Breathless (Meadowlarks)

by Ashley Christine

  It felt odd being back in my old house. Nothing had changed. They still had it decorated with a nautical theme, which as so unusual for Maine, right? Ha.

  Blues and creams and whites everywhere; my bedroom was still the same too, as was Isaac's. My mother converted her “craft room” into a bedroom for Scarlett. It looked like a fairy-tale forest, and when I stood in the doorway I had to fumble around to find my jaw that had fallen on to the plush carpet.

  A giant tree was painted on the wall. Its roots curled around the edge of the trim, and down to the carpet. The trunk broke off into thick branches which spread across the vast space, and flourished up to the ceiling with big green leaves. Little fairies were delicately painted, by my dad's hand, I was sure, in the tree and flying all around it. Little balls of yellow light detailed on their wings, and upon closer inspection he had also painted them little houses hidden amongst the leaves.

  “Dad, this is just...wow.” I marveled at his masterpiece and he stood there, looking around and smiling, as he was very proud of his work.

  “Papa, are you gonna paint my room next?” Isaac jumped at my dad's side, holding his arm in his hands.

  “Sure, buddy. What are you in to now? Dinosaurs still?”

  Isaac thought about it for a minute. “No, not any more. Now I like dirt bikes and four-wheelers!”

  I can thank Blaine and Alex for that one.

  Mom and I made lobster for dinner, with rolls and potatoes and steamed broccoli, my mouth was watering when we all sat down at the table. I haven't had a meal like this in far too long.

  Isaac told my parents all about school in Wyoming, and when they asked if there were any pretty girls around, he blushed and glares at me.

  “What?” I asked, with a mouthful of melting and buttery lobster.

  “Mom thinks I like this one girl who lives down the road. But I don't!” He whined and stuck out his lip. “She's just my friend.”

  “Ohhh.” I smiled. “You mean Reece? Yeah, she's a cutie.”

  He blushed again and stabbed his lobster with his fork. “Mom!”

  “All right, all right!” I put my hands up defensively and smiled at Scarlett. “Isaac's funny, isn't he?”

  She giggled and stuffed mashed potato in her mouth.

  Yep, that kid eats with as much class as her father did. The thought of Alex made me sad and for a moment I missed him deeply, I wished he were here with us.

  My phone beeped and I pulled it out of my pocket. It's a text from Leah. I didn't even tell her I was coming. I looked at my mother. She smiled and shrugged.

  Leah: When were u planning on telling us u were here?!?!?!

  I smiled and respond. Surprise!

  Leah: Club. Tonight?

  I looked over to my mom again, who was still smiling at me. My dad was eating, unaware I was even texting. Mom cleared her throat and whispered. “Go.”

  This woman knows me too well.

  Me: Pick me up at 11.

  I finished my dinner, and spent some time with Scarlett in front of my dad's baby grand piano. She pounded on the pearly white keys, loudly playing an adorable number for everyone.

  Isaac clapped his hands and cheered for her, which got her even more excited and she wiggled her little body all over my knees with anticipation of more praise.

  Scarlett fell asleep on my dad's chest, while he was sprawled on the tufted leather chaise. Her nose nuzzled into his shirt, and his arms were protectively holding her in place.

  “I could lay here all night, Ann.” He smiled warmly at my mom, who had tears in her eyes while watching the two of them. “She's just like you were Ry. A little angel.”

  “Oh, dad. You're going to spoil her, I just know it.”

  “How couldn't we?” My mom laughed softly. “Isaac, baby? You want some ice cream?”

  Speaking of spoiling!

  “Mom! It's almost ten o'clock. He needs to go to bed.”

  “Oh Riley, a little won't hurt him.”

  I huffed, knowing I was fighting a losing battle. Grandparents always win over the parents.

  Isaac stuck his tongue out at me playfully and I darted mine out right back at him. He giggled and followed my mom into the kitchen, ready for his ice cream.

  Scarlett slept soundly in her fairy forest, and my dad had challenging Isaac to a game of basketball on the PlayStation. They were both sitting cross-legged on the floor, leaning their bodies and turning their hands with each movement in the game. Like their actions control the players and not the buttons they were pushing on the controllers.

  I headed up to my old room and opened my closet doors. It's like stepping into a time capsule, only this one hadn’t been buried for decades. More like, two years. But it seemed like forever ago that I wore anything in here.

  I inattentively trailed my fingertips along each hanger, remembering an occasion when I wore each item on the rack. I stopped at the coral colored dress, pulled it off the hanger and held it up. The last time I wore this, I remembered standing with my back turned and Alex was behind me.

  We left The Club together after he visited with Addison and Blaine. We finally admitted our feelings to one another, and we also conceived our daughter that night.

  I touched the lace back of the dress, feeling the embossed flowers, and smiling at the memory of Alex peeling this off of me.

  He kissed and sucked my shoulders and back while he pulled it down my body and it pooled at my feet on the floor. “You're so fucking sexy,” he growled at me. “I have wanted this for way too long.”

  “Have it,” I breathed, heated by my thumping heart.

  With my dress in my hand, I pulled my phone from my pocket and called Alex.

  He answered in two rings. “Hello?”

  “Hi, babe.” I smiled when I heard his deep voice.

  “Oh, babe. I miss you.”

  “I miss you.” I frowned.

  He sighed into the phone. “How's everyone? How's Scarlett?”

  “They're good. She's great. Fell asleep on my dad after dinner. What are you up to?”

  I could hear the sound of the TV in the background.

  “Just watching the game. Bruins are winning four to one.”

  I’m not sad I'm missing it. “Sounds awesome. I’m going out with the girls tonight.”

  “Oh, are you now?” He breathed.

  I smiled, knowing this would probably get him going. “Yeah, just looking at something to wear. I’m not sure though. I think I'll just settle for this boring coral dress with a lace back. It's comfy.”

  “Riley, you know I remember that dress. I remember everything you wear, especially what I take off of you.”

  My insides shifted and clenched. I licked my lips, thinking of Alex's hands on my body.

  “Are you really going to wear that?” he asked dryly.

  “Well, yeah. Why?”

  “Put it on and take a picture. Send it to me.”

  I laughed. “Anything for you babe. Love you.”

  “I love you. Be good,” he said huskily.

  “Bye, Alex.”

  I tossed the phone on the bed and pulled off my clothes, swapping my regular black bra for a strapless one, I pulled the dress over my body. It still fit like a second skin, like it had been painted on my frame.

  I curled my long black hair, twisting each thick tendril in my fingers. I applied enough eyeliner and mascara to enhance my eyes and add touch of gloss to my lips. I was ready to go by the time Leah texted me that they would be here in five minutes to pick me up.

  A quick selfie in the mirror with my cellphone and I sent the picture to Alex. Eat your heart out handsome.

  He texted back within seconds. Come home. NOW.

  “Holy shit, Riley! You look amazing!” Camille is the first to bounce from Leah's BMW as she skipped up the stone walkway to hug me.

  “Hey, girl!” I hugged her tightly, as I miss them all so much.

  Zoe and Leah join our embrace and we stood, giggling and hugging for a few minutes. />
  “Okay, my mascara's gonna start to run if I start crying, so let's go!” I laughed, and the sound of eight high-heeled shoes clicked down the stone quickly.

  I wasn’t sure why I expected things to change in my absence, and, like my parent's house—minus Scarlett's bedroom, The Club hadn't changed either. It was still the same, and when we walked through the double doors it seemed the crowd inside hadn't changed much either.

  I felt different though, like I had turned in to someone else. Someone I still had yet to fully recognize and accept.

  “What can I get you?” The huge-breasted bartender shouted to me from behind the counter.

  “Tom Collins!” I shouted back and smiled.

  She nodded and started working on my drink.

  I pulled out the straw from the glass she handed me, and I chugged back the tingly drink in one shot.

  The girls all gaped at me and I laughed. “What?”

  “Well, let's dive right in, shall we?” Zoe snorted.

  “Why not?” I said with sass and took their hands, pulling them all behind me onto the big dance floor. “Besides, when will the four of us be together like this again? Little Miss Marshall is too busy gettin’ famous!”

  Leah blushed and curtsied. She surprised everyone by quitting her accounting job to fulfill her dream—to be a singer.

  Suddenly I was twenty-seven again, the single mother of one child who was sleeping peacefully at our home on 870 Milestone Avenue with my parents just down the hallway. I was bouncy and fun and invigorated. I shook my hips and danced my ass off, swinging to the pulse of the music and smiling at the three gorgeous girls I had with me.

  Four more Tom Collins' later I was beyond happy, I was thrilled...inexplicably vivacious.

  Damn Zoe for snapping me out of my reminiscing. “I wish Addy was here!” She said, bouncing to the beat.

  Twenty-nine again. Two babies again. Living in Wyoming. The new Riley Harrison, the boring Riley Harrison. I as just missing the SUV with the four stick figure family members placed on the back window.

  I felt guilty thinking like that, I cherished my children more than words could say, and I wouldn't change anything about them. But I miss Maine, I miss this. Couldn't we just stay?

  “Well aren't you just a sight for sore eyes?” A voice rasped from behind me into my ear.

  I turned and almost threw up on the spot.

  Jacob was standing there, looking like a predator.

  “You’ve got to be freaking kidding me, Jacob. Get lost!”

  “Oh, aren't we snippy. Does the high altitude in Buttfuck Idaho give you some extra entitlement?” He glared at me with those crazy copper eyes, piercing my flesh and making me shudder.

  “Leave us alone, asshole,” Camille sneered and pulled me away from him.

  He reached and grabbed my wrist. “Where's Red?”

  “You're on glue if you think she would come near you. Touch me again and I’ll punch you in the fucking throat.” I pulled my arm away and rubbed where his grip seared my skin.

  He lunged for me and as fast as he did, someone shoved him down onto the black tiled floor. He skimmed on the floor for a few feet and stopped, almost knocking a couple of younger girls over. I smiled at the sight of him on the floor and turned to see who came to my rescue.

  “Riley. How are you?”

  I licked my lips, trying to give them moisture so I would be able to speak. I swallowed hard, but still nothing came out. I stood, amidst a blur of dancing limbs attached to colorful clothing, and looked into the eyes that so lovingly looked at me each day.

  The eyes of my son—or should I say, the eyes my son got from his father. Dane Sullivan, the one and only.

  Chapter Three

  “D-Dane...Hello.” I am a ball of clusterfuck right now.

  He looked like he had stepped out of the pages of GQ, or Men's Health. He was wearing ripped and faded blue jeans, a tight black V-neck t-shirt, and his hair was still as I remember. Shaved so short it's almost non-existent. His eyes were blazing emerald green, and damn if I wasn’t clenching my damn thighs as I drank from his cup of gorgeous poison.

  “You look breathtaking, Riley,” he said, flashing his amazingly perfect teeth at me, the small dimples in his cheeks beckoned me to lick them. “It's been too long, can we talk?”

  He held out his palm and I didn’t even hesitate to put my hand in it, he led me away and I heard slightly muffled voices calling for me.

  The girls.

  I was sure they were going to give me shit for this one. But I’m curious as to why after ten years Dane as here and wanted to talk.

  The terrace was covered in the cool March air, and I was relieved when I stepped out feeling like I could finally breathe. He led me to a small table and pulled out a chair for me to sit, and I do, crossing one long leg over the other.

  “Damn, you're still so sexy.” He inhaled deeply when his eyes traveled up my body, gazing intently at me. “Come to bed with me.”

  I dropped my jaw and I’ sure my eyes bulged out of their sockets at his audacious request. “You're kidding me.” I smirked, not believing what he had just said and how much nerve he had to even ask me. “What are you doing here, Dane?”

  “I'm still in Maine. My company is doing so well in Augusta, that I am constructing another building here.”

  “What company?” I asked, annoyed.

  “Don't you get the checks every month? It has my letterhead on the paper.” He smiled and pulled his chair closer to mine.

  I leaned in close to him and bit my lip. “Wanna know what I do with those, Dane? I rip them open, pull out the check and burn the rest. The money goes into an account for my son for college; whatever else you send is ash.”

  His eyes narrowed and he looked so sexy in that moment I reminded myself that I hated him and I loved Alex.

  Do not jump him, Riley. Don't do it.

  “Well, I guess it doesn't matter what I do then. As long as Isaac has a bright future ahead of him.”

  “He's perfect,” I bit out.

  “Well, you're his mother. Of course he is.”

  I rolled my eyes until they were in the back of my head. “Okay, well. Nice catching up. See ya.”

  I stood up to leave but he grabbed my hand, pulling me down onto his too-freaking-sexy-and-whoa-there's-a-bulge lap. I tried to pull away and he overpowered me. Now we were inches from a kiss. I breathed so heavily I was afraid the windows were going to start to fog.

  “Please, don't,” I whispered.

  Damn alcohol for making me feel like I was powerless, and damn Dane Sullivan for showing up and flipping my world upside down.

  “You are immaculate, you know that? God, every time I think about you I get hard.”

  “Every time I think about you, Dane,” I breathed, right into his open mouth. “I thank God you walked out of my life.”

  Ladies and Gentlemen, Riley Harrison is back.

  I got up from his lap and slowly walked backwards away from him. Biting my lower lip, narrowing my eyes seductively and pulling a curled tendril of hair. “Bye, Sperm Donor.” With a wink, I turned on my five inch heel and walked my ass back in to find my girls and dance the rest of the night away.

  ***

  I do not want to say goodbye to my parents, and they were even more upset having to see us off at the airport.

  Mom was bawling and my dad was holding her, consoling her while we walked away, trying to smile as we left.

  I mouthed I love you to them and they both waved.

  Isaac slept on the flight, only waking during our two stops.

  Scarlett was a very pleasant flier, which was wonderful because I had been on flights when babies were screaming and it's more stressful for the parent than that of the other annoyed passengers. Scarlett ate some arrowroot cookies and drank from her sippy cup while we waited for our last connecting flight to good ol' Sheridan.

  I was exhausted when I walked out of the gate and headed for baggage claim. I'm sure I looked like
a hot mess, too. When I saw Alex my eyes lit up and I almost ran to him; baby in one arm and the other dragging Isaac, who was carrying my giant purse/diaper bag.

  Alex took Scarlett from my arms and pulled me into his body. Like it was natural, I curled into the area of his chest where I felt safe and comfortable, and I breathed a sigh of relief.

  “Baby, I missed you so much,” Alex said, and he kissed the top of my head.

  “You have no idea how much I missed you.” I smiled, and then whisper in his ear. “Every. Single. Night.”

  “Okay. Let's go home!” He grinned.

  We quickly round up our luggage from baggage claim and headed home.

  Home.

  A word I took for granted last week, very snobbishly it seemed, and I was disgusted in myself. I'm so lucky to have everything that I have—two healthy children, a good man who truly loves me, and wonderful friends and parents who care about every aspect of my life.

  Why the hell was I so stupid in Maine? This was really where I was supposed to be. Dane's appearance, and even Jacob's, reminded me of why that place needs to be in my past.

  I wonder if I could convince my parents to move here.

  “So what exactly did you do for four days?” I looked around the kitchen at the full sink and cluttered counter tops.

  “Ugh...” Alex scratched his head and smiles. “I couldn't function without you. Ask Blaine and Addy, I was too sad to do anything.”

  “You're full of it.” I teased, and playfully punched his shoulder. “I am going to show you this new device that came out recently. It's called a dishwasher.”

  “I thought you—”

  “Alex. If you finish that sentence with a comparison of me and a dishwasher, you had better start getting used to using your own hand.” I held up my hand and wiggled my fingers, smirking at him.

  “Wanna watch me with my own hand?” He grinned and took my hand, kissing and biting my knuckles.

  Damn…

  Yes.

  ***

  After the kids fell asleep, Alex and I sat on the couch watching late night TV and eating popcorn. Two separate bowls of course, since I spritz mine with vinegar, and Alex thinks I am gross for doing it.