The Forever Crew

by Stunich, C. M.

“Impossible,” I say, exhaling and glancing over at him. I'm starting to learn that just because people make mistakes, it doesn't make them disposable. Even if the mistakes are big. If there's love there, and you care enough about another person, you work through it and you both become better people. I don't mean keeping toxic or abusive people in your life, but … Micah is human. Whatever he did to Tobias, he's a good person now, and that's what matters. Our past isn't an anchor that keeps us tied to a shipwreck beneath the sea; it's the sail that we can collect wind in so that we can soar.

  “You know that during freshman year, Tobias and I went to a private academy in Santa Cruz, right?” I raise my eyebrows as Micah stops and turns toward me, the wind teasing the loose strands of his red-orange hair around his face. We've paused on the decking that overlooks the koi pond. Micah steps forward and crosses his arms on the railing, leaning over and looking across the property.

  “Actually, I didn't,” I say, coming up to stand beside him and leaning my butt against the railing. He smiles, but the expression is tight, and I get the idea that this memory hurts him as much as it does Tobias.

  “Well, we did. And while we were there, we met a girl named Amber Muse.” He smiles a bit more, but it's a sad expression that doesn't quite reach his eyes. “She lived with her mom in a shitty trailer on her grandfather's property.” He pauses and looks my way with a small quirk teasing the edge of his mouth. “Anyway, Tobias and I were both really into her, but, uh …” He trails off again and sighs, leaning forward and putting his forehead against his forearms. “As usual, she preferred Tobias over me.”

  One of my brows goes up, and I lean down, trying to get at eye level with Micah McCarthy.

  “What do you mean, as usual?” I ask, and then one of the koi fish slaps its tail on the surface of the water and splashes the tops of my feet, making me squeal. Micah grins and chuckles as he lifts his head up.

  “It's been like this forever,” he says, shrugging his shoulders like he doesn't care. I can tell that he does. “Our parents, our friends, girls. What do you do when there are two twins? You pick one. Tobias has always been the nicer of the two of us, the more relatable.” He lifts a brow and then glances my way. “Even you were attracted to him first.”

  I open my mouth to argue but then snap it shut. Micah's right. Tobias has a gentler demeanor, but I have to admit, there's something about Micah's sharp edges that I like. I don't prefer his twin over him. Hell, I don't prefer any of the Adamson Student Council boys over the others, and I have a feeling that by the end of the year, that could be a problem.

  “Anyway, Tobias and Amber started dating, and I admit, I was jealous. I …” He sighs and stands up the rest of the way, putting his palms on the railing and looking past the koi pond toward the gate. There's a cop car without its sirens on, followed by a plain black SUV, and they're both pulling onto the property.

  Micah and I exchange a look, but it doesn't take a genius to figure out what they're doing here.

  “You were jealous,” I repeat, looking him over and seeing this vulnerable side to him that I never expected. “And then what?” Micah's green eyes slide over to the uniformed police officers and detectives climbing out of their cars before flicking back to me.

  “Amber's mom went into rehab,” he says, and my heart clenches, thinking of my own mother and her struggles with addiction and rehab. “And neither of us could stand the thought of her living alone in that crappy trailer by herself. We invited her to live with us—our parents barely cared since they're never around.” Micah gives a self-deprecating sort of smile, and I feel like I can see his layers peeling away to reveal the real McCarthy boy underneath. “That room, the one with the ocean view and the balcony, we moved out of it and gave it to her.”

  Micah pushes away from the railing as the petals come loose from one of the trees. I lift my hand up and catch some, like pink snow on the surface of my palm. The petals are soft and delicate; I think they're cherry blossoms.

  “She lived there for three months before …” Micah stops and bites at his lower lip for a moment, reaching out to pluck a petal from my hair. “Tobias was gone one night, at some MMA thing that I bowed out of. I told him I was sick, but I lied; I just didn’t want to see him with Amber. I had no idea she was staying home that night, too.”

  “So, you were alone with her?” I clarify, and he nods, reaching up to run his hand down his face.

  “I stole some of my dad’s stupid craft beers, and lit some candles, and we just hung out and talked all night. Just before Tobias got home, we …” Micah shrugs his shoulders again, and I feel the dark snake of jealousy rear its ugly head inside of me. “That was my first time,” he admits, biting his lower lip and looking me over like he's waiting to see a particular emotion. I must surprise him a bit because his brows go up. “Anyway, we kept our affair ongoing for a while. Almost two months. One day, Tobias walked in on us and everything fell apart.”

  “How do you mean?” I ask, imagining the pain from both sides. What Micah did was wrong, but I can see the progression, how he got there. I don't think he ever meant to hurt his twin.

  “Tobias went on a fucking bender. He was drinking and smoking; he totaled three cars.”

  My brows shoot up, and my lips part in shock. I can't imagine Tobias McCarthy doing any of those things. I mean, he smokes a little pot, drinks socially, but … not like that. “Our parents didn't like what was happening between us, so they shipped us off to Adamson. Our dad went there as a kid, so it made sense.”

  Micah sighs again and the smile slips from his face.

  “What happened to Amber?” I’m almost afraid to ask, but at this point, I have to know how the story ends.

  “School shooting,” he whispers, closing his eyes for a moment. Fuck. I don’t need to ask any other questions about that. Growing up, we’ve all gotten used to fearing for our lives when we go to school. It’s a sad, sick part of life as a member of Gen Z. “Her mother moved to Santa Clarita just after we left for Connecticut, and Amber only ended up doing half a semester there before it happened.” Micah’s eyes water, and I remember how he wept when he thought first Tobias, then Ranger, and then Spencer were dead. He really does have big feelings. “I think in some small way, Tobias blames me for her death. Like, if I hadn’t slept with her, and we hadn’t left for Adamson, maybe she wouldn’t have moved with her mom after rehab.”

  “You can’t know that,” I whisper, feeling my own eyes water. “But it’s understandable to wonder what-if. You just can't let it destroy you. We make choices every day that don’t seem important. Usually, they’re not. But every once in a while, something big happens. It’s impossible to predict; you’ll drive yourself crazy if you try.”

  The corner of Micah’s lip twitches, but there’s too much sadness weighing down his expression for him to smile.

  “When did you get so wise and shit, Chuck the Micropenis?”

  “When did you get so melancholy?” I retort, stepping forward and putting my arms around him again. He stiffens up slightly, but after a moment, his hand falls to my back and he relaxes a little. I’m pretty sure he expected me to judge him, to hate him, to blame him. But I don’t feel any of those things. The only thing I feel is empathy for him, and sadness for Amber. The little spark of jealousy is gone.

  “We hide it well, huh?” Micah asks as I breathe in his cherry and vetiver scent. I like how he says we, even though I’m only talking to him. “Are you sure you don’t want to dump my ass and just date Tobias? I’d understand if you did.”

  I snort and bury my face in his robe.

  “You’re being stupid right now,” I murmur, watching the cherry blossom petals skirt around in the breeze. Lifting my head, I glance up at him and find his green eyes on mine. “You guys share girls now, remember?” This time, it’s his turn to snort back at me. “Well, not girls. Girl. Singular. One. Just me, Chuck the Micropenis.” Micah finally smiles as I take a step back. There doesn’t seem to be anyone around, but if they
overhear me refer to myself as a girl then so what. Screw them. This secret is getting old anyway.

  “Do you know why we decided to share girls?” he asks. “Because we didn’t want anyone or anything to come between us ever again. And yet, here we are. Me, fucking up and ruining everything yet again.” Micah pauses and lifts his gaze up to look over my shoulder. When I glance back, I see Tobias standing there, watching us with narrowed eyes.

  “What did he tell you?” he demands, coming over to stand on my other side, arms crossed over his chest. His eyes are dark with old anger, turning them hunter green in the sunlight. I don’t think it was truly the fact that Micah brought candles to woo me that pissed him off; it was their past coming back to haunt them both.

  “That he fucked up, he loves you, and he’s sorry,” I say, and Micah groans from behind me.

  “Not verbatim,” he mumbles, but I can already see Tobias softening slightly toward his twin. The way he looks at me, I can tell he’s searching for the same thing that Micah was. But whatever anger or hate or pain he thought he might see, there’s none of that. If I can forgive Monica for what she did, then I can certainly accept Micah, despite his prior mistakes.

  “He admitted that he messed up, and he said if I wanted to date just you, he’d understand.” I test the waters to see Tobias’ reaction, and he frowns.

  “No.” Just that one word as he lifts his face up to glare at his brother. “That is not an option. You’re not getting out of this so easily. Apologize and admit you screwed up, and maybe I can apologize, too, and admit that I overreacted.”

  I flick my gaze between the two of them and then carefully and quietly try to back away to give them some space. Instead, they both flash matching grins at me.

  “Oh, no you don’t, Chuck Carson,” they say, grabbing me by the arms and dragging me forward. I end up with a kiss on both cheeks and matching feral grins. “You’re not getting away that easily.”

  They drag me by the arms over to a utility closet on the far side of the courtyard, toss me inside, and then close the door. I get a mad sense of déjà vu from that day in the Jaw Flapper when they first discovered my secret. The pair of them standing over me, resting their forearms on the wall behind my head.

  “Are you guys okay?” I ask skeptically, and Tobias pauses, glancing over at his brother. There's a bit of tension between them, but it fizzles out pretty quick.

  “Losing Amber was awful. Thinking Spencer was dead just about killed me. Life is too short, too weird, and too shitty to stay pissed at my brother for wanting to woo our girlfriend.” Tobias puts his forehead against mine and closes his eyes. It's too cute a move and statement for me to resist biting my lower lip in a flirtatious sort of way. “Where are those candles, by the way?” There's a bit of a teasing note in Tobias' voice when he says that, making me think he already knows. He cracks his green eyes and grins, a glitter of mischief in his gaze.

  “Funny you should ask,” Micah begins, taking his arm off the wall and pulling the lighter from his pocket. He flicks the wheel and proceeds to move around the room, lighting a dozen red candles placed in various locales: on top of an old wheelbarrow, on a rusty metal shelf, on the head of a weird concrete statue that looks a bit like a gremlin. “What a coincidence, don't you think, Chuck?”

  “I think there's a murderer on campus,” I grumble, but the set-up is cute anyway.

  “Exactly,” Tobias says, pushing up off the wall and standing in front of me in a black and red yukata. “Like I said, life is short.” He moves over to a futon on the floor in the corner and flops down on it, grabbing a bottle of saké, and a plate of rice balls that are perched on a small red table next to it. “So let's not waste any of it, shall we?”

  With a grin, I bounce over and join the twins, grabbing a rice ball in two hands and biting into it. It's wrapped in seaweed and stuffed with salted plums. Yeah, I was skeptical, too, when I first heard about it, but I have to admit: this shit is next level.

  “My dad caught me and Micah coming out of the bathroom this morning,” I say with a small grimace, swigging some of the saké with my right hand. Meanwhile, Micah is downing some plum wine and snacking on edamame that they must've stolen from the dining room. “Pretty sure he thinks we were …” I trail off and make that cringe-y face that Monica always teases me about, the one she bought me an emoji umbrella for.

  “Were you?” Tobias asks casually, looking down at the rice ball—it's called onigiri in Japan, y’all—and studying it a little more intensely than one might normally look at their food. “Fucking, I mean.”

  I choke on my food as Micah smiles softly.

  “We weren't, but we almost, sort of did,” he starts, exhaling. “Is that a problem?”

  Tobias lifts his head up and shakes it slowly.

  “No. Not a problem. I think … we both need to be okay with spending time with Charlotte alone.” He glances my way, swimming in my oversized robe, my glasses sliding down my nose, my hair all mussed up, and the tip of a new rice ball tucked between my lips. I just stare back at him, and I'm not sure what to say to that.

  “You said you two shared. How many girls have you shared, exactly?” The twins exchange a look and then shrug in unison.

  “Not many,” they reply, and then they both cringe at the same time.

  “We've only, uh, ever shared one girl. As in, we've only ever slept with one girl at the same time … once.” Tobias looks sheepish as hell, swiping his hand over his red-orange hair. “We just decided that we'd share girls after the thing with Amber. We work better as a unit.”

  “Not better,” I say, dropping my hands and the onigiri into my lap. “You're great as a unit, but I like you both individually, too.” I pause for a moment, and then cock my head to one side, finally processing what they've been saying. “One girl. You mean … us, the Pirates of the Caribbean …”

  “Just that,” Micah murmurs, shoving a full rice ball in his mouth so he doesn't have to keep talking. He looks up at the ceiling as I cock a brow.

  “Your bad boy façade is starting to crumple like tissue paper,” I snort, flicking a bit of rice his way. It hits him right in the chest as he turns that sharp little face of his my way and grins, reaching up a thumb to swipe a bit of plum wine from the edge of his mouth after taking another swig.

  “Bad boy façade? No way, I never pretended to be a bad boy.” Micah grabs the rice ball from my hand and sets it back on the tray, reaching down to undo the belt at his waist.

  “The matching yellow Lambos? The drag racing? Running over my ex-boyfriend with your car? The tattoos? Stealing the staff's keys? Fighting in illegal MMA fights?”

  “Whoa, whoa, whoa, first of all, it was Tobias that ran that cum stain Cody over with his car. Second … uh, second …” Micah flicks his belt aside and then reaches up to rub at his chin, eyes flashing with amusement. “Yeah, okay, fine, the bad boy label was fair.”

  “We share girls,” I tease, dropping my voice to this comical boom that sounds nothing at all like the twins. “What you meant was that in reality, you'd each only ever slept with one girl and not at the same time anyhow. I've pretty much ruined you both, corrupted you and all that. You'll never look at Disneyland the same way again.”

  “We corrupted you,” they respond together, and then Micah pushes his robe over his shoulders and reveals that long, lean, chiseled body of his. He's completely and utterly nude underneath it all. My breath catches as he fishes out a handful of condoms from the pocket of his robe and drops them in front of me, ignoring my flaming cheeks.

  “And speaking of corruption,” Tobias continues, casually slouching with a smirk on his face, one elbow on his knee, his bare, muscular calves showing from beneath his robe. “If you're going to claim that title, don't you think we should do it more than just once?”

  “It was a good just once!” I blurt, cheeks flushing as Tobias reaches up with one hand to work on the belt of his own robe. Meanwhile, my eyes slide over to Micah and find his cock, already hard
and impossible to miss in the flickering candlelight.

  Tobias stands up, tossing his own belt aside, and then moves around the room, blowing out every candle save one. The room falls into a soft darkness, the flickering flame casting more shadows than it dispels.

  He drops down beside me, his robe fluttering around him in a pool of cotton fabric. One elbow rests on his knee, his beautiful face propped against his knuckles.

  “So, Chuck, what would you say to another kissing tutorial?”

  “I don't need anymore kissing tutorials,” I mumble as both twins chuckle, and my skin heats up, fingers fisting in the fabric of my own yukata. “I've done plenty of kissing since—”

  Tobias leans in, capturing my mouth before I can finish my protest. His tongue slides across my bottom lip, encouraging me to open up as I inhale with a sigh of pleasure, his sweet and tart cherry scent making my heart flutter.

  “Lesson one: less talking, more kissing,” he says, his mouth still pressed close up against mine.

  “Lesson two: learn to share,” Micah adds, crawling toward us and putting his right arm on my left side, tangled up with his brother's. He leans in close, skimming his lips across mine and then pressing them against the side of my jaw instead. “And lesson three is, kissing doesn't just have to happen on the mouth.”

  “I well remember where else kissing can happen,” I murmur weakly, remembering our little restroom break during that restaurant dinner with Mom. The twins kissed a whole lot of other spots on my body that didn't involve mouths or cheeks or even necks. Speaking of which … Tobias is kissing his way down the side of my throat, pressing his hot mouth to my shoulder as I sigh.

  Together, they reach up and untie the sash on my robe as a small moan escapes my lips. The flickering candlelight adds a sense of whimsy to the moment, making me forget for the briefest of instances where we are and what happened yesterday.

  “We don't always have to do it together,” I whisper, and they both laugh in unison.

  “We know,” they say. And then Micah adds, “we won't. But just for today.”