The Missionary's Purpose

by Kat Brookes

  “I’m still lost,” Jake pointed out.

  “Sorry,” Mason said with a grin. “I tend to get sidetracked whenever Lila’s around. Anyway, she was telling you all about her swing, but it was clear you weren’t hearing a word she was saying.”

  “Talking about dinosaurs always gets Finn’s attention whenever he’s distracted,” she said. “I figured it was worth a shot.”

  “It worked,” Jake admitted. “A porch swing sounds like a perfect addition to your new home. I apologize for zoning out on you. I promise it wasn’t intentional.”

  Her smile softened. “I know it wasn’t. We’re just glad we’re able to spend a little time with you before heading over to the new house today.”

  “Same here,” Jake told her.

  “Does that mean you’ll be coming out of your room more often?” Mason asked before taking a drink of his sweet tea.

  “I’m taking it day by day,” Jake told him. He couldn’t promise anything more. It was too hard facing the world outside, not only physically but with the knowledge that because of him Corey would never again watch the clouds roll across the sky, inhale the sweet spring air, and so many other things people simply took for granted. It was something he thought about often, especially during the quiet moments when he and Addy were sitting out on the porch.

  “I think getting out of your room helps,” Mason said. “In fact, the most relaxed I’ve seen you since you came home was when I joined you and Addy for breakfast the other morning.”

  Jake tensed at the mention of Addy and the morning they’d spent together. He remembered the fun and the calm before the emotional storm had blown in.

  “Mason,” Lila said in soft warning.

  “It’s all right, Lila,” Jake told her. “It’s the truth. I won’t deny it. That morning felt like old times. But that’s not where Addy and I are now, and I’ll admit that I regret the way I ended things that day. But it doesn’t change anything.” Lila’s reaction told Jake that she was aware of what had happened between him and Addy the day before. “Truth is, I’m not in a place right now in my life to focus on my issues with Addy. Not with...”

  “I understand,” Lila said with an empathetic smile. “I’ll say a prayer for you. Maybe the Lord can help you to find your way back to a better place.”

  “Better yet,” Mason said, “go to church with us this Sunday. Ask Him yourself.”

  Jake gave a determined head shake. “I’m not there yet.”

  Mason frowned. “Then we’ll pray for you until you’re ready to do so yourself.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Finn was so excited to see you out the other day,” Lila said, her cheery tone cutting through the emotion that had settled over the room. “He tells us he offered to drive you around until your leg gets better,” Mason added. At the mention of their son, his brother reached out to cover Lila’s hand with his own, giving it an affectionate squeeze.

  His brother and Lila were blessedly happy together. Even after what she’d done to him. To their family. But Jake couldn’t sit there in judgment of his brother as he, too, had chosen to forgive Lila. He’d done so for Finn’s sake. To spare his nephew the emotional pain of a family at odds. However, with each passing day, he and Lila were growing closer.

  “He did,” Jake confirmed with a nod. “And I might just have to take him up on his offer.”

  The front door swung open in the entryway, and Finn strode into the room in the same way Mason often did. Like father, like son had come into play so many times since Finn had come into their lives. Oh, how he longed to have a son of his own. Or a daughter. The thought had no sooner passed through his mind than the image of a smiling Addy took its place.

  “I’m ready to build now,” Finn announced, saving Jake from himself. His nephew’s grin spread wide beneath what appeared to be a milk mustache. “Gramma gave me milk and cookies. And I get to be Aunt Addy’s taster after dinner. She’s making a new recipe and it’s up to me to tell her if it’s good or not.”

  Jake fought the downward pull of his mouth at hearing that he’d been replaced as Addy’s recipe tester, which made no sense at all. He was the one who had told her not to come back.

  “Lucky you,” Lila said. “Your aunt Addy is a wonderful cook. Did she happen to say what she’s going to be making?”

  “Chocolate peanut butter banana nut bread!”

  Jake’s stomach gave an involuntary rumble. He really should be the one tasting Addy’s recipes. But, no, he’d allowed his feelings to overtake him, resulting in his shutting her out of his life—again.

  “Any chance I could get an invite to dinner tonight?” Mason asked Lila.

  She laughed softly. “You’re always welcome to join us. You don’t need an invitation.”

  “I suppose we should get going,” Mason said. “We don’t want to be late for dinner.”

  “And for chocolate peanut butter banana nut bread with milk,” Finn added.

  “Speaking of milk,” Lila said, rising from the sofa, “we need to go scrub your face before we drive over to the house.”

  Finn scrunched his brows. “I took a bath last night,” he said, as if his momma needed reminding of it. “And I don’t need help anymore washing my face. I’m almost ten.”

  “That you are,” she agreed, her love for her son shining in her eyes. “But you might want to wash that strip of dried milk off your lip before we go.”

  Finn’s tongue swept out to capture the remaining crumbs and swipe his lip clean. Then he smiled up at his momma.

  “Nice try,” she said, laughing softly. “But the dried milk is still there.” Placing a hand at the small of his back, she guided him toward the kitchen. “You’re too young for a mustache of any sort,” she told him as they left the room. “Even if it’s only milk.”

  As their voices faded away, Mason sat forward on the sofa, his grin disappearing. Resting his elbows on his thighs, he threaded his fingers together. “Jake, what happened with you and Addy?” His brows knit together in concern. “Like I said, you two seemed to be genuinely enjoying each other’s company at breakfast that day. And she’s been coming around.”

  “As a favor to Momma.”

  “I think there’s more to it than that for Addy,” Mason replied.

  He met his brother’s worried gaze. “How am I supposed to explain what’s going on between Addy and me when I don’t even understand it? One minute I’m angry with her. The next I’m feeling like I used to toward her when things were right between us. Then, once again, things come up that remind me I never really knew who Addy was and that I would be a fool to trust her again.”

  “Let me tell you something,” his brother said. “I’d rather have risked being proven a fool where Lila was concerned than to never have taken the chance. If I hadn’t, I would have lived the rest of my life without Lila in it and my heart empty.”

  “I’m glad it worked out for you and Lila,” Jake said, meaning it wholeheartedly. “But you loved Lila. Had never stopped loving her.”

  “And you feel nothing for Addy?”

  “What?” Jake said, taken aback by the question. No, he didn’t. Not after what she’d done. Not anymore.

  “I suggest you take a deeper look inside your heart where Addy is concerned,” Mason told him. “Because her actions wouldn’t have affected you so greatly if you didn’t still harbor some sort of affection for her. You’ve heard the saying—love hurts.”

  Jake tensed. “I think I know my own heart.” Which was the problem. His heart wanted to forgive Addy, but his stubborn head was determined to hold out. Love or not.

  Finn bounced into the room, a bundle of joyous energy as usual. “We’re ready to go!”

  Lila followed him into the room. “Finn is anxious to try his hand at hammering nails today,” she explained with a smile in Jake’s direction.

  “Do y
ou wanna come with us?” Finn asked Jake. “You could watch me and Daddy build our house.”

  “I’ll be helping, too,” Lila said.

  “That’s right,” Mason nodded. “We’re doing this as a family.”

  Do I want to watch them? That innocent question served as a reminder of where he was at in his life. Sitting on the sidelines, watching everyone else live their lives. Jake fought against a surge of self-pity. As he did whenever that feeling came over him, he thought about Corey, and guilt swamped him. Corey hadn’t been given the chance to live through his injuries. Jake had. And yet there he was, wallowing again over what he wasn’t able to be doing short term. By the grace of God, he would heal up. He would pick peaches again. He would drive his ATV. And someday, he would hammer nails into a house of his own. The Lord had given him a second chance. Could he find it in himself to do the same for Addy?

  Jake managed a smile for his nephew. “If your momma and daddy don’t mind me tagging along, I’ll go along for the ride.”

  “You will!” Finn exclaimed.

  “You will?” Mason said in surprise.

  Jake nodded. “For a little while.”

  “I can run you back if you get tired,” Lila offered. “I can’t wait for you to see how much has been done on the house since you were there last.”

  “I’ll call Momma and let her know you’re heading out with us,” Mason said, wasting no time in pulling out his cell phone to make that call. Jake had no intention of pulling out. He’d already given Finn his word.

  “Finn, how about giving me a push to my room before we go?” Jake said. “I want to throw on a sweatshirt.”

  He didn’t have to be asked twice. Finn hurried around to the back of Jake’s wheelchair, grabbing a hold of the rubber handle grips.

  Jake looked to his brother. “We won’t be long.”

  Mason nodded.

  Finn backed the wheelchair away from the coffee table and turned it toward the open doorway.

  “Be careful,” Lila called out. “Your uncle’s still healing up.”

  “I know,” Finn said as he pushed Jake from the room.

  “Maybe I’ll be able to help you build your house someday,” his nephew said as he pushed Jake down the hallway to his room.

  His house. An image of a smiling Addy seated on a wide set of porch steps in front of a cedar-sided ranch house rose up in his mind. The house he planned to build someday on the land his daddy had left him. The house he’d one day hoped to raise a family in. If only she didn’t look so right sitting there.

  Chapter Six

  Addy slipped out onto the porch, hoping a fresh dose of evening air might help to soothe her troubled thoughts. She’d always been taken by the night sky one saw beyond the city lights, with its blanket of stars twinkling ever so brightly. Only tonight, there seemed to be no easing her worries over Jake. And her focus was drawn in the direction of the moonlit orchard rather than the stars above.

  Jake had made it clear he didn’t want her near him, and she had, no matter how hard it had been, respected his wishes. But it didn’t feel right doing so. It was like she was quitting on him. They’d come so close to mending the rift between them, and now they were right back where they’d started when she’d first come home.

  Maybe this was where she needed to bare her soul to the Lord, like Jake’s momma had when she’d gone through a troubled time. But to do so, Addy knew she had to put her fear of God rejecting her aside and cling to what she’d once been taught of the Lord. He was merciful. He was forgiving. He was compassionate. He would lead her in the direction she was meant to go, and she would trust in His plans for her. Whatever they might be.

  “I do trust in You,” she said as she sat at the porch’s edge, looking up into the twinkling heavens above.

  “Addy?”

  The screen door eased open behind her. Addy glanced back as Lila stepped out onto the porch. “Hi,” she said with a forced smile.

  Lila glanced around. “I thought I heard voices.”

  “Only me,” Addy told her. “I was having a heart-to-heart with God.”

  “You were?”

  Addy shrugged. “I figured it’s as good a time as any to test the waters.”

  “Mind if I join you? I promise to sit here quietly.”

  “I think I’ve said all I have to say to God tonight,” Addy said, motioning to the vacant area beside her.

  “Couldn’t sleep?” Lila asked as her gaze lifted to the sky.

  “Not really. You?”

  “Same. My mind’s too full of wedding plans and house-decorating decisions.” She looked to Addy. “Everything okay?”

  “I feel like I’m always letting someone down,” she said, hating the catch she heard in her voice as she spoke.

  Lila leaned in and wrapped a supportive arm around her shoulders. “You’ve never let me down. Ever.”

  “And I never will,” Addy said determinedly. “You are my dearest friend and the sister of my heart.”

  “As you are mine,” Lila replied, a sheen of tears filling her eyes. “And I hate seeing you so unhappy. I wish things had worked out with you spending time with Jake.”

  “Me, too,” Addy said, pasting on a smile as she fought to collect herself. “It was definitely the shortest job I’ve ever held.” Humor had gotten her through the hard times in her life. Through the fear. Through the hunger. Through the separation from her momma. She prayed it might, if only in a small way, now ease some of the pain she felt over the loss of a friendship she’d held dear for so very long. Of the man she had come to care for far too deeply.

  Lila offered an empathetic smile. “I’d say it lasted longer than either of us expected it would when Mrs. Landers accepted your offer to help out with Jake. To be honest, after his not-so-warm reception that first day, I was surprised he didn’t send you packing the moment you showed up at his house that morning with your sunny smile and pecan waffles.”

  Still pondering her last thought, Addy nodded distractedly. “I suppose you’re right. I was fortunate to have gotten to spend any time with him.” She looked to Lila. “Those few days we spent together felt like everything was finally falling back into place for us. Like we’d once been with each other, at ease, sharing laughter over the silliest of things. I’ve missed that so much. Missed him so much,” she added with a sigh.

  “It’s hard when someone you love shuts you out of their heart,” Lila acknowledged with a nod. “I went through that with Mason, and it hurts so deeply.”

  Addy looked to Lila in confusion. “I don’t love Jake.” But the words, after she’d spoken them, rang far from true. How had that happened? When had her feelings gone from friendship to love?

  “If that’s what you’ve been telling yourself, then I think you need to look a little deeper into your heart,” Lila replied. “I’ve been there during some of your calls to his momma, not that they knew I was there with you, and saw the way you reacted when Jake would commandeer the house phone before his momma could get to it. I saw the smiles that lit up your face. The joy that filled your voice. You can’t tell me you don’t feel something for Jake.”

  “Lila,” Addy said, “Jake is...well, he’s like a brother to me.”

  Lila raised a challenging brow.

  “He’s twenty-six,” she said with a troubled frown. “I’m twenty-nine.”

  “Jake will be twenty-seven in January,” her friend pointed out. “That’s not even three years’ difference between the two of you.”

  “But I’m older,” she said, trying to make her friend see reason. But age was no longer an issue. She and Jake were both grown adults.

  “So you’re a cougar,” Lila said with a shrug, followed by a grin.

  Addy gave her a sisterly shove. “I am not a cougar.”

  Lila meowed aloud and pretended to swipe a claw.

  “Mo
mma?” Finn’s voice sounded from the other side of the screen door.

  Addy and Lila turned as the screen door creaked open and he stepped outside to join them.

  “Honey, what are you doing up?” Lila asked. “Are you feeling okay?”

  “I got up to get a drink of water and heard people talking out on the porch. Then I heard you meow.”

  Addy muffled a snort of laughter as she scooted away from Lila to make room for Finn to join them. “Have a seat,” she offered, patting the porch floor beside her.

  He settled himself down and looked up at his momma. “Why were you pretending to be a cat?”

  “I...” she began, “well, your aunt Addy and I were...”

  “Playing Name That Animal,” Addy said, wondering if the Lord forgave little mistruths. Finn was too young to understand the workings of the heart. Or the depth of gratitude Addy felt toward Lila for lightening her mood when she was so confused over her feelings for Jake.

  “Can I play?” he asked excitedly.

  “Sure,” Lila answered with a smile as she reached out to smooth down some of the sleep-mussed strands of his hair. “And it’s your turn.”

  Finn pursed his lips, moving them up and down over and over again. He looked from Lila to Addy expectantly.

  “You got anything?” Addy asked Lila.

  “A baby bird?” she guessed.

  “Nope,” Finn said, shaking his head.

  “We need a sound,” Addy told him.

  “Can’t,” Finn said, shaking his head. “I’d need a glass of water.”

  “Water?” She met Lila’s equally confused gaze.

  Finn erupted into laughter. “I’m a fish!”

  Addy broke into laughter, too. Wrapping her arm around him, she gave him an affectionate squeeze.

  “You win,” Lila announced with a grin.

  No, it was Addy who had won. Because she had these two very special people in her life. They, along with Mama Tully, would help get her through this heartache with Jake. Because no matter how deeply she felt for him, she had to accept that those feelings would never be reciprocated. You can’t love someone you don’t trust.