Trust Me

by Lacey Black

  After everything that happened with Drake, I was so hesitant to try dating again. When I met Kevin, I thought I could handle dating again. Kevin was from St. Charles and drove to my dad’s job sites every morning for work. I stopped in to visit my dad and Travis one morning and saw him. It didn’t take long before he was hanging around after work and staying at a hotel here in Rivers Edge. I would drop Brooklyn off at Holly’s house a few nights a week and would meet him in his hotel room. One night, after about three weeks into our relationship, I was leaving to get Brooklyn to head home. When I opened his hotel room door, a woman was standing there, tears streaming down her sad face. Turns out she was his girlfriend. She had started to suspect that something was going on with him so she had followed him that night. She watched me show up to his room and spend two hours there. This time, I was the other woman. Without even realizing it, I had been the one person I never wanted to be. I knew exactly what that girl was thinking of me, of this situation. I know what she was feeling because I went through the same thing two years before. That was the last time I went out with a guy…until Maddox.

  The tears filled my eyes again at the memory. I hear a soft knock on the door but don’t say anything. Will slowly pushes the door open and steps inside. “Hey. You okay?” he asks with concern filled eyes.

  “I will be,” I reply. I don’t want to get into the Maddox drama. Not until I know more about what is going on, and definitely not with Will. The last thing that I need is for him to go all ‘over-protective brother’ on me.

  He sits down next to me on my bed and throws his arm around my shoulder. I lean into his embrace and let out a deep sigh. “I take it this has something to do with Maddox?”

  “How did you know?” I ask with a small sniffle.

  “The only time I’ve ever seen you cry was over a guy. Do I need to kill him?”

  Normally I would have laughed at his attempt to cheer me up with humor, but today, I just don’t have the laugh in me. “No.”

  “Wanna talk about it?”

  “Not yet. I still have things I need to sort out. I haven’t actually talked to him yet.”

  “I’m confused. What does that mean?”

  “Will, I promise when I’m ready to talk, I’ll call you. Right now, I just need to process and figure this all out. Is that okay?”

  He looks at me long and hard before he answers. “Okay. Call me when you’re ready to talk, and I’ll be at your place in a flash.” He leans over and kisses the crown of my head. “Come on. Mom’s looking for you. Dinner’s about ready.” And with that we head down stairs to join my family for dinner.

  *****

  That night after Brooklyn goes to sleep, I lie on my couch with the TV on for background noise. I can’t concentrate on what’s going on during the repeat episode of “Friends”. It’s after nine o’clock. Will Maddox call me or come over? Does he have plans tonight with Vanessa? ‘No, don’t go there yet,’ I chastise myself. ‘Wait until you hear what he has to say.’

  At nine-thirty, my phone dings signaling a text. I know who it is without even looking. I look down at the phone I’ve held onto with a death grip for the past hour and tap the screen to display the text message.

  Hey! I miss you. Can I come over?

  I stare down at the screen. Do I want him to come over tonight? Do I want to deal with this right now, when my mind is still confused and lost? My fingers hover over the screen as if awaiting my decision to reply. I set the phone down without typing.

  Ten minutes later, my phone rings. Maddox. After a few rings, I decide to answer.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey, what are you doing?”

  “Just lying down,” I say. The sound of his voice is almost enough to send me into another crying fit.

  “Are you feeling alright?”

  “Just really tired.”

  “Oh, okay. I just got off work and want to see you.” He leaves it hanging wide open, waiting for me to either invite him over or turn him away. I pause for a few moments before I answer.

  “Probably not a good idea tonight. I’m just not feeling the best.”

  “You sure? I can come over and take care of you, maybe a back rub or hot tea?”

  “No, I’m sure. I’m heading to bed now. I’ll see you later, okay?”

  “Okay. Take care, babe. Sleep tight.”

  “Bye.” And then I hang up before I can say anymore or hear his good-bye.

  I decide to sleep on the couch for the rest of the night, my bed not looking as appealing as it normally does without Maddox sleeping next to me. I feel the silence of the house consume me, taking me back to that dark place I was trapped in for so long after Drake left. I close my tear filled eyes and pray for sleep to take me.

  *****

  I’m startled awake by pounding on my front door. As I try to get my bearings, I glance at the clock and see it’s after midnight. When I look through the peek hole, I see Maddox standing there and my breath catches. What is he doing here?

  “Avery, I can hear you. It’s Maddox, open up.” I disengage the lock and turn the knob. Maddox is standing there in sweatpants and a sweatshirt, hair sticking up all crazy like as if he was sleeping.

  “Can I come in?” he asks with a questioning look on his face. I don’t answer, just step back and pull open the door for him. He steps inside and looks at me, his face full of concern.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “I couldn’t sleep. I missed having you snuggled up against me. I couldn’t sleep without you next to me.” He pulls me into his warm, strong embrace. I go willingly, but refrain from putting my arms around him.

  “What’s the matter? You’re not acting right.”

  I steel my nerves, lift my chin, and square my shoulders. It’s now or never. “I met Vanessa today.”

  His face takes on a pained look. I can’t tell if it’s pained because he wasn’t expecting me to say that or pained because he realizes he’s busted.

  “Vanessa? How in the hell did you meet her?”

  I step back out of his arms. If I’m going to talk to him, I can’t have his arms around me or I’ll never be able to focus. “I ran into her today at the mall. She had quite a bit of interesting information to share with me.”

  “What kind of information?” His eye brows both shooting straight up.

  “Information about you and her, and the fact that you are still in a relationship with her while you are sleeping with me.”

  His face takes on a look of pure confusion. “What? Avery, I’m not in a relationship with her. How can you even think that?”

  “She told me that you guys have been dating each other for months, that you never broke up like you told me, and that you have been sleeping with me to,” I say while making the air quotes, “get sex with other women out of your system so you guys can settle down and get married.”

  “That’s ridiculous, Avery. I’m not in any relationship with that woman. I went on a few dates with her months back and realized that she wanted more out of our dates than I did. I broke it off with her and haven’t talked to her since.” Maddox makes a grab for me, but I pull back out of his grasp.

  “So, I could check your phone and there won’t be any calls from her?”

  His face begins to take on an angry look for the first time, his eyes starting to fill with fire. I’m pretty sure he wasn’t expecting me to question his phone calls like some crazy, jealous girl. “There might be calls but all from her. She’s called me a few times, but I rarely answer,” he answers with his hands firmly on his hips, irritation evident on his handsome face.

  “She had a picture of you and her together from last night,” I say, my voice small and afraid.

  Maddox stops and thinks back. “Right. Last night. I met Jake at Jack’s Pub after work like I told you I was going to. We each had two beers and before we could leave, Vanessa came in with a group of friends. She said they were celebrating her birthday and she was taking pictures will all her friends. She
snapped that picture before I could get away. I left after that. Alone,” he reiterated through gritted teeth.

  I consider the fact that Vanessa could have made more out of that picture than what really happened. It was possible.

  My mind is reeling. I don’t know what to think or what to believe. Maddox is standing before me with a look of desperation on his face.

  “I’m sorry,” I mumble and take a step towards him.

  “You really think I’m cheating on you, Avery?” The hurt in his voice is now evident and cuts at me. “You think I’d screw around on you or on her with you? That’s what you think I’m capable of? Dating two or more women at the same time?”

  “I didn’t know what to think. She totally blindsided me. She had this big elaborate story complete with pictures. What was I supposed to think, Maddox?”

  He glares down at me, hands still perched firmly on his hips. “You’re supposed to trust me, Avery. Trust in me; in us. Trust that I would never do what Drake and Kevin did to you. That what I feel for you is more than what anyone should feel for someone.”

  “What do you feel?” I ask in a hushed whisper.

  “Doesn’t really matter, does it? You made it pretty damn clear of what you think of me,” he turns to walk out the door.

  “Wait! I do trust you!” My voice is pleading, tears streaming down my face.

  “No you don’t, Avery,” Maddox says in an even, serious tone. “If you did, we wouldn’t be having this conversation, we would be laughing about how catty and ignorant that woman is. I’ve been one-hundred percent honest with you from the very beginning. I’ve done nothing to make you think that you couldn’t trust me.”

  I look up into his chocolate eyes, mixed with so much hurt and anger. He works his jaw back and forth as if trying to calm himself down.

  “I’m trying, Maddox. Really, I am,” I mumble through the lump in my throat.

  “You know what your problem is? You don’t really want to be happy. You just sat back, angry at the world for handing you guys like Drake and Kevin, and waited for the first chance where you could think I was betraying you so you could bail. You’ve been looking for your chance to run. If you really wanted to be happy, you would be. You’d let go of the past, of what happened before me, and just be with me. You can’t have me and still live in the past, Avery. Drake and Kevin are done. Gone. And guess what, honey. Not everyone is like them. I am not like them. I thought you of all people would deep down know that about me.” He stops and takes a breath, then looks down at me, his anger still marring his normally content face.

  “I guess I’m just glad that I learned all of this before I fell for you anymore. I’m not Drake, Avery. Maybe if you found the trust and faith in me that I found in you, you would have been able to see that. I don’t think I can compete with the ghost of Drake,” Maddox says with a shake of his head. “Good bye, Avery.”

  And with that, he walks out the door and out of my life.

  *****

  The first week without Maddox was the worst pain I’ve ever felt. My heart physically hurt in a way I never knew possible. This is so much worse than what I felt after Drake and Kevin. Maybe because what I had with Maddox was so much more. But, I’ll never know how much more it could have been now. I let my trust issues get in the way of the best thing to ever happen to me, outside of Brooklyn.

  I called Will Monday night after I got off work. He was off work fortunately, so he came over and helped me by distracting Brooklyn. Then he sat with me on my couch and held me while I cried.

  I decide not to go to our Sunday family dinner tonight, making up some excuse about not feeling well. I don’t want to face my family right now, especially Jake. I don’t know if he’d bring Maddox to dinner or not, but I’m not chancing it.

  When a knock sounds on my door at eight-thirty, I hesitate to go answer it. Part of me hopes it’s not Maddox, while the other part, a bigger part, is hoping it is. I just don’t want to feel that overwhelming disappointment if it turns out to not be him.

  I step up to the door and glance through the peek hole. Jake. I open the door to let my oldest brother in. He’s standing on the porch with concern etching his face. He walks in and I go straight to my couch where I was just curled up in a blanket, staring blankly at the TV.

  “So mom says you’re sick. When I asked Will if he’s talked to you, he changed the subject. You look like crap, so what the hell is going on? Are you really sick?”

  “I’m not feeling well, Jake.” He stares at me, his laser sharp eyes cutting right through me.

  “Bullshit. You’ve never been a good liar, so spill.” He leans back and throws a leg casually up on his knee.

  Deciding that it couldn’t possibly get any worse, I decide to tell Jake what I can without giving away who I’m talking about. “You remember several weeks back when I had that date?” He nods and encourages me to go on. “Well, the date went well. We’ve been seeing each other since then.”

  “So this is about a guy? Who the fuck is it so I can go kill him!” He stands up and starts pacing my living room floor.

  “Jake, settle down. He didn’t do anything wrong. I messed up.” Silent tears begin to fall again.

  “Shit. Don’t cry, Ave. I can’t stand it when you cry. It makes me crazy.” He sits back down next to me and wipes my tears streaming down my face. Then, he pulls me into a big bear hug, and I find comfort in his big arms. “How did you mess up?” he asks.

  “I heard something about him that ended up not being true. But for a while, I believed it might be. I didn’t trust him.”

  “Well, you’ve had a rough past. That’s bound to happen.”

  “Yeah, well my past should have no hold on my present, my future. I’m tired of it having a hold of me, Jake. I want to be free of my past and be free to love and trust. I want that more than anything.”

  Jake sighs and reaches over and rubs my back. “You’ll have that, sis. I promise. If this guy doesn’t see how wonderful you are, then he doesn’t deserve you. If he won’t stay and fight for you, then he’s a coward, and you should let him go.”

  I break down in more tears at the thought of truly letting Maddox go. But, Jake is right. I need to let go of the wrongs of my past or I will never have a future with Maddox…or anyone.

  “Don’t cry. Damn, what is wrong with people this week? First Maddox, now you.” I sit up straight at the sound of Maddox’s name.

  “What’s wrong with Maddox?” I ask.

  “Damned if I know, but he’s been a bear with a thorn in his paw all week. He’s grumpy and acting like a complete bastard. I stopped by last night and it looks like he’s not sleeping.”

  I perk up a bit after I hear that Maddox was as miserable as I am. Jake looks at my face, studying it, and I can see it on his face the moment when the light bulb clicks on. His entire body gets tense and his jaw tight. He stands up instantly, leaving me to almost fall over on the couch.

  “Wait a minute. Wait just a damn minute. That night you had the date, Maddox had a date.” I stare at him with a deer in the headlights look on my face, holding my breath and watching him as he begins to piece it all together. “That was you, wasn’t it?” he thunders but it really wasn’t much of a question. “Son of a bitch! You’re sleeping with Maddox? What the hell, Avery?”

  “Please don’t yell. I don’t want you to wake up Brooklyn,” I say in a small, yet defending voice. That seems to take the wind out of his sails a little bit, but I can tell he’s still ready to snap like a caged animal.

  “You’ve been seeing Maddox this whole time? Behind my back? Hiding it from me?”

  I stand up and go to him, touching his arm, but he recoils from my touch. “I can’t…I can’t even begin to figure out why the hell you would do this behind my back.”

  “It’s not about you, Jake.”

  “The hell it’s not! He knows that you are off limits, Avery! He fucking knows, and he’s been sleeping with you behind my back!”

  “This was
both of our decision, Jake. He didn’t pursue this. If anything, he tried to fight it.”

  “And that’s supposed to make me feel better? You’re…you’re…”

  “What?!” I yell back.

  “You’re my little sister! And he’s…he’s not good enough for you! Damn it! I’ve seen him chase skirts his whole life. He isn’t good enough for you, Avery. Not even close.”

  “Jake,” I say in a quiet, pleading voice.

  “I can’t believe this,” he says as he walks to the front door.

  “Where are you going?” I ask as he swings open the door.

  “Right now, I need to go deal with the fact that my best friend was screwing my baby sister behind my back, and neither could be adult enough to tell me about it.” With a slam of the door, he’s gone too.

  I sit back down on the couch as I hear Jake’s truck tear out of my driveway. The tears start to fall again. Well done, Avery. Well done. I’ve managed to push away two of the most important people in my life in the span of a week. I have nowhere to go tonight but into the dark recesses of my mind, alone and unwanted.

  It’s almost midnight on Sunday night and I’m still up watching TV and drinking a beer. I’ve had pretty much the worst week of my life this past week without Avery. I’ve picked up my phone several times to call her and had to force myself to put it down. She doesn’t trust me enough to talk to me before jumping to conclusions, so why do I care about trying to talk this out with her. God, do I just want to hear her voice and find out how she’s doing.

  Jake knows something’s up with me. I’ve been a jerk all week, but I can’t help it. He invited me to his parents tonight for dinner, but I knew there was no way in hell I could go and risk seeing Avery. I know I’ll run into her someday, but today was not going to be that day.

  I hear a truck pull in the drive, and I look out the window to see who could be here at midnight. Jake.

  I get up off the couch and meet him at the front door. As I open it, I don’t even have time to process what is happening. His fist slams into my left eye, completely catching me off guard and sending me flying back. Jake walks in, not even shutting the door behind him. He charges at me, throwing his weight into my chest, knocking us both back into the wall. I try to get him off me, but he’s obviously pissed off about something. Shit. Avery.