An Unfinished Life

by Wasowski, Mary

  “No, you did this. Your greed and damn ambition got her killed. You. Took. Her. Away. From. Me. You took away a living angel! And you never even said you were sorry. I dreamed of this moment since the night she died. I would never stop looking for the person responsible for taking away my precious girl. I knew what I wanted to do but also knew I would have to follow the law and bring her killer to justice. That day never came for me…until today. I have a file full of evidence I could use to bring you down and send you to prison for the rest of your miserable life, but even that would be too good for you. The only justice I could ever live with is to see you dead, but I won’t do it. She loved you. She only wanted you to be proud of her and give us your blessing for our marriage.”

  “Stop it, please. I can’t hear no more, please,” he pleaded. He was broken and weak.

  I watched him open a locked drawer to his desk. He pulled out a Glock 22 from the side drawer and placed it down in front of him. Duffy’s hand went to his service weapon. I put my hand up to him to keep him at bay. LaRocha shoved the gun closer to me.

  Looking directly into my eyes, he said, “Do it! I have nothing to live for. My daughter is dead, and I want to be with her. Do it, Jacob! Have your justice, so I can be with her again. Do it!”

  I stepped closer but didn’t touch the gun.

  “You will never see Minela again, and do you want to know why that is? Because you are a living form of the devil, and you belong in hell. My beautiful girl’s soul is in heaven, and I pray every single day that she is at peace. And then I thank God for her not being here to see her poor excuse for a father. You are nothing. You deserve nothing. You belong in hell.”

  “That’s just it, Jacob, I’m already there,” he said, sobbing.

  “Then the next step should be easy. Let’s go, Duffy. We’re done here.”

  Duffy looked around the room in confusion and debated silently if we should leave him like this. I was done, and there would be no changing my mind. I had nothing left to say to him and wished never to lay eyes on him again.

  I turned away from LaRocha, where he still remained in his chair, behind his desk, staring down to his gun. I walked out first, and then Duffy hesitated once more, but then joined me.

  The housekeeper reappeared and showed us out. We were back in my car, and I drove us back to the city. My hands were shaking the whole time.

  “Jake, talk to me. Are you okay? That was intense back there.”

  “Yeah, it was, but it’s over, Duffy. I meant what I said. I wasn’t going to end his life and give him the peace he was seeking. He lived his life like a coward and will die as a coward. It just won’t be by my hands.”

  One week later, I was standing before a review committee, answering questions pertaining to Joseph LaRocha’s fatal suicide. When I left his home, he was alive. His housekeeper stated that when questioned. I explained that I was there for a personal matter and not under the guise of the FBI. I never compromised the position I held or the oath I took. What led me to his door has now been destroyed, and I, along with Duffy, will take it to our graves.

  Afterwards, Duffy asked me into his office to have the conversation he had pushed aside in hopes I would change my mind. The answer was clear to me the moment I saw Zoey and the condition she was in. I just wanted out of this life, which was why I was there now. I had already filed my official resignation with my New York field director, and now it was time to say it to Duffy. I placed my badge and my service weapon down on his desk and stepped back with my hands folded behind my back.

  “Are you sure about this?” Duffy asked. He had been my mentor since I came up from the NYPD, and he taught me everything I knew about being a cop. He would always be a cop and probably would have to be shoved out the door when his time was up. For me, that time was now.

  “Yes, I am. I don’t want this life anymore. It’s ugly, and it holds too many memories that I wish to forget.”

  “You had some good ones too, Jake.”

  “I know, but it’s not enough for me to stay.”

  “You know, Jake, I may have not done what you did back in Boston, but I understand why, and I am so sorry you ever had to go through that. You are my friend, and I will always have your back in any decision you make. Just know that I’m here if you should ever change your mind.”

  He walked around the desk to take me into his arms, slap me on my back, and grab onto my coat. He was a good friend. He wiped a tear from his eye. “Tough guys don’t cry,” he once said to me, but here he was doing just that. I didn’t razz him about it, and just smiled at the memory of one of many of our great conversations. I grabbed my box of personal items and made my way to his door.

  He kicked his feet up and said, “Fine, go be stupid. Marry that girl before she gets away.”

  I couldn’t hold in my laughter if I wanted to, not this time. I wanted this more than anything in the world, and I would soon have it.

  “I fully intend to, my friend. Happily ever after is waiting for me, and her name is Zoey Steele. But soon she will be Mrs. Jacob Paulson…forever.”

  We were invited to spend Christmas in California with Simon, Nicolette, and their beautiful children, Kai and Cali. They were born at the end of June via cesarean section for Nicolette. She carried her babies to nearly full-term, and they weighed in at over four pounds each.

  I was so proud of her. She was a mother, and her dream had finally come true. Everything she had gone through had led to this defining moment. Considering my actions over the past year, I was lucky I was here at all. The smoke had cleared, and I was rebuilding my life, one without my past weighing me down. I kept my promise to move forward with my life and spend it happily with my family. Our restaurant was restored to its original glory and once again frequented by our close-knit community. Max still came in from time to time for a game of pool or to chat it up with Tommy, but it was never the same since I cut my ties to the other family in my life that owned my past.

  We had chosen different paths in life, and when it came down to it, we just didn’t fit in each other’s world…not anymore. I wanted to prove to Sara, Massimo, and especially to Nicolette that I was worthy of their love and trust. I wanted to be Uncle Jack to her children, and watch them grow up as I did with my Nickel.

  As for Jacob, he kept to his word and never spoke to me again. How could he, after I revealed what I knew about the most horrific tragedy in his past? I hadn’t seen him in nearly a year after our meeting. Even when I visited the babies, he made sure not to be there. Seeing me again would only serve as a reminder to what he had lost. I wasn’t directly involved, but I knew who was.

  Simon explained this to me one day as we walked the beach near their home. He would always respect me because I was important to Nicolette, but he had to put his family first. He never said the words aloud, but I believed he knew the truth about Michael’s demise, the role I played in it, and how it ultimately affected his brother’s life. When it came to family, lines should never be drawn out in the sand, but Simon would always choose Jacob before me. This I knew and came to terms with. I had no choice if I wanted to be in their lives. I was welcomed, but also kept at a safe distance.

  I heard Jacob left the FBI, got married, and was now living a quieter life on his ranch in Colorado. I had no right to know anything about him, but it gave me peace when Nicolette shared the news with me.

  Christmas would be my first time in the same room with him. Out of loyalty to his brother, Jacob shared an afternoon with me but stayed as far away as he could. He protectively held his wife close to his side, every once in a while finding me in the room. When our eyes did connect, they were cold and unforgiving. I reconciled that rather quickly and went on to enjoy the holiday with my new great nephew and niece.

  The babies each carried traits from both their father and mother. Cali would be a beauty like Nicolette. Her hair was her color of dark brown, whereas Kai had lighter tones like Simon. I waited patiently for my turn to hold them, but I was last on the lo
ng line. The women cooed and awed over the babies, while I watched with tears in my eyes. This was their happy moment, and I once again was lucky enough to witness it.

  Nicolette continued to look over where I was seated. I was alone, watching the celebration before me. I was invited, but somehow I knew I really wasn’t included. Simon stayed close to his parents and brothers. They were laughing and sharing what was sure to be good memories.

  Although we had made peace with one another, I still felt on the outside looking in around Massimo, doing my best to smile and not take anything too personal. What did I expect? I was here due to Nicolette’s kind invitation. I would accept anything they offered.

  When it was my turn with the babies, Nicolette asked me to follow her down to their nursery where we could have privacy. Sara gave me a sweet smile and blew me a kiss. She was my rock. A small sofa was centered in front of the window to look out to the ocean. With the love of the ocean flowing through their genes, I had no doubt that these babies would be surfers like their father. Their names were unique and special just like their parents’ love story. Kai’s name meant the sea, chosen by Simon, who dedicated his life to preserving oceans all over the world. Nicolette chose Cali’s name. She once told me that she wanted her daughter to be empowered one day, to always have courage, to inspire ones that have lost hope, and to find true love in the hearts of many. Nicolette did that every day with the women who walked through her foundation. Her daughter would be strong and change the world just like her beautiful mother before her.

  I was nervous to hold them. They had turned six months old on Christmas Day and were wearing outfits with the number six on them. She handed me Kai first, then Cali. My tears were unstoppable just at the sight of these angels in my arms. I was blessed with so much in my life, and it was still a battle of will to believe I deserved what I was generously given. The only ones that never judged me were Sara and Nicolette. I was only better because of them, and I would continue to be better for these two miracles nestled sweetly in my arms.

  “They will love you, Uncle Jack. I will make sure of it…I promise.”

  “You don’t need to say that, Nicolette, not to me. I will never forget this gift you have given me today. I love you, Nickel, and I always will.”

  “Uncle Jack, if I have learned anything in this life, it is to not give up on the ones that love me. You are my hero, remember? That was our deal a long time ago, and I expect you to be one for my children. Thank you, Uncle Jack, for protecting me and keeping me safe. I love you. Please never forget that.”

  She leaned down to kiss me and gave me some time with Kai and Cali. Without saying the actual words, I knew and understood what Nicolette so desperately wanted me to believe.

  More tears fell down as I held them. Kai looked so much like Simon. Every once in a while, Cali would pucker her little lips, reminding me of Nicolette when she was born. They looked peaceful and content. What could they be dreaming about that makes them smile in their sleep? I shared a story with them about their great grandparents, and how much they would have loved them.

  “Oh, precious ones, you are tiny angels sent from above. You’ve come to fill our hearts with joy. May your life always be filled with love and peace. Uncle Jack loves you, little ones.”

  Nicolette and Simon returned to the nursery. I could tell Nicolette heard what I said to her children. She wiped away her tears and took her daughter from my arms, but not before, I placed a kiss to her head. I did the same for Kai before Simon took his son.

  I left their home that day with Sara’s hand in mine. I always wore my heart on my sleeve when it came to my family. I fiercely loved and protected them. It was time for them to stand on their own and allow me to do the same.

  My life went on, and it was spent loving Sara and tending to my bar. I never stopped walking through the city I loved, along the sidewalks and among the businesses that people like mama and papa worked so hard to build. My past would forever be bound to these streets, where I fought, survived, and finally broke free from.

  As I got closer to my bar from one of those walks, I could hear the cheers of excitement coming from the inside. Denver was winning, and my place was packed with happy customers. I waved to Tommy, who was behind the bar, chatting it up with the customers. I took a glance through the window of the kitchen and saw Sara busy at work, smiling doing what she loved most. Of course, she always sensed when I was near and looked up to wink at me. I made my way up the stairs to my home, but not before looking down to the crowd below.

  My life was far from being finished, but my past was. I would continue to live in the now, and never look back to the man I once was.

  Not every story has the perfect ending. Right here, right now, if this was mine, then my happily ever after was more than I ever dreamed possible.

  Zoey never asked me about what happened on that fateful day with LaRocha. I would never keep anything from her, but I also needed time to process all that had happened, especially after I watched the news and confirmed what I knew he would do in the end.

  The same gun he retrieved from his desk was the one he used to end his life. He went out quietly with no note left behind. He put that gun to the base of his neck and blew a hole right through his body. He instantly died in his own pool of blood. He was found by his son, Paolo, who would never know the truth to why I was there on the last day of his father’s life.

  Maybe they knew? I would never know because I never saw or spoke to any one of the LaRocha men since her funeral. They went about their lives, as I did with mine. I thought I would be forever connected with them because of Minela and the love we had for her, but no.

  She would want me to be free, to find happiness once again, and to love again. As it pained me to do so, I left my heart in that house along with everything I had ever felt for his daughter.

  Before leaving Boston, I did make my first and only trip to her grave. I hadn’t been there since she was laid to rest. I cursed at myself when I had forgotten where she was in the cemetery. I needed to ask where she was, so I could pay my respects. I felt ashamed for not remembering.

  When I finally found her resting place throughout rows and rows of memorials, I knelt down to the snow-covered ground and spent a few minutes with the girl I once dreamed of sharing my life with. I was not alone, though. Zoey was there with me. I needed her more than my next breath. She gave me the time I needed, but also gave me comfort in knowing that she was close and I wasn’t alone…not anymore.

  I brushed off the snow that was covering her name with my glove. Running my fingers over the inscription made me feel chills throughout my body, and it wasn’t from the cold. Would she hate me for what I did to her father? I wasn’t sure if I would ever be ready for that answer, so I prayed for peace…peace in knowing that this nightmare was truly over, and I could get on with my life. Parts of my past would never be forgotten. It was impossible to ever think otherwise, because that would mean that she, and the love I felt for her, never existed.

  Knowing Zoey could probably hear my words, I recited them in silence for only Minela to hear:

  “I love you, beautiful girl. You showed me what it is to love and to feel how it is when you are loved back. Our time together was short, but it was a time that was magical. I would give anything to have you here with me, but we both know that’s not how it is written in our story. Please don’t hate me for what I’ve done. If angels do have the power to watch from up above, then you know I had no other choice. I’ll never be sorry for it, but only sorry for you. Rest in peace, Minela.”

  As I rose to my feet, Zoey was there to hold me. I cupped her face and kissed her lips.

  “Let’s go home. I love you.”

  “Lead the way, my love.”

  No one in my family was surprised about the announcement I made about my plans to marry Zoey. The Paulson’s, in their amazing way, welcomed Zoey into our family with open arms, and plenty of bone crushing hugs followed.

  As for Simon and Nicolette
, they had survived once again a potential threat to their happiness. After my confrontation with Jack, I received an anonymous package. The unmarked envelope was stuffed with pictures and an outline of intent meant for Nicolette, planned out from Michael St. Clair once he was to be released on parole. I was sickened by what I saw and felt relief knowing he was dead and could no longer hurt her. I knew who had sent the envelope to me and his reasoning behind it. Guilt comes in many shapes and sizes, and he was trying to justify the choices he made…choices that brought Marino into my life, forcing me to come to terms with Minela’s murder.

  His truth ripped me open, and I would need thousands of stitches to put me back together again. I hated Jack Vanelle on sight, and I hated the world he came from. I had already closed one door to my past with Chief LaRocha; I would not go down this road again with Jack. When our paths crossed, I swore to uphold the law to the best of my ability and to bring to justice those who threatened to break what I vowed to protect. He had a criminal past, tied to one of the most powerful mafia families in Chicago. For all the time I had known him, he was just Nicolette’s Uncle Jack and a bar owner. I soon learned the realities of the real Jack Vanelle, and one I wish to never speak of again.

  I was taking the procedural measures of leaving the FBI, and I had a choice to make. I could hand over what landed in my hands, or destroy it like before with LaRocha. St. Clair was dead and the investigation had been closed. Nicolette deserved to be happy and live a wonderful blessed life with Simon.

  After we celebrated Zoey’s welcoming into our family, I was left on my own with Simon. We walked along the same beach we reunited on months ago when I first arrived in California. I promised him that I would always protect him and Nicolette. No one would ever hurt them again, especially me. The first time was hard enough for me to hear his words. I could never go through that again with him. He meant too much to me.

  I asked his advice first and gave him the time to answer me. He knew it was like opening Pandora’s Box, and once he made the decision of looking inside, he would always have the knowledge of the secrets that I was holding in my hand. He reached out his hand, and I knew he needed this to move forward. He looked at everything the file contained. I watched him take in several deep breaths, probably to calm himself down from what he was feeling. He then simply said to me, “Destroy it, and let’s never speak of this again.” We never did.