Mountain Ash

by Margareta Osborn

  Despite the warmth still in the air, a breeze fluttered its way under Jodie’s collar, causing her to shiver. She should head back inside. See Mue and Clem. Nathaniel. But she kept staring at the burning hills, contemplating just how lucky she and Milly were they didn’t end up like Alex. She’d done it all wrong. But at least they were alive, thanks to Nate. She touched her tummy as it gave a swoop.

  Alex. The poor, poor man. She only hoped he’d been unconscious at the end. She couldn’t bear to think otherwise, because despite his anger, his aggression, his need to control, he had been a massive and often very comfortable part of her life for a few years now. He was probably up there in heaven playing chess with her father, sipping port like they used to do. Having a discussion and laughing over the latest antics of the Narree council.

  Jodie let out a breath, long and slow. She would not cry. She’d cried enough these last few hours, these last few months. There came a time when there was nothing left to give. She got up and walked back to the house. When she came within a few yards of the garden boundary fence, her attention was taken by a man. Through the undressed window she could see he was sitting at a huge antique desk, the pride and joy of Alex’s office. The only thing wrong with the picture was Nate. And he had his head on the desk; his shoulders were shaking.

  Cowboy Nate. The man who’d risked all for her and her children. Crying for his father, for all that he had lost. And she was responsible for some of that heartache. She knew that now. There was not a shred of doubt in her mind that he loved her. He’d come back, hadn’t he? He’d braved fire and hell on earth to save her and Milly.

  And now he needed her.

  Summoning strength from somewhere deep within, she walked with purpose towards the house, to face the reminders of her life with Alex, to comfort the man she finally admitted to herself she loved with all her heart.

  A soft hand stroked the back of his neck. An arm came around to clasp him by the shoulders. He glanced up into soft blue-grey eyes filled with compassion and something else … Something he could barely hope was … love.

  He went to sit up, embarrassed to be caught blubbering like a little boy. But taking in the tenderness of her expression, somehow it was okay to let his raw emotions go.

  ‘Nate?’ she said quietly. She held out her arms, like a mother to her child, a woman to her lover. And he allowed himself to be folded within that comforting hug and be supported for the first time since childhood.

  ‘He wasn’t all bad, Jodie,’ he said after a time.

  ‘I know that,’ she murmured with a wry half smile. ‘I was engaged to him, remember.’

  ‘Oh hell, I’m sorry,’ he said, drawing back. The cold air between them was like an icy blast. ‘I shouldn’t have … I thought …’

  Jodie moved to take hold of his hands. She urged him up out of the chair and wrapped herself in his arms.

  He gave up thinking. He gave up wondering what the hell to do now. He gave up every thought in his head. Just kept his strong arms around her soft body and held on for dear life. Over the top of her head he stared out the window at the glowing mountains and thanked God she was still here with him to do this.

  It could have been so different.

  ‘I just rang the Hunters. Milly’s tucked in bed with Tammy reading her a story, and Travis has found your horses.’

  The woman in his arms silently nodded.

  He sucked in a ragged breath. Searched to find the words he needed to say. Finally, ‘I couldn’t forget Riverton,’ he mumbled into her hair. ‘I tried so hard to find you. I’ve never wanted someone so much in my entire life. And then on that bloody hill, I thought I’d lost you again.’

  The woman in his arms tilted her head to look up into his eyes. ‘Milly and I would have died today just like Alex, if you hadn’t saved us.’ She shuddered.

  He went to kiss her, to wipe away the memories, but she placed two fingers on his lips. ‘I have to tell you this, Nate, while I’m game. I was so scared you’d ride away like everyone else I’ve ever truly loved that I didn’t want to let you in. I didn’t want to put myself through the joy of loving you and then have you walk. I didn’t want to put my children through that pain either. As a single mother you feel so vulnerable. You need to protect everything. Yourself. Your kids.’

  Nate shook his head slightly, disbelieving. ‘I tried to tell you –’

  Jodie cut him off. ‘I know. I know. But other than Milly, anyone who I have let into my heart always leaves. If they don’t run off because they don’t want me, they die!’

  Understanding finally dawned on him as to how deep her emotional scars ran. He gazed into her turbulent eyes. ‘Jodie Ashton, I swear on my mother’s grave, I will not leave you, Milly or any other children we have. I will love you for the rest of my days.’ He stopped and shook his head in wonder. ‘I can’t believe you thought I’d just get up and abandon you all.’

  She shrugged. ‘Cowboys always ride away.’

  ‘Well, this cowboy won’t.’

  To reinforce that statement, Nate gathered Jodie in and held on tight.

  They stayed that way, just taking and giving comfort, until Clem appeared in the doorway. ‘Thought I’d stay here the night with Mum. She’s asleep. That all right with you?’ He addressed this last query to Nate.

  ‘Sure. It’s all yours now anyway, isn’t it?’

  ‘Hope not. I don’t want it,’ Clem shivered. ‘Bloody mausoleum of a place.’

  Nate had dropped his arms from around Jodie so she could face Clem too, but he made sure he still had her hand in his. Tightly. ‘When do you reckon we should have the funeral?’ he asked the other man, the true son of Alex McGregor.

  ‘Whenever you want. I don’t want to have anything to do with it.’

  ‘How about we leave it to Mue to arrange, then? It might help her get through this in some way.’

  Clem gave a small smile. ‘You’d do that for Mum?’

  Nate nodded. He couldn’t say anything. Just thinking of Mue’s reaction to his father’s death choked him up.

  He felt Jodie’s arm come around his waist. A support. He could feel his shoulders start to shake, but he sucked it up. Crying was not for a man like him. Not twice in one evening anyway.

  Clem was struggling too. Nate could see it in his eyes – they were glassy. ‘I’ll go check on Mum,’ he said, then disappeared.

  ‘You okay?’ asked the woman at his side, landing a kiss on his cheek.

  He wanted more. Much, much more, but now was neither the time nor the place. He sighed, gave her a sad smile. ‘Yeah. But life’s never going to be the same again.’

  Chapter 47

  From the Narree Times

  Alex McGregor, high-country grazier late of Glenevelyn Station and a Narree Shire councillor, was farewelled last Friday in a service held at the Narree Memorial Hall. It was standing room only at the ceremony, a fitting assemblage for a dedicated man who held many positions over the years on myriad agricultural associated boards and committees at both district and state levels.

  Mr McGregor was tragically killed fighting the recent bushfires at his historic grazing property above Lake Grace. His ashes will be spread by family members across the station that meant so much to him, at a later date. While his wife Elizabeth has predeceased him, he leaves two children, Nathaniel McGregor and Clem Bailey. He will be sadly missed.

  ‘The fucking bastard! He can’t do this!’ roared Clem, pacing the living room of Glenevelyn.

  It was the Tuesday after the funeral, three weeks since Alex’s death. A pompous solicitor, Mr Morelli, had come from Melbourne to read the will. The man tore off his glasses. ‘He can, and he has done.’

  ‘But I don’t want it! Nate should have it. By rights it should be his.’

  ‘Not according to Mr McGregor’s wishes. Nathaniel has been bequeathed,’ the solicitor put his glasses back on and read from the paper in his hands, ‘Grumley’s Block. Whatever that is.’

  Mum’s family property, thou
ght Nate. Perfect. That’s more than he could have wished for.

  But Clem was still going. ‘I don’t care what Alex McGregor wanted. He was an old prick –’

  ‘Clem!’ said Mue. She was sitting stiff in her place, barely acknowledging the hand Jodie had on her knee. ‘Do not speak ill of the dead.’

  ‘I’ll speak ill of him all right. I don’t want this place,’ said Clem with vehemence.

  ‘To you, Mrs Bailey, the late Mr McGregor has bequeathed shares; I am not entirely sure of their value at present, but they are by no means inconsiderable.’

  Mue clapped a hand over her mouth. ‘I don’t need anything more from Alex.’

  The solicitor gave a long-suffering sigh. ‘Doesn’t anybody in this room want something from the deceased?’

  Wal, sitting on the other side of Mue, put up his hand. ‘Well, I wouldn’t mind a handout, but seeing I only knew him for five minutes I guess that’s out of the question?’

  The solicitor didn’t reply. Maybe it was time for a cup of tea to let everyone settle down, Jodie thought. She got up, glanced around. ‘How about a cup of tea? Mr Morelli?’

  The solicitor looked up from his papers. ‘Black coffee. No sugar.’

  Milly piped up from her place behind the couch. ‘You should say please.’

  ‘Milly!’ said Jodie.

  ‘Well, that’s what you say to me, Mum.’

  ‘Mr Morelli’s different. He’s … um … he’s grown up.’ The solicitor glared at her over his glasses. ‘Are you Jodie Ashton?’

  ‘Yes, I am.’ She expected him to dress her down over her child’s cheeky mouth.

  ‘Mr McGregor has bequeathed to you a box. A wooden box which can apparently be found in his office.’

  Jodie blinked. A box? What the –?

  Milly was jumping up and down. ‘It’s the chess set, Mum. The chess set Mr McGregor and Grandpa played with.’

  Oh God, she’d forgotten about that. Alex had always brought his own hand-carved set when he came to visit her father. Jodie wanted to cry.

  The solicitor hadn’t finished. ‘And I believe you are having the late Mr McGregor’s child?’

  ‘No, she’s having my child,’ said Nate, coming over from the couch to stand by Jodie.

  Morelli frowned. ‘I thought it was Alex’s child, but never mind. He recently changed his will and the child you are having has been left shares. You will need to decide if you wish them to be realised or not.’

  Jodie stared up at Nate. ‘I can’t take them.’

  It was Clem who answered her. ‘You mightn’t want to but that baby in there,’ he pointed to Jodie’s belly, ‘sure as hell will be grateful.’

  Jodie glanced wildly around. She couldn’t do it. She just couldn’t. But Nate was nodding in agreement. ‘At the very least the baby is his step-grandchild. What else will happen to them if you don’t take them? Clem doesn’t want them, I don’t, and I suspect neither does Mue. They’re yours for the baby. Or you could divvy them up between both of the kids, if you like.’

  Mr Morelli was shuffling papers, stuffing them into his briefcase. ‘I won’t stay for that coffee.’ He glanced at his watch. ‘I need to be on the road back to Melbourne before one o’clock. I’ll find a latte between Hicksville and town, won’t I?’

  They all stared at the pompous man, even Jodie amid her turmoil. Did he just call their valley Hicksville?

  ‘Yes. I suspect you will …’ Mue was the first to respond. ‘And I hope you choke on it,’ she muttered under her breath.

  Morelli didn’t hear her. He was too busy putting on his suit jacket even though it was at least thirty degrees in the shade outside. The man shook hands with Clem and Nate. Nodded to the rest of them in one go. They’d been dismissed. ‘I’ll let myself out.’ Then he stopped, said, ‘Oh and by the way, Mr Bailey or Mr McGregor. If you choose to sell a place you have inherited, seeing as you don’t want it,’ here he glared at Clem like he was an ungrateful child, ‘I’m sure I have a client or two who’d be interested in buying a blue-chip property even though it is so far from the city.’

  Clem frowned. As did Nate. Nate spoke for both of them. ‘We won’t be selling either place, Mr Morelli. Thanks all the same.’

  The solicitor raised his eyebrows imperiously and left.

  Once they heard the front door click shut, Wal said, ‘What a dickhead, and that’s being nice because there’s ladies present.’

  Even Milly nodded in agreement.

  ‘So, Mum, seeing that job in Windorah’s gone, where are we going to live?’ asked Milly, ever pragmatic, an hour later. ‘I’ve found a new frog and he’s wondering where his pond’s going to be.’

  Jodie shuddered. She’d thought they were done with slimy amphibians.

  ‘I’m pretty sure he’s a boy frog, so when the time’s right and I need a prince, I can kiss him,’ continued the little girl. ‘But I’m going to wash him first. Make sure he’s nice and clean.’

  ‘Clean is good,’ said Jodie.

  ‘Alternatively I guess I could kiss Billy.’ Milly pursed her lips in contemplation, then shook her head. ‘Nah, I think the frog might be best.’

  ‘Do you think that solicitor might’ve found his latte yet?’ asked Nate, walking over to the pair of them and sitting down beside Jodie. The two Ashtons were perched on the edge of Glenevelyn’s verandah, waiting for Mue to finish in the kitchen. The older woman hadn’t wanted any help, preferring to be on her own in the big old house with her memories of Alex.

  Jodie chuckled softly. ‘Like Mue said, if he has, I hope he chokes on it.’

  ‘I sure wouldn’t want to kiss a man like that,’ said Milly solemnly.

  Nate glanced at her with a quizzical look.

  ‘Milly’s got a new frog,’ explained Jodie. ‘She’s thinking of kissing it one day but not until she’s bigger.’

  ‘And you?’

  ‘I’m having a hiatus from kissing.’

  Nate grimaced. ‘What a shame. I thought I might’ve got lucky.’

  ‘I’ll kiss you, Nathaniel,’ said Milly. And she promptly did, jumping up, winding her arms around his neck and planting her lips on his cheek.

  Jodie smiled. She only wished she could be as impetuous as her daughter. She and Nate hadn’t been able to snatch time to themselves since the day of the fire. There had been too much mopping up to do on Glenevelyn, neighbouring properties and down at Montmorency. Volunteer fire crews helped them, but blacking out burning fence posts, smouldering logs and cowpats took time. The cow-poo was the worst. As Wal had said to Travis, ‘Those piles of shit burn and smoulder like a bastard.’

  They had all tried to do their bit to help the shattered community.

  Out on the lawn in front of Jodie, Nate grabbed hold of her little girl and tipped her up, tickling her belly. Milly’s laughter rang out across the garden, causing Clem to come wandering over from where he was fiddling with his ute. ‘What’s going on? You being attacked by a hairy monster, Milly?’

  ‘Nope,’ said Jodie. ‘Just a big pussy cat.’

  ‘Generally big cats are secretive, elusive and agile,’ said Clem, kicking out at Nate, who had collapsed to lie on his back in the grass. ‘This lump is as open as a book, always around and clumsy.’

  ‘That’s me,’ said Nate, laughing. Milly was sitting on top of his belly, tickling him now. ‘I’m a regular pain in the arse.’

  ‘I don’t know,’ said Jodie. ‘You’re pretty good.’

  ‘Pretty good at playing the fool,’ commented Mue, finally coming out of the house. ‘You want me to lock the front door, Nathaniel?’

  ‘Ask Clem, he owns it.’

  Clem scowled. ‘I don’t want it, I said.’

  ‘Too bad, so sad,’ said Nate. ‘For better or worse, it’s yours.’ He tipped Milly gently off his belly and got to his feet. ‘I’ll miss the old place but them’s the breaks.’

  ‘So haven’t you got a home either?’ asked Milly. ‘Maybe you and my mum can find a house and live in it toget
her?’

  Jodie groaned inwardly. The innocence of youth. She daren’t look at Nate. They hadn’t discussed anything about their future together.

  ‘Maybe we should,’ said a deep voice somewhere above her head. ‘What do you think, Jodie? You, me and Milly here?’

  Jodie didn’t know where to look. What to say. Was he serious? They had only just farewelled Alex. As if that matters, said a little voice inside her head. You love him. You’re having his baby. He came back for you and your children. He said he’ d never leave you. Isn’t that enough?

  Maybe. But she needed to hear him say it all over again.

  Needed him to show her with his body how much he meant it.

  ‘Don’t you like living with me, Milly?’ said Mue. ‘I’ll be lonely if you, your mum and Floss leave.’

  Milly squinted her eyes. ‘I do, but I don’t think you’ll like my new pet. He’s a frog, you see. I’ll need to kiss him sometime and he’s the cleanest one I’ve been able to find.’

  ‘How about I take your frog and look after him until Mum gets a new house?’ said Clem. ‘He can camp out with Parnie and Buggsy.’

  Milly looked doubtful. ‘You won’t double cross me and kiss him, will you? It’s taken me a while to find him.’

  Clem stood with his fingers over his heart. ‘I, Clem Bailey, do solemnly promise I will not kiss Milly Ashton’s frog.’

  Nate jumped down beside them. ‘But I, Nathaniel McGregor, might kiss your mum. Is that all right?’

  ‘Perfectly,’ said Milly, smiling.

  Chapter 48

  A few nights later and finally they were alone, sitting side by side out on Clem’s porch, taking in the last good weather of the summer. Jodie was five or so months pregnant and, judging by the dewy mornings now settling onto the valley, autumn was on its way. Jodie wouldn’t be sorry. Even though she’d had most of her belongings in storage by the time the fire had come through, she’d still lost her car and horse float. The Hunters, a house and other farm stuff. And Alex …