A Light in the Dark

by Becky Doughty

  Tom didn’t sit. He just walked away, leaving the three of us behind, an uncomfortable silence settling around us. I looked over at Ani but she was staring after Tom as he pushed through the front door of the cafe, crossed the parking lot to his truck, and took off, almost backing into a car pulling into a spot across from him.

  “What in the world was that all about?” I turned my anger back on Sebastian as the words surged out low and strangled through my clenched teeth.

  Sebastian leaned forward and placed his elbows on the table, tipping his head to one side to study me, as though I were a curious specimen. “Is that a rhetorical question or do I really need to explain the birds and the bees to you?”

  Ani gasped at his snide comeback. I just reached up and backhanded him in the shoulder, hard, making his coffee slosh a little over his fingers. He didn’t flinch, but his eyes narrowed, his jaw bunched noticeably.

  “You know what? Whether you two are together or not, which is kind of hard to tell, to be honest, if his antics with that girl last night were fine with you, Tish, then I’m sorry. Not for calling it the way I saw it, but sorry for you for being willing to put up with it.” Sebastian capped his coffee cup.

  “I’m not—he’s not—you know nothing,” I repeated impotently, his words cutting me deeply. In a way, he was right, but it was a show, an act. I knew Tom didn’t give a barrel of fish about Belinda, and he’d left with me after the gig. So unless he’d gone back to her place at two in the morning, it wasn’t very likely he was going to give her anything more than what had transpired between them in front of her friends. But I suddenly wondered if Belinda knew that, too, or if she now had raised false hopes because of Tom’s “generous affections,” as Sebastian had so adroitly put it.

  “Actually, I do know this. No woman can possibly feel good about herself if she’s okay with her man treating her the way Tom treated you last night. You deserve better, even if you don’t think so.” Sebastian scooted his chair back enough to swing his legs out from under the table. “I know this, too. No self-respecting guy manhandles women, even one who gives him permission to do so. Not even one who asks for it. And to do it in public? He made a pretty loud statement about the kind of girl he thinks Belinda is, the kind of girlfriend he considers you to be, and the kind of band Marauders is, didn’t he?”

  He stood, retrieved the bag from under his chair, and looking back and forth between Ani and me, said, “Since your carriage has left without you, may I have the honor of offering you mine? I promise to get you home safely.”

  ***

  My stomach hurt the whole ride home, and I had to fight down the nausea rising in my gut. We had another show tonight and I didn’t know how we were going to pull it off now. In fact, I wasn’t sure Sebastian even wanted to stay in the band after all the things he’d said about us. I sat in the back seat of his extremely clean little car, staring out the window, not seeing any of the familiar streets and neighborhoods we passed through. My mind kept replaying last night’s gig as I tried to see things the way Sebastian must have.

  Part of me was flattered more than I cared to admit that he felt compelled to say something in my defense, but his words had so quickly turned to condemnation—or what felt like condemnation—and that’s what was making me sick. He was right about so many things, about the way we had carelessly “manhandled” Belinda’s affection, exploiting it for our benefit. For a good tip. What if it had been me instead, if I’d been the object of our host’s affections? Tom would never in a million years be okay with me grinding up against a guy in our audience who had the hots for me. Nor would I be okay with it. I wouldn’t even consider doing it. So why was it okay for him? Weren’t we exploiting Tom, then, too, for good tips?

  And what was wrong with me that I was okay with it? I cared deeply about Tom, and yet I was okay with letting him, even encouraging him, to give himself a player reputation? To let that spill over onto the reputation of the band? I simply hadn’t thought about any of this. No wonder Sebastian had seemed so reserved last night. I’d assume it was just the new kid on the block syndrome.

  Sebastian had seen Tom kiss me the other day like he really meant it. He’d seen me let him… seen me kiss Tom back, in fact. Tom had clearly gotten his message across to Sebastian about me, and if the kiss hadn’t made things clear enough, his response today to Sebastian’s provoking caress certainly had driven it home. Why wouldn’t Sebastian think Tom and I were together? I’d given him no obvious signals that we weren’t. In fact, pretty much everything that had transpired between Tom and me in Sebastian’s presence, including us sending the rest of the band home last night so the two of us could have our “down time” alone, would indicate that we most definitely were an item; at the very least, friends with benefits.

  And if evidence were all Sebastian had to go on since he really didn’t know me and Tom well enough for character to come into play, he could assume the best of me—that I was not Tom’s girlfriend, and therefore, a “free agent”—or the worst of me, that I was the kind of girl who didn’t make a fuss about her boyfriend sleazing it up with another chick. Well, Sebastian had started by giving me the benefit of the doubt, hadn’t he? Granted, his caress had held more than a hint of mockery with the whole campy licking the icing off his thumb thing, but he’d definitely acted on the supposition that I was available. However, irrefutable evidence to the contrary, thanks to Tom’s reaction—which I now realized Sebastian had all but goaded out of him—had convinced him otherwise. About Tom, about Marauders. About me.

  The worst part was that he’d been right the first time around. I wasn’t that kind of girl. If Tom and I were dating, I would not have been okay with his behavior last night, not in a million years.

  Ani spoke up from the front passenger seat, breaking the silence, turning a little to include me in her statement. “I think you two need to talk. Maybe you should let me out. It’s only a couple of blocks from here; I can walk the rest of the way.”

  I glared at her and she furrowed her brow back at me, her concern over the situation evident. I knew she was just trying to help, but I was in no mood to talk to Sebastian. Or Tom, for that matter. In fact, if Tom was at my house when I got there, I’d make sure he’d regret it.

  Sebastian said nothing, so neither did I, turning to look back out the window again.

  “Seriously? You’re just going to let this ugly thing hang between you?” Ani’s tone was kind, but her words were harsher than usual. “Don’t you have a gig tonight?”

  “Please, Ani,” I muttered. “Let it go.”

  “Let it go? Let it go? Who are you? El—”

  “Don’t say it!” I snapped, cutting off her reference to one of the few Disney songs I loathed beyond measure. My phone vibrated and I pulled it out of my bra. Tom was calling. I pushed the “End Call” button that would send him straight to voice mail and shoved it back in my shirt, flinching a little at my own aggressiveness. “That’s going to leave a mark,” I muttered under my breath, sliding a hand over my boob in sympathy. I glanced up to see Sebastian watching me in the rear view mirror, one thick eyebrow raised mockingly. I sneered back at him, my lip curling in disgust, before turning back to the window again. Let him think what he liked about me.

  My phone buzzed, this time indicating a text had come through. I pulled it out and glared at it, hoping Tom could feel my anger through the connection.

  TomCatStrumBoy: Tonight’s gig canceled.

  “What!” He had canceled our show because of this? Anger surged up in me and I punched the back of Sebastian’s seat. It wasn’t very hard, but it startled him, and he slammed on the brakes. Fortunately, we were on a quiet street, but when he veered off the road and pulled up to the curb, I started to worry. He shut off the engine and threw an arm across the back of Ani’s seat, and then cranked around so he could look at me over his shoulder.

  “Why did you do that?” he asked, his jaw bunching again. His eyes were dark with anger of his own.

  “
You,” I spit out, jabbing a finger into his bicep stretched between the two seats in front of me, “and Tom, and your stupid testosterone. You just cost us a job, that’s why!” I held up my phone up so he could see the text, and then flashed it in Ani’s direction, too. I shoved my door open, suddenly really liking Ani’s idea. “I’m walking from here. You can ride home with him or walk with me, Ani. It’s fine either way.” But she was already getting out, just like I knew she would.

  So was Sebastian. “If you’re going to walk, so will I. I promised I’d see you home, and I don’t make promises I don’t keep.”

  “You’re off the hook, Sebastian,” I snapped, waving a hand to shoo him away. “I release you. Leave me alone. Haven’t you done enough already?”

  “No.”

  “No?” I was shaking as I walked away, my fists clenched at my sides, resisting the urge to start running. My strides stretched out long and jarring. “No? No, you’re not going to leave me alone? Or no, you haven’t done enough already?” I practically shouted the words over my shoulder at him, but I didn’t need to. He was keeping up with me and Ani easily. Curse my stupid short legs.

  Sebastian reached out and tried to take my arm, but I slapped his hand away. He grabbed for it again, but this time Ani stepped between us. Her voice was calm, steady, final. “Thank you for the ride, Sebastian. We’ll take it from here.”

  He stopped abruptly, letting us pass him without further interference.

  But when we rounded the corner onto our street, Sebastian’s car was parked in front of my house, right behind Tom’s truck. And the two of them stood in the driveway with Jordan.

  I muttered an ugly word under my breath, one that had nothing to do with pirates. Ani grunted in surprise beside me. Or maybe it was in agreement.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  We approached slowly, but when Jordan lifted a hand in acknowledgment, and the other two just glared at us, I grabbed Ani’s arm and began tugging her toward the street. “We’re going to your place until they get this sorted.”

  “Wait.” Ani stopped on the curb, making me pull up short. “Stop, Tish. This feels like high school all over again.”

  I felt the childish urge to stomp my feet and demand her to do as I wanted, but instead, I dropped to the curb and sat, refusing to go another step closer.

  “Tish, come on.”

  “You heard him,” I said, not looking at her. “What he thinks of me.”

  “Who? Which one?” Frustration made her voice a little shrill.

  “Both of them.”

  “You want to know what I heard?” she asked, sitting on the curb beside me. “I heard that they both like you, that’s what I heard. And they’re trying to figure out which of them is going to be the lucky guy who gets you.” She bumped me with her shoulder. “And poor Tom just realized he let the competition in the back door himself.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Great. Now I’m an object to fight over.”

  “That’s not what I said, T-Bird.”

  “Maybe not in those words, but apparently that’s what they’re doing.” I waved a hand in the direction of the three guys facing off in my driveway. “And what about me? Don’t I have a say in this?”

  I sighed deeply when Ani didn’t respond, the bubble of anger inside me deflating a little. “Besides, Sebastian’s right. Tom shouldn’t have acted that way with Belinda, regardless of how he and I feel about each other. And he’s also right about it not really bothering me, Ani. But not for the reason Sebastian thinks. Not because I’m a weak-minded girlfriend. It didn’t really bother me because I’m not in love with Tom.” I clenched my jaw tightly and then added, “The worst thing about all of this is that even though I’m not in love with him, I do love him. He’s my friend, and it should bother me, for Tom’s sake if not mine. He totally demoralized himself last night by agreeing to demoralize Belinda.” I picked up a pebble from the gutter and chucked it hard across the street. “Sebastian is right, Ani. All the way around, he’s right.”

  Ani spoke softly. “Why can’t you just say that to him? By not saying anything, you’re basically letting him believe the worst of you.”

  I leaned forward and retied a shoelace that had loosened during my angry walk the last few blocks. I stayed bent over my legs, my forearms crossed on my knees, resting my chin on them. “There seems to be a lot of assuming going on today. Sebastian assuming he needed to defend my honor against Tom, or whatever that was supposed to be. And Tom assuming it was his place to interrogate Sebastian on my behalf, because I’m assuming—yes, assuming—that’s what he planned to do.” I suddenly straightened and looked at her sharply. “Wait a minute. You knew Tom was going to drill him, didn’t you? Why didn’t you tell me? You could have at least warned me.”

  Ani sighed again, this time a little louder, a little longer. “I’m sorry, Tish. I should have realized sooner that you didn’t know what was going on.” She plucked a stem of grass and rolled it between her thumb and fingers, releasing a tangy scent into the air. She frowned a little and said, “I guess Tom had Jordan look up Sebastian in the Mid-U database, and—”

  “That wasn’t Tom,” I interrupted. “When I told Jordan about Sebastian, he offered to look him up and I told him he could if he wanted to.”

  “Well, then he did just that. But Sebastian isn’t in the system anywhere, T-Bird, and he wasn’t on the roster for Mr. Hyde’s class, either.”

  “What? That’s not possible. Jordan probably just got his name wrong. He’s not as smart as he thinks he is.” I doubted Mr. Hyde just opened the class up to anyone who felt like taking it. I didn’t think the school would allow it, even if he did. “And why didn’t Jordan tell me this?”

  Ani sighed. Again.

  “Stop doing that. Stop sighing like it’s the end of the world,” I muttered.

  “Sorry. I’m just bummed that you didn’t hear it from Jordan, too. I assumed when Tom called me that you were aware of at least that much.”

  “It’s got to be a mistake.” I was ticked at Jordan for holding out on me, especially since he talked to Tom about it first, but I was more hung up on what Sebastian was doing in the class if he wasn’t a student.

  “It isn’t. That’s why Tom decided to do the coffee talk. He wanted it to be a whole casual conversation thing in a normal setting. He even thought having me along might make Sebastian feel more at ease, too. The whole friends thing, yada-yada-yada.” She took a deep breath in and I glared at her, silently daring her to let out another long-suffering sigh. She turned away and blew it out in a gust, making me chuckle.

  “You guys could have told me,” I said, silently making plans to get Jordan back.

  “I assumed you knew.”

  “And when you assume….”

  “Right. And like you said, there’s been a lot of assuming going on today. I assumed right along with everyone else, didn’t I?” She reached over and poked me in the thigh. “I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you first.”

  “You didn’t know.” Now I was defending her. I ventured a glance past her and was surprised to find the three guys moving toward the front door, their postures much less aggressive than they’d been only moments before. “I don’t know if I can handle being around them right now. I’m embarrassed for all of us.”

  “Meh.” Ani made a dismissive sound. “They’ve clearly come to some kind of an understanding. You can, too. Let’s go. I need to use the bathroom anyway.”

  It was my turn to sigh. “I do, too.” We stood, brushed off our backsides in the synchronized movements of long-time friends comfortable in each other’s presence, and headed for the house.

  ***

  Jordan, Tom, and Sebastian sat around the kitchen island with generous amounts of space between them. Maybe all was not quite well in the testosterone universe, after all. Perhaps the level-headed Jordan had simply been able to talk the other two down enough to herd them inside to brawl.

  Ani and I walked through slowly, but did not give any indication that we h
ad plans to stop as we made our way toward the stairs that led up to my sanctuary. If they wanted us to join them, they’d have to ask. Before we hit the stairs.

  “Squeak?” I ignored Jordan’s use of my nickname and kept walking. Ani, best friend extraordinaire, ignored him, too. He changed tactics. “Tish?”

  I halted, turning around slowly, my eyes going straight to my brother’s face, avoiding the other two the best I could. “Yes?”

  “You might want to hear this. We’re talking about you.”

  “Funny thing, that,” I snipped, the anger welling up a little again. I wished I could actually shoot daggers from my eyes. Not long ones, and not hard enough to do any permanent damage, but a little superficial maiming would suit my fancy right about now. “Isn’t that what you and Tom were doing before you launched Operation Coffee House? Didn’t see fit to invite me in on that little tête-à-tête, did you?”

  Sebastian made a sound that could have been a laugh or a growl, but I still wouldn’t look at him. Right or not, I wasn’t taking sides with him. Not yet. If he really didn’t attend Mid-U, then he’d withheld some pretty important information from his interview. And if he didn’t want to be in a band with a sullied reputation, then maybe it was for the best that I withhold a few things myself. Like my growing appreciation for his ability to see things the way they really were. Like the way his long fingers wrapped around the Sienna Café paper coffee cup he still had with him. Like the bulge of his forearms braced on the counter in front of him. The curve of his shoulders beneath the fabric of his shirt. The corded muscles of his neck, the half smile—

  I looked away before my gaze drifted all the way up to meet his eyes.

  Tom got up and crossed the room to stand in front of me, effectively blocking me from view of the other two guys so I’d have to give him my full attention. “Tish, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left you two that way. I don’t know why I got so hot under the collar like that.”