Eluding Fate

by Delilah Mohan

  “Okay then.” He stood up, placing his bottle by the foot of the chair before reaching for the ties on his pajama pants. It took me a moment of being in a complete trance before realizing exactly what he was doing. My hand shot out, grabbing his wrist to stop him.

  “What are you doing?” At this point, I knew. I knew damn well what he was doing and where his piercing was probably located, but I needed to buy some time to think. There would be no going back in our friendship once his pants were dropped; if I wanted to go back at all.

  He pulled his shirt up a little, exposing an expanse of his hard stomach, that I knew he worked on almost daily. A slight trail of hair traveled from his belly button and disappeared into his pants, and if I said I wasn’t going weak, it would be a damn lie. Somewhere there was a turnaround, and although I was stuck in the friend zone, my mind hadn’t completely gotten the memo.

  “Do you not want to see it?” He wrapped the ties around his fists, holding them tightly.

  He was testing me, and I didn’t even have an answer because I did want to see it. I wanted to see it so damn badly, but my mind screamed mayday. Abort. Do not proceed. Caution.

  I tried not to stutter when I answered, despite how dry my throat was, “I do, but . . . I didn’t picture you with a piercing below the belt.”

  “So, you’ve pictured me below the belt, then?” He raised an eyebrow.

  I suddenly felt hot, so overheated that I might’ve needed to jump into a frigid lake. “That’s not what I meant, and you know it!”

  “Is Mari Sinclair a prude?” He had laughter in his voice.

  “I’m hardly a prude. But, once I see your penis, I can’t un-see it.” I was trying to be a civil adult, but judging by the fire that had taken residence in my cheeks, I failed.

  He was laughing at me and trying to hide it. “I’ll tell you what; I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.”

  I was a bit confused by this since I never pierced anything that wasn’t my ear. “I don’t have any piercings.”

  Shaking his head, his eyes wandered. “I think we both know I wasn’t referring to piercings.”

  “Ha. Nice try, not happening.” I tugged my shirt, making sure my breasts were fully covered.

  Bending down to pick up his bottle, his words muffled, “Suit yourself, but let me know if you change your mind.” When he straightened, he leaned over and kissed my forehead. It was a first, it was soft, gentle, new. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Bookworm.”

  Then he disappeared through the window, the same way he appeared earlier, leaving only his retreating footsteps and the sound of my front door closing. All the while I stood there, on my balcony, under the veil of a black sky, wondering what exactly was happening to our friendship.

  Chapter Twenty

  SPENCER

  I walked out of Jolts and dialed, holding my phone to my ear, waiting for my intern to answer. Nicole picked up on exactly the third ring. Checking my watch and my surrounding location, I let her know when to expect me. “I’m seven minutes out. Have my paperwork on my desk.”

  “You’re late this morning,” she stated like I didn’t already know I was running ten minutes behind. It was the beer, the beer I had before talking to Mari last night, and probably the beer I had while sitting on her balcony, too. I woke up with my head in a hazy fog of thoughts and my limbs felt nearly too heavy to move, but I had to push through and get the day over with.

  “Rough night.” I heard her make a sound that sounded strangely victorious on the other end of the line.

  “Even the mighty falls, sometimes.” She sounded so smug, and if she were in front of me, I probably would send her on the worst errand I could think of in retaliation.

  “Yeah, well, thanks for that.” I hung up on Nicole before she could say anything else, knowing she was enjoying my bout of suffering a little too much.

  I navigated the few blocks to FTS station’s building, let myself inside, and stood patiently as the clock ticked away and the elevator slowly rose to my working floor. I should have taken the stairs, it would have been the fit, healthy, thing to do, but for once . . . I just didn’t care. I was already late, now officially twelve minutes, and the extra minute it was going to take waiting for and riding the elevator at this point wouldn’t make a difference.

  As I entered my office, Nicole was already there with my papers spread out in a neat row across my oak desk. I glared in her direction, waiting for her to give me a snarky comment so I could send her on errand hell, but instead, she held her hands up in surrender. She lifted up a box of fresh bakery cookies, “Peace offering?”

  I looked at them suspiciously, waiting for the happy birthday everyone tries to throw at me every year, the birthday wishes that I always decline to accept, even when they pull out the birthday cake. The wishes never came, and despite hating receiving them, it darkened my mood further by the lack of them. I took a cookie, grudgingly.

  She looked down at her tablet, “Bachelor auction? Are you participating this year? You were the highest bid the last two years in a row.”

  I tossed the thought around in my mind, but I just couldn’t. I didn’t want to be that person anymore. I didn’t want to schedule sex appointments as I did with Belen or take off my shirt for a crowd just to boost my ego. I didn’t want Mari to see me up there, the spotlight on stage shinning around me, the local newspapers headlining my picture, and think that fame has really done a number on me. That my self-worth is greater than hers and our friendship.

  “Not this year.” I saw Nicole flinch.

  “It’s for a good cause. Are you sure you don’t want to just think about it?” She tried to sound considerate, but the pressure was still there.

  “I said, not this year Nicole.” She clicked her tongue disapprovingly.

  “Okay, but you do have to be present at the Mayor’s banquet. It’s two weeks away, are you adding a plus one? I think Jillian was planning to leave her husband at home with the kids on this one, so if you like, I can set you guys up to just go together as co-anchors.”

  “Yeah, that’s fine. Do that,” I instructed.

  We went over the details of other upcoming events and obligations before I was rushed off to makeup. I hated this part most, and on a day that was already the worst, the constant attention was close to making my temper crack. I missed my scheduled bathroom break, thanks to my schedule being so screwed up and delayed, and as I sat in my chair, waiting for the countdown to air time, I couldn’t help but pray that this day was over quickly because all I wanted to do was go home and be by Mari.

  My muscles burned, even after the steaming shower I took at the gym, but I needed the hard work-out. When I left the gym at exactly six, I couldn’t wait to get home. I was done with today, every possible aspect of it. I just wanted to go home, see my girls, and crash; forgetting about another birthday alone.

  I knew that I wasn’t usually receptive to birthday wishes and the traditional office birthday cake, but when they forget it all together, I missed it. That sounds crazy, right? Every birthday was spent telling them not to get me a cake, stop singing, forget the day exists, and when they did? When they did, I just wanted one person to remember.

  When I got to the apartment complex, I went straight for Mari’s place, intending to poke at her for skipping yoga for the second week in a row, but she wasn’t there, and the heavy weight of disappointment settled in my gut. I knew if she wasn’t home, I would probably go straight to bed after dinner, and it had been weeks that went by where I hadn’t had a single day without her in it.

  I walked the few steps to my own door, feeling more melancholy than I should, but unwilling to suck it up. I didn’t care if I was an adult, it was my birthday, and I was entitled to sulk a bit if I wanted to. I kept telling myself this as I put my key in the door and turned it, meeting some resistance. I made a mental note to get the lock checked out. When the lock finally gave, and the door was unjammed, I walked into a pitch-black apartment.

  Tossing my keys
on the small table by the door, I fumbled in the dark, searching for the light switch. I might have been a little annoyed. Victoria knew I was coming home and she couldn’t be bothered to leave a light on or open the curtains. It was just another thing to heap on the pile of my already crappy day. After stubbing my toe on who knows what that Victoria left on the floor, I let out a string of curses until I finally found the switch.

  Flicking the switch on, my senses were instantly attacked by screams. “Surprise!”

  I shielded my eyes, adjusting to the light, trying to still the frantic beating of my heart. They were there, all of them. My coworkers, the main boss, my assistant, my own mother, even our favorite barista from Jolts. Mari stepped out of the crowd, shaking me from my stupor. “Did you think we forgot?”

  She looked beautiful, stunning really, in her knee-length green dress. The color made her hair pop, and it flowed freely, only half pinned and secured by a clip in the back. There were enough tendrils falling down, making me wish I could snag a lock and wrap my fingers around it, and forming it into a perfect spiral. I licked my lips, fighting the dryness clogging my throat, “I did.”

  The admission was difficult, and the silence of the people around me, waiting for me to speak was choking me. Mari moved a little closer, wrapping her hand around my forearm and pulling me into the center of the room. “I hope you don’t mind, I just . . .” she seemed a little nervous, and she shouldn’t be. “I wanted you to have a good time.”

  I didn’t get a chance to speak, but I wanted to. I wanted to reassure her that I appreciated it, but the moment I stepped foot into the living room the evening became a tornado of greetings and well wishes, friendly hugs and shoulder pats, celebratory drinks and cake slice distributions. With the help of Victoria, who was being surprisingly compliant, I managed to scoot my mother out the door without insults, skip a few passes from the office drunk, and sneak an extra piece of cake around the time everyone began to politely wish me goodnight and leave for the night.

  “So, you didn’t suspect a thing, did you?” Nicole leaned her hip against my kitchen counter.

  “Meh.” I shrugged my shoulders as I shoved a bite of cake in my mouth.

  “I have to admit, I didn’t want to come tonight. I’m pretty sure no one did. You’re sort of the office asshole.”

  I grabbed my beer and took a sip, “Watch it. You’re still my assistant.”

  Her nose wrinkled up, “You won’t fire me.”

  I tossed my plate in the garbage, “You’re right.”

  “So, your girlfriend. She’s sort of amazing, isn’t she?” I followed her gaze to Mari, who was chatting with one of the sound guys. Her hands swung about animatedly, and I couldn’t help the smile that crossed my face.

  “Yeah. Yeah, she really is.” I didn’t deny the girlfriend part. What good would it do? It wasn’t like Mari and Nicole would be exchanging numbers and doing lunch anytime soon.

  “She makes you more palatable.” She shoved a carrot in her mouth, looking straight ahead, not at me.

  “What does that even mean?” My voice was stern, but I was more entertained than mad.

  “It’s just, you by yourself is a … strong personality. She softens your rough edges. You smiled more tonight when you were around her than I have seen during our entire time together.” She looked anywhere but at me, unsure of my reaction.

  I squeezed her shoulder, “She’s the better of the two of us.”

  “I won’t argue that, anyway, I just came over to wish you a happy birthday. I’m going to head out. This shindig of yours turned out to be more fun than anticipated. I’m pretty sure everyone thought so. Let some of the home Spencer out more, will ya?”

  She didn’t even care if I answered her or not, she just left me standing there as she made her way over to Mari, giving her a goodbye and planning lunch for the following week. Of course, they would plan lunch, how else would they catch me in my lie? I watched her leave as I moved over to the stool by the bar, waiting for Mari to push the last guest out the door. It didn’t take long before she was standing in front of me.

  “Where’s Victoria?” She had her hands on her hip as she looked around. Some strands of hair had fallen loose, tickling her cheek, and she blew them out of the way with a huff of air.

  “She snuck away to her room right after my mom left.” She was nibbling on her lower lip as she looked at the surrounding mess.

  With a determined look that crossed her face, the act of cleaning clearly her goal, she started to turn away, heading for the plates that were left on the coffee table in the living room. She made it two steps before my hand shot out and my finger hooked into the thick belt she had cinching her waist. She paused, not daring to look at me.

  “I’ll have Victoria help me clean tomorrow. Relax with me a bit.” I spread my legs wide, leaving room for her body to fit between them, then I pulled her body toward mine, turning her around when she was within reach of my other arm.

  “It’s really no problem. It will only take me about fifteen minutes.” There was a nervous hesitation in her voice, and I wasn’t sure that I liked it. We had been alone plenty of times, and sure, during those times I hadn’t put the moves on her. But, I wasn’t planning to tonight either, I just wanted her close to me.

  “I said leave it.” My voice was harsh, usually the one I used at work to get my way, and she stiffened a bit. Instead of letting that deter me, I wrapped my arms around her thigh, holding her close to me. With me sitting and her standing, we were about level with each other, and it reminded me of how small she was next to me.

  “Did you see the crane that Victoria made for you?” I rested my head on her shoulder, breathing her in.

  “I did. It's huge! It must have been hard for her to find paper that big.” She smelled like oranges and the vanilla frosting from the cake, and I wanted to lick her neck, taste her just a bit, but that was a line I couldn’t cross.

  She reached up to play with my hair, her fingers leisurely running through the strands. “What’s the deal with the cranes, anyway?”

  I sighed, knowing she ruined the moment, but I couldn’t hate her for it. It wasn’t her fault. I pulled my head back and sat up straight, still holding onto her thighs, my fingers tapping against the skin. “Ever hear the legend behind a thousand paper cranes? It’s an old Japanese fable that anyone who folds a thousand origami cranes will be granted a wish by the gods. She learned it once in school, and since then, she was determined to teach herself how to fold paper cranes. So, she did. Then she started folding them in her free time, collecting them in bowls and boxes around the house and her bedroom. Trying to reach her thousand.”

  Her eyes squinted as she thought about it, “Why, though? What could she possibly want so bad that she thinks this fable would help her achieve it?”

  “She hasn’t come out and told me, but I know she wishes she had her dad back. That maybe if she folds enough of those damn origami birds that she will get him back. Hell, I wish that, too.” I sucked in a breath, letting silence settle over us for a moment, “I can’t tell her. I can’t be the one to tell her that all of this is for nothing.”

  “Do you think she knows?” She was biting her lip thoughtfully, her sexy little glasses slightly askew, and I had to strain not to reach up and pull her bruised lip away with my thumb.

  “I hope she does.” I heard a sound to the left of us, and moments later, Victoria’s head peeked out of the hallway.

  “Are they all gone?” Mari jumped back from my grasp, and I wanted to reach for her and pull her back to me, but she was right. We shouldn’t be cuddling, despite how harmless it was, with Victoria in the room.

  “Yep, everyone’s gone. Cake’s gone, too.” The day. The moment. The sprinkle of happiness I got to hold for a few tiny instants. Gone.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  MARI

  The wind rustled the daisies that I had placed in the metal vase in front of me. It was a serene surrounding, a little bit of peace that I ne
eded on days like this, days where I couldn’t process the ups and downs of my own life or decide my own single worth. It was release day, and as much as I loved my job, loved the business, nothing was harder on me than a book release.

  Placing myself in a position to be vulnerable to others and their harsh uncensored opinions had my insides tied in knots and my breath struggling for control. The world around me was unkind, searching for flaws and reasons to pick a person’s pieces from their bone, disassemble the very structure of their being, damage the construction of their souls. They did this all without a single look back or an ounce of care for the pile of destruction that’s left to be pieced back together.

  Knowing the opinion of these people, these complete strangers meant absolutely nothing in the grand scheme, didn’t make it hurt any less. In fact, it was only intensified by the nagging in the back of my mind, reminding me that maybe my ex-husband was right. Maybe I did overestimate my worth, maybe I was a terrible, unlovable person meant to never be happy.

  But I was happy, happy enough, wasn’t I? Living free of the chains my past relationship wrapped around me, pulling and weighing me to the rock bottom of my existence. I was free of the unforgiving words that tugged at my confidence, ripping and shredding pieces away, until I was barely recognizable by who I had become.

  But I had risen to become more than that.

  More than the opinions meant for destruction.

  More than worthless criticisms.

  Only, on days like this, days when I felt the most exposed and vulnerable, I forgot that my strength wasn’t what people thought of me, but what I thought of myself.

  I brushed a few leaves off my parents’ headstones wishing they were here with me, now more than ever. Wishing I could get advice or have some coffee with them; where I wasn’t so alone. If I thought about it, I was not alone. Not anymore at least. Without even trying, Spencer and Victoria had worked their way into my life, and I didn’t want to admit it, but I need them. Wasn’t that the scariest confession of all? In a world where I knew I couldn’t depend on anyone but myself, I’d come to lean on not one, but two people capable of breaking me all over again.