Until You: A Malsum Pass Novel

by Forrest, Kimberly

  Constance had grinned and bounced some more, “You look wonderful!” She had squealed as she whipped the cape back off and started brushing excess hair off his neck. “You should stop by The Cedars and show your friend, Susan. She was coming down with a cold so she’ll probably appreciate the company.”

  Sebastian had frowned. Bug wasn’t feeling well? He suddenly felt the need to be by her side and take care of her. He had stood from the chair and pulled out some cash from his pocket but Constance pushed his hand away. “Nope,” she began, “you just made my year, Mr. Black. I’ve wanted to do that since I first saw you so this is my treat. You head on over and make your friend a nice cup of tea.” She finished with a grin before she had grabbed up a broom to sweep up the impressive pile of hair.

  He had smiled at her and nodded and she stilled the broom on the floor looking at him with bemusement as she shook her head. “I never would have guessed there was such a handsome man under all that hair.” She laughed and shook her head again before quietly singing “It’s Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas.”

  Now here he was in Susan’s room. Her eyes had widened considerably after he told her that she made him want more. She blinked and he wondered if she understood exactly what he was implying. This need he was feeling was a bit scary. He could understand the desire for sex, but this went way beyond that. He wanted to crawl in bed with her and just cuddle her until she felt better. He wanted to rub her back while they watched television or just talked. He wanted to read to her and cook for her; he wanted to take care of her forever. He reached up to tug his beard again and came up empty handed. He grimaced; his newly shaved jaw would take some getting used to. He had never realized how often he reached for it and tugged it until it was no longer there.

  “I know this is a hard time for you. I know you must be worried about this war and worried for your father and your sister. You probably miss her.” He said and she looked down at her lap. He wanted to kick himself; he hadn’t wanted to make her cry. When she didn’t reach a hand up to wipe tears away he hoped she was okay and continued. He cleared his throat and chuckled, “I remember how you use to follow her around, wanting her attention so badly.” Her head snapped up and she looked at him with wide eyed amazement. He was glad to see no shimmer of tears in her beautiful blue eyes, but she did look shocked by his words. Had she thought he had never noticed the way she had followed them around like a puppy? Not that he would put it that way to her; he didn’t want to embarrass her.

  “What I’m trying to say and I think I’m mucking it up pretty badly, is I have no desire to return to Mariposa. Since my parents are travelling the world there’s really nothing there that I want to go back to; certainly not my brother even if he and Mary Beth have split. I just don’t think I can ever forgive him.” He watched as she dropped her head and nodded as if disappointed with his words. He continued, “But I’d really like you to think about staying here even once things with the war settle down.” Her eyes came back up to meet his curiously so he rushed on, “Malsum Pass needs teachers so you’d find work easy if that’s what you want to do. And you and I, ah, I mean we could…” He cleared his throat and then added hesitantly, “Maybe we could see where things go with us, you know? We could date.” He cleared his throat again and cursed himself silently. Asking someone to be your girlfriend seemed so juvenile for a man his age but he had no idea how else to word it and he was stumbling badly. This was harder than he thought it would be and she probably thought he was an idiot at this point. He took a deep breath and then blew it out hard. “I want you to stay with me.”

  Chapter Eight

  Susan had to wonder if she had fallen into some sort of fever induced fantasy. No, Sebastian had said she wasn’t running a fever, but maybe that was part of the fantasy, maybe he wasn’t even here and this was all a dream. She discreetly pinched herself – twice since she didn’t believe the first sting she felt – if she was awake then Sebastian Black, the man she’d been in love with since she’d first noticed the opposite sex was asking her to be his girlfriend. She wanted to jump out of bed and do a happy dance. If she had felt even a little better she may have done so.

  She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. For so long she’d felt embarrassed that her infatuation had been so obvious, had cringed at the idea that he had pitied her for being in love with him, only to find out that he had assumed she was clamoring for her sister’s attention rather than his. She shook her head in amazement and almost snorted but started coughing instead.

  Sebastian let out a grunt and walked back over to her pile of purchases from the night before. With his back to her so she couldn’t see his expression he said, “You don’t need to give me an answer right now. You’re sick and need to concentrate on getting better.” He held up a can of soup. “I’ll go heat this up. You should eat.” Then taking the can with him, he left the room.

  Susan threw the covers off and went to the bathroom. She winced when she saw her reflection. Her hair was a ratty tumble at the crown with one side completely flat to her head. Her eyes were rather red rimmed while her skin was blotchy and her lips chapped. She looked absolutely awful and wouldn’t have been surprised if he had taken one look at her and run away screaming, yet Sebastian hadn’t looked at her with distaste. She quickly relieved herself and then turned on the shower; a clean body, freshly brushed teeth and brushed hair would make her feel a lot better.

  As she scrubbed her scalp under the spray of the shower Susan thought about Sebastian’s offer; it brought a giddy feeling to her chest and a smile to her face. He wanted her to stay with him. She frowned. Was it because Malsum Pass needed teachers? She pushed that thought away. No, he mentioned that only as an inducement, but his point was clear: He wanted to date her and he wanted her to stay with him – his words. Sebastian Black wanted her!

  She quickly finished scrubbing her body and got out of the shower. Her nose was in free flow now from the combination of medicine and steam and she grabbed a wad of toilet paper to give it a hearty blow. When she finished, her nose was cherry red and raw. She still looked terrible but at least she was clean. Imagine the man of her dreams seeing her at her absolute worse and choosing that moment anyway to ask her to be his girlfriend. Her shoulders bobbed from side to side in a giddy little jig she could no longer hold back. She squeezed toothpaste on her brush to brush her teeth, flossed, and then combed out her hair. That’s when she realized she’d done an incredibly stupid thing and hadn’t brought any clean clothes in with her.

  She bit her lip debating whether to tighten her towel and make a mad dash out of the bathroom to get dressed. It didn’t take that long to heat up soup though and chances were good, Sebastian was already back.

  She opened the door a crack but could only see the edge of her bed and the door beyond. She sniffed, but her nose wasn’t working due to her cold. She was just about to poke her head around the door when suddenly a broad chest came into her line of vision. She squeaked and looked up to see that handsome face stamped with concern looking down at her. “Are you all right?” He asked.

  She nodded and felt the warning tickle that a sneeze was coming on. She backed up and slammed the door right in his face before the sneeze broke free with a loud, gusty ‘CHOO’. She heard his muffled “Bless you,” from the other side as she grabbed another handful of toilet paper to blow her nose again.

  “You should be in bed.” She heard him grumble.

  “I forgot to grab clothes.” She said and winced at how nasally her voice sounded.

  In less than a minute she heard a tap on the door before it opened and a disembodied hand appeared with a stack of her clothing. She grabbed it gratefully and thanked him as she quickly looked through them and grimaced when she realized he’d had to dig through her assortment of underclothes. The thought of him seeing the large cups of her plain bras caused her face to heat. She had owned two pretty bras, but because of the large cup size required, they had been outrageously expensive. Those bras had made her
feel sexy for about an hour before she discovered that they were also incredibly uncomfortable and she couldn’t wait to get out of the torturous things. Since no one saw her in her undergarments anyway, she had decided it was best to stick with practical bras that were meant for sturdy support and comfort rather than aesthetic appeal. Sebastian was a man who was probably used to seeing women in matched sets of dainty silk and lace in assorted colors rather than the thick strapped, white cotton ones she wore.

  Dressed in yoga pants, sweatshirt, socks and yes, underwear she padded out of the bathroom to see that Sebastian had remade her bed and was holding the covers for her so that she could simply slide in. He covered her up and placed a tray with a bowl of soup, crackers, a glass of ginger ale, and a cup of tea over her lap.

  “Eat,” he grunted, “you need your strength to fight this off.”

  She sipped some broth from her chicken noodle soup off her spoon; the warmth felt good sliding down her throat. “I’ll be better tomorrow,” she assured him. “I never stay sick long.”

  He grunted an acknowledgment of hearing her before he went to the bathroom and started picking up her discarded clothing and wet towels. She started to tell him not to trouble himself but she felt another sneeze coming on so she tipped her head back and pinched the bridge of her nose to try to prevent it coming forth in another embarrassingly loud display. When she felt semi-confident that it was safe, she lowered her head to see him heading for the door. “Eat,” he repeated. “I’ll be back in a minute,” before he disappeared with her laundry.

  About fifteen minutes later he returned with the assurance that her clothes would be returned to her clean. She hoped he hadn’t bullied Margaret Tully into doing laundry with his intimidation tactics.

  Sebastian sat and watched over her as she ate everything on the tray. Whenever she would try to pause with the intention of talking to him, he would let out one of his grunts and say ‘eat’ in that gruff manner of his. When she had finished he’d taken the tray, told her to take a nap and that he’d be back later with her dinner. Before she could even open her mouth to protest, much less discuss his request for her to stay, he had walked out her door again. She was left with the distinct impression that Sebastian was avoiding conversation because he may be scared to hear her answer. She snorted and then choked on a cough. She must be sicker than she thought if she was actually imagining Sebastian scared of her. What nonsense.

  Feeling full and warm and yes, a bit sleepy, Susan relaxed back against the pillows and closed her eyes; a dreamy smile on her lips as thoughts of Sebastian followed her into her dreams.

  The aroma of food woke Susan some time later and the first thing she noticed was that the worst of the cold symptoms had already started to dissipate. Her throat wasn’t as sore, she didn’t seem to have a headache anymore from sinus pressure though her nose was still rather leaky, and she felt at least somewhat normal. She spotted Sebastian standing by the small table with two places set in the little sitting area of her room. Her stomach growled as she smelled the food.

  “How are you feeling?” He asked as he came over to lay a hand on her forehead. “You look better.”

  Susan was glad she looked better but him saying so only brought back the reminder that he’d seen her looking so crappy earlier. He still asked you to stay despite that, girl! Get a grip and answer the man! She cleared her throat just in case and told him she felt much better, satisfied to hear her voice sounding mostly normal instead of the nasally mess that couldn’t form pertinent consonants just hours ago.

  He nodded. “Can you come to the table to eat or should I bring it here to you?” He asked.

  Susan smiled. His consideration was endearing and only made her adore him more. Before she started looking at him like a starry eyed child again she pushed the blankets off of her legs. “I’d rather eat at the table.”

  The grilled salmon with wild rice and steamed vegetables tasted wonderful, but she was quickly losing some of her patience with her dinner companion as he went from glowing knight in shining armor to surly caveman right before her eyes. It wasn’t his table manners that bothered her; he didn’t face plant into his food like he was trying to win a pie eating contest. He didn’t burp, fart, or scratch himself, nor did he chew with his mouth open. The problem was the conversation. He had no problem extoling the virtues of Malsum Pass and its residents in short, gruff sentences, but if she tried to speak about shared acquaintances from Mariposa he would grunt rudely and change the subject back to what he wanted to talk about. When she tried to bring up the past to apologize for the wrong she’d done him, she’d barely gotten two words out of her mouth when he’d snapped “No!” at her and told her he didn’t care about that place and didn’t want to talk about them.

  She’d finally had enough and slammed her hand down on the table making the dishes rattle as she stood up and poked a finger in his surprised face. His round eyed look of shock would have been amusing if she hadn’t been so irritated. “Dammit, Sebastian, I am trying to talk to you about something that has bothered me for ten years and you won’t let me speak! If all you want is a woman to listen while you talk and nod her head like a goddamn bobble head then you’re in for a surprise, mister because that is not me!” She squared her shoulder and crossed her arms over her chest. “I appreciate everything you’ve done for me today but I think it’s time you left.”

  She watched as Sebastian hung his head and her heart clenched. She opened her mouth, tempted to take the words back, but he nodded and stood. Placing his hands on her upper arms he pulled her into his hard chest and gazed into her surprised eyes. She had thought he was just going to walk out the door but apparently that wasn’t his plan. “I’m sorry, but I will not discuss unpleasant things when I’m eating. Can it wait until after dinner?”

  With her arms trapped between their bodies and his dark eyes staring into hers, she could barely move. His gaze was so intense she didn’t think she could speak so she nodded. She imagined him leaning his face down to bridge the distance so that he could kiss her and she licked her lips to moisten them; her stomach clenched in anticipation. His gaze dropped to her mouth and her brain was screaming at him Do it! Please! I’ve dreamed of this for so long. She could actually feel the rumble in his chest vibrate through her arms. He released her a second later with “I brought pie” and they both sat down – though she felt rather like she collapsed into the seat and hoped he didn’t notice. Susan had to tamp down her disappointment and resist the urge to fan herself.

  She did feel a tiny bit better knowing that it hadn’t been his unwillingness to speak on matters she found important but rather concern for his digestion that had motivated his rude behavior. She had no problem keeping the chit chat light while they ate as long as she knew she’d be able to lighten her conscience later. After all, Sebastian had a right to know all of the facts before he made any decisions about wanting to keep her around. She cleared her throat and launched into a conversation about movies she’d seen and books she had read that he might enjoy as he dished out massive wedges of blueberry pie.

  He told her about the temporary residence he had acquired and suggested they plan a day where she could come see it and they could watch some of the movies she had suggested.

  The dinner had been delicious, the pie wonderful, but now the time was at hand. Her palms started to sweat and she wiped them nervously against her pants. She contemplated all the ways that Sebastian was going to be angry with her and her heart rate doubled. He may even tell her to get the hell out of his town and never bother him again. Her stomach was knotted with dread and the food she’d eaten that had tasted so delicious now felt like a boulder in her belly. So when the last dish was cleared away and Sebastian had settled into a comfortable position in the chair, Susan just blurted it out without all the careful wording she had practiced for so many years: “I’m the one who ruined your life.”

  Chapter Nine

  She was twisting her fingers nervously as he just stared at her. S
he was waiting for an explosion of temper but instead he blinked as if surprised before he threw his head back and laughed. Now she was the one staring at him, this was not the reaction she had anticipated.

  When his laughter finally died down to chuckles, he wiped his eyes and said, “I know you love your sister enough to cover for her, Bug, but nothing you can say will convince me that that was you in those photos with Christian.”

  “What? No! Of course not,” Susan exclaimed, shocked that he’d drawn that conclusion. “But I’m the one who sent those photos to you. I’m the one who destroyed your life and you just left! I never thought you’d leave.” She said and cringed at how whiny she sounded.

  Sebastian stood and pulled her into his arms, his large hands running over her back in a soothing gesture. “I knew you sent them, Bug, your scent was all over the package.”

  Susan grimaced. Of course he would have smelled her, how stupid of her not to have remembered how sensitive a bear’s nose was.

  “You’re not the one who ruined things; in fact I should have thanked you.” He said against her hair and she sagged against him.

  He gripped her upper arms and pulled her back from him a bit so that he could look into her eyes. “I knew how much you loved Mary Beth, you practically worshipped her – it was obvious. You could have kept her secret for her, but you chose to tell me. It meant the world to me that you would do that. I never said anything to Mary Beth about your involvement. I didn’t want to repay your kindness by allowing her to take her anger out on you or withholding her future trust.”

  He pulled her back in close and she couldn’t resist nuzzling her face into his chest. His embrace was so warm and comfortable, and he smelled so good. She wanted to stay there forever. She almost told him that it had been he she adored, him she would have done anything for; that it had been blind jealousy that motivated her sending those pictures, not kindness. She loved her sister, yes, but more because it was expected. Mary Beth was her sister and sisters love each other, or so she’d been told. But Susan hadn’t really liked her in a long time. If they hadn’t been related, Susan and Mary Beth probably wouldn’t even speak to each other. In fact, aside from a few pleasantries exchanged when they ran into each other, they didn’t speak at all anymore, and growing up they had had nothing in common except for Sebastian: Mary Beth had had him and Susan had wanted him.