Wesley

by Leanne Davis

  But any conversation that mentions the realm of sex or my desire to go there, has my dad combing his hands through his gray hair and finding any reason to run to the store and avoid me. Besides, to my dad, Wyatt is safe. He knows Wyatt. He respects him and me and there is no mystery as to how I’ll be treated. He knows Wyatt’s family and his future, so duh, of course that’s what my dad wants for me. Not someone like Wesley.

  I press my lips together, make fists of my hands and suck in all the air I can to keep my eyes dry and my sobs muffled. Tara isn’t my mom. She’s Wyatt’s mom. So, I keep quiet.

  I hear a noise and a call of “Hello!” as Chloe and her family enter the house before coming out to the deck. Tara gives me a quick smile and hug, turning to Chloe with a warm greeting as they embrace.

  Devon runs up to me, and I put my tears and guilt and confusion away. I pick up his gangly, little body and twirl him around. He’s always been my favorite, and he laughs at my exaggerated greeting. Then he and Damion take my hands and we start down the deck stairs towards the mid-sized pool Ryder has set up for the cousins’ visit. It’s above ground and only as deep as my waist but the kids will be happy to frolic in it all afternoon. Plus, it keeps them from asking to go to the river, a place where none of the adults want to spend the party.

  Soon, Tara’s brother arrives, and his three little kids take over the yard. Five-year-old Claudia, a towheaded cutie with deeply tanned skin and enormous blue eyes, comes running up to us. She has the squeakiest voice, one that could make the Grinch smile and laugh. She’s so sweet and talkative—oh! The words that girl comes up with.

  “I’m no longer a vegetarian!” she announces to me as I grab her in a hug. I didn’t know she was.

  “Oh?” I ask, biting my cheek so my smile stays neutral because she’s so earnest.

  Big-eyed, she nods. “I ate salami on a sandwich. By accident. And…”

  She pauses for full effect, putting her hand to her chest and grasping her heart as if she’s having a heart attack. “Aaaand I liked it.”

  “Well, that means you’re just not too picky,” I say, keeping my tone as serious as hers.

  “Yes. I suppose, Dani. Just… big changes happening here. Big changes…” Her head shakes and her expression is long and sad. I shake, trying not to release the laugh in my cheeks. Oh, this girl!

  She follows Chloe’s boys as if they are handing out presents. For some reason, all the little kids usually surround me. Maybe because I grew up as an only child. I’m fascinated and drawn to them, and I love them. I love their laughs and their ease with each other and me. The way they hold my hands and hug and kiss me so freely. Boy or girl, there is no worry of machoism or peer pressure. I love their freedom. I love their joy. I don’t even mind their tantrums, they’re so honest. Don’t we all wish we could behave like that sometimes? Just let out what we’re really thinking and feeling? Throw food onto the ground because someone isn’t being fair or nice to us?

  Wyatt’s grandparents, Adaline and Kyler Carrington arrive. They always have hugs and warm words for me. They are like my surrogate grandparents, too. They adore Wyatt and go to all his home football games. They never got over the death of their daughter, Ebony, Wyatt’s mother. They seemed to roll all that love and their expectations into Wyatt. I sometimes wondered if it was fair to Wyatt. She died before he could remember her, but in many ways, his grandparents expected him to make up for her loss in their lives. In fact, Wyatt has pressure from all sides to be the best, the brightest, the fastest, the kindest, and the smartest. Kylar is always bragging to any and all about Wyatt’s prowess on the field. Wyatt wants to make them proud of him because he knows the loss of Ebony still rips his grandparents to their core.

  So, I spend most of the afternoon playing all sorts of games with the kids. We play Simon Says, tag, Red Rover, Red Light, Green Light, and of course, a long game of hide-and-go-seek.

  There is food and cake as well as laughter and happy conversation. I join in but I’m mostly off with the kids. Wyatt initiates a game of tag and has the boys laughing as he grabs them and hurls them around like they’re footballs. They adore their big cousin as if he were the moon and stars to them. He’s so much older and often babysat them, seeming more like a big brother than a distant cousin.

  Wesley wanders by. Devon and Damion are interested in who he is, calling him over and talking his ear off. They soon tug him into playing soccer with a big, bouncy ball that we are using in place of an actual soccer ball. We used it so even Claudia, the uncoordinated—dear-Lord-she-fell-again-when-she-simply-walked—Claudia, could play with us.

  Of course, Claudia takes her clumsiness with bright smiles and laughs as she always pops right back up and into whatever we are playing, ever the good sport. The opposite of Devon who pouts when he does anything wrong. He hates to be reprimanded, and he’s fiercely competitive. He often ridicules her for her clumsiness or blames her for making them lose. I’m constantly warning Devon to be nicer and kinder and to realize she is far younger than he. And klutzy, even if I don’t say so in those words. Poor kid already has a perfectionist issue. Luckily, Claudia does not. And for some reason, she follows him everywhere like a baby duck that’s newly hatched and imprinted on him.

  They all entertain me. Getting my mind off my own melancholy over Wyatt and Wesley. Their cheers and voices remind me of how much I love family. My dad arrives mid-day after working a morning shift.

  I give him a huge hug. “Hey there, Dad.”

  “Dani. Always with the troop of littles, huh?” I laugh. Wesley is near, a cup of lemonade at his mouth as he tilts his head back and gulps it down. I can’t help staring at the up and down of his Adam’s apple. Ugh! What is wrong with me?

  “Oh, Dad, this is Wesley. He’s staying with Tara and Ryder… remember?”

  Wesley hears me and lowers his cup. He comes closer, his gaze surprised as he dutifully puts his hand out. “Wesley, this is my dad, Peter.”

  Wesley shakes his hand and my dad asks him about his travels. I love how my dad isn’t shy about asking questions but without making it too weird.

  Of course, my dad has no idea I’ve developed unusual feelings concerning Wesley so he’s friendly to him.

  The shadows grow longer as the day wears on. The crowd calms and the kids get busy with a big bucket of sidewalk chalk. We talk and chatter about a range of topics and goings on. I often catch Wesley looking around. He seems to be listening and observing intently. He’s not sure what to do with this group. They are all nice and decent. No drunks. No fights. No dramas. There are equal numbers of black and white people and yet, it’s just a large family getting together. Nothing big or deep about it. Just enjoying each other and the good food.

  I sit down on one of the deck stairs. Devon and Damion find me, and one sits beside me while the other makes silly jokes as he swings from the railing. Their giggles draw out mine. Wesley, nearby, comes over and leans on the railing before sitting on one of the stairs. He begins laughing and joining in the made-up jokes that were silly for the boys. Wyatt even comes over. I give him a warning look, the kids are present. Claudia crawls into my lap. Tired obviously from her long day, she snuggles while I kiss her sweet-smelling hair, rubbing the blond curls. Lord, she’s so loveable.

  “These are all your cousins?” I tense when Wesley addresses Wyatt. Why? Oh, why would he do that? I hold my breath. Oh shit. Shit. All the family! The kids! What won’t these two do?

  “Yeah. The girls and twins.”

  “You’re very lucky to have all of them,” Wesley replies. Wyatt tenses and scowls, releasing some of his murderous look. But Wesley’s gaze scans over the kids around us, then to me, and then up towards the rest of the adults. They are busy commiserating, some are lounged out, or laughing, some drinking wine or beer, others scooping up the chips.

  “Yeah, I know,” he adds a little snap to the “know.”

  “I always thought so, too.” I glance around as I realize I spoke out loud. I didn’t intend to i
nitiate a conversation between Wyatt and Wesley, but there I go. “The Kincaids and Willapanas, that’s Chloe’s last name, always let my dad and me join them. How many holidays, I wonder, did I spend here? Otherwise, it would have just been Dad and me or perhaps we’d get a few invites from the people he works with. But this always felt like home. A family.”

  “That’s because you were always considered one of us.”

  I stare at Wyatt, tilting my head. Did he? Did he consider me one of his family? Did we? Sure, our love and feelings extended beyond that, and we loved each other. We always did, of course. For real. But something freezes in me. What if… what if that’s exactly what the love was? Family? My thoughts are spinning and skipping. My breathing escalates and I swallow the growing lump in my throat. No. Oh, no. That can’t be. I need to go off and be alone. Lick my wounds. Sort this out. Figure out my panic. I need to—

  “Wesley?”

  The name. His name, which is spinning in my brain, is said by another female voice! What? What in the hell? Who is it? What is it?

  “Wesley, is that you?”

  Not my voice. Not a voice I recognize as Wyatt’s family or any friends of mine.

  I turn, just as Wesley jumps to his feet. His expression is panic-stricken and in shock. Then… pleasure. And a huge, gigantic smile. One he’s never given to me. It’s natural and real and filled with familiarity. My mouth is hanging open. Who is she? How did she get here? How does he know her? Wyatt and I stare at each other. He shrugs. His mouth drops open in surprise, too.

  She’s gorgeous. I mean, take-your-breath-away gorgeous. I stare at her, speechless.

  All the while, Wesley is striding toward her with his arms open as he says, “Jacey!”

  Who the fuck is Jacey?

  Chapter 10

  DANI

  The girl. She’s maybe a year older than me. But her expression holds a far more worldly edge than all my crazy hair and stupid, young-looking face does. Hell, not to mention my small-town innocence that sticks to me like a burr.

  Wesley embraces the woman for a long, drawn-out moment. Obvious intimacy and closeness exist between them as they hug, her head resting over his shoulder. She’s tall enough to do so. Her hair is box-braided and long, all the way down to her mid-back. The tips of her hair are dyed a bright blond. Wesley rubs her back and pulls away to stare down at her face. His gaze roves over her features. Her skin is a russet, reddish brown, and she’s absolutely gorgeous. Like my jaw unhinges in simply catching a glimpse of such startling perfection.

  Wyatt and I exchange glances then. I shrug as his puzzled eyebrows rise. Family members on the deck notice, too, but no one interferes. Wesley takes the girl’s face in his hands and stares at her, saying something only to her. Her eyes are huge and luminous as she stares up at him, nodding at his words and dropping her gaze down to answer. They speak in low, quiet tones, and I can’t make out what they’re saying. But I don’t fail to see the tenderness of their reunion.

  Wesley turns towards us, me, specifically, as he keeps “Jacey’s” hand tucked in his. Tara senses something and steps closer. Wesley’s gaze meets hers. “This is a friend of mine, Jacey Walker. She… she’s…”

  “The friend you helped?” Tara supplies for him with a nice, welcoming smile. Damn it. No. I don’t want that smile from Tara directed at Jacey. It’s the type of smile she might give me! Not to this newcomer, damn it!

  He gives her a small, tentative smile. “Yeah. She’s the one I sent the money to. We’re going to the beach. I’m sorry to ditch out on your party but…”

  Tara waves her hand. “It’s fine. It’s quite a crowd to come into. Please, go. Catch up. And you’re welcome to bring Jacey back inside later when it’s just us.”

  No! I want to call out, no! It isn’t okay to bring Jacey into the Kincaid house. No! And why were they going to the beach? What were they going to do? I can’t get a very good look at the girl. She keeps her head down, facing away with her shoulders hunched, and she always stays behind Wesley for protection. Or at least that’s my take on it.

  Wesley nods, and off he and the new girl go. I stare after them. Wyatt does, too. “What do you think that’s about?” His tone is grumpy. For once, I understand his grumpiness.

  “I’m going to say he’s been hiding some kind of hookup. A girlfriend, possibly.” I keep my tone nonchalant. Wishing that was half the truth.

  Wyatt nods. “Lord, it’s seven o’clock. You know what this will mean, don’t you?”

  “What?”

  “My bleeding-heart mother is going to let her stay. Crap, we should just set up a halfway house. I think that’s what she wants to do anyway.” He sighs. I sigh, too. He’s right.

  Then I hate myself for sounding like Wyatt and caring about whomever Wesley chooses to have a close relationship with. I thought—okay, I assumed he had no one. And that I was becoming close to him, and I erroneously believed that was unusual for Wesley.

  I had no right to think that. Or want that. But I did.

  WESLEY

  I can’t believe Jacey is standing here before me. She’s shaking. Trembling. I rub my hands on her upper arms, knowing it isn’t the cold that causes the goosebumps.

  “How did you find me? You didn’t even try to message me.”

  “The post office in Silver Springs showed up on the stamp of the envelope you sent me. I took a chance. I came here and it was relatively easy to ask where the new black guy in town is staying. Wow, no hiding here.”

  I stare into her eyes. There is faint bruising around her left eye. I touch my finger just under the bruising that’s fading into her dark skin. “Jacey?” All my questions are in my tone. She sighs, and her eyes fill with tears, but she blinks hard to hold them back. Her hair hits her back in a multitude of braids made more dramatic by the platinum-tipped ends.

  “Bobby started hitting me. That’s why I asked you for money. He took all of mine and he takes my paycheck. I knew I had to get out. Now. You were the only one I could ask for help who wouldn’t tell him. I know he was your friend, but his temper—it’s so bad. He… he tried to strangle me. I was not sure if you wanted to see me—”

  I shake my head. “I had no idea he hit you. Or anyone else. How long? How much?”

  “Just started. But I wasn’t about to stay around for that. I just gave him all my stuff. I left with only this,” she holds up a duffel bag, “and the money you sent me. I brought your envelope. I don’t see how he could find me here.”

  “Do you think he would try to? Stalk you across the state?”

  “I hope not. I can’t imagine I’d be that important to him. I ditched him as soon as he started this shit.”

  I pull her into my arms for a hug, feeling sick inside. “I had no idea, Jace. I would have sent more money.”

  “It’s okay. I mean, you couldn’t know. I didn’t know. He seemed so nice.” She was dating a guy we met through a group home we shared for six months. When she got discharged from the foster care system, she had nowhere to go. He let her stay with him and eventually, she started sleeping with him. I knew that. I didn’t mind the guy, he was funny and good humored as far as I could see. I’m shocked he’d do this to her, especially going all the way as to try to strangle her.

  “Are you really okay?”

  “Really. I mean, I’m bruised up, and my pride’s a little bashed, but I got out and away. I swear, Wesley, I’m not down for this shit. I wouldn’t stay, and he can’t convince me to come back. I just didn’t want anyone to know or find me. I figured who better than you to live off the grid with?”

  “No one better usually. Except this time. I got caught stealing from an old lady in town to get you that money fast.”

  She covers her mouth. “Oh, no. I didn’t mean for you to rob someone! I just…”

  “You said it was an emergency.”

  She shakes her head. “And you take my word for it without even asking why or telling Bobby about it? Thank you, Wesley.”

  “Well, the
family here figured it out. I tried to hide in their barn. Long story short, I’m working off the money plus a bunch more as penance. They are letting me stay with them. I’ve not told anyone or posted from anywhere near here on my Facebook, and I don’t allow my location to be shown, so no one knows I’m here. Especially Bobby. You’re safe here. Tara will let you stay at least until we figure out something else.”

  “Why would anyone take me in?”

  I smile a wry grin. I get her cynicism, it’s usually mine, too. In our experience, our own families never wanted us, let alone the differing foster care stops we endured over the years. Jacey and I met a few years back at the same group home. She and I bonded and stayed in touch, something I don’t do with many. “They’re very different. And the guy, Ryder is a cop.”

  “You’re living with a cop? What the hell, Wesley!”

  “I never even told them my last name. So, don’t tell them now. But they have been pretty okay with it. Ryder isn’t so bad. He’s a fish and wildlife officer, so he’s more concerned with wildlife and hunting violations. He agreed to this crazy plan of his wife’s after I admitted to a crime… long story. So… they’re out of the ordinary but pretty cool.”

  “I can’t just stay here!”

  “You’d be more welcome here than anywhere the state sent you. I swear. You know me. I wouldn’t ask otherwise.”

  “The girl? Their daughter?”

  “Dani? No. She’s their son’s girlfriend.”

  Jacey bit her lip.

  “What?”

  “She wants you to be her boyfriend.”

  “What?” I turn away. Jacey knows me a little too well and she can instantly read my embarrassment at her suggestion and maybe, I kind of hope she reads something in Dani that I can’t read. But then, no. It would be pointless and dumb. To do what? Break her up from her long-term boyfriend? To what? Be with her for a few weeks and then ditch her? What good would come of it, for her or for me? I care about her and have to consider the damage I could leave in my wake—something I don’t always care about.