Cal’s warm hand enclosed my tightly twisted fingers. ‘Sorry.’
My hands relaxed under his warmth.
I smiled. A wry smile. ‘Thanks. I can’t believe I missed the signs. I felt so dumb. I guess he was really good at sneaking, not something you want to find out about your husband. Then came the awful truth.’
My body tensed, fingernails digging into my palms.
‘I arrived home early from work and heard them, in our bedroom, having sex. It’s true, you know. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. I flew in, slapping them both on every inch I could reach. My screaming shocked the crap out of them. Talk about coitus interruptus! Bianca ran out as if the hounds of hell were after her. Hah.
‘And then Eddie told me he was leaving, they loved each other, she was pregnant and I was disgusting, fat and boring.’
Cal gently uncurled my hands and held them. ‘You’re none of those things, Rose. He’s a fool and not worthy of you.’
‘Thanks. I know that now, but marrying him seemed like a good idea at the time. What an asshole.’ I looked down at our linked hands, a touch embarrassed. ‘And that’s my story.’
Breaking the moment, he reached for his coffee.
‘A child’s a big deal. Is he sure it’s his?’
‘Hm. I bet he won’t ask for a paternity test. Too confronting. I know her well enough to imagine she was crafty enough to get pregnant. Not my problem.’ I waved a dismissive hand. ‘Thanks for listening.’
Cal handed me another chunk of chocolate.
‘Sometimes talking to a stranger can be cathartic, I have nothing but sympathy. It sounds like you went through hell. What about Eddie? Was he sorry for his part in all this?’
‘Not in the slightest. I married a complete stranger. He despises me. I’m glad of one thing, though.’
‘What’s that?’
‘We didn’t have children. Oh, and another thing. The reason he married me, I think. He wants my house.’
‘And? You want to keep it?’
‘God, no.’ I shuddered. ‘They had sex all over the house. I’d move out, but if I do that now, then they’ll feel it’s theirs and it’s so not hers. No, I’m not nice enough to wish them well. She wants the house and Eddie’s going to have trouble coming up with the money to buy it.’
‘Will you sell your half of the house to Eddie.’
I grinned. ‘It’s not half – he has to buy out me and my parents. They helped me get started with a house. Eddie’s only entitled to claim a quarter. The rest he has to pony up on his own. I bought the house five years before I met him. He doesn’t get a free ride with anything.’ I thought about my ring. ‘No free rides at all.’
Cal put his mug on the dashboard and clapped his hands. ‘Good. So often the wronged partner ends up with a raw deal. Make sure you don’t give an inch more than you need to.’
‘Sounds like you know all about that.’
‘Not from personal experience, it happened to a friend. He went through hell when his ex tried to take him to the cleaners. No kids in their case, either. The court ruled fifty-fifty. She tried to get more afterwards, but he wasn’t having it.’
A movement caught my eye. Excited, I pointed downriver.
‘Cal, should we close our windows? There’s a bear heading our way.’
Cal flicked the ignition and hit buttons. The windows slid up smoothly, the doors locked with a dull clunk.
A sizeable brown bear ambled along the grass on our side of the river, stopping to snuff the air, the aroma of food turning his nose in our direction. He made an unhurried amble to where we sat.
‘Camera. No flash.’ Cal pulled a Canon from a bag behind his seat.
I copied Cal’s slow movement, steadying my Sony, switching off the flash. I clicked away, utterly charmed.
‘He’s a young bear,’ Cal kept his deep voice low. ‘This is probably his first season away from mum. He’s not as confident as his elders.’
The bear sniffed around the SUV, raising onto his hind legs, checking his surroundings every minute or so.
‘What’s he doing?’ I whispered.
‘Making sure there are no other bears around. He’s a bit too young to take on an older bear in a fight over territory. He’s wise to be cagey. It gives him a better chance of survival in the long term.’
The bear did a few circuits of the vehicle.
Cal put a cautionary hand on my arm as the bear stood on its hind legs and looked straight into the cabin.
‘Stay still.’
‘No problem.’
Real intelligence flickered in those eyes. Engrossed in a unique wildlife moment, I stared right back. The bear huffed and moved closer, until it was right outside my window. A spine-tingling thrill of fear and excitement shivered through me. He lifted a heavy paw to the window, long claws scraping the glass.
‘Should I be scared?’ I murmured.
‘Only if he persists.’
I remained stock still. Not deterred, the bear scraped the window again, snuffing the air repeatedly.
‘Okay, that’s enough,’ Cal said. ‘I’ll use the horn, see if he’ll move off.’
He blasted the horn twice and the bear stumbled backwards in fright, rolled head over heels before taking off at a run, heading for the safety of trees downriver.
The bear’s surprised somersault made us laugh. Cal sobered.
‘It’s a shame to do that. We’re in his territory, but bears like chocolate. Anything sweet, really. He’d have persisted in hunting for our chocolate stash, and it’s better to be safe than sorry.’
‘Maybe we should finish it and take away temptation.’ My eyes twinkled. ‘It’s a hardship, I know, but I’d cope, how about you?’
‘Let’s live dangerously.’ He divided up the remaining chocolate.
I flicked through my digital images. ‘That was awesome. I got some great shots. Thanks for bringing me here.’ I lifted my camera. ‘Smile.’
He pulled a silly face.
‘Not a goofball smile, you numpty. A proper smile. That’s better, you have a gorgeous smile. Nice photos,’ I said, admiring my shots. ‘I’ve kept the goofy one.’
Mock dismayed, he said, ‘Don’t tell anyone.’
I finished my chocolate. ‘Okay, Cal, it’s your turn. I’ve shared my story, how about you tell me yours?’
‘That’s fair,’ he said. ‘Thanks for telling me your train-wreck. We’ve got hours yet, and I’d like to know more about you, but fair’s fair, we had a deal.’ He sat for a few moments, fingers drumming the steering wheel.
He took a deep breath and let out a long sigh. ‘I was married to Lily. She was everything a man could want. Beautiful, gentle, generous and she loved me. I could hardly believe someone so perfect could want someone as ordinary as me.’
I raised my eyebrows at that. In the very short time of knowing him, he seemed damn near perfect himself. And all-round gorgeous.
‘She was the love of my life. We were happy. It seemed almost too good to be true.’ His mouth twisted, a bittersweet smile. ‘We’d been married for three years when she went to see our family doctor about worsening pain from her endometriosis.’
Professional instincts suddenly alert, I flinched, making an intuitive leap. I’d heard this story often enough on the oncology ward. Impulsively, I put my hand on his arm, withdrawing straightaway, not wanting to intrude.
‘You know what came next, don’t you?’
I nodded.
He sighed. ‘Yes. Full blown ovarian cancer. Metastasized in the liver and spleen. There was nothing they could do except delay the inevitable with chemotherapy. She didn’t want that, so we settled on palliative care.’
‘How long?’ I felt my breath catch in my throat.
‘Five months. Five long months of pain and sadness as she wasted away, each day leaching a little more of her life, until she looked like a ghost. She died in my arms twenty weeks after her diagnosis.’ He stopped.
‘Oh Cal, I’m so sorry.’ An
errant tear leaked down my cheek.
‘Don’t cry, little caterpillar, she’s better off now.’ He squeezed my hand. ‘It’s an ugly way to die. But it’s been two and a half years now. I still miss her, but it gradually gets better, with time. I wouldn’t have believed it the first year. I still want to share special moments….’ He shoulders lifted in a shrug.
‘Like the curious bear just now?’
He nodded.
‘I understand.’ I did, and felt a pang of envy.
In that moment I understood my future held promise. Eddie would become little more than an unpleasant memory. Not yet, but one day. ‘Thanks for sharing. There are no words, so I won’t try.’
‘You’re a good listener.’
‘How long have you been travelling? Since Lily died?’
‘Almost. I left three months after she’d gone. I couldn’t stand going home to an empty house. Everything reminded me of her. I went to bed each night holding her favorite shirt, trying to hold on to the smell of her, anything to keep her with me. Everyone was kind, of course. Too kind. One day I snapped. I had to get away. And, most of all, I had to get away from her family.’
He paused to see if I understood. A quick nod from me, and off he went again.
‘Don’t get me wrong. They’re good people, but they’d lost a precious daughter and they wanted to pick over my memories, talk about her childhood, keep her photos everywhere. I began to feel crowded, like I had to grieve for everyone, not just for my own loss.
‘One day I jacked it all in. Put my stuff in storage and let an agent sell the house. It would have torn my heart out if I’d stayed.’ He turned to me, face somber. ‘You know, sometimes I feel if I could talk to her about getting over her, then I’d feel better. Maybe that sort of love comes only once in a lifetime, I don’t know. I know I don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone.’ He took a deep breath. ‘So, here I am, footloose, although not exactly fancy-free.’
We were both silent for a while.
‘Going back would be hard.’
‘Yep.’ He shot me a sideways smile. ‘No interest in the life I once had. What would I go back to?’
‘Apart from the obvious? Friends and family? Work?’
He considered that, for a moment. ‘Granted. I’d be welcome home. Work? I don’t know yet. Something different, I think.’ He shifted in his seat, with a slight head shake. ‘No inspiration has smacked me between the eyes, and while I’m waiting for a thunderclap I’ll keep travelling.’
I gazed out the window, processing. ‘Your adventures have given me an idea. I don’t really want to go home and start over. I need change.’
‘Still nursing?’
‘For sure. It’s what I know best, and I’m very good at it.’
‘My sister, Leah, is a nurse. She got the travel bug after checking up on me in Hawaii, and has been in America for a year now, working as a travel nurse.’
‘Wow, that’s so cool. Where is she now?’
‘Just up the road in Anchorage. She’s started a three-month placement last week as an OR Nurse. If you’re heading back there, I know she’d love to have coffee with you.’
‘Travel nursing?’ I leaned back, mind racing. ‘That sounds fantastic. I’d love to meet her.’
‘I’ll give her a call tomorrow and let her know you might be interested. She’ll be recruiting you within hours.’
‘Well, I don’t think she’ll find it hard to convince me,’ I said slowly. ‘I need a jolt to kickstart my life again.’
‘That’s more like it. A bit of spunk. Try surfing again, one day. You won’t have a jerk of a husband putting you down every time you try.’
‘You noticed, huh? I was so used to his putdowns I’d almost stopped hearing them.’
‘I can teach you surfing again.’ He gave a cocky smile. ‘I guarantee you’ll stay on your board.’
‘Sure.’ I snickered. ‘But where in the world would I find you?’ A lick of heat ran through me. Seeing him again? Why not?
‘Ah. Good point. Next stop, Australia’s summer.’
I giggled. ‘Well, that sucks. Hawaii I might have managed, but Australia…’ I trailed off.
‘Lots of jobs for nurses in Australia, too.’
‘Give me a break.’ I mock-punched his arm. ‘It’s ten minutes since I even thought about taking on the world.’
‘I bet you’ll want to do it again after your first time.’
‘Uh, huh. Don’t you ever get lonely? I’ve always been with family or friends on holidays. On my own is scary. I nearly cancelled this holiday, but losing money pissed me off.’
‘Good for you sticking to it. And, no, I don’t often get lonely. I meet lots of people, some of them interesting, some of them not. One day you’ll meet someone who’d never let you down. That’s a thought to hold onto.’
‘Maybe.’ I exhaled, a long dubious breath. ‘I don’t want to make another stupid mistake. It’s demoralizing. I mean, how does anyone know what their fiancé is really like. I didn’t.’ I crossed my arms. ‘Sorry. It still smarts.’
He put a warm hand on my shoulder. ‘It will pass.’
‘Yeah, I guess. What about you? From what you’ve said, Lily was your soulmate. Not everyone gets that. Not everyone wants it, I suppose. Would you like to meet someone? She’d have to be amazing.’
He looked down at his hands. ‘I’ll never forget her. I don’t want to, but she wouldn’t want me living a life trapped in memories. After she died, I couldn’t conceive of ever looking at another woman. Lily was all I ever needed. And when women have thrown themselves at me, I’ve been repelled. It was all so meaningless, and I was never even a little bit interested. But one day I met a woman who seemed just as lovely, different, but open, fun-loving and generous-hearted and I found myself beginning to come back to life again.’
‘And?’ I prompted him.
‘Oh well.’ He spread his hands. ‘I could look, but she wasn’t single, and even if she’d been interested, there’s no way I’d come between a couple. And I’d have been less than impressed with her if she had been interested, given she was very much married.’
‘Oh. Bummer.’
Eyes sparkling, a grin lit up his features. ‘Don’t worry. I might be lucky and find someone like her again. Who knows?’
‘Lucky woman,’ I said, voice light. A moment of pure green envy passed through me.
We sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes.
Lucky woman. Cal seemed so perfect. A damn sight more perfect than Eddie.
He stirred, stretching long limbs in the confines of the cabin. ‘More coffee?’
‘Please.’ I held out my mug.
‘Let’s take it outside. Fresh air would be good.’
‘No bears hanging around?’ Cautious, I scanned the area.
‘Stick close to the SUV and we’ll be fine.’
We leaned against the cattle pusher, sipping.
‘These long summer days are gorgeous. But not warm at this hour.’ I shivered in the midnight chill.
Wrapping a friendly arm around my shoulder, he pulled me next to him.
‘I’ll keep you warm.’ His arm tightened around me. ‘The flipside of long summer days is the nights are as long in winter. They barely have more than four or five hours of daylight up here. Further north it’s even worse. Summer’s okay for me here, but winter’s not for me.’
Warmth stole through me, my face felt super-heated. His proximity sent surges of happiness rippling through me, my heart sped up, mouth drying. I searched for something to say and words failed. I felt like a tongue-tied teenager. I wanted to kiss him. It felt like falling in love.
Ridiculous. A simple case of an unwanted crush.
In the distance I heard a lorry grinding its way down through gears on approach to the nearby road. The driver blasted the horn twice as he swept past.
Cal shook himself. ‘Cheek. Disturbing the peace here.’ He smiled down at me. ‘I guess it’s time to go back and get some
shuteye. Another day’s driving for me. What’s next for you?’
‘Back to my hotel in Anchorage. If your sister has some free time, I’d love to get together. Travel nursing might be perfect for me.’
He pulled out his phone. ‘I’ll need your number.’
Chapter Eighteen
Ididn’t sleep well that night in my cute log cabin. Jetlag may have been part of the issue, but meeting Cal, this time without my ex in tow, had left a lasting impression. Images of his gorgeous smile, his blue-grey eyes, his laughter, the heat of his hands, his arm warming me. Everything about him left me restless and craving…something. Attraction. How dumb to be attracted to him. I mean, his work takes him to different parts of the world, there is no reason to stop, and he still grieves his dead wife. And I’m staggering along, barely functional, four months after my marriage crashed and burned.
In the wee small hours I finally fell into a restless sleep. Loud chatter outside my cabin woke me. I surfaced with a start. In a panic, I grabbed my phone and freaked when I saw the time. I should have checked out half an hour ago. Galvanized, I leapt around like a maniac, packing, no time to shower, and raced out to the office to pay for meals and checkout. My bus to the Denali railway station left twenty minutes later.
I missed seeing Cal. His Denali day tour group had already set off. About two and a half hours ago.
Crushed at first, I sat alone on the bus whipping my jumbled thoughts into order. Better not to have seen him again, my overnight half-assed erotic thoughts might have revealed themselves to him. I wouldn’t have been able to hide a blush. Even thinking about my thoughts made me blush. And every thought of him made me smile.
I wouldn’t have any reason to see him again. My silly crush on him would dissipate without encouragement.
On the train to Anchorage, determined to enter the holiday spirit, and avoid thinking about Cal, I ate a hearty breakfast in the GoldStar dining railcar, chatted with a range of talkative tourists, took lots of wildlife photos, watched eagles through the glass-domed ceilings, and arrived back at my hotel room late evening, knackered but relaxed.
Cal texted me. ‘Sorry I missed you this morning. Leah will call to arrange a chat re travel nursing. Hope you enjoyed your day. Cal x.
Promises Made- Promises Kept Page 24