When he reached this point in his tale, I was dead certain he'd decline to help me.
`I understand.' I told him, and he sensed it in my tone that I had come to such a conclusion.
`It is not finished yet, Jason. Wait, and listen.'
I nodded, and he continued.
`The guild fell into turmoil after that incident. Many members stood by my side, while others by the side of the mages we were forced to kill. Eventually, a fight broke out, in which everyone perished. Only John and I survived. The guild was gone forever.
Most everyone blamed me for it. The terrible black magician... So I decided to leave Arghard again. John convinced me to stay. Once again, he stood out for me. I stayed in a small village, far from everything. John stayed with me, to learn.
I continued to teach him. Years passed by, and slowly he began to change. He started getting more and more powerful, and the taste of this power made him hunger for more. He became obsessed, wanted to learn more and more. Soon he reached a certain point in his power, where he could no longer increase it any more. This was the final turning point for him. He started doing dangerous experiments to try and increase his power. When I warned him not to continue, he verbally attacked me.
He said I was holding him back, he said I envied even this kind of power from him, when I have the power over the Dark Arts, which he cannot have. He showed how bitter he had become about his deficiency. After this heated argument, he left.
I do not know where he went, or what he did. I tried to find him, but I failed. I have no doubt that he continued his experiments. For when I next heard of him, he was... immensely powerful.
Twenty years had passed after he left, when the human Supreme Councilor died. He did not name a successor to his position, so a call was issued to find the replacement. A tournament was held which tested both power and mental fitness. Then John came, calling himself by the name Jenathar, and won the tournament.
Nobody else ever stood a chance. His magical power was so immense, the tests of power were a walk in the park for him. The other tests... Well, he passed them, but just barely. Yet, since his power was so overwhelming, he easily won.
I witnessed his triumph. I went to congratulate him, but when we shook hands, all he said was: You see, Kurt? I told you I'd be all powerful. Now I am. Then he turned and walked away.
The years that followed were full of unease. He brought new laws that many disliked, but for a while he always found a way to satisfy the masses. It wasn't a decade when he banned the use of black magic.
He did not have black magicians hunted at the time yet, but he made it clear: anyone caught practicing the Dark Arts would face strict punishment.
I stayed for a few more years, and saw as he went more and more extreme. Sometimes I talked to him, and expressed my dislike for the decisions he had made as Councilor. He was always uneasy because of that, but he usually just laughed. Now, you must understand, he had the best intentions. He meant to make Ess'yer a better place. He did some beneficial things. He was instrumental in the ascension of mage guilds and he advocated the spread of knowledge to commoners. Culture prospered under his reign. But he always did what he thought was best and listened to no-one. Under his reign laws became strict, punishments became even stricter, and he ignored many great problems that he didn't think were worth his attention. He was not a good ruler.
Eventually, I decided to leave Arghard forever. I had to realize that I would never be able to influence the things that were happening, and I was very unhappy with the way things were turning out. Once again I left because I was ashamed that I could do nothing. John of course saw my departure as an act of cowardice. Not much later, the ban on black magic was made stricter.
He made me into a scapegoat, he even brought up the destruction of our guild as a reason to ban black magic forever. Soon, he declared Kh'Tal a forbidden world.
I was deeply saddened by what became of him. He was very talented, but his will was not strong enough. He was corrupted by power, and I could not prevent it. I felt that I failed as a teacher, and so I vowed never to teach the arts to anyone again...'
`Yet you offered me tutelage when I arrived here.'
`Yes, and you were not the first. There was another.
Long before your arrival, another young mage came to me from Ess'yer.
His name is Zack Sands. He came here some three hundred years ago, and expressed his desire to learn from me. Of course I didn't want to teach him, but I listened to his request. As we spoke, I thought I saw something in him. Something that was missing from John: strength of will. An unparalleled strength of will.
I decided to put him through a number of tests, to test his willpower. He passed them all flawlessly. Then I knew he'd never be corrupted by power like John was. Time proved me right.
He learned fast and eventually he perfectly mastered the Dark Arts, as well as arcane magic. Power never corrupted him. Perhaps because he's quite stubborn, he always wants to do everything his way, and he would just not let his power control him.
He left this world long ago, but we remain friends to this day. Although I often, or rather, very often, disagree with his... shall we say, extremities... But he does not seem to mind. To this day I have never had to be disappointed in him in one thing: he never allowed power to corrupt him, and I am certain that he never will.
And you, Jason... I saw a similar strength of will in you, as I did in him. You wouldn't give in to the temptation of power, you wouldn't allow it to corrupt you. I knew this, and that is why I offered my tutelage to you.'
`But I've failed. I cannot overcome the beast within me. I am just too weak to suppress it...'
`You can't suppress it, but you also did not give in to the temptation of demonic power. You wouldn't let it make you into what you were born to become. You desire to be rid of the demon inside of you, even bearing the consequences of losing that power. You've strived for this all along, and you still do, now even more so than ever. Your will is very strong... You have not failed, not at all. And you have a chance to succeed at what you wish to do.
I know what your quest will involve. I know well what you will have to do. I do not agree with any of that. Not in the slightest.
But I also know and understand that you do not have any other options.'
He looked outside once again, staring at the rain in silence. Over a minute later, he turned back to me.
`I will help you.' he said. `I will send you back to Arghard.'
`You will?' I asked in surprise. I could barely believe my ears. He'd told me so many things, and I felt that he tried to explain to me why he wouldn't help me. After all that I heard, I would have understood, and I would have accepted it. I would have tried to return by other means, but I would have respected his decision.
`Yes, I will help you. I will help you because I cannot stop you. If I don't help you, you will find your way back on your own somehow. You will attempt to kill your siblings, and knowing your skills you will likely succeed. Then you will fight your way to John, and try to kill him. Knowing him, you will most certainly fall. Then, he will take your power, and whatever he will do with it will only make Arghard suffer more. I do not want that to happen.
But the only way I can stop it, is if I kill you. However, I refuse to do so. You have suffered much and nothing you've done so far was ever your fault, nothing you've done makes you deserve to die in my eyes. A demon makes your life into a living Hell, and it is the demon alone that deserves death, not you.
I don't agree with anything you will have to do, but I can respect what you are fighting for, and I know that you will not give up until you succeed or die trying, for your will is exceptionally strong. I can't bring myself to kill you.
As for John...
I understand that you wish to kill him, and he has done much worse in his life than what makes you want to kill him. Power has corrupted him, and he has become a loathsome tyrant. Many would like to see him dead, for countless reasons. I have let
many things he'd done slide, because I cannot forget that back in the day he was my only friend, my sole support. The only one who stood out for me. I will not assist you or anyone else in murdering him. You can most certainly understand that.
I cannot sit and watch as he murders you, nor can I assist you in murdering him. Therefore, I will ensure that neither will happen. I will even the odds between you and him, so that the two of you can fight to the death in an honorable duel, under even terms. If you fought him without my aid, you'd be at a severe disadvantage, and you'd fall. When you reach him, I will know, and I will come. As I said, I'll not assist you in killing him. However, I will even the odds, ensure that both he and you will fight with even chances. Then, may the better man prevail.'
`Thank you.' I said, bowing my head.
`Now, go to the guest room you used to stay in, and take a rest. I will send you back tomorrow, and I will prepare some things for you. A few powerful wands that you might make good use of, and something else that will allow you to return to this world should things turn out bad.'
`Alright.'
`One more thing... You will need a specially enchanted weapon to kill Th'Mesh. Give me your sword, and I shall enchant it for you.'
`It is already enchanted.'
`That is no problem, I can modify the enchantment appropriately.'
`Can you use another weapon instead?'
`Certainly, if you so prefer.'
`Yes, please.' I told him, and I gave him my dagger. The dagger Carrie had given me that day. `What will this enchantment be like?'
`It involves the draining of demonic essence. Each time you encounter a spawn of Th'Mesh, use the dagger to deliver the killing blow, by striking it in the heart. Thus, the demon's essence will be transferred into the dagger upon death, empowering the blade. The more of your siblings you slay in this manner, the more powerful it will become. Then, when you face Th'Mesh, it will be able to wound him greatly, greater than any other weapon. In the end, sink the dagger in his heart, and he will die.'
`Thank you.' I told him. I was endlessly pleased of the thought that the existence of Th'Mesh should end by that dagger of all things. Yet even this thought, as pleasant as it was, could not make me smile...
*
I went to rest, and to prepare everything for the journey. The next day he indeed sent me back. So it came to pass that I set off to put an end to the spawn of Th'Mesh once and for all, and to kill Jenathar for what he had done to me, for what he had made me into. I assumed the identity of my deceased mentor, Doorn. With illusionary magic, I took his scorched face as it was burnt into my mind when he died, his gruff voice, his whole appearance. I went back to Arghard, and making good use of the power Doorn had granted me with the Amulet of Darkness, as well as making good use of the amulet itself, I made a name for myself as an assassin, using the opportunity of being an assassin to kill many and often, in order to keep the demon at bay at all times. While I kept a cover of an assassin, I slowly killed my siblings, one by one.
They all had to die. It is the only way I can destroy Th'Mesh himself. The only way to prevent his resurrection. The only way to take my revenge on the mighty Demon Lord.
I spent eight years on tracking them down. I killed them one by one. I did so relentlessly and felt no regret, not with any of them. During this hunt, as an assassin I killed thousands of mortal men and women in order to keep the demon inside me at bay. I killed all those people just so that I could keep my cover, so that no-one would ever know what I am, so that I could always keep control.
I could make excuses, I could say that those people I killed were marked, that if I hadn't killed them another assassin would have. But I know well enough just what I've done and I seek no excuse. I seek no forgiveness from anyone. I know how low I've sunk. I've sunk to an all time low, and there is no deeper left for me to sink any more...
Just six months ago, I finally killed the second to last spawn of Th'Mesh. So, I was the last one left alive. I was then ready to face Th'Mesh.
Jenathar was still there however. Every fiber of my being desired to take revenge upon him while I still could. I didn't go to him. I had all the time of the world, being what I am, and I chose not to walk into his lair, I chose not to take the risk of approaching Gatestown. I could wait, but he was not so lucky. I waited for him to make his move, but he never did.
Then the Dragon Queen came and she handed me the opportunity on a silver platter to slay Jenathar. I chose to wait no longer and instead take this chance, risky as it may have been. I embarked on what seemed would be my final journey, the journey that would eventually lead me across the Planes and finally into the Afterlife. For after killing Jenathar I would waste no more time, and would travel to the Realm of Th'Mesh to try and destroy him, and one way or the other that deed would result in my death. Time proved me wrong, this journey was not yet the final journey. Now I see that perhaps I should have waited for Jenathar to come to me instead.
Yet it all played out so well! I got all the way to Gatestown, where Jenathar welcomed me alone, as I suspected he would. Kurt Aurach came to my aid as he said he would, and he made sure that Jenathar would be forced to stay and fight me alone, just like he promised he would! I was given the best chance possible to slay the bastard...
But I have failed...
I failed to kill him. In my frustration, I unleashed my fury upon this place. And now, here I stand, in the smoldering ruins of Gatestown, surrounded by death and decay, but not by the corpse of the one I came to kill. I have failed...
The curtain falls
The smoldering remains of Gatestown, Ess'yer, present day (2 years, 3 months, and 4 days before Twilightfall)
`Now you've seen it...'
She looks at me, as if she did not understand what I just said.
`The demon, Flora!' I tell her, spelling out the obvious. `The demon that I've become... It is this creature, that lives within me, and wants to surface from me over and over again! Now you've seen it, you've seen what it can do. Now you should understand...'
`This is why you left that night?'
`Yes. After we spent that night together, I awoke before the dawn, and felt as it wanted to surface. It wanted to claim you. It wanted to make me suffer by taking your life. I knew, that it was just a matter of time, and I would not be able to force it back. So I left, before it could have surfaced...'
She steps closer to me, and looks into my eyes. I wonder if she can see the sadness behind my stare.
`Jason... Why didn't you tell me about it?'
`It would have solved nothing. Besides, I had to keep my identity a secret.'
`Then why did you tell me in the tavern tonight?'
`I knew that Jenathar was coming to face me right here. I knew our duel would take place here today, hence there was no point in secrecy any more.'
`You should have told me... You should have told me back then, I could have helped you! Help you fight this creature inside of you...'
She doesn't understand! She still doesn't understand...
`No! No! You never could have helped me! Nobody can! Not you, not anyone else! Everyone who ever tried, lies dead at the hands of the demon! There is no controlling this beast within me...'
`You controlled it now. It towered over me and it seemed like it wanted to kill me, but it didn't. Instead, you changed back. You stopped it from killing me...'
I laugh sadly... If she knew...
`Ha! Did I?'
`Yes, you did.'
She doesn't understand. I will tell her. She should know the truth of what just transpired here, and why this town lies in ruin.
`No. I didn't stop it. It spared you to mock me. I saw everything it did through its eyes, I felt how much it longed for your death, but then it felt my concern, and it decided to spare your life, to reward me. It let you live to reward me, and thereby to mock me. Because next time, it will show you no mercy.'
`What do you mean, reward you?'
`Don't you understand? Ever s
ince I returned to Arghard, I've managed to keep the creature at bay. Each time I killed, the life I have taken gave satisfaction to the monster. I made sure to keep it satisfied at all times. I've killed thousands throughout the past eight years! All those deaths kept it satisfied, and it never made any serious attempt to break out and surface from me. Thus I was able to force it back, I never let it come out of me. The only time, the one time it almost broke free, was that night when I left you. Had I not walked away, it would have surfaced sooner or later just to claim you. But as I walked away, it never did. For eight years I didn't let it to the surface. Not even once. It never wanted to surface, and today was no different.'
`Then what happened, if not this? Was it Jenathar's doing?'
`Ha! If he could choose who to fight, me or the monster inside me, he'd choose tho fight me any day! No, this was not his doing... it was mine!'
`What do you mean, yours?'
`I mean, that I called it forth! I made it come to the surface! I made it happen! It... was... me!'
These last words I shout slowly into her face, full of anger. Anger, but not anger towards her, but myself. She seems uneasy, but I think she is finally starting to understand what happened.
`When Jenathar fled from me and I realized that I failed to kill him, I was outraged. The cowardly bastard ran away from me! I can't just go after him, not to where he fled... That... that feeling of helplessness, that feeling of having been defeated in victory... I wanted to strike back at him! There was only one way... I called upon the beast within me. I called it forth, I called it so it would raze this town to ashes! And it did... It surfaced, and it destroyed everything it could. And from inside the monster I watched it all! From inside the monster I reveled in the destruction it had brought! From inside the monster, for the first time in my life, I enjoyed each and every death that I saw! Each and every last one!'
She looks at me in silence. I can tell she is shocked by the truth, but now at least she knows. I slowly calm down, and look at her for many long minutes. Neither of us speaks. There are no words to describe what I have done. Now she, too, knows this.
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