by Lacey Black
“How could you?” he growls. “She’s my sister!” He throws another punch and lands it straight in my jaw. Damn, he can hit. It’s like a lead brick slamming into my face. I touch my throbbing jaw, wincing at the pain of the slightest touch. I just stare at him, not knowing what to say; knowing that whatever punishment he’s about to shell out, I deserve. We were so busy this weekend in the squad car that I never brought it up. Hell, maybe I was thankful for a busy weekend so I didn’t have to tell him yet until I figured out what I was going to say.
When he gets to the door, panting, his nostrils flaring and his face angrier than I’ve ever seen it, he turns his cold eyes on me. “You destroyed twenty years of friendship. You broke the only rule we have as friends, as brothers. You did this. Now I’m ending it.” He turns and walks out the door, slamming it behind him as he goes.
I stand there for what could be two minutes or twenty, I really don’t know. All I know is that my whole face is on fire. I wipe the blood from my busted lip and head into the kitchen to get ice. I fill up two small baggies and head back into my living room.
I sit in the dark, quiet room with a bag of ice on my eye and one on my jaw and lip. I did this, and I deserve it. I’ve lost my girls and now my best friend. I lean forward and grab my beer bottle, taking a long, painful pull. Maybe if I get drunk enough, I can forget about the pain; the pain of my busted up face and the pain of my broken heart.
*****
I did something on Monday morning that I’ve never done before in the ten years of being a police officer and that was call in sick. My face is swollen and hurts, and I really don’t feel like going to work today looking like Jake’s punching bag. I’m not sure what I’d say to him anyway. So I sit at home all day by myself wallowing in my own misery.
Later on in the afternoon, I hear someone pull in the drive. It’s not a loud truck so I know it’s not Jake coming back for seconds. When I step onto the porch, I’m surprised to see Will walking up the steps.
“Hey. Nice face,” he says with a grimace. “What happened to you?”
“I fell down.”
He chuckles. “Fell down and fell into my brother’s fist?”
“Something like that.” There’s a long pregnant pause before curiosity gets the better of me. “What do you want, Will?”
“Just to see if you’re as miserable as my sister.” That perks my ears up.
“I’m sorry your sister is miserable, but I can’t help that. She made her choices.”
“Yeah, I hear ya.” Another pause. “You know Jake was there last night before he came by to knock you around. He freaked out at her and walked out the door. Apparently, he’s pretty upset at her too.”
“Jake has a right to be mad, but he should be mad at me. I’m the one who broke the code, not her.”
“True, but that doesn’t mean he’s not mad at her for this mess too. He feels betrayed by two of the people he never thought would ever betray him.”
“Have you talked to him?”
“Nope. He won’t answer his phone. You know Jake. Give him a few days to cool off, and he’ll come around. He just needs to process all that’s gone down in the past twenty-four hours.”
“Maybe. He’s supposed to be working right now. We’re off tomorrow but then back on Wednesday and Thursday. Should be an interesting ride-along.”
Will walks over to stand in front of me. He’s just an inch or two shorter than I am and I’ve got broader shoulders and a more muscular physic, but he’s not afraid to stand nose to nose with me. “Whatever happens with you and Jake, happens. He’s a big boy. My concern is Avery and Brooklyn. I’m not picking sides. I’ve heard her side and it sounds like she’s taking responsibility for messing it up between you two. All I’m saying is if there’s a chance at fixing this, do it. No matter whose fault it was, no matter who said what, don’t let her go because of your pride. Because she’s not herself anymore. She’s miserable and sad, and I can’t fucking stand it. If she spends the rest of her life as happy as she was when she was with you, sneaking around behind everyone’s back, then I could die happy. I could die happy because I knew she was finally living the life she deserves. That she was loved. Are you that man, Maddox?”
I look up at Will as he turns and walks back to his car, his words like weights sitting on my chest. Am I that guy? I knew I was falling in love with her but was just too scared to tell her. Maybe she’s not the only one who didn’t trust. Maybe I didn’t trust her to return my love, either. So where do we go when we both have to learn to trust?
*****
Sitting in the small confined spaces of a squad car with someone who wants to kill you and bury your body somewhere in the woods isn’t exactly a great way to pass the day. Yesterday was the longest eight hours of my life, and today is proving to be just as difficult. The tension is so thick in the car you could cut it with a knife. I could probably count on one hand how many words he’s said to me. Yesterday and today combined. I wish I knew where to go with this, but honestly, Will’s right. I just need to let him be and when he’s ready to talk, he’ll talk. As long as he doesn’t throw any more punches.
We pull up in front of the bakery and Jake throws it in park. He gets out and goes inside without as much as a glance in my direction. I check the clock on the dash which says eleven forty. That means Avery isn’t here yet on her lunch break.
Jake’s standing at the counter talking to his mom. I decide to check email on my phone while I wait for whatever it is he’s doing in there.
A few minutes later, I hear a knock on my window. Elizabeth Stevens is standing on the sidewalk and bends down to look in the window, giving me a friendly smile. I roll down the window and smile back.
“What are you doing out here, honey?” she asks.
“Oh, I don’t think I’m welcome right now in the bakery with him.”
“He has always been my most stubborn child. Bull-headed as all get out, that one is.” Elizabeth laughs a little and continues on. “You know, Maddox, I don’t know everything that’s going on between you and Avery and Jake, but I do know that everyone is hurting in their own way right now. And someone has to take the bull by the horns and make this right. You’ve always been like another son to me. I love you just like I do my own boys. You are caring and kind and have the biggest soft spot for helping people. Well, there are two people right now that need your help. Things are happening that they, and you, don’t understand. Talk to them. Figure out if there is a way to make this right. If after you talk to them and you discover that it can’t be fixed, then fine. Move on. Life doesn’t stop because you get knocked down, Maddox. Get up, dust yourself off, and move forward.” She gives me a warm, caring smile that I can’t help but return.
“You’ve been my second mom for most of my life. How do you always know just what to say?” I ask as I give her a small smile.
“That’s what mom’s do, dear boy. My girl may not realize it yet, but she loves you. Avery’s problem is that she’s almost as stubborn as Jake. She’ll come to terms with what happened between you two, but she won’t swallow her pride and come to you. You’ll have to do it, Maddox. If you want to, that is.”
I realize that more than anything I want to. “You’re the best, Mrs. S.” She leans in through the window and gives me a kiss on the cheek.
“Avery’s a very lucky girl to have you,” she says as she turns and walks back into the bakery. Jake comes out a few minutes later carrying a bag of food. He takes a sandwich out and tosses me the bag. I reach in and pull out a sandwich.
“Thanks,” I throw at him as I dive into the delicious roast beef sandwich.
“From my mom,” he says in a flat tone.
As we approach the precinct at the end of our shift, I finally try to talk to him. “Are we going to discuss this?”
“Nope.”
“Not at all? You’re just gonna be pissed at me forever?”
“I haven’t decided yet. I know that for right now, I’m still pissed.”
/>
“Fair enough. Just know that I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I’d never intentionally hurt you. Either of you.” Then I get out of the car, leaving him sitting inside. I head inside to file my paperwork, and hopefully get out of there before too many others start to question my still-battered face. I got lucky yesterday and there was hardly anyone there at the end of shift. I mentally cross my fingers as I head inside.
*****
The next two weeks pass by in a slow blur of days running into nights, which are mostly sleepless as I toss and turn, my mind filled with thoughts of Avery. I know I want to be with her, I just need to make sure I’ve got my shit together first. If I go to her before I get everything straightened out in my life, I know I’ll just kill our second chance. And there’s no way in hell I’m going to do that. If and when Avery gives me a second chance, I will make sure there is nothing getting in the way of it.
Her past is her own to work out, and I’m hoping that these past three weeks have helped her do that. For me, I’ve discovered I’m ready to let go of my fear of commitment and relationships. I want nothing more than to be the man she deserves, the father that Brooklyn deserves. Every time I think of that outgoing, rambunctious three year old, I smile. She may have the worst kind of father on paper, but I’ll be damned if she doesn’t have the best father in her life. I’ve realized that I want to be that man. I want to be her father. And that thought doesn’t scare me anymore. Three months ago, I would have run for the hills. That was before I fell in love with that little girl and her mother.
I also discovered that being with someone you truly love is better than any one night stand could ever be. What I felt and shared with Avery is more than every girl I’ve had sex with in the past, times a hundred. I can’t imagine not being with her for the rest of my life.
And it’s not just the sex, which is damn awesome, but I love just being with her. Whether it’s sitting on the couch and watching TV or taking her out for pizza and beer, I want to be with her, near her, because I’m a better man when I am. She makes me smile and laugh and challenges me in ways I never thought possible.
I miss her something fierce. I miss her smile and her laugh. I miss the way her eyes sparkle the brightest blue when she’s happy. I miss the feel of her arms around me and my arms firmly around her. I miss the way her body molds against mine while we’re falling asleep, and the noises she makes while we’re making love.
Avery is what I want tonight, tomorrow, and forever. It’s time I tell her and show her. I’m done sitting back and waiting. It’s time to take action and beg for forgiveness because I am definitely not above a little begging at this point. The time has come that I tell her how much I love her, and hopefully, when I’m done laying my heart out in front of her, she won’t hand it back to me in shattered pieces.
*****
After my run on Friday night, I decide to shower and head to the store. I haven’t really shopped in almost three weeks, either just stopping in and grabbing necessities or ordering take-out on my way home. As I’m heading to the store, I see a familiar old truck parked in front of Jack’s. It’s still a little early for the Friday night crowd so there’s plenty of parking around our regular hang-out. Without giving it too much thought, I whip into a spot behind Jake’s truck and head inside.
When I break the threshold, I see James and a few others in the back by our pool table. No Jake. When I scan the bar area, I finally spot him sitting on a stool, talking to old man Jack at the end of the bar. He’s in the farthest seat from the door. Before I can chicken out, I head over and sit in the empty seat to his left.
“Hey, Jack. Slow night?”
“Eh, it’s still early,” he says as he slides a draft beer in front of me. Jack gives me an encouraging little nod and walks over to the other side of the bar to help other patrons.
“What are you doing here?” Jake says without looking up from his mug of beer.
“Saw your truck and thought I’d stop in.” We don’t say anything for a few minutes, both of us drinking our beers while I try to figure out what to say. Since he hasn’t gotten up and walked away yet or thrown me off my stool, I decide to take a shot at fixing our broken friendship.
“You know, Jake, I never wanted to hurt you.” He doesn’t say anything so I decide to forge ahead. “I know you don’t want to hear this, but your sister means more to me than anyone ever has. I tried to fight my attraction to her for awhile, but there’s just something about her. I’m drawn to her. And I’d never do anything to intentionally hurt her.”
“Sounds like you already did.”
I let out a long sigh. He’s right and it kills me to know that I’m the reason she’s hurting. “Yeah, I did. I walked away from her instead of fighting for her because I was hurt and afraid. That’s on me, and I regret it more than anything.”
“Why’d you do it? Why’d you walk, man?” Jake spins to his left and is looking me in the eyes for the first time in weeks.
“Because I was pissed. She assumed that I was seeing someone else the entire time I was seeing her. It pissed me off that she didn’t trust me enough to just ask me without jumping to conclusions. But more than being pissed, I was scared. Scared that if I actually put my heart out there and followed through with what I was feeling for her that she’d throw it back in my face.”
“She deserves someone who will fight for her, and love her and Bean. Someone who won’t walk away when things get tough. She deserves better than you.”
I look down at my beer again. “I know she does. But she makes me a better man, and I want to be that man for her. I want to be the guy she deserves. I know I can be because I can’t picture my life without her in it.”
“Do you love her?”
I look up at Jake and stare straight into eyes that are the same crystal blue color as Avery’s. “More than I ever thought possible to love someone.”
Jake stares back at me for a few moments, not wavering or letting on to what was going through his head. After several of the longest seconds of my life, he finally reaches his right hand out and holds it halfway between us. I look down at his extended hand and put my hand in his, shaking it a few times. He smiles at me for the first time in weeks and says, “Then go get your girl, Mad. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for her and Bean. Someone who is going to love them and take care of them.”
“I want to be that guy, Jake.”
He drops my hand and reaches for his beer, “Good. And if you ever make her fucking cry again, I’ll do more than bruise up your pretty-boy face.” He smiles as he takes another drink.
I laugh. “Yeah, well if I ever do that again, you can beat the shit out of me again, and I won’t fight you.”
“So, have you seen her?” Jake asks.
“No. I drove by a couple of times and wanted to pull in, but I knew I needed to get all my shit together before I did. I was hoping to call her maybe this weekend.”
“We’re working all weekend. And besides, Mom mentioned when I was at the bakery today that Bean’s got that cough again.”
I spin on my stool to look at him. “Brooklyn’s sick again? Does she have another fever?” I ask, my voice full of concern.
“Yeah, I guess. Mom said Avery was off again today trying to get her into the doctor. I haven’t heard how it went though. I guess Mom and Will were both taking turns going over to her house to help with Bean so she could get a little work in.”
“Have you talked to Avery yet?”
“Yeah, I ran into her at the bakery earlier in the week. She wouldn’t let me leave without fighting it out. Gave all the customers a good show,” Jake said with a chuckle. “Stubborn ass woman. I have no clue where she gets it from.”
“Right, no clue, huh?”
“None. Wait, I think she gets it from Nate.” We both laugh at that, and for the first time in weeks, I have my best friend back. We sit on the bar stools for another hour and a half, not drinking anymore because we both work this weekend, but talking about eve
rything we’ve missed in each other’s lives over the past few weeks.
When I head home that night, I feel lighter than I have in weeks. I have made amends with one person, and now I just have one more, the most important one, to go.
*****
Jake and I are cruising down Main Street on Sunday afternoon when his phone rings. “Hey, Mom. What’s up?”
“Really?” he says, concern etched in his voice. “What are they thinking?” He listens to his mom for a bit. “Okay. Well, keep me posted. I’m on until nine, but I can be there as soon as I’m off.” More silence. “No, I’m not driving while I talk on the phone. Maddox is driving.” He laughs. “Okay, I’ll tell him. Bye.”
Jake drops his phone back in his shirt pocket and says, “Mom says you’re invited to dinner on Thanksgiving.”
“That’s what that call was about? You sounded all concerned at the beginning.”
“No, she mentioned that part at the end. She called to tell me that Avery was taking Brooklyn to the emergency room.”
My world stops spinning. My knuckles turn white as I grip the steering wheel, and I have to force air into my lungs. “What do you mean? What’s wrong with her?” I’m nearing panic at the thought of Brooklyn being in the emergency room.
“I guess the medicine that her doc gave her on Friday isn’t helping. Mom says she’s having a hard time breathing. Her fever is spiking up to one-oh-four and it’s not coming down very much. Mom suggested that Avery take her to the ER.”
“Avery’s by herself?”
“No, Will was there and he’s driving her. Mom is leaving the house now to meet them there.”
“What do they think it is?”