“I’m sorry I got upset with you last night. I was shaken up,” Emily says.
“It’s okay. It really is.”
“Great ride today,” she adds.
“Thanks. You, too.” Emily had wound up fifth. The team would be taking third place.
“Surprise, surprise. Maybe my mother will finally be proud. Doubtful but maybe.”
There is something in her voice that bothers me. There is a high-pitched quality to it—almost nervous. Granted, she has admitted having anxiety issues. “Hey, uh, that guy Chris Haverly came by the barn earlier and wanted to talk to you.”
“He did? I don’t know why. I don’t even know that guy.”
“I don’t know, either,” she says. “He’s weird.”
I cross my arms. “Anyway, I am happy you worked things out with Joel.”
“Yep. We sure have. Ready to get back?”
“Sure,” I say. I can appreciate the apology, and I am curious as to what has happened between Joel and Emily this evening, but not so curious that I want to ask right now. All I really want is to enjoy this moment. The win. After all the work it took to get here, I’m ready to linger here for a bit.
When we walk back into the arena I can’t help but notice Lydia get up and go sit down with Austen. She looks like she’s trying to get him to talk to her. Joel appears to be gone, and Emily sits down by herself at the table looking oddly like someone who has a secret to hide—one she is not happy about. I keep trying to ignore everyone else and their drama, but I have a sinking feeling I’m about to get sucked in.
Still, when the music starts, Tristan and I get up and dance. After a slow dance, he whispers in my ear, “Go read the card. I’ll see you in a minute.” He smiles at me.
I open the card:
Vivienne,
I love you, and I don’t think there is anything more that I can say. I am the happiest guy in the world to know that you love me, too, and that you want to be with me. Meet me out by the koi pond. I have a special place for us to go.
Love, Tristan.
I put the card back in the envelope and decide I really will be able to forget about everyone else this time. I tell Kayla that I am tired and going back to the house to go to bed.
“Okay. See you in the morning,” she says.
As I make it out of the arena, Austen stops me. “I have to talk to you, Vivvie. I know things are strained between us but we need to talk. This is important.”
“Can we do it tomorrow? I have to go,” I say.
“It’s about Tristan.”
“What?”
“Lydia told me something that you should know.”
“Oh please. I really don’t have time for this.”
“Vivvie, Lydia fed oleander to Harmony last semester. It’s why she colicked, and Tristan knew about it.”
“What?”
“I’m sorry. Lydia and I had some beers last night and she told me. I wanted to wait to tell you tomorrow and let you just be happy tonight, but I thought you should know. I didn’t know if I would see you before we all leave tomorrow.”
I feel my heart go cold and my palms clammy. “I don’t believe this.” I look past him and see Lydia. She looks for once in her life forlorn or possibly ashamed. I walk past Austen and up to her. “Is it true? Did you do that to Harmony?” I am fighting back tears.
She nods and looks down. “I’m sorry. I really am.”
“And Tristan? He knew?”
“He had good reason not to tell you. He really did. Let me explain.”
I turn and run back to the house and up the stairs to my room. I run past Joel’s room and see his door cracked. I need someone to talk to. I am so confused.
I knock lightly on Joel’s door. There is no answer. My perfect day has been ruined. How could Tristan have kept this from me? Why?
I am completely spun. None of this can be true! Tears, and anger, and confusion blur my vision, as I open the door and call out for Joel. There is still no answer. He doesn’t seem to be in his room. But, then I see . . .
At first my mind doesn’t register what I am seeing. It’s Joel, but I can only see his feet. He’s half hidden by the bed because he is on the other side of it—on the floor.
I go over to him and I kneel down.
“Joel, wake up,” I say. His eyes are closed, but something about his sleeping face looks strange and off base to me.
I put my hand on his forehead and fear begins bubbling up inside me as I say his name repeatedly. Panicked, I place my fingers on the side of his neck and then on his wrist. I begin to cry hysterically as it registers that Joel is not sleeping at all. Joel is dead.
CHAPTER fifty-five
I feel a jacket being wrapped around me. I know I am shivering but it isn’t from the cold. My body feels like Jell-O as I sit in the downstairs library and watch my friend being taken out of the front door of Cardinal Estate in a body bag. I know people are here and I can make out their faces, but there is a blurry edge around each one of them. The team is here and we are waiting for Holden to speak with us. There are police and I think emergency personnel or people from the coroner’s office doing their job. I really don’t know, because I feel like I am in some kind of surreal haze.
Tristan is sitting next to me on one side and Riley is on the other. Emily and Lydia are both crying, and I can’t explain what I am feeling or doing because, in this moment, I do not feel like me at all. I am not even sure the ground is beneath my feet.
Holden walks into the room. He looks as stunned as we all do. “We have had a terrible blow, gang. I don’t know how to say this other than to say it. According to the police, Joel took his own life.”
“That’s a lie,” I say. I repeat myself, louder this time. “That’s a lie!”
Tristan takes my hand and I pull it away.
“I’m sorry, I know that’s not easy to hear. But they found a note and an empty bottle of sleeping pills in his room,” Holden says.
I hear myself say over and over, “I don’t believe it. I don’t believe it.”
The room is quiet as Holden looks directly at me. “None of us do, sweetie. But sometimes people are just sad and they don’t see a way out.”
“You’re wrong. Joel would not have committed suicide.” I feel very sure of myself as I stand up and say it to everyone in the room. “Someone killed him.”
Holden wraps his arms around me. “Vivienne, the police say that he did it, and they know all the facts. Besides, who would have wanted to kill Joel?”
I can think of a few people, off the top of my head, but I don’t say any names out loud. I don’t say anything more about it. The next words I do say are, “He was getting to take Melody home. He did not do this to himself.” The tears start pouring down my face again.
I see Christopher Haverly’s face in my mind and remember Harmony showing me the intense conversation that Haverly had with Joel last week. I know that Joel had secrets, and maybe he did hide some of his feelings. But I don’t believe that he killed himself. I just can’t believe it.
CHAPTER fifty-six
I fly home with Harmony, just as I flew in, but my emotions are so different from only a week and a half ago. I’ve gone from sheer excitement to what I can only quantify as sheer dread. And, as self-centered as it sounds right now, I realize that there is no way I can ever enjoy what Harmony and I have just accomplished. Not ever.
My friend is dead, and supposedly by his own hand, which I know isn’t true. As I sit in front of Harmony on the flight home while she takes intermittent bites of hay from her hay bag, I am dazed and stare straight ahead. I know that Joel was murdered, but I feel helpless. Who will believe me?
I think about that last day with Joel. I think about standing on the podium next to him when I was handed the blue ribbon and trophy and he was handed the second-
place award. We’d looked at each other and smiled. He was so happy. He’d admitted afterward to me that he never in a million years ever expected to come in second.
I find myself crying and am grateful that there isn’t a groom seated next to me. Harmony stops eating and looks at me. I stand and lean my head into her shoulder, closing my eyes and trying to keep it all together.
I sigh heavily, and I know she is trying to comfort me, but like a child who tries to comfort a parent who is sad, it is a daunting task. I know what it was like when my dad left. There wasn’t any amount of hugs or anything that I could say back then that would take away the pain that my mom felt. And, right now, I know all Harmony can really do for me is be the precious gift that she is.
I sit back down in the chair, a heaviness weighing on my shoulders and chest. I close my eyes again, and recall this past week, knowing in my heart that someone at the event knows what really happened to Joel.
There is Chris Haverly, for starters, and as I think about his strange behavior and aggressive interactions with Joel, I also recall something else. . . . I am reminded of what Melody showed me back at Fairmont not all that long ago—the needle, the watch! Could Chris Haverly have drugged Melody? There was definitely some serious animosity between Joel and Chris, and I know Joel was afraid of that guy. That train of thought leads me to Riley.
I hate to even go there, but Riley knows things about Joel, and neither one of them wanted to talk about it. Riley, Joel, and Chris all rode at Liberty Farms together. Could Chris know that Joel and Riley are both gay . . . ? I swallow hard. Now, it’s just Riley who is gay. Joel is dead.
I wipe away more tears.
There are secrets from Liberty Farms. That much I am sure of.
What about Tiffany, Paisley, and her weird boyfriend, James? What did Joel mean when he’d said to James during that awful dinner that he needed to remember the stuff he knew about him? I try to remember the details, but I’m so tired that I can’t think clearly right now.
I wonder when and if I will ever think clearly again.
CHAPTER fifty-seven
We have been back at school for a week, and today a memorial is taking place for Joel. I’ve been in the same haze I left Lexington in, and although both Riley and Tristan have tried to talk to me, I’ve not responded to their calls or texts. I ignore their knocks on the door, and I only go and see Harmony when I know no one else is at the barn.
Kayla, Holden, and Christian came to see me after we returned. They told me to take a week off, and that Harmony should have one as well. The week in Lexington was physically exhausting for the horses as well as for us.
The three of them have checked on me daily, and although I will never understand their strange arrangement, I know they are all good people and they do care. I’ve also talked with my mom every day. She wants me to come home because she is worried about me, but I have assured her that I am fine. But if I am honest, I really don’t know that I am fine.
Counselors have been made available on campus, but the last thing I want to do is talk to anyone. Part of that is because I know the truth is that Joel was killed, and I know no one will believe me.
It’s time to get dressed, so I pull a black dress over my head and brush my hair. I don’t care so much how I look. I just want to get this over with.
I spot Martina in the gym where the memorial is being held. She comes over to me and gives me a hug. “I can’t believe it. I am so sorry you found him like that.”
I nod and hold back the tears. I see both Tristan and Riley looking somber, and even Lydia looks saddened. Emily looks almost zombie-like, and something about it troubles me.
Tristan looks directly at me, and I know that we have to talk. Outside of what has happened with Joel, I am so hurt by what he kept from me for months—what he knew about what Lydia had done to my horse. He looks down at my wrist and I’m sure he’s noticed that I’m no longer wearing the bracelet he gave me.
The memorial is nice, with classical music and all the instructors saying heartfelt things about Joel. There is a video of him with Melody and him hanging out with friends . . . him as a baby . . . him just being a kid . . . and I am once again overcome by my grief. I try to hold it back, but I can’t. I finally just sit there on the bench in the gym and sob, as Martina wraps her arms around me.
Several minutes go by, and I feel another set of arms go around me—strong arms. I look up and see Tristan.
When the service is over, he takes my hand and we walk in silence out to the pond. We sit down on one of the benches and neither one of us speaks for several minutes.
“I know this has been really hard. For all of us—losing Joel has been tough. I don’t know what to say here, Vivvie, but I miss you so much. I know Lydia told you that I was involved in the situation with Harmony last semester. Please listen to me. I need to explain.”
I look out at the ducks on the pond. I can’t look at him. I am shaking on the inside and feel like I am going to throw up. I finally say, “Yeah. This has been really hard. Joel was a great kid and he was my friend. We lost someone decent. Someone good. And, the crazy thing is, I thought for quite a while that maybe he wasn’t so great . . . that he had horrible ulterior motives like Riley suggested at first.” My voice is low and the lump in my throat just sits there. “And, up until Lydia told me the truth, I spent all semester thinking about how lucky I am to be with a guy as great as you. . . .” I choke out a laugh, but it isn’t one that sounds happy or amused. “How? How? How the hell can you explain? How in the world are you going to explain to me, Tristan, that you knew your psycho ex-girlfriend tried to kill my horse!”
“Trust me, I didn’t want to keep it from you. I didn’t. I had no choice.”
“Choice? Choice! Um, yeah, actually, you did—and the right choice would have been telling me!”
“Vivienne, stop! If I had told you, Sebastian would have wound up dead! I could have wound up dead!” He screams this and there are tears in his eyes, and it stops me—cold.
“What? What did you say?”
He closes his eyes and whispers, “It’s true. This is all about my father and what he’s done, and Lydia knows. She knows.”
I feel heat rising to my face, because I am so confused. None of this is making any sense to me. “I don’t have a clue as to what you’re talking about.”
He wipes his face with the back of his hand. “If I tell you, Vivienne, it will only put you in danger.”
I now lower my voice to a whisper. “If you don’t tell me, then I will have no choice but to go to Kayla and Holden and tell them the truth.”
“You can’t do that. You can’t.”
I sigh. “You’d better start talking.
He takes my hand, and I yank it away. He nods. “Okay. You’re not going to like it.”
“From my point of view, it can’t be any worse than what I’ve already learned.”
“It can. It really can, and it is.”
“No, Tristan. The facts are this: You knew that Lydia poisoned my horse, and Harmony could have died, and you kept what you knew from me! How could it get any worse?”
Over the next half hour, he talks, and his story unfolds, and I am horrified—truly horrified because what he’s just told me is worse than what I ever could have imagined on my own. Much worse. He’s been abused both mentally and physically. His father is a horrible man, and his mother has agoraphobia and refuses to ever leave the house. My heart softens some as I listen, and I feel a sense of affection for him that is warm and familiar. But I don’t trust him enough yet to actually get close and hug him. I slowly try and understand.
I close my eyes. I’m chilled to the bone.
“Vivienne, say something. Anything. Please.”
I open my eyes and look at him—again there are tears in his eyes and I choke up, too.
“Please say something,” he
repeats. “Can we please work this out? I love you. I really do love you.”
I get up off the bench and say, “I love you, too, but I need to be alone. I have to think.”
CHAPTER fifty-eight
School is coming to an end. Tristan and I are trying to work things out. I do love him, but I don’t know if I can get past all of this. He wants badly to go back to where we were, and I want that, too, but can I get past it? I don’t know.
Then, there is Riley. . . . God, so much has changed with my relationships here this semester that it’s no wonder I feel lonely. Martina is still at home, and even though Ri and I have hung out and talked some, I think he is as shocked and upset as I am over Joel’s death. There is this part of me, though, that also doubts whether his grief is entirely real. And I hate that.
Facts are, I think that Riley would go to almost any lengths to be certain his family doesn’t find out he’s gay until after he graduates. And, as much as I hate to think it, it has crossed my mind that I still don’t know what other secrets besides being gay Riley had shared with Joel. . . . Could they have been important enough that Riley might have wanted to kill him? I know it’s a horrible thought, but I can’t deny the possibility. Right now, I don’t trust anyone.
Emily has sunk into a visible depression as well, but she is another one I have questions about. She was hurt by Joel, yet I saw with my own eyes during our last night in Lexington how she changed her tune toward him. There’s something weird to me about the fact that she was his pal again less than twenty-four hours after she learned the truth about him being gay and seeming so angry. She’s got issues. I mean, she just does. She takes meds for anxiety and whatever else. There’s her mom, and the pressure she’s under. I wonder what part Emily played in the events of Joel’s last night alive.
Yeah—my mind has been swirling every single day since Joel’s death.
Dark Harmony: A Vivienne Taylor Horse Lover's Mystery (Fairmont Riding Academy Book 2) Page 25