‘I just want to give you the heads-up. You know a certain someone asked Jake to make this dinner happen. I think he‘s very keen to see you again.’ Emily grins.
‘Really?’ I ask, startled. It has to be Seb. Please let it be Seb, my ‚just in case‘. My pulse races as I stare back at Emily and my cheeks grow hot.
‘Yes, Seb and Jake are friends, they work together a lot. Seb must really like you. Go in, he‘s sitting over by the fire.’ Emily gestures for me to go in before her, herding me in the right direction.
So, no pressure, then.
My stomach performs what feels like a triple back flip. She said he must really like me, is that true? Walking into the room feels like stepping off the edge of a cliff and then remembering that I don‘t know how to abseil and have forgotten to put a harness on.
Total free-fall.
‘Salut, Lucy.’ Seb gets up, his face lighting up when he sees me.
His reaction, his pleasure at seeing me just accelerates the fall. Am I really supposed to eat with all this going on?
‘Hi.’ I lean forward for the Seb three-kiss special. I‘m aware everyone is watching us, but my spine stiffens. I don‘t give a flying snowball about the inevitable gossip.
We‘ve been seated next to each other at dinner, unsurprisingly. Seb sits with his legs so wide apart his knee brushes mine. Touching him is all I can think about. I‘m hyper-aware of the heat where our legs meet and the sharp jolt of sexual attraction coursing through me.
‘So, what made you start big-mountain snowboarding?’ I turn to Seb, my voice too bright and cheery, but I‘m determined to make conversation. We need to connect on more than a sexual level if this thing developing between us is going to mean anything. I don‘t even know what name to give it. Relationship? That feels presumptuous.
‘Ever since I started snowboarding as a young boy I looked up at the mountains, the ones without resorts and ski lifts, and I dreamed of getting up there.’ Seb fixes his gaze on me. ‘Then one day my dream came true.’
I barely register that my wine glass has been filled up. What Seb says resonates with me.
‘My gran always told me to dream big,’ I say. ‘She was the one who inspired me to come to Switzerland and see more of the world.’
‘I‘m glad she did.’ Seb rests a hand on my knee and I almost jump out of my chair. ‘Everywhere you go in life there will be people who try to limit and hold you back. We need to aim to live a life with no limits. How else are we to make progress?’
No limits. No restrictions like a pesky virginity issue? No restrictions like no commitment? I don‘t know if I‘ll ever have the courage to ask Seb those questions.
Seb makes me want to leap into the unknown with him, but that‘s scary. What if we need some limits to keep us safe in life? Isn‘t fear evolution‘s way of making us cautious and keeping us safe?
I feel my skin prickling to attention beneath Seb‘s hand. I don‘t believe in the religion that kept me a virgin any more, not my mother‘s version of it, anyhow. I don‘t believe sex is bad, but it‘s hard to shed twenty-odd years of indoctrination.
‘Are you okay? You‘ve barely eaten anything.’ Seb strokes my knee and sexual electricity shoots straight to between my legs.
‘I’m struggling to eat, my mind‘s kind of occupied at the moment,’ I whisper back and surreptitiously put some of my bœuf bourguignon onto Seb’s plate. I don’t want to offend Emily and Seb seems to be having no problem eating.
Sod trying to keep it light and casual, I want Seb so much I think I might explode.
Seb’s smile widens and his fingers dip to stroke the inside of my thigh.
I suppress a gasp.
‘I think I know what’s distracting you. Why don’t we skip dessert and go down to the spa? Did you bring your bikini?’
‘Yes.’ I put my cutlery down, I can’t eat another mouthful, even though it’s delicious.
‘Good, I look forward to taking it off you.’ He murmurs in my ear and heat flares inside me like he’s thrown a match onto a pile of kindling.
The Prosecco has been flowing liberally and most people seem wrapped up in their own conversations, not looking at us any more. Only Tash catches my eye and winks.
It must be the alcohol but I’m not as embarrassed about slipping away from the table as I thought I’d be. I probably should’ve eaten more to offset the Prosecco. Never mind, it’s obviously giving me Dutch courage. I don’t feel out of control, just nice and floaty.
Down in the spa I decide I don’t want to go in the Jacuzzi. Something about Ben’s chalet-girl joke puts me off the idea. What’s happening with Seb doesn’t feel tawdry and I don’t want to tarnish it. There’s nothing meaningless about what’s happening between us. Whatever Seb’s views are this means a lot to me. Maybe that’s enough? Maybe it meaning something to me is the important component I’ve been waiting for. I’ve never felt like this before and I’m convinced the connection between me and Seb means something. To me, at least.
And that is enough.
‘Steam room?’ Seb suggests.
I strip off down to my bikini self-consciously, peeking at Seb as he undresses down to shorts. His chest is contoured with defined muscle and dark chest hair snakes down to his waistband. My fingers itch to touch, to stroke and explore this unfamiliar territory.
I feel Seb’s darkening gaze on my body, lingering on my breasts and then down to my legs. Is he thinking the same?
Once in the steam room the wet heat hits us and water trickles down our bodies. Now there’s nothing surreptitious about the way I’m eyeing up Seb in his trunks and admiring his muscled torso. I’ve met sporty, fit guys before but I’ve never had this kind of physical reaction to someone.
We sit and Seb presses up against me, his leg firm and muscular against mine. My pulse quickens and breath catches in my chest. It’s dark in here, black-slate tiles and steam make it feel like a private cave. A safe place to let go.
I tilt my head so he can move in and kiss me. He dips his head down to meet me, his lips on mine, hungry. As his tongue probes and thrusts I feel the now-familiar, insistent need throbbing between my legs. Is this really happening?
Yes, it is. I want it, need it, have to have it. Now.
When Seb’s hand strokes up my bare thigh and to the edge of my bikini bottoms I don’t stop him. I part my legs for him, allowing him access and issuing an invitation.
Seb pulls back from the kiss. ‘Don’t worry, I know you want to take it slow, so I won’t make love to you, not tonight. But maybe I could make you feel nice, what do you think?’
I nod, but there’s no time to feel disappointed. I hiss with a sharp intake of breath as he stokes between my legs over the fabric of my bikini bottoms. Then his fingers dip beneath the edge of the fabric and plunge inside me. One, two, then three fingers thrust and tease. His thumb caresses my clit, spreading my wetness and massaging between my legs.
Will he be able to tell I’m a virgin? My anxiety melts away as a delicious pressure builds between my legs, a crescendo of sharp arousal that blots out all conscious thought.
All that’s left is feeling. Raw, untamed arousal breaking through my defences. I’m gasping, writhing against Seb’s hand with my limbs trembling.
‘I want, I want you inside me. Please.’ I crack. Why was I holding out against this? I can’t even remember now. It certainly doesn’t seem important or remotely sensible any more. I’d be happy to beg right now, the need is so insistent, demanding. With that hunger comes the knowledge that this is meant to happen. Nothing has ever felt more right than this, now, with Seb.
‘I want you,’ I repeat. ‘Please.’
He stares at me through the steam, water running in rivulets down his chest. Then he manoeuvres me so I’m lying on the seat, knees up and legs apart. He tugs down my bikini bottoms and tosses them on the floor. Then he lowers his head between my legs. His lips and tongue caress and tease my clit and probe my sex until I’m shaking violently, a heavy poundin
g release racking my body and turning me into a writhing mess of screaming hormones. Anyone could walk in here, I suppose, but I don’t even care. It even adds to the thrill. Okay, so I’m going straight to hell.
Once I’m spent and my sex is quivering against Seb’s lips I’m still so sensitive that his final kiss makes me jerk against him one final time.
So that was … educational. I’ve tested the boundaries of no sex before marriage before. Most of the youth group seemed to decide almost anything short of full sex was okay. Teenage hormones only cared about the letter, not the spirit, of the law.
Seb exhales loudly.
I sit up and see the huge bulge in his shorts. What would it feel like to have him inside me? I can’t wait to find out.
‘Let me.’ I slide my hand into Seb’s swimming shorts, pulling them down so I can caress his thick, rock-hard erection. If I’m honest, I used to find hand jobs a bit of a ‘your turn, my turn’ obligation, but I really want to touch Seb, to know every inch of him.
‘Je bande pour toi,’ Seb groans. ‘I am so hard for you.’
His words turn me on, quite ironic given I never know how to talk about sex.
He reaches out and pulls down my bikini top, so his hands can caress and squeeze my breasts, the palms running over my hard nipples. I’ve never felt so aroused in my life.
I slide down so he can rub his erection over my breasts. The sensation is so erotic I almost come again.
‘C’est bon. Tu m’excites.’
‘The feeling is mutual.’ I stare up into his eyes.
Then he places my hand on his erection as he spurts hot semen over my breasts, rubbing it into them in hot, wet circles as he comes.
When he finishes we’re both panting, dripping wet from the steam and naked.
‘Let’s shower.’ He pulls me with him into the aroma showers. We’re still alone down here. I can’t believe what we just did. I am definitely going straight to Hell.
I really enjoyed it, though. The discovery of this sensual side of myself is a revelation. I want more. I’ve denied and suppressed my desires for so long and I’ve been missing out on something life-affirming and wonderful.
But first … Under the hot, scented massage-shower jets Seb rubs his hands over my breasts and down between my legs. I’m so turned on I’d do it right here in the shower but Seb takes me with him into the changing area and grabs two white robes for us. Then he gets a foil packet from his jeans and puts it in his robe’s pocket.
He raises an enquiring brow. ‘In case you change your mind. I know you wanted to go slow but I’m an optimist. Have you changed your mind? Can I make love to you, Lucy Lu?’
Abso-bloody-lutely.
‘Yes please.’ I nod, my small hand slipping into his larger one, trusting him.
We make our way into one of the downstairs guest rooms that‘s been finished. I‘m gripped by a twinge of panic. Will I bleed? How much? Could I get sacked for this?
He locks the door, which reassures me a little. I grab a large towel from the en suite and put it on the bed. Then I lie on top and wait, undoing the tie on my gown. Seb lies next to me and runs his hands over my body, soothing away my nerves. He takes his time and the panic seeps away, replaced by growing, impatient desire.
When his hands dip between my legs I part them for him without hesitation, enjoying his confident, joyful exploration of my body and marvelling at his ability to arouse me again so soon.
When he thrusts at my entrance I‘m so wet he slips in easily, but then I feel a tight pain and an unexpected shock as he breaches me. So this is what it feels like to have a man inside you. It‘s different from having his fingers inside. It feels … important, somehow.
I meet his dark eyes and am jolted by the connection I find there.
Then he begins to move. Back and forth and back and forth, stretching me. It feels amazing. It‘s more satisfying than I imagined, I feel complete. Seb inside me, joined to me, interlocking and sending me towards yet another orgasm. The soles of my feet tingle as Seb thrusts, rubbing against a sweet spot deep inside me.
His eyes are locked on mine as he moves, the connection is still startling. I had no idea sex would be like this. Sure, I‘d guessed the physical sensations would be intensified and deliver on the promises of years of foreplay that never led to ‚after‘ play. What I hadn‘t prepared for was the emotional impact of being joined to another human being, of the incredible trust I‘m placing in this man I barely know yet feel I‘ve known forever.
‘Lucy Lu.’ Seb‘s breathing is ragged. ‘I want you so much I don‘t know how much longer I can last, sorry. You‘re so beautiful.’
I wrap my arms around his muscular back, tracing my fingers over a couple of jagged scars and then dipping down to his firm bottom. On instinct, I squeeze his hard buttocks.
‘Merde,’ Seb groans.
I listen to my body and move with Seb, rising my hips to meet his thrusts, wanting him deeper and deeper. A throbbing orgasm grips me. On instinct I wrap my legs around Seb, pressing my heels against his bottom as I contract around him, needing him deeper still.
I cry out as I come, my body fizzing and tingling all over.
‘Fuck,’ Seb swears again and jerks inside me a second later, his face contorting into ecstasy. Then he collapses on top of me for a minute, still inside, just resting. I like the heavy weight of his body covering mine. When he rolls off he disposes of the condom and disappears into the en suite.
I roll off the towel. There is a little blood on it but I doubt Seb saw anything, given the room is in semi darkness and he was otherwise occupied. Quickly I wrap it up and stuff it into the room’s laundry bin. I‘ll have to make an excuse to retrieve it so I can wash it somehow.
It suddenly seems really important Seb doesn‘t realise he took my virginity. I don‘t want him to feel pressured by this being a huge deal for me. I don‘t know why this is important, but I‘ve been working on instinct all evening so I‘m going with it.
I grab my robe and slip it on before Seb comes back into the room.
He eyes the robe quizzically. He‘s still completely naked and makes no move to cover himself up.
‘I, um, need to go. I have to be up early.’
‘You‘re loving me and leaving me?’ Seb pulls a regretful face. ‘Are you just using me for sex, Lucy Lu?’
I snort.
‘No I‘m, well, I wasn‘t sure …’
I don‘t know how to respond. I‘m not equipped to deal with this kind of situation. Also the word ‚loving‘ has thrown me.
‘I thought you‘d want me to go,’ I add, fumbling with the robe‘s belt.
I want to tell him that I don‘t know what I‘m doing. That I’ve never done this before. I don‘t know the etiquette.
‘Stay.’ Seb takes the end of my robe‘s belt and tugs me towards him. Then he opens the robe and pulls me onto his lap. ‘If you give me five minutes or so we can go again and I‘ll last longer next time, I promise. I just wanted you so badly I couldn‘t hold back. Or if you‘d rather, we can talk.’
‘Do you think we ought to be in here, though?’ I glance at the locked door.
‘Jake won‘t mind.’ A quiver of Seb‘s mouth arouses my suspicion.
‘Did you ask him to host the dinner and invite me so we could … you know.’
‘I do know and, yes, of course I did. I had to see you again. As for the ‚you know‘, as I said earlier, I‘m an optimist.’
‘And if I‘d said no?’
‘I would have tried again another time.’
‘And so now you have …’ My heart lurches as I brave the truth. ‘Is that it? I‘ll not see you again except on YouTube?’
‘Ah, so you‘ve been stalking me on YouTube?’ He grins.
‘That‘s what you‘re picking me up on out of what I said? No, not stalking. Admiring.’ A flush creeps up my neck. ‘I love what you do, it‘s amazing to watch. When you move it’s like you‘re at one with the mountain. It‘s beautiful. It‘s art.�
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‘Of course I want to see you again.’ Seb‘s dark eyes gleam. ‘You get me. We‘re the same, you and I. We have this chemistry, it‘s like a connection. Plus I have many things I‘d love to do with you. Naked things. It would be a crime to ignore this kind of chemistry. ‘
His mouth quirks as he runs his hands over my breasts. My nipples harden and so does Seb‘s erection beneath my bottom.
I shift a little, making him groan. ‘I think the five minutes are over.’
‘Do you want to go again? What do you like, Lucy Lu? Shall I take you from behind? Do you like to be on top? Or do you like it kinky? Have you ever been spanked or tied up?’
My eyes widen. ‘I don‘t know. From behind maybe?’
Seb turns me over on the mattress, pulling my hips up over a pillow so I‘m angled up, thighs splayed open for him. My pulse quickens. Should I admit I‘m totally inexperienced?
But I‘m quickly distracted, growing wet between my legs again and tensing with anticipation. Seb massages my bottom before drawing wetness out over my folds, circling my clit until I‘m squirming beneath his fingers.
Then I hear a foil packet tear and after a brief, agonising, delay he‘s nudging at my entrance and thrusting in. I gasp again. It feels different from this angle, deeper still. Buried deep inside me, he begins to pump while his fingers continue to tease my clit. The sensation of him inside me while he brings me to climax is mind-blowing.
I thrust back against him, urging him on.
‘Plus forte? Harder?’ Seb asks breathlessly.
‘Yes, harder.’
As he thrusts harder and deeper into me the swelling, arching pleasure erupts inside me and I contract around him, crying out and grasping the sheets in my fists.
Seb‘s hands are on my hips as he thrusts relentlessly on towards his own release. Sweat trickles down between my breasts and when Seb comes inside me I‘m tingling all over. The soles of my feet, my nipples, between my legs … I‘m one giant erogenous zone, I‘m one with Seb. When he pulls out of me, I‘m reeling.
I didn‘t expect to feel … what I‘m feeling. It‘s intense and it‘s overwhelming.
I‘m way out of my comfort zone. Where do we go from here? I‘ve been swept along by a wave of endorphins. Am I honestly expecting Sebastien Laroche to be my boyfriend?
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