"I'm just going to talk to him," I tried to reassure her as much as myself. "He needs to know what he did to her. It wasn't right, and I can't let it stand."
"I understand and even agree, but I don't want our family torn apart even further than it already is, Ford," she said in a worried tone. "Promise me that you won't make it worse."
"I promise, Natie," I agreed immediately. "I'm heading over to Dad's place after work. I'll let you know how it goes."
A long silence passed with Natalie's fear and doubt hanging between us, until I couldn't take it anymore.
"I gotta go," I told her softly, needing to end this uncomfortable conversation. "I love you, Natie."
"Okay," she said reluctantly. "I love you, too. Bye."
"Bye." I ended the call and sat staring dejectedly at my phone, suddenly wondering if I had just promised something that I couldn't possibly deliver.
**********
It was surreal as I sat on my bike in my dad's driveway staring at the large gray brick home. As mansions went, it was small. Dad wasn't into ostentatious displays of wealth, but that didn't mean he didn't like nice things. The home was luxurious, yet was still inviting and approachable, and I'd always loved it, until three years ago when my issues with my father began in this very house.
I hadn't been here in a long time. I think I could count on one hand how many times I'd visited in the last few years. I hadn't been here since Christmas, and Natie had been here as a buffer. He was a lot more civil when she was around. He didn't want to upset her or have her realize how bad things were between us. He was deluding himself if he thought he could hide that from Natie. She was smarter than both of us.
I stared at the building some more, my hands gripping the handle bars of my bike tightly as I considered just leaving and going to Jen's apartment right now. However, images of my poor mother, sobbing and broken up over his thoughtless behavior, put a stop to that idea. Anger seethed inside me. He needed to know what he'd done to her today. I growled low in my throat and swung my leg off the machine, determined to see this through.
I took off my helmet and hung it on the handlebar, then stalked up the sidewalk past the immaculate landscaping to the front door. I stabbed at the doorbell with a finger, my anger simmering inside me. I was ready to lay into him as soon as he answered the door, but when it swung open, it wasn't him. His girlfriend, Carolyn, was there instead. I snapped my mouth shut to stifle the tirade I'd been about to launch into.
"Ford," she blurted out in surprise. Her smile faltered a bit, her cornflower blue eyes turning wary as she pushed her long pale blond hair behind her ears. I always got this nervous reaction from her, and it made me wonder what exactly my father had told this woman about me. It couldn't have been anything good. I clenched my teeth in frustration.
Carolyn Reed was a beautiful and striking woman in her late forties, tall and willowy like Mom, but that was the only thing they had in common. The few times I'd been around her, I'd immediately intuited that she was a calm and easygoing woman. She was the exact opposite of my mother. I imagine being that way came in handy since she was a pediatrician. I imagine it was also why Dad started dating her.
"I need to talk to Dad," I grumbled out irritably, glowering at her even though I didn't intend to. She must have moved in with Dad already. I wondered when that happened. I felt kind of bitter about it, since my loyalty to my mother was so strong.
"Oh." She frowned. "Alright." She stepped back hesitantly to let me in.
I moved past her into the large foyer wordlessly, afraid of what I might say right now. I didn't want to give her any ammunition to be more uncomfortable around me than she already was.
"Um, I...I'll go get him," she said, wringing her hands as her eyes darted around uneasily before she hurried away further into the house. I paced in the foyer as I waited, feeling like a damn stranger in my own father's home, and trying to ignore how depressing that thought was.
A few moments later, my father came striding toward me dressed in a pale blue polo shirt and khaki slacks. His blue eyes regarded me coolly as he stopped in front of me. As always, his graying blond hair was perfectly styled, and his face was shaved smooth. He was an older mirror image of me, and represented everything I could have been, but didn't want to be. I always knew he didn't approve of how I led my life, even before our falling out. The only difference now was that he didn't even try to hide it.
"We need to talk, Dad," I said sharply, his aloof demeanor pissing me off.
He sighed. "Fine," he said in a clipped tone. "Let's go into my office." He moved toward the closed door to my left to push it open. I followed him in, walking briskly through the doorway.
Dad's office was warm and earthy like I remembered, but there were feminine touches in the room that I didn't remember being here before. There were a few houseplants scattered throughout the room, and a colorful rug under the desk that was new. Oh, yeah, Carolyn definitely lived here now.
"I don't appreciate you showing up here and upsetting my girlfriend, son," he snapped out sternly after closing the door behind us. He spoke to me like I was a child, and it pissed me off.
"Don't you mean your fiancee, Dad?" I barked back in annoyance. "I saw your announcement on the Internet. Imagine Mom's reaction when she saw it. Especially since she didn't even know you were dating anyone."
"It's none of your mother's business who I'm dating." He crossed his arms over his chest. "We're divorced. Have been for years in case you've forgotten." His tone was condescending now. "I don't have to explain myself to her, or you for that matter."
"Is that how you get out of any responsibility for your actions?" I shook my head in disgust. "You hurt her. You blindsided her, and I was left to pick up the pieces today."
He stared back at me, his lips pressed together tightly. I didn't see one inkling of remorse in his eyes. Holy hell, had he done this on purpose? That possibility filled me with rage.
"You did it on purpose, didn't you?" I snarled at him. "I thought it was because you were too much of a damn coward to tell her yourself."
"I didn't do it on purpose." His eyes hardened and narrowed in anger. "It's none of her goddamn business."
"Did you get off on knowing how much this would hurt her?"
"I'm not the one who gets off on hurting women," he growled back defensively. "That would be you."
I flinched reflexively as sudden pain surged inside me at his words. He was going to throw that in my face now? My eyes stung and I stuffed the tears down, refusing to let him know how much his hurtful words got to me.
"I'm not the sadistic prick who let a woman who still loves him find out on the goddamn Internet that he was engaged to someone else." My voice shook with hurt and anger.
Dad's eyes widened in shocked surprise. My God, he was fucking clueless. How did he not know that Mom still loved him? It was obvious to anyone who paid enough attention. I'd known it since their divorce.
"Yeah, that's right." I glared balefully at him. "She still loves you, even if you don't fucking deserve it."
"Well, she can learn to live with the disappointment, just like I learned to live with being disappointed in my only son." His eyes glittered in anger and accusation.
Horrifying realization hit me at his harsh words. I was just like my mother, waiting and hoping for something that he would never give me again. I'd tried so hard to gain his approval back, just like Mom tried to regain his love. It had all been in vain, a complete waste of fucking time. My heart hardened. Never again. I was done letting him hurt me repeatedly, while I desperately held onto the pointless hope that we could be close again. He'd made it abundantly clear tonight what he thought of me.
"Well, don't fucking worry," I snarled at him harshly, my entire body trembling as I barely held myself together. "I can't disappoint you if you never fucking see me again." I turned and stormed out of the room without waiting for his reaction, desperate to get away from this pain that I knew I couldn't outrun if I tried.
/> I was on my bike in moments, in a rush to get away from this god-awful place. I tried to ignore the fact that I checked my mirror one last time before pulling away, because the disappointment that my father didn't come out and try to stop me was too much to bear.
**********
Promise me that you won't make it worse.
Natie words kept repeating in my head, taunting me time and again as I rode my bike to Jen's apartment. I promised my sister that I wouldn't rip our family apart any further, but I broke that promise and blew it all to hell. Guilt hit me hard. How was I going to tell her? How could I make her understand why I walked out of my father's life without being able to explain why? Would she be so upset with me that she'd write me off over it? That thought made me feel ill. Natie was my sister, my best friend. I didn't want to lose her too.
Brake lights suddenly filled my vision, and I realized that an SUV was stopped in front of me at a red light, and I hadn't noticed until I was right up on it. Heart-stopping terror hit me hard, and my body reacted on pure instinct. I simultaneously squeezed my right hand on the front brake lever and slammed my right foot down hard on the back brake pedal. The sudden deceleration made the back end of my bike start hopping side to side as the tires squealed. My motorcycle shuddered to a stop mere inches from the SUV's back bumper with the back end slightly skewed to one side. I dropped my feet down to the ground and glanced in the side mirror, relieved to see that no one was behind me to rear-end me.
Holy fucking shit. Fear fueled adrenaline flooded my body, my heart feeling like it might pound right out of my goddamn chest. I pushed the bike backward with my feet to get a little more distance between me and the SUV, then sat there shaking and panting to catch my breath as I waited for the light to turn green. Holy hell, I'd just about face-planted into the back of the vehicle in front of me.
Luckily, I was only a few more miles from Jen's apartment at this point, and my close call was enough to get me to focus on my riding again. I shouldn't have ridden the damn thing at all, given the emotional upheaval my dad always caused me. Of course, that wouldn't be a problem anymore after today. That thought made me feel a deep bitter sorrow, and I was a wreck again when I finally pulled to a stop next to Jen's Mini Cooper.
I leapt off my bike, leaving my helmet on the seat, and practically ran to her door. I pounded on it in desperation, my eyes stinging with unshed tears now. My relief was profound when she opened her door. Her brows furrowed in concern when she looked at my face.
"Ford? What-"
I didn't give her a chance to finish her sentence. I surged forward through the open door, slamming it closed behind me before I caught her up in my arms. I pulled her in close and held her tight, burrowing my face in her hair. I started shaking again, and it had nothing to do with my close call on the road. I held onto her like a lifeline, her vanilla musk engulfing me. My God, I needed her so much, loved her so much, that I felt like I couldn't catch my breath.
"Ford," she grunted out. "I can't breath."
I pulled back and buried my hands in her dark silky hair. "Neither can I," I whispered harshly. I took her mouth with mine, consuming her with a fiery possessive kiss that sent blistering desire coursing through my body. This was what I needed. This was how I could make order of the chaos in my head right now. I needed Jen, needed to take control of her body and her pleasure.
Jen became instantly pliant in my arms, a low whimpering moan spilling into my mouth as she gave herself to me without hesitation. Her submission was a heady drug that fed my soul and filled my heart up with love for this remarkable woman. It salved the pain that threatened to unman me.
I pulled away again to admire her gorgeous face. Her sapphire eyes were glazed over with passion, her lips swollen from my feral and violent kiss. After a moment, she frowned at me with a worried expression.
"What's wrong, Ford?" she whispered softly. "Are you okay?"
"No talking," I growled out as I tightened my grip in her hair with one hand and grabbed her ass in the other, thrusting my pelvis into hers. "You belong to me, and I'm taking what's mine."
"Yes, sir," she replied in a soft feminine tone as understanding flooded her eyes. She knew this was what I needed right now, and there would be time to talk later. For now, she would give herself over to me willingly, and help me regain control of the turmoil raging inside me.
I kissed her fiercely again, pushing her back up against the nearby wall. I grabbed her hips and picked her up, so she could wrap her legs around my waist. I ground myself against her, my already rock hard erection pressing against her core. She mewled and writhed wantonly in my arms, her hands clenching desperately in the hair at the back of my head.
I wrenched my lips away from hers again, and carried her upstairs, clutching her possessively against my body. I stopped in the middle of her living room and set her on her feet.
"Naked. Now," I snarled out demandingly, the Dom in me taking over and calming me, her unquestioning submission soothing me like nothing else could.
She hurriedly complied, pulling off her tank top and shorts, then shimming out of her thong. I seared her gorgeous body with my gaze as I reached down to unbuckled my belt as she watched avidly. I let her stand there staring as I pulled the belt out of its loops and removed it. I held it up between my hands meaningfully. Her eyes lit up in glittering arousal.
"Turn around." I stepped forward as she immediately spun around. "Arms behind your back."
She pressed her wrists together at her back and stilled. I wrapped the belt around them and pulled it snug before buckling it tight.
"What's your color?" I asked.
"Green, sir," she whispered hoarsely, her desire pulsating through her entire body. Oh hell yeah, she needed this as badly as I did.
"Face me and kneel," I ordered sternly.
She turned and dropped to her knees at my feet in one swift motion, her molten eyes turned up to me in anticipation. Holy hell, she looked so beautiful in her desire.
"Good girl," I breathed out as I unfastened the fly of my jeans, my cock throbbing insistently now. Her eyes flashed down to my groin and watched in rapt fascination as I pulled my erection out and stroked myself a few times. "Open."
She met my eyes again and opened her mouth. I gripped the base of my cock in my left fist and fed it to her, her plush lips closing around me and wrapping me in soft wet heat. I fisted her hair in my other hand and started thrusting in and out of her mouth ferociously, taking complete control and reveling in the power of it.
Jen moaned and pressed her tongue up against the bottom of my penis, rubbing the wide crown across the roof of her mouth in a way that made me growl with pleasure. Holy fucking hell, it felt so good that she had me riding the edge of my release already. I gave myself over to it, fucking her mouth faster and harder, chasing my orgasm with a determined effort as I let out a string of blistering profanity.
Jen's eyes lit up like fire. I watched saliva drip down her chin as she let out long deep moans of pleasure that sent vibrations traveling up my dick. It was so hot and goddamn erotic that it was too much, and I couldn't hold myself back anymore, even if I wanted to. I gripped her hair tightly in both hands now, hoping like hell that I wasn't hurting her and felt hot searing pleasure detonate inside me like a fucking grenade as it consumed me.
Violent spasms shuddered through my body as long jets of cum flooded Jen's greedy mouth. My hips continued pumping unconsciously as I rode out my orgasm with harsh grunts. She swallowed down everything I gave her with happy moans of pleasure, her eyes closed in ecstasy. Fuck me, it was breathtaking to watch.
I stilled as the last of my release faded away. I stared down at her, mesmerized as she pulled her mouth off me and began licking me clean with soft loving strokes of her tongue. She murmured how much she loved me between licks, until every last drop was gone and my heart ached with how much I loved her and needed her.
I gently pulled her to her feet and unbound her wrists, then scooped her up in my arms. I s
at on the couch and cuddled her close, nuzzling my face against hers. She didn't say a word as she snuggled against me, knowing intuitively that I just needed to hold her right now. Thank God for my Jenny. Even when the rest of my world was tumbling down around me, I still had her love and acceptance of every part of me, and I couldn't be more grateful.
Chapter 8
Jenny
Ford cradled me in his lap and held me tight. There was a desperation in the way he was holding me that I'd never felt before. Worry filled my head, and I couldn't stay silent any longer.
"Ford?" I whispered softly. "Will you tell me what's wrong now?"
I knew something was wrong with Ford since the moment I opened my door to him and saw the desolation and raw pain in his eyes. I wanted him to talk to me then, but when he took me into his arms and clasped me to him like a lifeline in the doorway, I knew immediately that he needed something else. He needed my submission, needed to exert his dominance over me to pull himself back together. I gladly gave myself to him. The fact that he came to me when he was falling apart meant so much to me. I was happy that I could give him what he needed, just like he always did for me.
He let out a long shuddering breath, and tightened his grip on me. "I went to talk to my father," he answered sadly, his voice laced with pain.
I frowned and leaned back to watch Ford's face. His eyes were closed, his features etched with tension. I'd never met his dad, but I didn't like him already. It always caused Ford pain whenever he talked about his falling out with his father.
"I confronted him about how he hurt Mom today." He opened his eyes and met mine. "He told me that I was the one who got off on hurting women, not him."
His eyes glittered with the tears that I knew he felt safe enough to show me. I cradled his face in my hands as righteous anger simmered inside me.
"He...he told me that he was disappointed in me." His voice shook as a few tears trailed down his face. His voice turned bitter. "I told him not to worry about it, since he'd never fucking see me again."
An Act of Release: Order & Chaos Book 2 Page 16