it long, the dying pack leader looked up at me, and with his last gasp, he said:
`Damn you, creature... You want to die, yet you knew you'd kill us, so why did you bother? Do you envy us for being more mortal than you? You deserve your fate...'
With that, he died. And I could not be angry at him for his insults. I killed them when they did nothing wrong to me. He was right. I did envy them. Envy them for having a normal life, for not having to contend with a demonic force, which threatens to eat you up from within day by day. I did envy them. Even after all the years that passed, I still do.
I did not kill them out of this envy, yet I couldn't help but feel guilty. Somewhere deep inside I must have known, that if I don't lay down for them, they cannot kill me. I wanted to die so much that it clouded my judgment. Slowly I also realized that had they managed to kill me, it would have been just a different form of suicide on my part. To die fighting overwhelming odds when fighting for a purpose is no suicide, but attacking these werewolves served no purpose at all.
As these thoughts came to my mind, I realized how wrong I had been in attacking them. In the end, I just did what my namesake, the Rider was meant to do: I brought about their death. No more, no less. All for no apparent reason.
I left the scene of the battle behind filled with guilt. Guilt over how I killed them, and even more guilt over how I let the demon inside me kill Doorn. I wandered aimlessly in the wilderness until I realized something: the demon inside me had been exceptionally calm since my battle against the werewolves. I wondered why...
Then, Kurt Aurach's words from so many years back came to my mind.
`The demon has given you a lot. But it has taken from you as well.' he told me.
`Yes, it has taken from me...' I replied.
`It will continue to do so. Until you begin to give it what it desires. Only then will it leave you peace. As long as it gets what it wants, it will not torment you.'
`Just what does this demon inside me desire?'
`The same thing as its father: death.'
`Death...'
`Yes. If you kill, each life you take will bring it satisfaction. The more you kill, the more it will be satisfied.'
So he had told me so many years back. He was right. He was very much right. I could feel it that day, after killing those werewolves. I could feel it perfectly, that it brought the demon satisfaction. Had I killed them before returning to Doorn, my Master may not have had to die.
So, I understood. I understood that there is no stopping the demon within me. Either I feed it or I let it feed by itself. There is no other way. There is no suppressing it. There is no controlling it.
After so many years, I finally understood my origins. I finally understood what I am, and what I had left do
in life.
They say revenge is empty, and it's true. But nothing... nothing... is emptier... than my life...
*
I knew by then what I had to do. I wanted revenge. Every fiber of my being wanted it. To avenge the death of all those who had to die by my hand. To avenge the life that was denied me. I didn't deserve this life I was forced to lead, and this life was forced upon me. Forced upon me by Th'Mesh and Jenathar. Yes, Jenathar. I was born at his command basically, and he let the demonic essence grow in me. The demon could have been removed from me in my youth, as Aurach told me. But Jenathar wanted that demon, he let it grow. He made me live this life, this Hell! He and the source of the demonic power: Th'Mesh. I wanted to not only avenge the death of those like Carrie and Doorn, but also take my revenge upon Jenathar and Th'Mesh both for making me suffer this Hellish existence.
So I chose to kill Jenathar and to destroy Th'Mesh, to put an end to him, and more, to ensure that no-one need ever endure a fate like mine.
Vengeance was all I could think of. But merely killing Th'Mesh wasn't enough. I had to make sure he would never have a chance to be reborn. I suspected it would take much more than simply killing him to do that. I went back to Aurach's castle and told him what had happened. Then I told him of my intentions to destroy Th'Mesh, keeping silent of my intentions of slaying Jenathar, and asked him how I could destroy Th'Mesh forever.
He told me.
`Th'Mesh, as a Demon Lord, is tied to his home plane of existence, found among the so-called Hellish Planes, a set of Spiritual Planes inhabited by demons. He can only enter a Material World if a manifestation is formed for him, which is no easy task. Such manifestations can be destroyed, but it will not kill him. His soul will just be sent back to his home plane. The only way to kill him, is to take the battle to him: you must travel to his home plane and defeat him there. It is the only way.'
`Can he be resurrected?' I asked, giving voice to a suspicion I had. He nodded.
`Yes and no. If you kill him, his soul will pass on into the Afterlife, and never return. However, he gains his power from the demonic essence within him, the same essence that lies deep within you, only much stronger. Like the essence inside you, this essence inside him is an entity of its own. It lives and it is tied to its host. If the host dies, so will the entity.
The essence in Th'Mesh is immensely strong however. It can survive the death of its Master by several minutes, perhaps even half an hour. Due to the nature of Spiritual Planes, that is time enough to locate a new host, no matter where the host resides in the Multiverse.'
`So there is no way to destroy it?'
`Not just any host will do for it. The host must already possess a fraction of the original entity. In other words, only creatures that carry a fraction of Th'Mesh's demonic essence can become hosts.'
`Like me...'
`Yes. You, and your siblings. Your half-brothers and half-sisters scattered throughout Ess'yer. They and only they can be hosts. Now, the host must be willing. If every possible host denies the union, the entity that was the power of Th'Mesh will simply perish.'
`So, if I and all my siblings refuse, it will die?'
`It would, yes. However, it is very unlikely that it will not find a willing host. The power is tempting, and even if you yourself can refuse, one of your siblings can give in to the temptation.'
`What if I kill them all before fighting Th'Mesh?' I asked coldly.
He looked upon me curiously, as if he did not expect this question from me. He gazed at me like that in silence, but I said no more. I waited for his reply.
`Would you?' he asked finally.
`If it lets me destroy Th'Mesh forever, I will.' I told him in a cold, casual tone. Like Doorn would have. Or like a cold-hearted killer would have.
He nodded silently, and looked me in the eye. I felt he was disappointed with me, but perhaps he was just sad knowing that there was no other way.
`If you do kill them all,' he continued `then you alone will be a suitable host. Then, you must refuse to accept the union with the entity. Then, and only then, will it be destroyed.'
`Then I will do what I must.'
`You must also know, that the entity is tied to the world where Th'Mesh resides. So is the entity inside you. If you manage to destroy the entity inside Th'Mesh, then his world will be destroyed as well. Which in turn will result in the destruction of the weaker entity inside you. As you know, you and this entity cannot exist without each other any more. Therefore, even if you can escape his world in time, you will eventually perish.'
`Fine by me. As long as I can destroy Th'Mesh, I will pay what price I must. Death... would be a blessing for me anyway... It will be like a reward for a job well done.'
`Are you certain this is what you want to do?' he asked.
`Yes. Absolutely certain.'
`Very well. Then you will have to return to Ess'yer and somehow track down your siblings and kill them. If John or his followers find you, you will have to deal with them as well. It will not be easy, and it will be outright impossible if John himself goes after you.'
`I will disguise myself as Doorn. I will take his appearance and voice and evade anyone who would want to track me down.'
Indeed, disguising myself as Doorn would be fitting, I knew that much. For by then, I had become just as cold as Doorn himself had been. If not more so...
Sometimes I wonder... What was he? Was he human, or was he perhaps a creature like me, one that had to kill and kill and kill? What happened to him that made him so cold? I will never know...
`How will you deal with the demon inside you?'
`The way you told me I can so many years ago. By killing.'
Again, he looked at me with that disappointed look, but then he just said:
`Then you may yet succeed.'
I nodded.
`When will you send me back?'
`Before we talk of that, I must ask you one thing. You said you wish to avenge the death of all those that had to die because of you.'
`Yes.'
`You also said that in order to realize this revenge, you have to kill Th'Mesh.'
`Yes.'
`Is this all you desire to do? Is he the only one you want dead?'
He looked at me with curiosity in his eyes. He knew. He knew my intention. I could not make myself lie to him. So I said it aloud.
`I want to kill Jenathar as well. He orchestrated it all, he let me grow into what I became. I want to avenge the death of all those I've killed...
Look, I know I am asking for a lot, but I do not ask you to help me kill him. Just let me have a chance at revenge. Let me avenge my life, let me avenge the deaths at my hand! Let me travel back to Ess'yer...'
With a slight, sad smile he turned away and walked to the window, peering into the rain.
`Let me tell you a little bit about John.' he said. `You know him as the man he is, I also knew him as the man he was. You should know him.'
I didn't care, but out of respect, I listened.
`Go on.'
He turned back towards me and began to tell me his tale.
`You know well that after the Great War, I left Arghard. They wanted me to be a great leader to them, to be the first Supreme Councilor of Delamar, but I didn't want that kind of power. I knew what they'd do, and I knew I would never be able to stop it. It was a terrible feeling of inertia, and it made me feel ashamed for my weakness. I was powerful, but not enough to prevent the Time of Retribution. So I left.
About fifty years later, long after the Time of Retribution was over, I decided to return. I eventually became the leader of a mage guild of sorts, with quite the prominent members. Perhaps you've heard of this.'
`No, this is new to me.' I said.
`I guess not many speak of it. You see, that guild ended... in flames, so to speak. After a mere twenty-odd years of existence. Envy and lust for power were its downfall, but needless to say, blame fell upon me in the end.
In the beginning, all was well. Man
y members passed their knowledge to apprentices who eventually became skilled mages. I myself never participated in that. I was more focused on the things our guild could do for those in need of magical aid. After a decade or so, one particular student came to me and asked to be my apprentice.
His name was John Athar. He had learnt the basics and proved to be exceptionally skillful. I saw potential in him, and I decided to teach him. Not long after, he asked me to teach him the Dark Arts. I considered that for a long time, but in the end I chose to try. I instructed him of the downsides of black magic, and then started teaching him. It turned out quickly that John has a... deficiency that he was born with. He is unable to focus the energies required to employ black magic.
He was disappointed, but at the time he accepted it and instead doubled his efforts in learning arcane magic.
For over a decade I had taught him, and he learned well. He became a true master, and in the end became one of the highest ranked members of the guild. He thought of me as a great friend who made him into a great wizard. I called him my friend, too.
Then came the time when members of the guild started feeling envy towards my black magic powers. They craved my skills, but I would not teach them. They were furious, and they devised a plan. They wanted to use their combined power to overpower me and imprison me. They hoped to force me to reveal the greatest secrets of the Dark Arts to them.
You may think that John started it all, but it wasn't him. It was the others. Those who reached the same rank as John. They devised the conspiracy, and they wanted to get the aid of John as well. He told them he'd join them, and not much later they struck.
They trusted him, but John in fact lied to them. He pretended to join their cause, so that he could help me. Ten powerful mages tried to wear me down, but John helped me. He alone stood by my side that day. Together, we defeated them.
They refused to back down, and in the end they all died.
John proved to be my one true friend that day. I will never forget that.'
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