A happy grin spread over my face. I wiped it off. Stop thinking about him I commanded.
Leah phoned a few minutes later and we set up a meeting for tomorrow afternoon. I texted to let him know.
‘Thanks, Cal. Meeting your sister for coffee tomorrow. Rose, x.
Restless in my room that evening, my thoughts ranged over the future and travelling the world for work, and meeting Leah. Most of all my thoughts lingered on Cal. He indicated he might be ready to move on from his grief. Could I interest him at all? Despite the married woman he’d met? We had each other’s contact details. My heart sped up at the thought of him. When I fell, at last, into a deep sleep, I dreamt of him. Vague dreams that disappeared on waking, but I woke with a curious sense of possibility.
Buzzing with anticipation I spent the next day exploring the town, visiting a museum, buying souvenir gifts for Shona and Brigid, having a tacky photo taken with a stuffed bear, shot by a local, lunched in a pub and by mid-afternoon I was waiting for Leah at the Visitors’ Centre with ten minutes to spare.
Right on cue, a pretty, petite brunette strode towards me, waving, a smile pinned on her face.
‘Rose?’ Leah greeted me like a long-lost friend, hugged me, tucked her arm through mine and led me to a cafe.
‘I’m so glad to meet you,’ Leah said, dropping into a chair with a happy sigh. ‘Ah, that’s better,’ she stretched like a cat, ‘my feet are saying “thank you” for sitting down. Work was heavy duty today.’
A waitress approached and we ordered coffee and cake.
Leah reminded me of Alice in the Twilight movies. She was petite, athletic and moved easily, comfortable in her body.
We settled in for a chat. She had a knack of asking all the right questions, listening with genuine interest, and before long she’d heard my whole sorry story.
‘I’m really, really happy you bumped into Cal. A break from what happened to you is just the right medicine. My big brother loves helping people.’
‘You do, too, I would think?’
‘I do.’ She grinned widely and I caught the resemblance between Leah and Cal, they have the same generous smile. ‘Oh, and here he comes. Fantastic.’
She stood to meet him.
‘Hey, sis.’ Cal scooped her up in a big hug. ‘Look at you, only here a couple of days and already you’ve sussed out the local hangouts.’
Surprised to see him, I had time to compose myself. Nobody could see my elevated heart rate, or the rush of uncomfortable pleasure. A fleeting blush faded.
‘You’re looking good, big brother. Being a mountain man suits you. You should keep your hair long.’ She tugged his ponytail lightly. ‘It looks good.’
He ruffled her pixie cut. ‘Short hair suits you.’ He turned to me, leaning in for a quick peck on my cheek. ‘And how are you? Looking forward to your cruise?’
‘I think so. It’s nerve-wracking being on my own, but I’ve been online looking at on-board activities, and if I don’t meet some friendly people it’ll be my own fault. This holiday’s the best thing I could have done for myself, and meeting both of you has been like switching on all the lights in the house while I’ve been sitting in the dark – I feel,’ I hunted for a word, ‘energized.’ I gave them both a happy grin.
‘Thanks,’ Leah said. ‘That’s a lovely thing to say.’
The waitress returned for Cal’s order.
‘When did you last contact Mum and Dad?’ Leah asked once we were alone again.
He made a face and pulled out his phone, scrolling through lists. ‘About a month ago.’
‘God, you’re the prodigal son, Cal. Do they even know you’re in Alaska?’
He turned to me, face comical. ‘Can you believe this? I’m thirty-two years old and my sister’s telling me off for not calling mummy and daddy every few days.’
Leah pulled his ponytail again. ‘Have they seen your hair?’
‘Yes, Leah,’ he said patiently. ‘I talked to them on Skype when I arrived here. They know I’m safe, so stop fussing. My hair’s been this long for ages and Mum actually likes it, says it reminds her of her hippie days. Dad wants me to cut it off, of course. I think I’m old enough to make my own decisions.’ He turned to me. ‘Do you like it?’
My eyebrows shot up. ‘Me? Yes, actually I do. Not everyone suits long hair, not even some women, but it suits you. Mind you, I haven’t seen it short. I assume that looks good, too.’
He shrugged. ‘It’s too much trouble to go somewhere for a cut. This works for now.’
‘Huh, you’ve never asked anyone’s opinion before. Certainly not mine.’ Leah pretended exasperation.
‘You’re my pesky little sister, of course I wouldn’t ask you.’
I sat looking from one to the other, enjoying their banter. They might appear to be bickering, but there’s a lot of love between them. Leah radiates dynamism and Cal a calm tranquility.
We had nearly an hour of chatting before Cal looked at his watch and drew a deep breath. ‘Time for me to be off. I have a couple of hundred miles or so to drive to go back country again. Take care, little sis.’ He stood up and hugged her. ‘And you…,’ he pecked my cheek, ‘…be sure and let me know how things go.’
‘I will.’ I kissed his cheek in return and was rewarded with one of his warmest smiles. With that, he turned and was gone.
‘Your brother should smile more often. He’s drop dead gorgeous when he smiles.’ I felt my cheeks flush as I turned to Leah.
She saw my pink cheeks, her eyes cautious. ‘Yeah, I know, even I can see it, and I’m just his sister. The girls at school and church were always after him. He was a bit of a heartbreaker when he was younger, though I don’t think he meant to be. Lily was his second serious girlfriend and once he met her, he never looked at anyone else. Believe me, plenty of women tried to catch him, but he’s a one-woman-only man.
‘That’s really sweet. I bet there aren’t many men like that these days. How sad to lose your soulmate.’
I saw a fleeting moment of hesitation cross her face.
‘Their love was rare, I guess. As for soulmates? I don’t know if something like that even exists. But, yeah, we were all devastated by her death. She was lovable. But Cal,’ Leah shook her head, eyes faraway, ‘he took it so hard. I was the only person he’d let near him in the first few weeks, and Mum, too. I tiptoed around, cleaning his house, making his favorite foods, not asking a single thing of him. It was kind of weird, too. Here’s this big, strong man just wasting away, completely silent. I don’t think he knew I was there half the time. He’d only eat and drink if I sat with him and practically force-fed him. He got skinny for a while. We were all so worried he’d never find his way back to us. I took to sneaking extra sugar in his coffee and making lots of high carb meals, just to keep him going.’ Her mouth twisted. ‘But, you know,’ she came back to the present with a sigh, ‘once he prepared to go overseas, that’s when we started to see glimpses of him again.
‘I wish the family could see him now. It’s ages since he went home. He’s not the same as before. He’s quieter and, if possible, even more intense than he used to be, but he’s almost like his old self again. It’s a shame he doesn’t have anyone to share that with. Lily would have hated the itinerant life he leads now, but that wouldn’t have happened, of course, if she’d lived. They’d still be living back in Abingdon living the usual humdrum suburban life. She was a real homebody. The only overseas holiday she enjoyed was when they went to Italy for a first anniversary celebration.’
‘Do you know why?’
Leah’s frankness surprised me, but Lily intrigued me.
‘Oh yeah, it wasn’t a big secret. Lily hated flying. She got airsick and was deathly afraid of being high in the sky, no solid ground beneath her feet. I could never understand that.’
‘How did Cal persuade her to go to Italy?’
‘That’s easy. They drove there. It’s a real shame, though. Cal had a pilot’s license by the time he was eighteen. But she would ne
ver have climbed into a small plane with him. She was a real clutch the seat and panic if there was even a tiny amount of turbulence in a big plane.’
‘I guess she never have made it over to Australia, then?’ I couldn’t imagine not wanting to see the world. ‘She’d never have seen the surf, the sun, the country? It’s so beautiful. Cal told me he’s going there for summer.’
‘You’ve been?’
I nodded. ‘Cousins live in Sydney. We spent three months there back in my teens. I’ve put it on my list of places to work one day.’ I felt a surge of wanderlust at the thought of working anywhere I wanted to in the world.
‘Lily would have been too scared of snakes and spiders to visit there.’ Leah shook her head. ‘And getting there? On a plane? Not for her.’
‘How did Cal deal with that? I mean, not travelling to see the world?’
She shrugged. ‘He loved her. It didn’t seem to matter to him.’
Could he have always been satisfied with that? He seemed so adventurous.
‘What was she like?’
‘Gorgeous,’ she said, promptly. ‘Beautiful, tall, blonde, ethereal. She turned heads everywhere she went. And a lovable disposition. She was a primary school teacher and really great with kids. When she died, her whole class made a kind of shrine at the school. You know, flowers, cards, teddies. They adored her. Seeing it made me cry buckets.’ Her eyes were far away, remembering.
I took a deep breath. Without meeting her, or even seeing a photo of her, I could see how Cal could love someone like that. I felt prosaic and dull in that moment.
She came to with a start. ‘Sorry. Wool-gathering. We all miss Lily. No one as much as Cal, of course. Endometriosis masked her cancer until it was far too late. She was kind of perfect. I don’t think she had a nasty bone in her body. She lit up the room whenever she walked in. It’s not a wonder Cal fell for her. As far as I knew, they never argued, they talked about everything. They were blissfully happy’
‘Perfect happiness? Is that what you think?’
While I was absorbed in Leah’s depiction of Lily, I was, at the same time, becoming impatient. Nobody’s perfect.
My gut told me Leah was warning me off. I squirmed. She must have picked up my fledgling feelings for her brother.
She laughed, self-consciously. ‘Probably not. Only they would have known, right? Still, that’s pretty much how we all remember her.’
‘He said he’d like to meet another soulmate. Do you think any living woman could ever compete with the perfection of a dead woman? Forever frozen in everyone’s minds as flawless?’ I wanted to remind her Lily had been human, not angelic.
‘Touché. No, you’re right. Too much hyperbole on my part. Forget I eulogized her so much.’
I grinned. ‘Forgotten.’
‘Good. One last thing.’ She appraised my face. ‘He has met someone. I think she was holidaying in New Zealand last year when he was over there.’
‘And, you’re cautioning me not to fall for him?’
She nodded, embarrassed.
I schooled my features into neutral.
‘He mentioned that. He also said she’s married and he wouldn’t intrude.’
‘Yeah. About that.’ This time she looked away, avoiding my eyes. ‘He’s found out she’s single now.’
Oh.
Bummer. He didn’t mention that.
Disconcerted, I sat back in my seat, eyes focused on the coffee spoon I had in my twitchy fingers.
‘Thanks, Leah.’ I forced my eyes up. ‘That’s a fair warning. Any feelings I could have for your brother, or anyone who’s mad enough to cross my path, would be wasted. It’s only a few short months since Eddie cut my heart out with a spoon. I don’t want a rebound, and neither would any man I met.’
Harsh as those words were, they happened to be the truth. A weight lifted off my shoulders. I sat up straighter.
‘Now that’s out of the way. Let’s talk about something more interesting.’
We talked well into the evening, staying to enjoy dinner and becoming friends. When I headed back to the hotel, I had the contact details of the travel nursing agency Leah recommended.
That night I stood in front of the mirror in my room and took a long, hard look at myself. Honesty looked back at me. What had I been thinking? Cal, interested in me? No, no and no again. Tall, blonde, beautiful and ethereal I was not. I’d lucked out on all those genes. Taller than average was the closest I could get. Ethereal? God, no. Overweight, out of shape, dark hair, double chin. I checked all those boxes. What the ever-loving hell would he ever see in me? I suddenly felt mundane, dull, like background noise. Lily had lit up rooms. Nobody noticed me.
Even Leah’s eyes had dismissed me after a swift, and, I hoped, unconscious, scrutiny of my face and figure when we sat chattering away.
Time to delete ridiculous romantic thoughts. My heart, already shredded by Eddie, hurt more than I anticipated.
Over the ensuing two days I stomped on starry-eyed feelings for Cal. He could be a casual friend. Infatuation would run its course.
He sent me texts every day. One line quips, a photo of Denali, another of a bear and her cubs. I responded in kind, light and friendly, nothing personal, casual and joking.
A day trip to Prince William Sound and its glaciers and immersing myself in Anchorage’s Heritage Center history helped. The following day I caught the train to Seward and boarded the cruise ship for a weeklong cruise down the Inside Passage.
Aboard the ship I spent a couple of hours in the gym every day. With views of glaciers, wild countryside and the sea, I didn’t mind exercising. I met heaps of friendly people, enjoyed a whale watch outing, loved my gorgeous cabin with a balcony for viewing stunning scenery and water wildlife. I saw humpback whales, killer whales, dolphins and more, and sailing along the coastline I saw bald eagles and a couple of moose. No wolves, sadly. Day trips were offered at each port and I enjoyed a dog sled ride, as part of their training for the Iditarod race later in the year.
Endless shops in each port, each selling similar jewelry or tourist knickknacks palled after a while. I tried shops in back streets, further from the main shops and found more interesting keepsakes and a decent bookshop. Having little interest in ornaments – too much dusting – I did indulge in a jade Inukshuk, a symbol of friendship, amongst other meanings.
And I indulged in a special memento. With proceeds from my once loved engagement ring, I bought a watch. A nice Tag Heuer watch. An elegant timepiece as Uncle Bill had suggested.
Arrival in Vancouver a week later signaled the final leg of my holiday. I’d booked a week in a cute apartment.
When not busy sightseeing, I made plans. Lots of them. Cal receded from the forefront of my thoughts as anticipation of life-changing decisions took up more space in my head.
Since bumping into Cal and meeting Leah, my life had turned around. I had direction at last. My feelings for Cal would settle into friendship over time and, while I still squirmed uncomfortably at Leah’s warnings, I could only be glad she’d advised caution. Instead, I had two new friends. We sent texts to each other every few days to catch up on news.
My holiday had been far more fabulous than I’d expected, and at the same time, I was almost bursting with excitement to get home and get started.
Selling the house, applying for travel nurse acceptance, losing all the remaining extra weight and finalizing my divorce were schemes right at the top of my list of life changes.
Chapter Nineteen
Ihad a window seat on my flight home from Vancouver. Captivated by a golden-hued sunset glowing on islands, ocean and snow-topped mountains, I took a couple of photos with my phone. So beautiful. Maybe I would work here one day.
Landing in London proved an anticlimax. Heavy rain and fog obscured the Thames as the plane dropped lower. My mood plummeted with the dreary weather. Waiting in long queues for customs, passport, baggage, I made use of my time and texted photos I’d taken of Vancouver and London from the air to Ca
l and Leah.
‘Left beautiful Canada. Arrived in dismal London.’ I added a smiley face.
After such an unexpected holiday high, returning home was bleak. Being a mid-week landing I hadn’t organized anyone to pick me up at the airport. I juggled my luggage, caught the train to Cambridge and, drenched, clambered into a taxi for the last leg home.
Cal’s text arrived just as I let myself into the house.
‘Chin up, little butterfly. Remember the world’s out there for you to explore.’
An innocuous message, I know, but I grinned from ear to ear, sending a thumbs up emoji in return. My heart still sped up with every contact from him.
Before I lost incentive, I dumped my bags in the hall and dragged myself out to buy bread, milk and essentials, arriving home in time to make a light dinner and soaked again by torrential rain. Once home my mood slid down to grey. This house was no longer a home. The rooms smelled musty and stale. Rain, hurled against the windows and a headache brewed.
I flitted through the house, switching on lights, closing curtains, even switching on heating – something I rarely did in summer. Chilled to the bone, I yanked off wet clothes, and shrouded my shivering body in my bathrobe. While the house warmed, I wrapped my cold hands around a mug of coffee.
Later, downing my third mug of coffee, I recognized two things – the simple fact my marriage would have ended a damn sight sooner if I’d caught Eddie last year, and secondly, if it had I wouldn’t have bumped into Cal and be embarking on a change of life, job and country. I smiled for the first time since I arrived home. Divorce had become bearable. More than bearable.
After soup and a roll, I turned to the books I’d bought in Vancouver on makeup and style. Time to change my life. A complete makeover of my life. Change my hair, my clothes, my weight, my makeup and – critical to everything – change my attitude.
I knew I’d never been a floral dress type of person. Not in the slightest. Sure, I liked pretty dresses and floaty skirts occasionally, but not floral. That was kind of what Eddie’s mother wore... Oh my God! I realized my mouth was hanging open and shut it with a snap.
Promises Made- Promises Kept Page 25