The Entropy Sessions

by Novo Dé

  I close my eyes again and take in another deep breath.

  Upon opening, I find myself back on my couch, looking down to see a large blade to my side, now with my fingers, hands, and forearms drenched in blood, all from what looks like a freshly made wound from my abdomen. I press in firmly and the red begins to travel up even higher.

  Pain everywhere now – the sensation paralyzing.

  And my breaths become quick and shallow. Quick and shallow. Quick and shallow.

  Panic sets in as I feel myself fading.

  And just as the pain begins to reach its apex, the oceans, the tsunamis, turn to a wave of ecstasy, and the pain, turns to pleasure. A kind of pleasure that knows no bounds in fact and my breaths become deep again, and my eyes heavy.

  But as I close the lids tight, I feel frightened.

  Upon opening once more, I find myself back on the chair, but no noose to be found, only a gun in my peripherals, held by my own hand no less.

  But I have no control over it.

  All I have is feeling. That’s it. And now it’s pulling back on the hammer, squeezing the trigger slowly.

  I hold my breath again and close my eyes for the end.

  But all I hear is the click of an empty gun, followed by a sigh of relief.

  I open my eyes slowly, afraid of what new nightmares lie ahead, but I find myself back where I started, standing on the chair again, staring at the nothingness of the wall, the noose tight around my neck.

  The no-names are allowing me…to be me for a moment.

  But why? Why are they doing this? Showing me these things? These other worlds? What happened to the paradise it use to show me? My vacations from reality? The fantasies?

  I’m afraid of what comes next, how this will end, how I’ll end.

  So I try to distract myself from myself like I always do and find something to focus on. Usually, Juliet finds her way into my mind at this point, but not today, not this time.

  This time, I can only think of one thing.

  The dragon. My dragon.

  It floods every inch of my mind in fact, quickly becoming the only thing I can think of. Why my mind goes there I do not know.

  Why the dragon? Why now?

  I can see its face in my mind’s eye: the thing terrifying, but beautiful, menacing and intimidating in size and scope but grand, majestic even. I can see it so clearly.

  I can see everything: its past, present, and future.

  And as I stare deeper and deeper into its eyes, I find myself lost, staring into oblivion, the abyss.

  And in that moment, his actions make sense to me and I understand him.

  And I smile, and then think about a thought from a world of old, but at the same time, of new.

  That damn dragon, I begin to think.

  That damn, damn dragon. That d…

  The Entropy Sessions

  A Novo Dé Novel

  Footer Note Reference

  1. Hunter S Thompson was an American journalist, author, and the founder of gonzo journalism

  2. Post traumatic stress disorder or PTSD

  3. Rapid Eye Movement or REM - a unique phase of sleep, characterized by random/rapid movement of the eyes, and the propensity of the sleeper to dream vividly.

  4. Artifical Intelligence or A.I.

  5. Drug Enforcement Administration or DEA

  6. Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act or HIPAA