Destroyed and Detained

by Danelle Helget

  “Why?” I was dumbfounded.

  “Well, because Caesar takes his LARPing seriously.”

  “Huh?” Miss Kitty said. She was usually so well-spoken that it was a funny sound coming from her.

  “Caesar’s the man I met. Captain Caesar Wayde. He’s the pirate. The ship belongs to him and his crew.”

  “His crew? How many are we talking?” I asked.

  “There are three of us.”

  “So this is your ship?” Tannya asked.

  We were all staring at her, hanging on her every word, when my phone rang. I gave her the wait-a-minute finger and answered the phone. Derek.

  “Hello.”

  “Hey, I’m on my way up. I have to work this weekend so I have Tuesday and Wednesday off.”

  “Great. I’ll see you in a bit.”

  “Is the ship still there?”

  “Yup.”

  “Know anything about it yet?”

  “I’m just getting some details on that now,” I told him. “I’ll tell you all about it when you get here.”

  “Great, I can’t wait to hear this!” he said and disconnected.

  I hung up. “Continue!” I demanded.

  Val looked towards the kitchen, “Ya’ll might want a drink or two first.”

  I, for one, totally agreed and got up to mix them. I blended four margaritas faster than I ever had in my life, carried them to the table and slid back in to my chair.

  “Go on,” I said and took a long sip.

  Val continued. “So I got to know him pretty well. He’s a nice guy, strange maybe, but really nice. I really like him.” She smiled at me and I smiled back and took another long sip.

  “Captain Caesar’s mother died three years ago. He’d lived with her for two years before that. He’s divorced and recently lost his job. He had a lot of time on his hands. After his mother passed, he inherited the lake house and some money. The house is paid for, and he has enough money to live off for the rest of his life. He also had spent lot of time on the Internet and came across a thing called LARPing.”

  “Larping?” Miss Kitty asked. We all had confused looks on our face. Phew, I was glad I wasn’t the only one at the table who had never heard of it.

  “Yes, it’s an acronym. It stands for Live Action Role-Playing.”

  Tannya rolled her eyes for me.

  “It seemed kind of strange to me too at first, but then I kind of got into it, and now I kind of like it.” She smiled an unsure grin.

  I just stared at her. “So what the hell?” I said. I was so confused I couldn’t even come up with a question for her.

  “There’s this whole society out there that does this. Some are pirate LARPs, others are ninjas. There’s medieval … there’s really … well, tons of themes.”

  “Oh, so like at the Renaissance Festival in the Cities. The whole place is themed, and the staff are dressed up and stay in character the whole time,” Miss Kitty said.

  “Yes, except way more organized. There are different levels to which one can be involved. Captain Caesar is very involved and operating at a very high level.

  Obviously.

  “So what’s the point?” I asked.

  “Well in this LARP, we built a ship to go out and sink our treasure into the deep blue sea.” Val looked at us and we all picked up our glasses and drank from them. She continued on. “There’s another crew and they have declared war on us. They have seen our treasure and are coming after it in three days. So we were preparing to launch and readying our treasure, at least we were until I got arrested.”

  She paused. She seemed ashamed to go on. “Sara, I really got into this, and now I’m fully involved and possibly in love with a pirate, and I really don’t want to lose our treasure.”

  “So someone’s really coming to take it? For real?” I wanted to know.

  “Yes, and if they do, then they’ll have the biggest treasure. We can’t let that happen. We’ll automatically slip a level and no longer be in the lead. Right now Poseidon’s Zebra Mussel is the biggest ship on LARP record. And by last week’s count, it’ll soon hold the biggest gold treasure on record. If they take our treasure and add it to theirs, which is just trailing ours, it’ll be years before we’d catch up again.”

  She was really worried about this. I squished my eyebrows together.

  “I know it sounds crazy, but this is the most fun I’ve had in a long time, Sara!”

  I looked around, and Miss Kitty and Tannya were looking sympathetic. I was feeling it, too. This was obviously very important to her. I just could NOT wrap my mind around it. It seemed really silly.

  “And these are all adults? How did they know about this? Who’s in charge?” I had so many questions I didn’t know what to ask first.

  “You have to be twenty-one in this one, but different LARPs have different ages, rules, and themes. They find each other on the Internet. There’s tons of information on it out there. They are all over the world.”

  “This is awesome!” Tannya yelled, and shot her fist in the air. We all snapped our heads towards her. “Come on, this is huge. We have a frickin’ pirate ship right outside this door and people who think they’re pirates are on it.” She laughed and slammed her drink. “Where do I sign up?”

  Val smiled at her. “You’re more than welcome to join us, Tannya! All of you can. The more the merrier!”

  “No. NO! We are not becoming pirates and LARPING!” I shot Tannya a look. Miss Kitty just shrugged.

  “We’re not pirates all the time. We ‘game off’ once in a while,” Val informed us. “Like the other night Captain Caesar, I mean Wayde, that’s his real name, Wayde Johnson, took me out for a nice dinner. We took his car, and he dressed up nice—not pirate nice—and didn’t talk in pirate the whole time. I really like him!”

  “So, you talk in pirate too?” Miss Kitty asked.

  “Yes.”

  “So do it. Talk in pirate to us.”

  “Ye asking too many questions fer me. I be makin’ believers out of yous yet,” Val said freakishly. It was too easy for her. She sounded good. Too good.

  I got up and grabbed the pitcher and made another round. I needed it.

  When I turned the blender off, Tannya asked again, “So how did you get arrested?”

  “Yes, how?” I repeated with an annoyed tone.

  5

  Well, that’s the part that’s a little above and beyond what most LARPs allow. Ya see, Captain Caesar and his arch enemy, Captain Morgan, have upped the ante. They decided all treasure must be stolen goods, and must be painted gold.”

  “Ha! Ha! Ha!” Tannya belted out a laugh. “Sorry. It’s funny!” she said and quieted back down.

  “So you stole from someone?” Miss Kitty asked as she played with the diamond bracelet on her wrist.

  “No, well … not exactly. It’s hard to get treasure if it has to be stolen, and Caesar and I are good people and so is his first mate, Willy. So we had to get creative. We steal things that people don’t really want, or know they want … it’s tricky.”

  “Explain,” I said thinking about the money I’d just put up for her bail.

  “I got arrested because of the suitcase I had in my car when I got pulled over for speeding. Rex pulled me over on my way back from Brainerd, and when he ran the plates apparently the airport had reported my license plate as suspicious. Ya see, I took a suitcase from the airport and someone must have seen me and reported it.”

  “You steal people’s luggage?” I scolded.

  “No, it’s more like stalk people’s luggage, well, lost luggage. I go to baggage claim and look for the few suitcases that are always back against the wall. And then I check the flight times, if the case is by a carousel that had arrived at least two hours ago, then I take one and bring it home. I mean, come on, even if someone goes for a bite to eat after their plane arrives, they’d have picked up their bags in two hours, if they really wanted them.”

  “Oh, so it’s the lost luggage you steal?” Tannya said,
okaying her.

  “It all gets donated anyway,” Val said defending her actions.

  “Still, it’s wrong,” I said.

  “Yes, it is, but people can claim insurance on it, and I always take the most expensive-looking bag. You know if they can afford that suitcase they can easily replace what’s inside. And if it were really important to them they would have went to baggage claim right away.”

  “So, then what?” Miss Kitty asked.

  “So, then I take it home and unload it in the yard and spray paint everything gold, except fabric stuff—that I dye gold with Rit in the washing machine.”

  “HAAAA!” Tannya let out another snort of laughter. “Even the good stuff, like cameras and iPods?”

  “Oh, yes, all of it! We don’t keep anything. It all goes in to the treasure.”

  “So how often do you do this?” I asked.

  “A couple times a week. I can’t go too often. I don’t want any staff to recognize me, although I do wear wigs and stuff to disguise myself.”

  “Wow, I can’t believe this,” I said.

  “Please don’t think badly of me. There’re not many ways to steal stuff without hurting someone, and we don’t want anyone to be sad that we’re doing this.”

  “So, is this the only way you build your treasure?” Tannya asked her.

  “No, we also sneak into the Goodwill loading dock and wheel out a big cart when no one’s looking. We have an extra, so when one is full, we wait until there are no employees or cars around and wheel out the full cart and replace it with the empty one. Then we bring it home, empty it and bring it back for the next time.

  “Wow,” Miss Kitty said.

  “So how long has this been going on?” I asked.

  “LARPing, or our team?”

  “Both, I guess.”

  “Well, LARPing’s been around a long time. It goes way back, but since the popularity of the Internet and social networks has grown rapidly over the last ten years, it’s taking on a much bigger audience. Anyone can start a group or join an already existing group at any time.”

  “Really? So I could just sign up and join? Does it cost money?” Tannya asked as she leaned forward with excitement.

  I shot a look at her. The look in her eyes scared me. This was not good. I could totally see her signing up.

  “My group,” Val continued, “is free and was started about four years ago. We have a small group right now, but we hope to grow bigger. We have some more intense rules and push the lines of legality. We are selective of who we let in because, for one, they could turn us in to the cops for stealing, and two, they could be a spy for Captain Morgan.”

  Val looked at me again and sympathetically added, “I joined a few months ago, while staying here. As I said, I started going for a run—”

  “Walk!” I corrected.

  Val smiled and agreed, “Walk, every day and ended up spending more and more time over there. I was really having fun and wished I could be part of this big plan, and that’s when Captain Caesar invited me in.”

  “And you said yes?” Miss Kitty asked.

  “I thought about it. I had nothing else planned. He lets me live with him in return for helping build the ship and the track, and for collecting treasure. We need to get all the treasure onto the ship and then we’re going to sink the treasure so it’ll stay hidden from other pirates who may try to steal it. We’ve already received threats.”

  “So, are you and Caesar dating?” Tannya wanted to know.

  “No, we aren’t really there yet. I have my own room, and we haven’t been intimate or anything … yet. I really like him, but he’s very focused on the ship project. During game off hours he’s usually really tired. We’ve only been out a couple of times on game off time.”

  Miss Kitty made a grunting noise, “Game off time?”

  “That’s what it’s called when you’re not in character. As soon as Caesar’s dressed and ready in the morning, it’s game on. It stays that way for most of the day. Basically he dresses like a pirate, walks like a pirate, talks like a pirate and behaves as a pirate would until the costume comes off at night, unless he or anyone else says ‘game off.’”

  “What happens when someone says ‘game off’?” Miss Kitty chimed in, with sass in her voice.

  “The game is paused, and people can talk in regular voices and act normally. It’s usually for an emergency or something really important, like a cell phone call from your boss, or a medical emergency—things of that sort,” Val told us.

  I let out a quick exhale. I was completely flabbergasted. People actually do this! There’s a fucking ship on my lake! I slammed the rest of my drink and stood up. Miss Kitty and Tannya held up their empty glasses to me. They needed more too, I guess. I looked to Aunt Val. Her glass was still full. She took a sip while looking at me over the top of her glass with her eyebrows up.

  No one said a word as I mixed the third pitcher. I looked at the clock while I waited for the blender. It was after five already.

  “So, is the boat going to stay out there?” Tannya asked.

  “Yes, for a while.”

  “Is that legal?” I asked.

  “As far as we could tell Minnesota doesn’t have any rules as to boat sizes on lakes as long as they’re licensed. It’s over forty feet in length so it cost ninety dollars. The stickers are on it. It’s just hard to see from here. If we’re breaking any laws, they weren’t posted on the internet under Minnesota Water Restrictions. The lawyer we asked said he thought even if we were charged, he could get the charges dropped pretty easily.”

  “It’s still crazy!” Miss Kitty said. “Can you get us a tour?”

  Aunt Val looked quizzically at her. “I’m not sure. Wayde is nice when he’s game off, but he’s all business when it’s game on. I’m not sure how he’d feel about civilians on board the pirate ship for a tour.”

  “So his real name is Wayde?” Miss Kitty asked. “Waaay dah?” she said again with wrinkled brows.

  We all turned to her. Tannya caught her laugh in her throat. I shook my head slightly.

  Aunt Val tipped her head and put her hand on her hip. “Yes, Wayde Johnson. Miss Kitty, is it? And just how did you get that name?” she snapped.

  “That’s really no business of yours. It’s a nickname anyway. And I like it better than my real name. I was named after my grandmother and it’s not flattering in any way to me, so I dropped it,” she responded defensively.

  BOOM!

  We all jumped, and the house literally shook. Aunt Val knocked her glass over, which was almost empty anyway. We all turned toward the lake, where the sound came from. Tannya ran over and opened the patio door, and we all rushed out.

  “What the hell was that?” I asked.

  There was smoke coming from the back side of the ship. “Captain must be trying out the cannon,” Val said with an amused, approving smile.

  “Holy cow! You guys have a cannon, too? I seriously want in!” Tannya exclaimed. “I love this! I tell you, those pirate movies that Disney made with Johnny Depp are some of my favorites. He’s so sexy as a pirate. I tell you if I ever saw him in real life dressed as a pirate, his body guards better be on high alert. I’d jump him right then and there!”

  Miss Kitty and Val laughed. I could totally see that. I had to admit, Johnny did a great job in those movies.

  “Well, then I’ll have to introduce you to captain’s first mate, Willy. He truly looks a lot like Johnny, just younger. He’s twenty-six years old and built with solid muscles, and looks great in a pirate bandana and two-day-old beard,” Val told her. “He lives in the area, too.”

  “Yes! Yes, you’ll have to introduce us! The sooner the better!” Tannya’s eyes lit up.

  There was some movement on the ship, and we could see the two men on the deck looking over the other side. They didn’t seem to notice us. I ran back in and grabbed my binoculars, and hurried back out. I could see the men better, but I couldn’t really tell what they looked like. One was defin
itely older than the other, and the younger one looked strong and lean, but that was about all I could tell.

  A dog was barking, and it took me a second to realize it was Pepper. He was standing at the door. I shook my finger at him, and he quieted down and sat. We pulled up the patio chairs and sat around the outside table.

  “Do they know you’re over here?” I asked Val.

  “No. I told Wayde if I ever got arrested I’d figure things out and not give up any information on him or his LARP. He probably thinks that I’m still on my way home from the airport. I’ll leave in a few minutes and walk home.”

  “Home?” I asked.

  “For now!” Val said with a smile. She never stayed anywhere too long, so I wondered how she really felt about this guy. She was very defensive about his name so she must have cared. And stealing unclaimed luggage for him was probably a good sign of a serious relationship. My father would be happy she’d finally settled down, although I don’t think he’ll like the idea that the guy’s a pirate.

  We were sitting there discussing where one would get a cannon, cannonballs, and cannon fuses, when I heard a BANG! BANG! on the glass door behind me.

  Startled, we all looked. Pepper was sitting in the same spot, with the plastic blender pitcher in his mouth. He was biting on the handle and shaking his head to bang it on the door. BANG! BANG!.

  “Looks like the dog wants a margarita, too!” Aunt Val said.

  “What the … how’d … he get …”

  Tannya was laughing so hard she was bent over in her chair, and Miss Kitty wanted to know where Smoochy Poo was. She got up and went in to check on her. We all followed her in.

  “Well, I’m going to head over to Wayde’s and settle in for the night,” Val told us. She reached out to hug me. I hugged her back and offered her a ride, but she said she wanted the exercise. I told her to stay close to her phone and keep me posted.