That Night

by Cecily Wolfe

  This would be the second of Cass’s three days of suspension, and she wondered if she would be able to get through it without hitting someone herself. How many times did someone get suspended before they were expelled? The idea came into her mind unbidden, and while it was a consideration that should have alarmed her, she felt nothing.

  When she came into the kitchen and found her father heating up a frying pan, a package of bacon on the counter beside him, she tried to smile. He frowned gently in response.

  “Not buying it, huh?”

  She tried to sound nonchalant, but that didn’t work, either.

  “Coffee and bacon. It won’t fix everything, but it helps get you through. Did you know that I wasn’t a coffee drinker until I met your mom?”

  What? No, she didn’t know, and she also didn’t know that there was anything she didn’t know about them as a couple. That seemed really obnoxious somehow, she thought. To think that she knew everything about them, as if they hadn’t existed before her, or if she had a right to know everything about who they were before they became her parents.

  Her head was still a little muddled, so maybe she wasn’t thinking straight about this, either. As she worked through her thoughts over the next few seconds, her father continued, clearly not expecting a response.

  “When we were in college, she had this fancy cappuccino or espresso maker, something like that, that her parents had bought her, but she could never figure out how to use it. She just didn’t have the patience, although it wasn’t that difficult and there was no reason why she couldn’t have followed the directions. I was able to use it, but one day the little glass carafe shattered, and my hand was cut all over, just little cuts, but it was bleeding like my whole hand had been chopped off. She flipped out and insisted on taking me to the emergency room, although I knew that I didn’t need stitches. The next day I bought her a five dollar coffee maker, and we never looked back.”

  He couldn’t possibly know that this wasn’t the best time for her to hear anything else that would bring on a wave of emotion, but he didn’t seem surprised or distressed at the tears rising in her eyes.

  “Hey, I didn’t mean to upset you. I always think about her when I make coffee.”

  He looked away from her, his expression more wistful than sad.

  “I think you’ll always think of Kay, maybe when you don’t expect it. There are so many connections you have to her, and there’s no reason why you shouldn’t think of her.”

  She nodded, and their time over coffee and bacon turned into a discussion of upcoming tests and projects at school, as well as college application deadlines. She knew she had to narrow down her choices over the next few weeks, and had been waiting to see which schools were going to offer Kayla soccer scholarships. Now that wasn’t on the table . . .

  Cass had never wanted to go to college, and Kay wasn’t worried about going on her own, but she and Kay had wanted to stay together if they could. Paul had wanted to follow Kay, and Sarah knew this had made Kayla concerned, as if she had to choose based on Paul’s preferences and scholarship offers as well. Her head was full of the worries

  Kayla had carried as she left for school, driving carefully and forcing herself to focus on her surroundings. She wasn’t paying much attention as she walked into school, though, past the crowd that seemed to part for her, past the stares that ranged from sympathetic to curious to wary, and jumped when someone grabbed her arm.

  “Oh, Sarah, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

  Sarah’s head snapped up and her voice came out more clipped than she wanted.

  “I’m not scared.”

  The girl was a friend of Kay’s from the athletic leadership group, the cheerleading captain, and she had another girl at her side. They both seemed a little nervous, but their smiles appeared genuine.

  “Oh, I know you aren’t. I just meant, right now, I just wanted to get your attention. You didn’t notice when I said your name, so . . .”

  Sarah stared at her. What did she want? The other girl looked at her, then at the cheerleading captain before she spoke, her voice high and sweet like a bell.

  “We had an idea, something for Kayla, but we wanted to talk to you and Cassidy about it. We don’t want to do anything the two of you don’t approve of, and we mean that in a good way, not because we’re afraid of you or anything.”

  Sarah almost laughed.

  “Hey, Sarah, everything good here?”

  Danny was suddenly beside her, and Sarah wondered why she was so popular this morning.

  “It’s fine, Danny, thanks.”

  He didn’t move after she reassured him, though, and stood there as if he was waiting for something. The cheerleading captain smiled at him, and Sarah realized that the girl liked him.

  “Your idea?” she asked, reminding her of why she was talking to Sarah in the first place.

  “Oh,” she returned her gaze to Sarah, then looked back to Danny quickly. Sarah wasn’t sure what she found in Danny’s face, but the look she gave Sarah afterwards was full of some realization and a kindness that may have come from more than pity. She fought the urge to turn and look at the boy herself.

  “It’s about the Homecoming bonfire this week.”

  Day Twenty-Five

  Wednesday

  The newspaper advisor had approached Sarah yesterday, along with Nika, the cheerleaders, and several of Kayla’s soccer teammates. School was starting to feel like some sort of communal confession, where Sarah was the one giving absolution. Everyone was sorry, even those who had nothing to do with anything negative that had happened.

  Some people were just sorry that Kayla was gone, and that Sarah had lost a friend. Still, she was tired of nodding and smiling, her lips tight as she attempted to be grateful. She was almost eighteen, nearly an adult, and she wanted nothing more than to have someone with her to deal with this sudden popularity, if it could be called that.

  Danny was growing on her, and at least he kept his distance, even as he remained watchful. It was reassuring, he was reassuring, but she wanted to feel as if she could handle this alone. In less than a year she would be alone, away at college by herself, and she was learning what that meant without Cass and Kay by her side every day.

  The slip from the guidance counselor arrived just before lunch, and she was almost glad to see it so she could avoid the crowd. It was Spirit Week in honor of the Homecoming festivities that weekend, but she hadn’t dressed up like they usually did, the three of them taking advantage of the opportunity to mirror each other and put a creative spin on whatever theme was scheduled for the day. Wednesday was Twin Day, and the idea of being at school without Cass and Kayla, the three of them dressed exactly the same, as triplets rather than twins, had made her stomach churn the moment she understood what was going on as she looked around her that morning.

  She hadn’t paid too much attention to the announcements over the PA, and the pajamas and Hawaiian outfits that had stood out over the past few days didn’t really speak to anything in her memories of how they had dressed. But Twins Day . . .

  Well, she wasn’t going to freak out while she was with the counselor and give the woman what she wanted. When Sarah reached the office and stood at the door to the woman’s office, she noticed that there was a folder on the desk with Kayla’s name on it. She frowned as the counselor spoke her name.

  “Sarah? Is everything okay?”

  Sarah didn’t speak, but shifted her gaze to the woman and narrowed her eyes.

  “Did you need me for something?”

  The counselor patted her fake red hair and sat forward in her chair with interest.

  “Yes, of course, otherwise I wouldn’t have sent for you.” She offered a smile as she continued. “There have been some very negative rumors about Kayla that I wanted to talk to you about, and I must say that I’m pretty distressed over their nature.”

  She gestured towards an empty chair, but Sarah stood in the doorway, stiff and unyielding, her mouth shu
t. Rumors? Was she kidding?

  “Well,” the counselor began, patting the folder with Kayla’s name written in a black marker on the tab. “I overheard a comment in the teacher’s lounge and thought it was worth investigating.”

  She didn’t look at Sarah, as if she was almost embarrassed at what she was going to say. She should be ashamed, Sarah thought, especially if she was operating on gossip heard from other adults, teachers who were supposed to be looking out for their students, not talking shit about them in private.

  “I suppose it is best to be upfront about this. Was Kayla pregnant when she died?”

  Sarah stepped into the office and slammed the door closed behind her before she started yelling, unable to control the volume of her voice. The woman slid her chair away from her, the wheels squeaking on the plastic mat underneath them. The sound made Sarah even angrier, as if the woman’s obvious fear was unmerited.

  “You have a lot of nerve saying something like that, and I don’t think that question even deserves an answer, but I’ll give you one. No, she wasn’t. She never did anything to get pregnant, and now she never will. Are you happy, knowing the truth? So you can go back to the teacher’s lounge and be the one to share the actual information rather than a rumor? Or isn’t it interesting enough? I should tell Kay’s parents, and my dad, and see what their attorneys think of teachers who tell lies about underage students.”

  The vice principal was standing at the counter when Sarah yanked the counselor’s office door open and stalked out, muttering bitch underneath her breath, but he didn’t stop her as she continued through the front office and left, stopped only when she ran into the English teacher who had been talking to Cass, and now her, about the newspaper article they were planning to write about Kayla as well as others who had died from heroin overdoses, whether they were addicts or not.

  Sarah didn’t realize that she was crying until the teacher put an arm around her shoulders and guided her towards the newspaper lab, tugging a tissue from a little packet in her purse and offering it to Sarah as they walked down the empty hall together wordlessly.

  Sarah didn’t want to talk about she felt, and she didn’t want anyone asking her about her feelings either. Well-meant or not, she had never liked attention and was over getting it. Kay would have apologized for being the cause of so much discomfort, if she was there, knowing how much Sarah avoided the limelight.

  Fortunately, this teacher didn’t ask any personal questions, and the two of them sat side by side in the lab, looking over notes the teacher had compiled while and after her discussions with Cass and Nika.

  Another student had come forward to tell a story about a friend who had overdosed and survived, but moved away before anyone else could find out. Her family had been more embarrassed than thankful that she had survived, or so her friend had thought, and Sarah couldn’t imagine how the girl must have felt, and how she would feel for the rest of her life.

  She knew how Cass had struggled with her parents, but surely they would be grateful if she lived through something terrible in spite of what it was, wouldn’t they?

  “Does Cass know who this is, the one with the friend who moved?”

  The teacher shook her head.

  “No, she approached me and asked to remain anonymous, mainly because other students know her friend and know that she moved away, but not why. She doesn’t want anyone to find out. Apparently she is having a difficult time, both because of the move and because of her family’s attitude.”

  Sarah nodded, then shook her head.

  “I can’t imagine not wanting to support my kids, no matter what, even if they did something crazy.”

  The older woman, who was actually not too much older than her students, turned away and began to search through a fresh stack of notes.

  “You and your father are close, am I right? I just figured as much because of how Cass speaks about you, and how she likes to spend time at your house. I think that a lot of parents have difficulty understanding their children, especially when there are differences in opinion or emotions, and not all parents are able to deal with their difficulties. It’s not an excuse, and I think parents have a duty to find help if they need it, but just an explanation. Sometimes we forget what it was like to be a kid, or what it was like to be in high school, packed so tight with other kids with all their problems and feelings and worries . . .”

  She trailed off, and Sarah watched her carefully for a moment, wondering if she had personal experience to go along with her assertion, or if this was some sort of textbook information she studied in college. It didn’t seem like bullshit, though, and it made sense.

  “So this is going to be about how the drug is hurting a lot of people that we wouldn’t think would use it, right? Not just about addiction, or about Kayla. People need to know that it’s out there and even if you use it once, it can kill you. That’s the important part. I don’t think she would have . . .”

  Sarah swallowed against the words she didn’t want to say, but needed to.

  “She wouldn’t have used it, or let someone give it to her, if she had known. I don’t even know if she agreed to it. I mean, the police said there was no sign of force, and she wasn’t hurt in any way, but still. I just don’t know why she would, except for her knee. If she didn’t have the problems with her knee, she wouldn’t have been so tired, and maybe she wouldn’t have been open to the idea of a drug.”

  “This is going to sound impersonal, and I don’t mean it to be, but do you think that is something else we can include, something about pain, and medication. She wasn’t taking any pain meds, was she?”

  Sarah shook her head.

  “Her parents, and the physical therapist, said her knee shouldn’t have been hurting like she said. Not after the surgery, the therapy, and rest. It’s like they thought she was lying, but she wasn’t. That wasn’t who she was, and it did hurt. I know it did. I could see it on her face.”

  She paused for a moment, knowing she had the teacher’s full attention.

  “Her parents want to move, take her little sister away so she doesn’t have to grow up here and listen to everyone talking about Kayla. She already is getting crap from other parents, and not getting invited to birthday parties, which makes no sense. Are they afraid that Mia is going to get their kids hooked on drugs? There’s no logic there. None at all. They’re just hurting her more.”

  She tucked her head into her shoulder briefly, wiping the dampness from her cheek to her shirt.

  “Yeah, we should include that about the meds, just not about her personally, about how much pain she was in. That’s nobody’s business, and honestly, I don’t think Cass wants this to be about her, either, at least not most of it. It should just focus on how bad heroin is, no matter how or why it’s used. I never even thought of it before, and now . . . maybe someone who needs to think about it will, maybe in time to stop themselves or someone else from dying from it.”

  A knock on the door, closed to maintain their privacy, made them both jump in the silence. The teacher smiled at Sarah before walking away, pulling the door inward and showing Danny, his hands wringing in front of him. He nodded to the teacher once before taking long strides towards Sarah, stopping before he came within reach.

  “Did you hear yet? About Devin?”

  She leaned back. That name. Would it always make her blood rise? Would she always feel the bile heat the back of her throat when she heard it? She shook her head. She and the teacher had spent the last hour in the cocoon of the lab, talking over details, mulling fine points and possibilities. She was out of the habit of looking at her phone, but now she reached for her purse to pull it out. Danny stopped her with his hand on her wrist.

  “He isn’t going to trial because he’s going to plead guilty to a lesser charge than they were going to prosecute him for.”