An Unfinished Life

by Wasowski, Mary

  I could tell he was already not pleased with me on account of how I addressed him, but too bad. I called him by his given name out of respect for our parents. I hated how our last name was changed, and then he went and changed his first name to Mason. No. I just couldn’t call him that. Call me stubborn, but that’s how I felt.

  After all the greetings were made, we all went upstairs to the private dining room for dinner and what I hoped would be hours of conversation and catching up. Simon placed his hand on the small of Nicolette’s back and led her up the stairs. He was so gentle with her, as she deserved to be treated. I hated the distance between our homes, but as long as I knew she was being cared for, I didn’t worry as much as I used to.

  Tonight’s reunion was just a warm-up to what tomorrow would bring. I had planned to join Nicolette, Simon, and the others to watch the Thanksgiving Parade along downtown’s historic State Street. Crowds of over 400,000 were always in attendance for this tradition. We never missed it when Nicolette lived here. It was a rite of passage for us to share, and I couldn’t wait to have it again tomorrow.

  Clink, clink. I tapped on my glass several times to get everyone’s attention.

  “On behalf of Sara and me, thank you so much for joining us here in our home for Thanksgiving. It means so much to us to have you all here, especially Nicolette. Thank you, sweet girl for giving me the best day that I’ve had in a long while. I love you. Okay! Back to eating.”

  The look on Sara’s face didn’t go unnoticed by me, or my brother for that fact. We had our share of disagreements these past years, but now that he had returned home, I was hoping to make a fresh start.

  “I’m proud of you, Jack. I know that was hard for you,” my voice of reason said as she hugged me from behind.

  If Sara only knew how much it hurt to hold my tongue out of respect for Nicolette’s feelings. I raised her hands to my lips, and then we joined the others back in conversation.

  An hour later, the party was coming to an end. I could see the exhaustion on my girl’s face, but by the way she carried herself, you wouldn’t know it. She saw me staring and walked over to me.

  “Thank you, Uncle Jack. Everything was out of this world amazing.”

  “You are most welcome, Nickel, but Sara did all the work.”

  “So that’s your story? Why can’t you ever just accept a thank you? You know you’re my hero.”

  “Oh, darling, as much as I would love to believe that, you have Simon now, and from what I can see, he’s all you need.”

  “There’s room in my heart for more than one hero, Uncle Jack. Can we take a walk?”

  Her eyes were hopeful as she knew I would agree to anything she asked of me.

  “Of course, but it’s cold out there. Are you sure your thin California skin can handle it?”

  “You never forget where you come from, Uncle Jack. I’m a Chicagoan through and through.”

  I love this girl. She told Simon that we wouldn’t be long. Mason and Christina worried over her, telling her to reconsider going out and that it was cold. She wasn’t 12, and she was perfectly safe with me. And Sara thinks that I had control issues!?! Mason never ceased to remind me of our roles in her life. My only saving grace was that Nickel never chose one over the other and loved us both.

  We walked a few city blocks with her arm wrapped around me. She loved walking through Little Italy while I pointed out all of the historic buildings. We passed a few establishments where I was well-known, and friends would shout out hellos to us as we passed by.

  “Is everything okay, sweetheart?”

  I loved our time together, but I also knew her well enough to sense she had something weighing on her mind.

  “I’m fantastic, better than ever.”

  We stopped at our favorite spot in the park, grabbing two hot chocolates before we found our bench. This was our place, where most of our heavy conversations took place. It was a good feeling to know that she never forgot it.

  “What’s on your mind, Nickel?”

  “Am I that obvious?”

  “Yes, but you know you can tell me anything.”

  “I know, Uncle Jack.”

  She dropped her chin and sipped her hot chocolate. Damn it! I didn’t mean to phrase my words in that way. I knew where her mind had just retreated to. I lifted her chin and made her look at me.

  “I’m sorry, baby, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

  “You didn’t. It’s just old scars.” She effectively talked right over her statement and continued, “Anyway, that’s not why we’re here. I have some news to share with you, and before the rest of the family finds out tomorrow, I wanted to tell you first.”

  She smiled the widest of smiles and took my large hands into her delicate ones.

  “Uncle Jack, I’m pregnant. I’m pregnant with Simon’s child, and this time I know the heartache is finally behind us. The universe won’t be so cruel to us again and take another child from me.”

  She could no longer hold back her tears and immediately placed her cheek to my hands, where more tears fell. It pained me to see her in this state. I knew they were happy tears but some had to be sad ones remembering the past. She had to endure three miscarriages, so I wasn’t so sure she would survive another one without losing hope. I wasn’t going to go there, not when she just was positively glowing.

  “Look at me, sweet girl. You are going to make a wonderful mother to this child you are carrying, and Simon is going to be one hell of a dad. No more tears, love. You have a miracle growing inside of you, and I want you to smile and be happy.”

  “Oh, I am, Uncle Jack. I’ve never been happier.”

  “Thank you for sharing this with me.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  No words needed to be said after that. This was my girl giving me yet another gift for us to share. We always shared a special bond with one another, and it had never been stronger. To give me this news in person, with no one else present, just made me the happiest father in the world. She never minded if I slipped once in a while. Maybe she knew that this was what I needed. I wasn’t going to tempt fate. I gave her one last hug, and then we made our way back to the bar.

  All eyes were on us when we walked through the door. I could see the relief on Simon’s face when he greeted Nicolette, taking her in his arms. She whispered something in his ear, and now it was his smile that lit up the room. I left them on their own and poured myself a drink when my brother joined me.

  “You look good, Jack. The restaurant looks great, and Sara seems well. I’m happy for you, brother.”

  Was he really? Or was his blatant hostility leaning toward another statement?

  “Thank you, Massimo. And how is your perfect, compartmentalized life going out in sunny California? Your tan looks fabulous.”

  Yeah, I was being an ass.

  “Couldn’t be better, Jack. Our songwriting keeps us busy with established and new artists that sign with our record company. Vanelle Records is in the mainstream, growing every day. By the way, let up on the ‘Massimo.’ How many times do I have to tell you not to address me by that name?”

  “I don’t know, Massimo. Maybe I’ll quit when it stops bugging the shit out of you. You are some piece of work, little bro. After all I have done for you, you show me no respect and in my own fucking home. Drain the vein and have another drink. You are too uptight for me, and I’ve had a pretty good night, so don’t fuck with me.”

  I downed my drink and poured myself another one. It was either that or punch him in his “holier than thou” face.

  “Careful, Jack. Nicolette is watching. You don’t want to shatter your God-like status in front of her now, would you?”

  “That’s what this attitude is really about, isn’t it? You just can’t stand the fact that she loves me and looks to me like a daughter would with her father. Am I close, MASON?” I drew out his name to the point where he seethed with anger.

  “Keep telling yourself that, brother, if it helps you sleep bette
r at night. I don’t have to play games when it comes to my daughter. We are here for her, and only her, so keep yourself in check until after tomorrow. Then I will leave, and I will take my daughter with me.”

  “Fuck you, Massimo.”

  The words were out of my mouth before I could stop myself. I looked over his shoulder and hoped no one had heard me.

  “No, Giovanni, fuck you. That is your name, right? But yet, you prefer good old Jack. You never let me forget how I disgraced our family by changing my name, but why give me grief when you are the biggest hypocrite walking. I bet no one from the streets even knows your real name. Tell me something, JACK…was Giovanni too Italian for you to use on the streets? I guess that’s why the wise guys keep it simple. Tony, Vic…you get what I’m saying?”

  I inhaled a deep breath as if my life depended on it. From where we were standing, the hope of us finding middle ground looked grim at this point. He was fueled with animosity toward me, and I wasn’t going to have him use my relationship with Nicolette to get to me.

  “We are going to table this conversation for now, but make no mistake, little brother, we are not finished discussing what has crawled up your ass. You give me tomorrow with our daughter, and then you can come at me with all that you’ve got.”

  “I look forward to taking you down a few pegs.”

  I knew Mason was trying to get a rise from me, but there was no way in hell I was going to lose it, especially in front of Nicolette.

  “Good luck trying,” I replied with my best “go fuck yourself” face.

  We plastered the fakest smiles on our faces and walked back into the main room. Nicolette was being helped into her coat by Simon. The Paulsons bid their farewells to us and took a separate car to their hotel. Massimo grabbed hold of Christina, and she just waved to me with a sad look to her face. She loved her husband, and me too for that matter, but hated to high heaven that we were at odds with one another. Christina and Sara…bless these women who put up with our crap.

  Nicolette and Simon stayed behind and waited for everyone to file out. “Thank you, Uncle Jack. It’s okay to hug Simon. He knew I was telling you tonight.”

  “Congratulations, son. I can’t even begin to express how happy I am for you both. You are a good man, Simon. I’m a little biased, but next to what I have with Sara, I’ve never seen a perfectly matched couple like you two. Your life is blessed.”

  I took Simon into an embrace and kissed each side of his face, reciting an Italian blessing, “Un vero uomo si prende cura della sua famiglia. Sii buono con tua moglie e tuo figlio. Che Dio vi benedica.”

  I laughed out loud on account of the bewildered look on his face. He turned back to Nicolette, who was laughing at her husband, knowing he didn’t speak Italian.

  “Let me translate for you, baby.” Uncle Jack said, “A true man takes care of his family. Be good to your wife and your child. God Bless.”

  “Thank you, Jack. That means a lot to us both.”

  “No need to thank me, son. Just continue to take care of my princess, and we will never have a problem.”

  “This has been the perfect day, Uncle Jack. Thank you for always being there for me. Io ti amo.”

  “I love you too, my sweet Nickel. See you tomorrow.”

  I locked up the bar and left the rest of the clean up for the staff. Sara walked into my arms and kissed me soundly.

  “I’m exhausted. Thank goodness we have help for tomorrow. Uh oh...what is it?”

  Leave it to my wife to pick up the slightest change in my demeanor.

  “Nothing. I’m fine.”

  She raised her eyebrows, not believing me for one minute.

  “I saw you with Mason earlier. Care to talk about it?”

  “No, I don’t. The only talking I care to do is to get into bed with you. I hope you have a little energy left for me.”

  “Always,” she said with a wink.

  Her answer calmed me, while the desire in her eyes aroused me. I carried my Sara into my arms and placed her gently down on our bed, forgetting about the bullshit that waited for me the next day with my brother.

  We couldn’t have asked for a better day with Chicago’s weather cooperating with us. There was very little wind and a temperature of thirty degrees. Our Thanksgiving tradition: three hours of bliss watching the annual parade that marks the beginning of the holiday season.

  This was the Paulson’s first time ever witnessing the time honored event that brought so many people together. They were familiar with Illinois and had visited the city of Chicago many times but never took the time to enjoy this spectacular parade. Simon was in conversation with his brother and father, while I stayed close to Nicolette and Sara. My brother and his wife had joined us too but kept their distance. In between enjoying the performers and enjoying the delicious eats of Chicago, Simon’s brother Andrew was signing autographs. He was smiling and even posed with fans for pictures.

  Nickel’s cheeks were rosy red, and her eyes were sparkling with happiness. She was wearing a smile that could launch a thousand ships. This was my girl as I had always remembered before her life changing attack. I have only thanked God for a small number of miracles he has bestowed on me, and my daughter returning home to us was one of them. We feared we lost her when she left, but once again she surprised us with her strength and courage. I only had today with her before she returned to her home in California. I pulled her into a warm hug, feeling the glare of disgust from my brother, who hadn’t taken his eyes off of me.

  What was his problem? She was normally thousands of miles away from me, and now that I had some time with her and was expressing my affection, he looked like he wanted to rip my head off! I’d maintained my control out of respect for Sara, Nicolette, and her family, but I’d had enough. I needed to set some things straight with my brother.

  We went our separate ways after the parade. Nicolette and Simon went back to their hotel to rest and said they would join us in a few hours. The Paulsons decided to do a little sightseeing before dinner. Everything had been already prepped at the restaurant, so I encouraged Sara to join them and serve as their guide. She loved this city as much as I did, and she didn’t mind. It took some coaxing to get Christina to join them, but I gave my sister-in-law a hug and assured her that we would be okay in their absence. She gave me a distrustful look, but reluctantly agreed. I gave her a small hug, kissed her forehead, and whispered “Thank you,” which caused her to smile.

  My brother looked as if he was about to spit fire, but I wasn’t going to allow him to erupt in the middle of my bar. I led him downstairs to my office, where we would not be interrupted and certainly not heard.

  He bypassed me with a shove with his shoulder. I ignored his action and closed the door behind me. He didn’t take a seat and instead fixed himself a drink, not offering me the same courtesy.

  “What the fuck is your problem, Massimo? What have I done that has you so enraged with me? You have done nothing but brood since your arrival. This is a happy time, for fuck sakes! And you’re walking around with a stick up your ass. What is it?”

  “You, Jack, you are the problem! My problem for years now! It’s always about you. I’m exhausted, and I can’t do this with you anymore.”

  I took a hard swallow, making my throat muscles tighten up.

  “Me? I’m the one to blame for all of your problems? I think you need to explain yourself, my brother.”

  “Why? You never listen to me. It always comes down to you, and I’m done with it. Think about it, Jack. When we were younger, you took care of me. You took care of our family and never yourself first. Mama and papa tried to reason with you. They tried to get you to attend church with us, be home more for dinner, and not be out there in the city on your own. You were my hero at one time. I loved you so much and idolized the ground you walked on. Here was my big brother who always protected me. No one even looked cross-eyed in my direction out of fear that you would rip their head off.”

  He continued, “And as fo
r my piano…I loved that piano, as you well know. I held onto that musical instrument for years until I could afford to buy myself a new one, one that I would create my music on with Christina. Do you want to know why I still have that piano? Why it has been restored and proudly sits in our home in California? Because I could never ever part with it, knowing what you sacrificed in order to give it to me.”

  With every word my brother was saying, his anger softened and turned into sadness. The only times he ever spoke to me with such purpose in his tone was when we were at odds with each other, like now.

  “I never knew that, Massimo. I’m sorry.”

  “Because you never asked! This went on for years, Jack, because the more you gave us, the more you lost in the end. Pieces of you—and your sold-out soul—were laid all over the streets of our neighborhood, and you just went on being someone’s bitch to justify the means that you were providing for us.”

  “That’s not true, Massimo, and you damn well know it. Are you trying to piss me off? Because you don’t want to go there with me.”

  “Why, Jack? What are you going to do? Shoot me? Beat me up? I don’t give a fuck what you threaten me with. It’s never going to change how much I love you.”

  What did he just say? He rested his head against the wall and looked defeated while I was in shock. He had been behaving as if he hated me. He reminded me of all my sins with his self-righteous attitude, and then went and said that he loves me?

  He slowly turned around to look over at me and said, “You are my brother Giovanni, and I love you. I will always be thankful to you for what you gave to me and Christina, but over the years our relationship has been strained. And from where I’m standing, it doesn’t look like we will ever reach a reconciliation, not even for Nicolette. This is why we are here to spend the holiday with you. You forced her hand, because you are constantly making her choose between us, and that is not fair to Nicolette.”

  “You have blamed me and Christina for taking Nicolette to California all those years ago, and then when that animal hurt her, that was the beginning of the end of our relationship as brothers. You were enraged and blamed me for our girl getting hurt. You nearly choked me to death on sight. If I could, I would do anything to turn back the clock to prevent what happened to Nicolette, but we know that’s not possible. He left her broken, and we nearly lost her, but she came back to all of us and faced her fears head-on that day in the courtroom. I begged you not to go after him, and I know what that cost you. It’s still costing you, Jack, still consuming you. I see it every time I look into your eyes, and I don’t know if I will ever be able to see anything else.”