The Chase

by Lisa Harris

  “No, I should have—”

  “Stop. No apologies.” She patted the bed next to her, motioning for him to sit down. “Though I have to say that while a thousand things ran through my mind as I sat in the room with a gun pointed at me, I never expected you to show up.”

  “I went into that building with plans to save you.” He forced himself to cross the tiled floor, then sat down on the edge of the bed. “Instead you took a bullet.”

  She shifted her position, then winced at the movement. “There are so many things I regret not saying to you, Jonas. But the first thing is that this wasn’t your fault. Just like my losing my leg was never your fault.”

  He glanced at the beeping monitor, avoiding her gaze. “You’re not the only one who wishes they’d have figured out the right thing to say. I botched up everything.”

  She reached out and squeezed his hand. “It doesn’t matter anymore. We’re both different people today.”

  “True, but that doesn’t erase the guilt I can’t seem to shake.”

  “What would you have said different?” she asked.

  “I would have made you understand that I still wanted you. I didn’t care that you’d lost your leg.”

  “Which was part of the problem.” Her smile faded. “Because it did matter to me. I felt like I lost everything that day, and you wanted to go on like nothing happened. Like things would somehow stay the same between us. But for me, things would never be the same again. I needed you to understand that. And while it wasn’t your fault, that wasn’t something you could do.”

  “If we could have communicated better . . .”

  She pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. “The problem was that I didn’t know how to deal with the loss of my leg. How was I supposed to make you understand what I needed?”

  “I don’t know.” He shook his head, wishing they’d somehow been able to face each other months ago and find resolution. “I could never understand how you felt, and I got that, but there were things that I should have done different to avoid what happened in the first place.”

  “What do you mean?” she asked.

  “I made a bad call. I should have taken point that day. I should have been able to take that guy down so no one died. So you didn’t lose so much.”

  “You’re wrong, Jonas, and deep down you know that.” Her voice broke. “It wasn’t your fault. It was never your fault. You’re a hero if anything. You put your life on the line that day, just like you do every day. We all take that risk, not knowing what threat is on the other side of the door. That’s what we signed up for. What happened that day was not the fault of anyone on our team. It was just a part of the job.”

  He shook his head, still convinced things could have had a different outcome. “That’s how I’ll always see it, and there’s nothing heroic about what happened. And now today, I had another chance to save you, and you’re lying here in a hospital bed again.”

  “I guess we both looked at things wrong,” she said, closing her eyes for a moment before opening them again and catching his gaze. “I always felt like I failed you. Like without a leg I couldn’t do my job. Couldn’t be enough for you.”

  “You were always enough, Felicia.”

  A heavy pause hung between them for a few long seconds as emotions swirled inside him.

  “Maybe everything that happened today will be worth it in the end for both of us to find closure,” she said. “Closure we should have given ourselves a long time ago.”

  He wanted to believe her, but not this way. He glanced at the heart monitor she was connected to. Her blood pressure was elevated slightly, along with her pulse. Memories pounded in his head. How had they found themselves here again?

  “It wasn’t closure I was looking for back then,” he said finally. “I just wanted things to work out between us.”

  “I’m not sure they would have no matter what happened. We’re both too stubborn for our own good. It never would have worked between us.”

  He wasn’t sure he agreed. “I had planned to marry you, Felicia.”

  She nodded slowly, her eyelids drooping a little. “I asked you once why you didn’t propose to me before the accident. Have you thought about why?”

  “Yes. It just seemed like . . .” He shifted uncomfortably beside her. “The timing just never seemed right. We were both busy advancing our careers and working too many hours.”

  “Or maybe it was simply because on one level you knew we weren’t right for each other.”

  He wasn’t sure how to answer her. Maybe she was right. Maybe the closure he’d needed all this time was simply knowing she was okay, so they could both move on.

  “I’ve accepted what happened, Jonas. It took me a long time, but I’m done living in the past and on what-ifs. And you need to do the same thing. Let the guilt go and start living again.” Her lip quivered as she drew in a slow breath.

  “Are you okay?” Jonas asked.

  “Still feeling groggy and sore,” she said.

  “Do you want me to get one of the nurses?”

  “No. I’ll be fine.”

  He nodded. “Your grandmother told me you’re working in intelligence now?”

  “I am, and I started dating someone. His name is Rex. He’s a veteran.” She paused for a second. “I met him during rehabilitation. He lost a leg in Afghanistan. He understands me like I never thought anyone could.”

  “Do I need to get ahold of him?” Jonas asked.

  “Grams already did. He’s coming in on a red-eye.” A soft smile curled her lips. “Tell me about her. Looks to me like you have a thing for the woman you work with.”

  “Madison?” He shifted his attention to the floor. “It’s complicated.”

  “Love shouldn’t be complicated. We make it complicated. I saw the way you looked when you thought he was going to shoot her. You have feelings for her, don’t you?”

  Jonas didn’t know how to respond to the turn in conversation. He was still trying to figure out what he felt about Madison. There was no way he was going to talk to Felicia about her.

  She reached out and squeezed his hand again. “It’s okay. I know you let go of me a long time ago, which is exactly what should have happened. But I’ve always wanted you to fall in love again. From the little I saw of her she seems beautiful, smart . . .” She yawned.

  She needed some rest. He stood up, then glanced at the monitor. Her heart rate had dropped, and her face had paled.

  “I’m going to leave now and let you get some sleep,” he said.

  She nodded. “I’m just so . . . tired.”

  “We’ll talk later, okay?”

  “Okay. Because someone’s not after . . . not finished at the house. But I need to go . . .”

  She was rambling, not making any sense. “Felicia, what’s wrong? Can you hear me?”

  Her eyes rolled back in her head and she started shaking.

  “Nurse!” He ran to the hallway. “Help! I need someone in here now!”

  A middle-aged woman in scrubs ran toward the room and pushed Jonas aside, then two more nurses joined her. He had no idea what was wrong, but he couldn’t lose Felicia now. Not this way. She’d survived a bullet that took her leg. Made it through months of physical therapy. She was walking again with a prosthesis, but now all of this . . .

  He glanced at the monitor. Someone yelled “Code!” The room started to spin around him. Machines beeped frantically. Someone shouted directions in the organized chaos. And Felicia . . . she wasn’t moving.

  “Sir, I need you to leave the room. Please.”

  “No . . . Tell me what’s wrong with her.”

  He stumbled into the hallway without getting an answer. He’d been in this situation before. Moments after the raid went wrong and the ambulances arrived, he’d watched them load Felicia onto a gurney and take her away.

  A voice in the chaos broke through his haze. “Time of death, 20:48.”

  Time of death?

  His mind snapped back to the p
resent as he tried to head back into the room. “What happened?”

  Someone stopped him at the door, laying a hand on his shoulder. “Her heart stopped. I’m so sorry.”

  “She can’t be gone.” Panic washed over him as he tried to process what he’d just seen. “I was just talking to her. The surgery was successful.”

  The nurse nodded. “That’s all I know, but I truly am sorry.”

  Time slowed as he walked back down the hallway. Death was something he’d been trained to deal with, but nothing could have prepared him for this.

  Jonas let the memories of him and Felicia flood him as he strode down the wide trail overlooking Elliott Bay. Myrtle Edwards Park and the path along the water had always been one of his favorite spots. Now it was the place he’d come to look for answers. Life had taken a shift when Felicia was shot the first time. And today, it had taken yet another unexpected turn. He’d spent the past thirty minutes praying for some kind of direction and clarity. An answer to why Felicia had died.

  And yet for some reason all he could hear was silence.

  The cool evening air slipped under his collar, but he barely felt the chill that settled through him. He couldn’t erase the picture of Felicia surrounded by the code team trying to save her. The warning sound of machines. The shouts of the medical staff as they worked frantically to save her life. And then the deafening quiet when it was over. He’d seen Hazel’s broken expression when he told her what had happened. He knew her faith would carry her through the darkness ahead, but that didn’t mean the pain wouldn’t engulf her. Or the questions wouldn’t come as they had for him.

  “This wasn’t your fault. Just like my losing my leg was never your fault.”

  He moved out of the way for a couple runners. Felicia, it seemed, had been able to let go. But had he just found resolution with his relationship with her only for her to die? Maybe none of this had taken God by surprise, but that didn’t stop the guilt from piling up.

  Maybe Felicia was right. Maybe he hadn’t asked her to marry him because he knew deep down that things would never work out between the two of them. And maybe he had tried too hard to fix things for her when all she really needed was for him to listen and be there.

  His phone rang. He checked the caller ID, then shoved it back in his pocket. He knew Madison was worried about him, but he couldn’t talk to her. Not yet. Michaels would have told her, but unwrapping how he felt and trying to put it into words wasn’t possible.

  Wind from the water whipped around him, sending another chill down his neck. Felicia had been right about something else as well. Madison had somehow managed to slip through the wall around his heart and made him want to consider something long-term with her. But as he’d learned with Felicia, he knew better now. Having a relationship with someone he worked with, someone who put their life on the line, was nothing more than a recipe for disaster. Just because they had their work in common didn’t mean they were suited for each other. Still, if that was true, then why did being with Madison make him feel like he was ready to take a chance on falling in love again?

  He sat down on one of the benches and stared out past the rocks along the shoreline. The gray water of the bay lapped up in small waves. On a clear day you could see the mountains in the distance, but tonight, darkness marred the view. Like the intense pain marring his heart. Right now, he’d shove aside whatever feelings he had for Madison to be dealt with later. Michaels might insist he take time off, but any grieving would have to wait. There were still two fugitives out there, and he wasn’t going to stop looking until he found them.

  THIRTEEN

  Madison parked her car in the driveway of her sister’s house, then shut off the engine. She’d already driven around for an hour, praying as she tried to figure out how to help Jonas. How to accept the fact he didn’t want her help right now. The sun had set a few hours before, but she knew Danielle would still be up. Three kids six and under had taught her sister to grab every slice of quiet she could. Madison had heard her confess more than once how she loved late nights when she could curl up with a book or have an hour or two of uninterrupted time with her husband.

  Madison shoved away any guilt from knowing she was bothering her sister and placed the call.

  Danielle answered on the second ring. “Madison, hey . . . are you okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry. I know it’s late, and you’re probably exhausted, but I needed someone to talk to.”

  “Of course. Always. Do you want to come by?”

  Madison hesitated. “I’m here, actually. In your driveway.”

  “I’m on my way downstairs now.”

  Clad in a pair of comfy pj’s, Danielle was already waiting by the open front door by the time Madison stepped onto the porch. Danielle pulled her into a hug before shutting the door behind them.

  “Your timing’s perfect,” Danielle said, ushering Madison into the living room and picking up the toys scattered across the hardwood floor. “Ethan’s still working, and the kids and Dad are asleep.”

  Madison stopped in the middle of the room. “Which means I’m totally interrupting your quiet time.”

  “Are you kidding? You’re never an interruption. Are you hungry?”

  The smell of spaghetti and garlic bread lingered in the air, but nothing sounded good to Madison. “Not really.”

  “What about some coffee or tea?”

  “Do you still have some of that vanilla tea?”

  Danielle grinned. “With milk?”

  “Of course.” Her sister knew her too well.

  “Good, now go sit down on the couch and catch your breath while I get the water going.”

  “I can help.”

  Madison tried to follow her sister, but Danielle waved away the offer. “I can handle it. Go sit down, and I’ll be right back.”

  Too tired to argue, Madison sank into the couch and pulled her legs up under her. Maybe coming had been the right decision, after all. She leaned back, closed her eyes, and took in a long, slow breath, wishing she could still the anxiety churning in her gut. She knew Jonas would be okay, but she hated knowing how much he was hurting, especially since she wasn’t able to do anything.

  “Aunt Maddie?”

  Madison opened her eyes as her six-year-old niece plopped down on the couch next to her.

  “I didn’t know you were here,” Lilly said.

  Madison grinned and pulled her closer. “And I didn’t know you were still up, you little munchkin.”

  Lilly gave an exaggerated sigh. “I can’t sleep.”

  Join the club.

  “I’m sorry. Are you worried about something?”

  “Not really.” Lilly lowered her voice. “It’s Sophie. I’m six years old and still have to share a room. She’s messy, stinky, and only three.”

  “Oh . . . I see.” Madison stifled a laugh. “I had to share a room with your mother until I was twelve.”

  “Twelve?” Lilly looked disgusted. Apparently the thought of waiting that long to get her own room was one of the most awful things she could imagine.

  “You do know that being the older sister comes with a lot of benefits.”

  Lilly rolled her eyes. “I’m not sure what.”

  “For one, Sophie looks up to you.”

  “How do you know that?”

  “Because even though I probably never would have admitted it, I definitely looked up to your mother growing up. And there were times when I even wished I could be just like her.”

  Lilly still didn’t look convinced. “Well . . . You didn’t have Sophie.”

  “No, I didn’t. There were also times when your mother just plain irritated me.”

  Lilly’s blue eyes widened as she stared back at Madison. “How?”

  “For example, she was the oldest and she got everything before I did. She got her ears pierced, a new bike . . . I was the one who always had to wait.”

  “Sophie makes the room a mess and keeps getting into my stuff.”

  �
�But,” Madison said, pretending not to hear the complaint in an effort to stay positive, “your mother also looked after me. In fact, she still does. And that, in my opinion, is the most important job of an older sister.”

  Lilly tilted her head, clearly processing what she was hearing. “It just seems like someone with an important job should get their own room. We have an extra room for guests.”

  Madison took a moment to think through her next line of reasoning. “I also remember feeling safe at night, knowing my sister was in the bed next to me. I have a feeling Sophie sleeps better knowing that as well.”

  Lilly’s nose scrunched. “Maybe.”

  “Young lady.” Danielle stepped into the living room, carrying two cups of steaming tea. “What are you doing out of bed?”

  Madison jumped to her niece’s defense. “We were just talking about the important role of an older sister.”

  “Really?” Danielle’s gaze shifted from Madison to Lilly before she set one of the cups on the end table next to Madison. “And what role would that be?”

  “Aunt Maddie says that when you shared a room, she always felt safer at night because you were there.”

  Danielle’s eyes widened as she joined them on the couch. “She did now?”

  “I might never have admitted it back then,” Madison said, picking up her tea and blowing on it before taking a sip. “But it’s true.”

  “There are definitely advantages to being the oldest.” Danielle kissed Lilly on the forehead. “One of which is that you get to stay up later than your younger sister.”

  “I suppose.”

  “The downside is, you’re six and still have a bedtime.” Danielle smiled.

  “But—”

  “No buts,” she said, scooting Lilly off the couch.

  The little girl frowned. “Yes, ma’am.”

  “Give your aunt a kiss, and I will see you bright and early in the morning.”

  Danielle waited until Lilly had disappeared up the stairs before turning back to Madison. “I have to say, I don’t remember you ever acting grateful to have me in the same room as you. In fact, I remember you getting in trouble for making a line down the middle of the room with nail polish. Bright red polish, if I remember correctly.”