The Perfect Nanny

by Karen Clarke

  ‘Liv.’ It was Dom. ‘Can you come round, please?’ His voice was calmer than Sophy’s but I could hear a tremor. ‘We’ve called the police. It would be good if you could be here.’

  ‘OK. But I don’t know what Sophy’s talking about. Finn was in his cot—’

  ‘Just come round, Liv. Please. The police will need to talk to you.’

  I ended the call without a response, my heart galloping as I stared down at my phone. Somebody had taken Finn, and panic shot through me, as his little face came into my mind. My head spun. I should have made sure Sophy was out of bed. God, I’d left the patio doors open. Had the intruder come in that way? Was this my fault? Would the police think I took him? I closed my eyes, imagining how devastated Sophy must be feeling right now. Whatever she’d done to Ben, she didn’t deserve this.

  After calling Shari to say I wouldn’t be home straight away, insisting she ring me if Mum needed me, I climbed into my car and started the engine, my mind reeling.

  As I pulled out of the cemetery, the loud beep of a car horn made me jump, and I braked hard. The woman in the Fiat glared as she swerved round me, and I could feel tears rising, my hands trembling on the steering wheel. ‘Sorry,’ I mouthed.

  Once at Sophy’s I pulled up behind a silver Audi, noticing a couple of police cars parked along the road. I climbed out of my car, and headed up the path, preparing myself for more accusations.

  A slim woman in her forties, with sleek black hair pulled back in a ponytail and a heavy fringe resting above brown eyes, opened the door. ‘Liv Granger?’ she said, and I nodded. ‘I’m Detective Sergeant Jo Lane.’ She stepped aside. ‘Come in.’

  I followed her into the lounge, where Dom – head in his hands – and Sophy sat on the sofa. Sophy was twisting a tissue, tiny pieces falling from it like snow onto her creased trousers. A man in his fifties looked up from where he was sitting in an armchair.

  ‘What have you done with him, Liv?’ Sophy’s voice was weak, trembling, the anger she’d shown on the phone muted by grief. My eyes skittered around the scattered toys Finn and I had been playing with earlier, and a lump rose in my throat.

  ‘I haven’t done anything, Sophy, I promise.’ I moved towards her, but stopped, sensing her tense. ‘Finn was in his cot when I left. I’m so sorry—’

  ‘Not who you think she is.’ Her stare was cold.

  ‘What?’

  ‘That’s what he said about you, Liv.’

  ‘Who?’

  ‘He said I should be careful. That you are messed up.’

  ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about—’

  ‘Sophy had a phone call just before I got home,’ Dom said, looking up at me.

  ‘He said he knew me from university.’ Sophy’s eyes were fixed on mine, and my whole body stiffened. Words wouldn’t form. Ryan?

  The man moved forward in his chair, and the DS sat down. I felt on show in the middle of the room, my arms folded, being weighed up by curious eyes.

  ‘I’m Detective Inspector John Barker,’ the man said. ‘I understand you were the last person to see Finn.’ His question was aimed at me.

  ‘Yes, but that was hours ago. What are you doing to find him?’

  ‘We’re searching the immediate area, Ms Granger – doing a house-to-house. Leave that to us. We just need to ask you a few questions.’

  I nodded, rubbing the back of my neck. ‘Fine. But I’m not sure what I can tell you. ‘I had to go in a hurry. My mum was taken into hospital. I woke Sophy, who’d been asleep for some time, and told her I had to go.’

  ‘And did anyone see you leave?’ the DI asked.

  ‘Yes, Sophy.’ I looked towards her, but her gaze didn’t meet mine.

  ‘Sophy saw you leave the house?’ He glanced her way, and back at me.

  ‘No, but she knew I was leaving.’

  ‘And what did you do during the time you’ve been away?’

  ‘I’ve been at the hospital with my mum. You can call her and check if you don’t believe me. Call the hospital too, if you like.’

  The officer nodded. ‘We will.’

  ‘If you ask me, you need to ask Dom about Alicia.’

  ‘Alicia?’ the DI looked at Dom.

  ‘She’s in Cornwall with her sister,’ Sophy cut in, her head down. ‘Dom called her. She hasn’t got Finn.’

  ‘We’ll need her details,’ the DI went on, and Dom nodded.

  ‘What about Elizabeth, have you spoken to her?’ I said.

  Dom shot me a look. ‘Mum? She’s in Berkshire. This has nothing to do with her.’

  ‘Are you sure about that?’ I looked at Sophy. ‘Have you told him about the note?’ I was aware I’d sent the note myself, but it couldn’t hurt to divert their attention from me. And, if I told the truth, I didn’t trust Elizabeth.

  ‘You told her about the note?’ Dom turned to the DI. ‘I never saw it,’ he said. ‘It apparently disappeared.’

  Sophy flashed me a frosty glare. ‘Someone put a note through the door.’ She wiped what was left of the tissue across her nose. ‘It said, Watch Elizabeth.’ She looked at Dom. ‘I know you don’t believe me, but it’s true.’

  ‘So, where did it go?’ Dom stared at us all in turn. ‘How could it just vanish?’

  ‘I don’t know.’ Sophy lowered her head. Twisted the tissue.

  Dom rubbed his face in disbelief.

  DS Lane looked up from jotting something down. ‘So, Elizabeth is your mother?’ she said to Dom. ‘We’ll need to speak with her.’

  ‘Of course, yes, but she has nothing to do with this. She’s been like a second mum to Finn. Helping Sophy. She wouldn’t … I mean why would she take Finn? She can see him whenever she likes. She loves him. She would never want to worry us like this.’

  The DI stared at Sophy. ‘What do you think?’

  Sophy shook her head, tears falling. ‘I don’t know anymore,’ she said in an almost whisper, rising from the sofa, still twisting the tissue. ‘But sitting here talking about it, isn’t going to bring my baby back.’

  I pulled up outside Mum’s house, desperate to head straight to my room. After being questioned by the police, practically accused by Sophy, and told I would need to give a statement, and the police would need to talk to me again, I felt drained and emotional. It had been such a long day.

  ‘Hello, love,’ Mum called out, when I opened the front door. Her voice came from the lounge, and sounded bright, and I was relieved.

  ‘Hi, Mum,’ I called back, as Shari appeared in the hallway, smiling, Sparky trotting beside her.

  ‘Your mum seems really well, considering her ordeal,’ she said, grabbing her jacket. ‘I didn’t want to leave her though, not until you got back.’

  ‘Thanks so much,’ I said.

  ‘You’re welcome.’ She poked her head round the lounge door, ‘I’m off now, Martha. See you tomorrow.’

  I made my way into the lounge. ‘How are you feeling?’ I asked Mum, as I tickled Sparky’s ears, and sat down beside her on the sofa.

  ‘I’m OK. Just got myself into a bit of a panic all round.’

  ‘It was my fault, wasn’t it?’ I took hold of her hand and squeezed. ‘I shouldn’t have gone on about Sophy. But it’s in the past now, Mum. I promise to leave well alone.’ I meant it. Sophy was going through enough.

  Mum nodded. ‘That’s good. Ben wouldn’t want you to still feel so angry.’

  ‘No. You’re right.’

  She smiled. ‘Good. Time to move on.’

  I gulped back thoughts of Finn. Mum didn’t need to know. ‘Shari seems nice,’ I said.

  ‘Yes, she’s lovely. I was surprised how well we got on. It was good to have a change of carer really. I’d got a bit dependent on Freya, I suppose.’

  Once Mum had dozed off in front of the TV, I made my way up the stairs, and headed into Ben’s room. I sat on the edge of his bed, my head spinning. Someone had called Sophy and I knew it was Ryan.

  I looked again at the photos Blu-Tacked to the mirror
, and pulled off the one of a group of lads, beer bottles raised, my eyes picking out Ben in his green polo and combats, Ryan in a red checked shirt and jeans, standing next to Ben.

  I got his number up on my phone. First he’d warned me that Sophy wasn’t who I thought she was, next he warned Sophy about me. What was he playing at?

  But perhaps I was wrong. How would he have got Sophy’s number anyway?

  I pressed call.

  ‘Hey, Liv.’

  My mind whirred. ‘You called Sophy, didn’t you?’

  There was a small silence, before he said, ‘I can explain.’

  ‘I’m listening.’

  He was silent for a moment, and I wondered if he was choosing his words with care. ‘Come round,’ he said finally. ‘I can’t do this over the phone.’

  ‘Fine.’ I ended the call, and raced from the room.

  Downstairs, Mum had woken up, and was now glued to the TV. ‘Will you be OK if I go out for a bit?’ I said.

  She looked up and smiled. ‘I’m fine, Liv. Honestly. The hospital were pleased with me. Said my heart is sound as a bell.’

  ‘But you’ll call me if you need me?’

  ‘Of course, now just go.’

  Chapter 33

  Sophy

  As soon as Liv had rushed in, eyes wide with fright and worry, my certainty had wavered.

  The urge to fly at her, shake her, demand that she return my son had fallen away. Why would she have come, if she’d taken Finn? Unless she’d given him to someone. That man who called. Maybe they were in it together; he was her partner and knew Liv was going to take my baby and decided to warn me. She hadn’t explained what that call was about. I didn’t even know the man’s name, hadn’t thought to ask as she’d protested her innocence and told the detectives she’d been at the hospital with her mum.

  Why had I let her into our lives, Finn’s life, knowing next to nothing about her?

  The police probably thought the same thing as I wept on the sofa – a seemingly endless river of tears – as Liv had been allowed to leave. I’d seen the looks exchanged when she told them I’d been asleep, the look Dom gave me. Everyone thought this was my fault, my punishment for being a bad mother. And why had she told them about the note? She knew it was a sore point with Dom, that we’d argued about it. But the note had existed. I knew I hadn’t imagined it.

  You don’t deserve to be a mother. Maybe I hadn’t imagined Elizabeth’s words either. Should I bring it up? Then my mind circled back to the phone call, the slurred voice telling me Liv wasn’t who I thought she was, and something clicked into place.

  Standing so fast my head swam, I grabbed the female detective’s arm. ‘You have to talk to Liv again.’ DS Lane and her colleague had brought an air of calm authority into the house, while officers had searched inside and out before leaving to talk to the neighbours, looking for witnesses and checking for CCTV. The activity had been reassuring to start with, but not even the softly spoken officers could quieten the chaos raging in my head. ‘That call, the man, you should ask Liv about that—’

  ‘We have,’ DI Barker said gently but firmly. ‘We’ll be talking to him, and Alicia Bainbridge. Officers from Devon and Cornwall police are on their way to her sister’s house. We’re doing everything we can, Mrs Pemberton.’

  Mrs Pemberton. It made me think of Elizabeth again.

  Dom was showing the female inspector another photo on his phone, of Finn in his cot, a square of sunlight creating a golden glow that burnished his curls, his blue eyes mini replicas of Dom’s. Why hadn’t I got photos like that on my phone? The last one I’d taken was weeks ago, Finn asleep on his blanket in his playpen after a crying jag, his face turned away, his red curls squashed. He could have been anyone’s baby.

  ‘Elizabeth,’ I blurted, pushing the word past the knot of grief in my throat. ‘You really should talk to my mother-in-law, check she is where she’s supposed to be.’

  ‘Sophy.’ Dom’s voice was laden with pain, but the warning underneath was clear. ‘Please … don’t start this again.’

  ‘Go on.’ Jo Lane, that was the detective’s name, gave me a nod of encouragement, her gaze steady beneath her heavy fringe. Maybe she had children. She was wearing a plain gold band on her wedding finger. Perhaps she could imagine all too easily the bone-melting terror of having your baby go missing, of him not being where he should be, of how the thought of him needing me – his mother – made it hard to breathe, as if the air was water and I was drowning.

  ‘She has a key to our house and is always coming in, taking Finn from me, taking him out. She makes me feel useless and I know I have been, but if she wasn’t around so much, I …’ I was struggling for air, words piled up in my chest, as if they’d been waiting to tumble out. ‘She’s so determined to be better than me – she has been from the start. It’s as if she’s his mother, not me. As if she doesn’t want me to get better because then I wouldn’t need her.’ I looked at Dom, willing him to understand. ‘She makes me feel worse.’

  ‘Look, she’s protective of Finn, of course she is. She loves him; she’s his grandmother.’ Dom massaged his brow with shaking fingers. ‘She’s been a godsend while you’ve not been well.’

  ‘I wish we’d never moved out of London.’ My words were oiled with a sudden fury. ‘You were so desperate for us to move out here for a better standard of living, yet you can’t wait to get back there every day, regardless of whether or not I’m “ill”.’ I made quote marks with my fingers, bits of balled-up tissue falling to the floor. I sounded mad, but didn’t care. ‘At least there I knew people and didn’t have to rely on your mother. She’s been waiting for something like this to happen and now it has.’

  ‘Sophy, don’t.’ Dom looked older, the lines around his mouth more deeply etched. ‘You’ve got her all wrong.’

  ‘And why do you think Elizabeth might have taken Finn somewhere?’

  My head snapped round at the sound of the female voice. I’d almost forgotten we weren’t alone. ‘She’s done it before, a couple of times.’ I wrapped my arms around my middle. My whole body ached, as if I’d been in a fight. ‘Not like this, but long enough for me to worry.’

  ‘When?’ Alarm sharpened Dom’s voice.

  ‘I told you before, she took him to the park and didn’t come back for ages, or she’ll go to the stables without telling me and then not answer her phone.’

  Dom’s expression emptied out. ‘I got the impression she’d told you but you didn’t remember because you were tired,’ he said, and because I couldn’t be certain, I didn’t argue. ‘And I’m only not home as often as I should be because as soon as we moved here, things got complicated at work and I can’t risk losing my job by not going in, and there was all that stuff with Alicia to deal with.’ His eyes implored me. ‘Do you think I wouldn’t rather be here with my family? You and Finn are everything to me. I’ve been worried sick about you.’

  I began to cry again, feeling helpless. ‘I just want Finn back.’

  ‘Oh, Sophy, so do I. That’s all I want, but it doesn’t make sense that Mum would have him and not tell us.’ He sounded close to tears, but I couldn’t look at him. ‘Whoever it was came in through the patio doors. Like you said, Mum has a key for the front door. Why would she come round the back of the house and sneak inside?’

  ‘We don’t know for certain they came in that way,’ I said.

  ‘We’ll be looking for footprints.’ Jo Lane was calm, her voice steady. ‘And if it’s OK, we’d still like to talk to Elizabeth.’

  With a shaky inhalation, Dom took out his phone.

  ‘She’s not picking up,’ he said after a moment of tension. Before anyone could speak, he pressed the screen again and waited. ‘Natasha, have you spoken to Mum today?’

  I heard the tinny sound of his sister’s voice at the end of the line. Dom was shaking his head. ‘Finn’s missing.’ When his voice cracked the horror of it all hit me again. ‘No … I can’t get hold of her, I just … we wondered whether Mum mi
ght have taken him out and forgotten to let us know.’ I felt a flash of gratitude that he’d said ‘we’.

  Dom began to pace to the window and back, hand rubbing the back of his head. ‘No, of course I don’t.’ I strained to hear, aware of the detectives listening too, as motionless as statues. There was a pause as Dom seemed to wait for Natasha to respond. I could smell Jo’s perfume, something sweet like geraniums, and my stomach turned over. ‘OK, thanks for looking.’ Dom came to a halt and closed his eyes. ‘Look, I don’t need this, Tash. Just let me know if you hear from her, OK?’

  He ended the call and looked at the officers, a defeated slope to his shoulders. ‘My sister hasn’t heard from her, but when she visited the other day, Mum mentioned the horse-riding event in Berkshire this afternoon, so I don’t think she’s lying about that.’ He put his phone on the table. ‘Tash just looked the event up online and it’s definitely happening.’

  ‘But your mum always answers her phone when you call.’ I shivered as a hazy recollection broke through, of Natasha telling me to take care, to not let Elizabeth ‘take over’. For the first time, I wondered whether Elizabeth had behaved the same way after Natasha had Toby, and that was why the family had moved to Cumbria – not so much to be closer to Rory’s family, but to get away from Elizabeth. ‘What else did Natasha say?’

  ‘Something about Mum being possessive with babies because …’ He swallowed, his Adam’s apple sliding up and down. ‘Because our older brother Christopher died when he was a baby.’ He hesitated, as if something unpalatable was taking shape in his mind. ‘But she’d hardly go to these lengths when she has access to Finn whenever she wants,’ he said quickly. ‘And it’s not as if we’re planning to move away like Natasha did.’

  ‘I don’t blame her.’ I wanted to be cruel. ‘I can completely understand her wanting to escape your mother.’

  A nerve twitched in Dom’s jaw. I sensed the effort he was making to not argue and wished he would so I could shout, rant; make something happen.

  As DS Lane cleared her throat, breaking the silence, reality slammed into me once more. ‘Please,’ I said, wanting to fall to my knees in front of her. ‘Please, please find our baby.’