Silent Song

by Jaci Wheeler

  “So what’s on the docket tonight?”

  “Phantom of the Opera. So, that means we need to hurry up here so we can pick up the roses and hang the masks.”

  Did I mention each Monday is themed and decorated appropriately? I can’t imagine any of my Yale friends doing anything like it, but then again I never had many Yale friends. Most were just acquaintances of my parents I just happened to share a college with. Stockton may be lacking in ‘class,’ as my mother horribly puts it, but never fun and friendship. When everyone heard I was transferring from Ivy League they thought I was insane, but this has been the best move of my life. It’s the first time I’ve ever done anything just for me. Being thousands of miles away from my parents was a bit of a perk, too.

  I’m just about done hanging the last of the masks from the ceiling when Jodi comes bursting through the door with her arms full of roses.

  “Have you ever just walked into a room?” I still haven’t gotten used to her entrances and practically jump a mile every time she comes crashing in.

  “I don’t think so, no. That’s beside the point, though. You will never guess who I saw!”

  “Who?”

  “The hottest man I’ve ever seen up close!”

  “Really? Where was this?”

  “Just now on the path on my way in. Quick, go clog the toilet or something.”

  “What? Why would I do that?”

  “Because he’s the maintenance man, and let me tell you if the way he maintains himself is any clue to his abilities, our building is in capable hands.” She adds a wiggling of her eyebrows to make her point clear.

  “I hate to always be the voice of reason, but wouldn’t it be better to say, break a light or something? Do you really want his first impression of you to be a clogged toilet?” Her face lights up and she playfully slaps my arm.

  “You, my dear, are brilliant, and it looks as though you’re going to be the brains of this operation.” She picks up the nearest shoe and throws it as hard as she can at the overhead light. There is a loud crash which sounds like books, and what better not be my laptop, and then nothing but darkness.

  “I’ll be back.” I hear from somewhere in the room. There are a few smaller crashes, she swears, and then the door opens, letting in blessed light while she runs out to find herself a handy man. There’s never a dull moment around here. Now, how in the world am I going to get any studying done in the dark? Using my cell for a light, I gather my books and go to spread out on a couch in the common area.

  “You know, Pres, you would make an amazing Christine.”

  “Aw, thanks, Zeek, but I can’t sing to save my life.” Zeek looks very affronted by this fact and Jodi lets out a hearty laugh.

  “It’s true. I’ve heard her; a dying calf keeps better pitch.”

  “Hey! I may not be amazing, but I sound better than that.”

  “But you’re a music major, how can you not sing?”

  “There’s more to music than the voice, Zeek. I love to sing, but it just doesn’t sound good. Now give me an instrument and that’s another story.”

  “You’re serious?” He looks completely affronted at my lack of voice.

  “Yeah, it’s no big deal. A lot of people can’t sing,” I add, feeling defensive.

  “Yes, but those people aren’t music majors, and they sure don’t hang out with me.”

  “Zeek, stop being such a diva! Presley has many other amazing qualities which qualifies her to be in our presence. Calm down and eat your chocolate. Obviously, your blood sugar is low if your claws are coming out.” He mock hisses at her but doesn’t object when she tosses him the candy.

  “Shh, my favorite song is coming up!” I warn and I look over to see Zeek and Jodi staring at me, just blinking like owls.

  “What?”

  “There’s no way this is your favorite song!” Jodi finally says.

  “Hmm, it’s always the quiet ones, you know. I can see it; I knew there was a tad bit of kink buried deep down.”

  “What on earth are you guys talking about? This song is super dramatic and the music is absolutely amazing!”

  “Well, of course it is, doll, but you do realize the lyrics are all about sex, right?”

  “What?” I almost drop my pop tart as I spring up. “No way!”

  “Yes, ma’am,” Jodi adds, sneaking one of Zeek’s M&M’s.

  “You guys are completely missing the point. Here is a man who has known nothing but despair and has been outcast his entire life. He was abandoned because of how he looks by the one person who should have always loved him. Taunted and rejected at every corner, he went into hiding, watching from the shadows as other people live their lives, fall in love, find attraction—something he never even thought was a possibility for himself. Then all of a sudden there is this girl he has watched and admired from afar who is finally saying the things he’s always longed to hear. This song is about her acknowledging that there is an attraction which he never thought possible. This scene is so powerful and magnetic and the music just brings it to life, engaging those emotions, all just to have it come crashing down to be proven to be just a mirage. She’s in fact in love with another, and she’s only saying those things because she’s being held captive. He is once again the ugly monster who is cast out, unlovable and unwanted. So, it’s not just about sex. It’s about desire and acceptance. Betrayal and human nature,” I say, wiping the lone tear that has fallen from Zeek’s eye.

  “Holy crap! Are you sure you aren’t a theater major?” Jodi says, then slaps Zeek. “Are you seriously crying right now?”

  “Shut your face, your heart is obviously made of ice. That was beautiful. I don’t care if you can sing or not, Presley, you will always be my Christine.” He kisses my hand in a grand gesture and then plops back on the floor to sing along with Gerard Butler. I look over to find Jodi just silently watching me.

  “What?” I whisper.

  “Nothing, you are just much deeper than you show.”

  “Do I normally seem shallow?”

  “Not at all! I just can’t seem to figure you out.”

  “Good, so stop trying. And don’t hog all the doughnuts.”

  CHAPTER 5

  Barrett

  I’m almost done with my latest engine. There’s just something about taking it apart and putting it all back together again that makes you feel accomplished. Sure, a lot of people might look down on mechanics, but how often can they take a piece of junk and make it into something worthy? My uncle calls us the Fairy Godmothers of Steel, which of course earned him a ton of razzing from the guys.

  I tighten the last bolt and jump in the car. That purr of life that runs from my foot up my body and imbeds in my spine is the best feeling ever. I get out and see my uncle standing there grinning.

  “Got her running, I see.”

  “Told you can me.” He chuckles and bumps my shoulder.

  “How’s your dad?”

  “Drunk. Same always.” My uncle gives me a concerned look then ushers me into the break room.

  “Sit.” He pulls out a chair and grabs two sodas from the fridge. He hands me one and then takes the chair directly in front of me. The years have been kind to him. He is in his forties but still looks and acts at least a decade younger. Long dark hair which is usually pulled back, a constant five o’clock shadow, and a gleam in his eyes that always keep the ladies interested.

  “I think it’s time we had a talk about your dad. This has gone on long enough; your mom has been gone for three years and he is only getting worse.” Uncle Randy is Mom’s brother. She taught him to sign when I went deaf at a young age, but with her gone, his sign isn’t great. At least he tries, though. He signs the words he knows and I figure out the rest, or at least enough to put together what the point is. All that matters is that he cares enough to try, unlike my father.

  “Dad live without Mom can’t.” At his look of bewilderment, I voice along with my sign. “Fault Dad not.”

  “It sure as h
ell is his fault. She was my sister. Your mother. Yeah it hurts. Is it hard to keep going every day without her? Of course, it is. But we do it because we have to. He has to. If not for his own sake than at least for yours and Codi’s.”

  What he is saying isn’t wrong, but I’m past the point of caring. He never would have won father of the year, but before the cancer, he was at least a good husband. He adored my mom. He never wanted kids, but she did and he could never deny her anything. Once she was gone, we were just a reminder of her, one he obviously didn’t want.

  I run my hand through my buzzed hair in frustration. I keep asking myself if Codi and I should just move in with Randy. He’s offered hundreds of times, but I promised Mom I’d look after my dad, and I refuse to let her down. Even if he doesn’t keep his promise, I’m keeping mine.

  “Look, I think it’d be best if you and Codi—” I raise my hand, cutting him off.

  “Promise Mom.” I both voice and sign. Randy is one of the few people I will actually voice for. He’s never made fun of my speech or had a hard time understanding me.

  “I know, son, but she wouldn’t want you to keep promise if she could see what he’s become. Trust me, Maggie would be the first one to have him by his balls for this kind of behavior.” I laugh because he’s right. But still, a promise is a promise.

  “Only three year finish, Codi, me move will.”

  “I want your word on that, Barrett. As soon as Codi graduates, I want you both out of there. Promise me.”

  “Promise.”

  “You best worker have I.” He signs and I can’t help the smile that takes over my face.

  “Signing good.”

  “Yeah? Good. The ladies dig it.” I laugh and hit his arm. I throw up the I love you sign, which he returns, and then I grab my bag and head home to make Codi dinner.

  I pull up to the trailer and sigh before getting out. It’s not that I’m ashamed of where we live, we’ve never had much and that never mattered, I’m ashamed of what we’ve let it become. I look over to the planter out front that Mom took such pride in. She would plant new flowers every spring and when the screen was open and the breeze came in, it would always bring a hint of freshness with it. Now it’s just a pile of dirt littered with beer cans and cigarette butts. I open the door and can’t help but wince. No matter how many times I walk across the threshold I still can’t prepare myself for the attack on my senses. What was once an inviting and homey place that smelled of casseroles and Lysol is now a broken down skeleton of its former self reeking of cigarette smoke, beer, and disappointment. Everywhere I look I see broken hearts and dreams. In a way, our shabby place is comforting. The fact that everywhere you look is a mess pretty much sums up our family. If we lived in a nice pristine place, it would feel too much like a lie. The fancy things would mock and taunt me. Old couches and broken chairs don’t mock, they silently cry out for attention. I laugh without humor, it looks like I have something in common with this crappy place after all.

  Codi is frantically trying to scrub the kitchen when I walk in. He’s tossing fast food wrappers and beer cans as fast as he can. He knows I can’t stand coming home to cook in a dirty kitchen, but there’s an underlining panic that isn’t because of the mess.

  “Wrong?” He looks at Dad nervously, then looks back at me. I don’t bother looking at my dad even though I know he’s telling Codi what to say to me. I watch my brother instead. I watch the sadness fill his eyes, soon replaced by disappointment. As he interprets my father’s words, I’m sure my face matches, with a good dose of pissed off thrown in.

  “What say you? Rent money gone? Can’t! Gave Dad yesterday finish.” I scowl at my father, leaving him no room to misinterpret. Codi sighs, and I hate myself a little more every time I have to get him involved in this crap. He’s too young to have to worry about this stuff, but thanks to dear old Dad refusing to sign and saying he can’t understand me, even though I know very well he can, Codi is forced into the role of my interpreter.

  “Dad, he said he just gave you the rent money yesterday. How can it be gone?” Codi is trying to hide his anger but he isn’t doing a very good job.

  “Something came up. Anyway, that doesn’t matter. What matters is we were already two weeks late and I need it by tomorrow or we are out.” Codi interprets, and if I had hair, I’d be ready to pull it out, so I rub my hands over my head instead to keep from punching my old man. What came up was a horse race and a bad bet, or worse, a woman and bad judgment. Either way, I’m sick of working myself to the bone for him to piss away all my hard-earned money. We need a place to live, and as bad as this place is, it’s still home.

  “Fine!” I sign, and then storm off and slam my door. Codi follows a few minutes later, looking shamed.

  “Get job, can me.”

  “No!”

  “B, old enough me. Everything can’t you.”

  “Yes, can I. School you. Fine us.”

  I turn my back on him, signaling that this conversation is over. One of the perks of being deaf is not having to listen when I don’t want to. It drives my brother crazy that he has to listen to my dad rant and I can turn around when I’m done. I turn to my computer and bring up the internet, looking for a street race this evening. I never take a race without thoroughly scouting everything out first. I make sure I know the people racing, I go over the roads and the area, and once I deem it as safe as can be, then I accept. But with such little time, there is no way to properly vet this one out. All the races I’ve taken are with people I trust. It doesn’t matter if you are a safe and controlled driver, if the other car isn’t, then it’s dangerous for everyone.

  I pull up the site with the street racing board and find a race nearby. I look at the clock. If I hurry, I can make it. I know the road, but I don’t know all of the other racers, which means it’s not a safe race. I have that feeling in the pit of my stomach that I always get when I know I shouldn’t do something. I need the money tonight, and I’m not coming home until I get it. Decision made, I grab my leather jacket and baseball hat and head for the door.

  “Go too.”

  “No, Codi, stay.”

  “Always go me. I go.”

  “No. Need you here. Watch Dad.”

  “Dad fine.”

  “Make sure Dad steal money not. Please C.” I know I shouldn’t put this on him but I don’t want him there. Without knowing the details, it isn’t safe, and I can’t get him messed up in this right now. With him here I’m going to be a little off kilter since I won’t know what’s going on or have him to interpret, but that’s just going to have to be the case. I don’t have enough to cover the rent in my secret stash, but it’s enough that will screw us over without food if my dad takes it. He won’t find it, but it leaves enough doubt for Codi to agree to stay behind.

  CHAPTER 6

  Presley

  “Why won’t you tell me where we’re going?” I slap Jodi’s hand out of the way as she tries to fold my skirt under another inch.

  “The fun answer is because everyone loves a surprise.”

  “And the real answer?” I ask, tugging the skirt down.

  “Because I know if I tell you where we’re going, you won’t go, and then you’ll miss out and regret it. So really, I’m just saving you from a lifetime full of regret and giving you a surprise. Win-win.”

  “A lifetime full of regret, huh?”

  “Yep, I’m a good friend like that.” I eye her suspiciously. To be honest, all I really want to do is put on my pjs and fall asleep listening to music, but whatever it is she’s planning, she probably shouldn’t be going alone.

  “Fine, I’ll go, but I’m not wearing this outfit. I will wear jeans and a t-shirt. And we have to stop at Cast Iron on the way for an iced tea.”

  “Your tight black jeans and your vintage Metallica shirt with the red tank. And I get to do your makeup.”

  “Okay, but I’m wearing my boots, not heels.”

  “Deal. But let’s hurry, we’re meeting some friends there
.”

  We grab our jackets and take off. Jodi drives and I get more and more suspicious the further out we go. We pass through the main city and out to some back country roads.

  “Are you lost?” I know she can see how nervous I am, but she just smiles and waves it off.

  “Relax and drink your tea, girl. I got you.”

  We pull up to what looks like bumper to bumper traffic upon first glance. Then I realize that all these cars are stopped and parked along the narrow back road. There’s got to be at least twenty cars out here and people walking around and hanging out. Someone has a sound system in their trunk, actually several people do, and they are blaring loudly. This is no set of Fast and the Furious but it looks suspiciously like an illegal race.

  “Jodi, what is this?” I hiss directly into her ear.

  “A street race. Come on. I see Dee.” Not phased in the least by my reaction, she drags me over to where her small group of friends stand. Dee is the only one I know. She’s one of Jodi’s good friends but she is a Kappa, so we don’t see her in the dorm or dining hall.

  “Hey guys, this is Presley. Pres, this is Rebekah, her boyfriend T.J., Stephanie, and these handsome devils are Twiggy and Shaz.”

  “Hey,” I lamely say. I feel so out of my comfort zone, I’ve never been to anything like this before and it looks like I’m the only one. A few people are standing around grabbing soda and beer out of a cooler. Small groups are gathered talking, but there are several guys further down that are setting up what look like road blocks. I see a table set up off to the side with a bunch of scanners and stuff.