Sinful Abandon

by Jeannine Colette

  While I’m standing here, deciding if I should get naked or throw on some yoga pants, Ryan backs away and then turns toward the balcony door. When he opens it and steps outside, I come to the conclusion that I should ditch the boudoir ensemble and throw on some sweats.

  In my room, I close the door and lean my back against the cool frame. What the hell is wrong with me? A man gives me attention for an hour, and suddenly, I’m lowering my standards for a pair of blue eyes and a nice smile.

  I toss on black yoga pants and a purple racerback tank. The built-in shelf bra will have to suffice. Grabbing a twenty from my nightstand, I walk out of the room. My plan is to go out there and tell Ryan that it’s time for him to leave.

  When I open the door and step out onto the veranda, he turns to me. His body, that was leaning on the railing, straightens up. His chin rises, and when his eyes look at my simple outfit, he smiles a grin so endearing, two dimples appear, one on each of his cheeks. The look of appreciation on his face makes me forget what it was exactly I was going to say.

  The twenty-dollar bill being scrunched in my hand brings me back to the here and now.

  “Thank you for the ride.” I motion toward him to take the cash.

  Those full lips purse to the side. “I’m not taking your money. It was an honor.” He looks over the veranda and onto the city. “Besides, you need the cash to pay for this place. Must cost you a fortune.”

  He’s not lying. The apartment is less than the rent in New York, but so is my salary.

  Ryan stretches his hands on the balcony and looks out at the lights of the buildings. For someone who grew up in Chicago, he is staring at it like he’s seeing it for the first time.

  “I’ve always dreamed of having a place like this,” he says. “Someday. That’s the goal, you know. You and me, we’re not so different.”

  I walk up to the balcony and take a spot next to him. “Oh, yeah?”

  “Though I don’t plan to marry for money. I want to show my parents I can be something spectacular. Take care of them in their old age.”

  “You have good parents? What’s that like?”

  “Simple. Fun. Loving. My parents are hardworking, good people, very affectionate, and they believe in love ever after. They expect the best from us.”

  “You must have been an angelic child.”

  He lets out a laugh, shaking his head. “I was mischievous. My parents are deaf, so I spent a lot of time trying to get into trouble. I used to climb onto the roof of my house and pretend I was Spider-Man. The problem with having parents who can’t hear is that they can feel everything. The single shake of a shingle, and my mom would come running outside to yell at me.”

  I smile, despite myself. I lean against the rail and inhale the fog rolling off the lake.

  “You mentioned your dad, but what about your mom?” he asks with what sounds like honest interest.

  “She left.” I look out onto the darkness of the lake. “My parents never hugged me. Hell, they never touched each other. Their conversations were usually arguments or, on a special occasion, laughter during a party they were throwing with their boozy friends. Even those ended in arguments though.” I pause and look down at my hands. “She used to say that something better was out there. That a man with money and a life was going to take care of her. Can’t blame her for leaving. I just always wondered why she hadn’t taken me with her.”

  An uncomfortable silence passes between us. It’s uncomfortable because of me. I’ve never told anyone about my mom, never cared to. Maybe it’s because I’ve never been asked.

  I run my hands along the railing and turn to Ryan.

  “I’m sorry you had to go through that,” he says.

  I wave off his sincerity. “No big deal. Made me who I am today. Confident, successful, driven. I can do anything.”

  “Yes, you can.” He turns back to the darkened body of water. “Lake Michigan is beautiful, don’t you think?”

  “It’s all right.”

  “So big and intimidating. And strong. It has a current many are surprised to see when they visit. They say it looks like the ocean.”

  I shrug and look out at the lake. I never paid mind to it in the months I’ve been here.

  He leans his body into the rail and stretches out toward me. “But it’s just a lake. What you can’t see is—far beyond the horizon, further than your eye can see—it touches various lakes and rivers, getting its strength from those around it. Its current stretches all the way down to the Gulf of Mexico.” He stands straight and turns his body to me. “You’re like the lake. You think you can do it all on your own without love. But, deep down, there is a current inside you that runs rapid, reaching out, flowing into others. You just have to look beyond the horizon to see it.”

  Raising my chin, I ask, “How do you know so much about love?”

  “I told you, my family believes in love ever after.” His tone is a hushed whisper.

  Something in his voice makes me lose myself.

  I fight the feeling.

  “It all sounds like rainbows and butterflies, if you ask me.” Before he asks me another question, I speak quickly, “How come you can…” I point to my ear.

  “Deaf people can have full hearing children. Their loss isn’t hereditary. Just a kink in the wiring, I guess. My two sisters can hear, too.”

  “What are they like?” Even I’m shocked by my interest.

  “Andrea is a spitfire, and Aubrie is quiet. They’re twins, and they just started their freshman year of college. Looks like I’ll be making a few road trips this year to make sure they’re on track.”

  I push out from the ledge and hold my arms out. “Must be a terrible burden, having to go check out the coeds,” I tease.

  “Nah, I’m done with the young girls. I like a little sophistication. Maybe even a ballsy brunette who isn’t afraid to tell it like it is.”

  The intense heat in his gaze forces me to swallow hard and look away, back at the never-ending lake.

  “Well then, you wouldn’t have loved me in college. I was a geek. And ugly. Mousy brown hair, acne, and a wardrobe from The Salvation Army. Yeah, I was a sight. That was all before I got ahold of a stylist and aesthetician.” I release a hand from the rail and turn toward Ryan, who is looking at my toned legs in confusion. “You’re probably wondering when I got hot.”

  His head tilts to the side, and his eyes squint awkwardly. “Actually, I was thinking you don’t have the personality of the girl you described.”

  I raise a shoulder and say, “I know. I have a crazy amount of confidence.”

  “Geeky girls are usually funny. You’re not very funny.”

  My eyes dart back to him. “Ryan!”

  He holds his hands out in defense. “Honest to God, usually, unattractive girls make up in personality what they lack in looks.”

  I turn and drum my fingers on the railing. “So, you’re saying, I lack personality.”

  “Not at all.” His words are quick. “You’re feisty. It’s sexy.”

  My fingers stop strumming. I give him the side eye. I want to smile at his compliment, but it’s a stupid compliment, so I don’t.

  What I would have given to have a guy like Ryan Pierson pay attention to me in college. The hot football player and the drama geek are a couple made in movies, not real life. But, it figures, after a regimen of Proactiv, a box of hair dye, eyebrow threading, and endless amounts of cardio, guys like him pay attention to me. Well, I don’t pay attention to them. They’re all users. So, I’ve flipped the tables, and I use them right back.

  “I used to be fun,” I start, not knowing why I’m sharing this story with him. I can’t help myself as I continue, “In grade school, I was voted Miss Funny Pants. I used to write these one-man plays and act them out for my friends. I was really good at impersonations.”

  “Let me hear one.”

  “No way.”

  “Come on. I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.” He has a twinkle in his eye.
r />   I roll my eyes to the sky. “Okay, you first. What you got?”

  With his cheekbones pronounced and a Cheshire Cat grin, he curls his brows down. His chin pops out just slightly as he leans in. With a low, seductive voice, he says, “In my experience, the prettier a girl is, the more nuts she is, which makes you insane.”

  I don’t know the line, but I know the actor. “Ryan Gosling.”

  Ryan breaks character, and that gorgeous smile is back. “Blue Valentine. Ever seen it?”

  “No, I haven’t. But that was very good.”

  “Your turn.” He crosses his arms over his chest and waits for me.

  My shoulders fall as I think of what ridiculous impression I’m going to do for this man. “I haven’t done this in a long time, so don’t judge.”

  Taking a deep breath, I square my shoulders back and then put my hands up in the air. My eyes bug out, and I open my mouth wide. I make sure my head vibrates as I talk from the back of my throat, as I do my best Kathy Griffin impression. “My fear of camping: I’m convinced bugs will crawl up my vagina and lay eggs. Isn’t everyone?”

  A soft clap pulls me out of character, forcing me to look down and push a rogue hair behind my ear.

  “That was awesome,” Ryan says in a voice that is not his own. It’s excited and rushed. I look up and see him lunging toward me as he talks with his hands out in the air, “That was, like, the best.” He takes quick breaks in between each word. His body twitches as he says, “That was the best Kathy Griffin impersonation. Ever!”

  A huge laugh escapes my mouth. I lean forward and hold my sides at the worst Jimmy Fallon impression I’ve ever seen.

  “What? That was good, no?”

  Still trying to catch my breath, I stand up and use my sexy Colombian accent when I say, “In my country, if you want to do an impression, you have to do it right or else you’ll get your head cut off by the drug lords.”

  Ryan’s face is practically beaming. “That was the most amazing Sofía Vergara I’ve ever seen.” He points a finger at me. “You practice when no one is watching.”

  I want to make a face and tell him he’s crazy. With a closed-mouth smile, I nod my head and look down at my feet.

  When I raise my eyes, I notice that Ryan is no longer laughing. He’s staring at me like he’s just realized something. I tilt my head in question.

  “You’re amazing,” he says, his voice deep, sensual. “Funny. Beautiful. You should laugh more often.”

  His words take my breath away.

  “I suppose I could use some clever in my life. And charming,” I reply, my eyes not leaving his.

  “So, you think I’m clever and charming?”

  “Pfft. I was talking about Charlie the doorman,” I tease.

  Ryan charges after me and tickles my sides. I laugh hysterically and curl my body in, retreating backward from the onslaught of affection. I haven’t been tickled in…ever.

  My back hits the outside wall of my apartment. The stucco is rubbing against my back, yet all I can feel is the hard, hot male against my chest. His hands are molded into my ribs, his legs entwined with mine.

  He’s still. So still. My laughter dies down, and in its place is anticipation. I’m yearning for what those cobalt-blue eyes gazing down on me are about to do.

  “I’m going to kiss you now.” It’s not a request. It’s a warning.

  With sinful abandon, he kisses me, a stranger he met an hour ago on a busy street and followed to her apartment.

  Letting go of every inhibition, I let him.

  I part my lips and let his tongue enter my mouth. Soft, sensual lips devour mine in a way I’ve never been kissed before. They’re claiming me with lust and need but also with desire and obsession.

  His hands dig deeper into my sides. I raise mine and run them through the smooth tendrils of his dark hair. His mouth traces my jaw and moves down the skin of my neck. When he reaches the spot just below my ear, I moan in expletives.

  Ryan’s hands rise to my head, his fingers lacing through my hair. He reclaims my mouth, and I melt into him. His body has to slightly lean down, and I wrap a leg around his torso. Our bodies become one of molten heat, and the heavy weight of his intense erection is pressed against the sweetest spot on my body.

  Needing more, I raise my other leg and climb him. He takes my weight, like it’s nothing. With one hand on my ass and the other cradling the back of my neck, Ryan walks us through the balcony door, which he kicks closed with his foot.

  For someone who has never been to my place before, he easily finds the bedroom. Without releasing me, he takes a seat on the bed. My body straddles him with familiarity.

  It’s like I know this body.

  I know this man.

  “Fuck,” he breathes as my core rubs up and down, the hard steel threatening to release from the wool fabric.

  My breasts are alive, tickling with need. I need them to be touched, tweaked, kissed.

  My tank top is off, and Ryan wastes no time in lowering that incredible mouth. With one lash of his tongue, I let out a groan. He does it again, raising his other hand to pinch the neglected nipple.

  Men don’t pay attention to breasts like they used to. The art of foreplay has gone out the window, everyone looking for a quick blow and a bang.

  But not with Ryan.

  Keeping the steady glide of my hips, I slide against his cock, my clit throbbing. Ryan’s head falls back, and a beautiful sigh escapes his mouth. I’m doing this to him with his clothes on. I can’t wait to see how he responds when they’re off.

  One by one, I undo the buttons of his shirt. Satin skin is exposed with each opening until a taut, defined chest and torso are on full display. He’s virtually hairless, except for a light sprinkling of hair leading down from his well-defined stomach.

  I run my fingers over his pecs and go into sensory overload. He’s so hard and soft at the same time. If I could figure out a way to get closer to him, I would.

  With my lips, I kiss down his neck.

  With my tongue, I navigate the planes of his body.

  With my hands, I unfasten the belt and button of his pants.

  With my eyes, I take in his massive erection, large, thick, and ready for the taking.

  And, with my mouth, I devour every inch of it.

  “Heather,” he growls when my tongue dances up and down the pleasure vein and twirls around the swollen head.

  He leans back on his forearms and intently watches me. I hold his gaze and make an imprint in my mind of this gorgeous male with satin skin and hard muscles. His mouth forms an O, breathing in short breaths over the movements of my mouth.

  His balls are tight as I caress them with my hand. I want to give him the most insane blow job he’s ever had. I have a plethora of sex toys, but they’ve all been used before.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I see an elastic hairband.

  Ryan lets out a groan when I sit back on my heels to reach over for the hair tie. Using two hands, I make it as large as I can and slide it over and down the shaft before going lower and under his balls.

  “Did you just MacGyver a cock ring?” he asks.

  I laugh at his reference. “Yes. Yes, I did.”

  “You’re full of surprises,” he says.

  His eyes are carnal, despite the grin on his face. The piercing deep, dark cobalt takes my breath away.

  “You have no idea,” is all I say before I dive back and take his cock so far deep into my mouth, it hits the back wall of my throat.

  Pumping the base with my hand, I lap and suck him down. His head falls back, and he breathes out a series of the sweetest curses. My jaw is tight, but each glorious sound of his breath makes me want to push harder. I’ve never enjoyed going down on a man as much as I am right now.

  Ryan leans up on the bed. His fingers lightly caress my head. He’s not bearing down, forcing his weight on me. No, he’s gently guiding me, assisting me.

  “I’m going to come,” he warns, gesturing with his fingers
for me to lift my mouth.

  I go down on him faster, letting him know I want every drop. And when he comes, it’s with a deep growl, and I swallow every salty piece of him.

  Leaning back on the heels of my feet, I watch a panting Ryan. While I enjoyed giving him pleasure, I’m internally kicking myself for letting him finish. Now, the party’s over. He won’t stick around to take care of me.

  I carefully remove the hair tie and then rise to my feet, grabbing my tank from the bed.

  “What are you doing?” he asks.

  “Getting dressed.”

  “Oh no, you don’t.” Ryan grabs my hips and pulls me toward the bed.

  In one stealthy movement, he flips me onto my back, his body over me. He kicks his pants off, that incredible physique now fully exposed. Ripping the tank from my hand, he throws it onto the floor and kisses me hard on the mouth, no care in the world that I taste of him.

  His hands hold me tight. His hips rock against me.

  My head spins at the thought of how fast he’s gotten hard again.

  “Did you think I wouldn’t want to repay the favor?” he whispers into my ear before taking a nip on the lobe.

  An electric current shoots to my head. His mouth on my neck is intoxicating.

  “I wasn’t playing tit for tat.”

  Ryan lifts his head. “That sounds dirty.”

  My head falls to the side as I laugh. “You’re twelve.”

  “I had your tits, and now, I want your tat,” he says as his hand snakes over my pants and rubs my clit up and down.

  I groan, despite his incredibly corny line.

  “If you think I’m the kinda guy who would let a beautiful woman suck my dick and not return the favor, then you have me all wrong.” His thumbs hook into the sides of my pants, and he lowers them over my hips. As his fingers travel, so does his mouth, slowly down my body. “Not only am I going to lick your sweet pussy until you’re screaming my name,” he says, throwing my pants to the ground, “I am also going to fuck you until the sun comes up.”

  His mouth is hovering over my core. My hips buck in desperate need to be touched.

  “And what if I don’t want to be fucked?” I ask.