Consumed By You

by Alicia Marino

  His expression is menacing and I have to resist the urge to giggle as I stomp off to my room to pack. Shit, I’m too fucking drunk. I grab my suitcase, opening it wide.

  My door opens and I tense, sensing him standing behind me. I prepare for harshness.

  “Darcy, I shouldn’t have…don’t go,” he whispers behind me, and I whirl around, staring at him, wide-eyed. He just apologized. Mr. Boss Man just apologized.

  He swoops in on the moment, moving closer to me. “You’re right, I am an asshole.” He warily brings his hand up to run it through my hair and, unable to resist, I revel in the pleasure of his hands on me again.

  “I-I should have told you where I was going. That was inconsiderate of me,” I apologize. He remains quiet. “Ben, don’t be scared of me,” I plead, pulling him closer.

  We were fighting a minute ago and now, leaving him is the last thing I want to do.

  “Why do we have to change anything? Monogamy doesn’t work, Darcy. Can’t we just—”

  I step back, putting at least a foot of distance between us, feeling betrayal, anger, sadness all wrapped in one. “What? Just screw me and other women at the same time? What happened to you that you’re so afraid to commit? Would you be okay if I slept with other men while being with you? If I left your house after you’ve been at me all night to moan another man’s name the next day? No thank you, Benjamin. I’m good.” I resume packing, ignoring him. He hasn’t moved.

  “I’ve never had to deal with this before, Darcy.”

  “I know, and I’m sorry if I’m being difficult, but I can’t be with you if you’re with other women.” I stand my ground even though the vulnerability in his voice makes me want to turn around and kiss all his insecurities, all his worries away.

  “Why?”

  “Because.”

  “Because why?” he insists.

  I chuckle darkly with a hint of disbelief and pivot to face him. “Because I’m falling for you. Because even knowing that I’m not good enough to satisfy you alone hurts.”

  There I said it. God bless alcohol.

  His stony eyes fix on me, unflinching, blind to the offer before him. I bite my lip, trying to hold back the tears as the seconds pass, turning into minutes, and he still doesn’t say anything. Unable to take staring at him any longer, I whisper, “Please go,” my voice thick with tears.

  He does, shutting the bedroom door gently, and my attempt to hold back my emotions fails miserably.

  ***

  I zip up my luggage, the dim morning light sneaking in through the curtains. I don’t even remember falling asleep last night, but all I want is to leave this place and get as far away from this man as I can so I can think clearly and attempt to function normally again.

  My phone rings.

  “Hello?”

  “I’m outside, ma’am,” the rough, Spanish-accented voice of the cab driver mumbles.

  “I’m coming down.” I end the call and pick up my suitcase.

  Here we go.

  Opening the door wide, I stroll into the living room in my old ripped jeans and a red t-shirt. My heart skips a beat when I find Benjamin in a suit on the couch, reading The Seattle Times. He looks up expectantly, his face revealing nothing as his eyes travel over my casual attire and luggage. “You’re leaving?”

  “Yes.”

  “Dimitri can take you to the airport.” He returns his attention to his newspaper, but his forehead is crinkled with what? Anger? Sadness? Confusion? Indifference?

  “I already called a cab, thank you. And thank you for letting me stay here. It’s a beautiful hotel.” I manage a tight smile but he only observes me, unmoving like yesterday.

  “Okay,” I hum awkwardly. “Well, goodbye. Um, do you want me to go to work on Thursday?”

  “You are my employee.” God, he’s arrogant.

  “For a few more weeks. I will start looking for another assistant for you tomorrow. Have a good rest of your trip.” I pick up my suitcase and head to the door.

  He doesn’t call for me to stop. He doesn’t yell, “wait” like in the movies as I step into the elevators. He doesn’t run to stop the car as I get in and head for the airport.

  ***

  After hailing a cab in New York City to head back to my apartment, I try to maintain positive spirits, although a part of me wants to crawl in the back seat of this car and tell the driver to keep going. I don’t even know how I’m going to face this man at work Thursday, let alone in the weeks to come. I don’t think it could have been any worse, the way we ended things.

  You were never dating. You didn’t end anything.

  I lean back against the seat, trying to figure out how I’m going to start the application process for finding a new assistant. It’s going to take forever. I’ve never hired someone. I don’t even know what to look for!

  I need to go into the office today. I can’t waste another moment.

  “Can you take me to Scott Industries instead, please?” I say to the driver.

  He makes a sharp turn to head in that direction. Thankfully, we’re blocks away from the building now. I glance down at my casual wardrobe in a panic. Shit. I need to run to a bathroom. Fortunately I have clothes with me.

  The car stops outside the commercial skyscraper and I gaze up, dazzled by the magnitude of Benjamin Scott’s legacy. I work here. God, I work here. How could I have fucked this up?

  “We’re here,” the driver grumbles when I don’t move.

  “Thank you.”

  I pay him, climb out, and haul my luggage into the building.

  “Miss Fontaine, I thought we wouldn’t be expecting you until Thursday!” Steve, the doorman, exclaims as I walk up the steps.

  “Yes, I thought so too. Business arose.” I give him a what-can-you-do look and he nods in understanding.

  As I walk through the foyer toward the elevators, Evan calls out to me as well, a big grin on his face. “Miss Fontaine! Casual Wednesday?” He gestures to my clothes.

  “Very funny!” I wave so I don’t have to stop, stepping onto the elevator. The nostalgic ’90s song blaring through the speakers thankfully blocks any coherent thoughts from forming in my mind for the next minute until the doors slide open.

  Upon seeing me, Kate’s face contorts with shock. Probably from the fact that I’m not supposed to be here, and also that I’ve come in looking like complete and utter shit.

  “Yeah, yeah. I’m early.” I stop in front of her desk.

  “Did he seriously send you back from Seattle to work?” She rolls her eyes.

  I hadn’t thought this far. What do I say? “Something big came up. I have to check it out.”

  “Yeah? I haven’t heard anything.” Her lips turn down and I stop breathing, sensing she’s catching onto my lie.

  “Alexander called Benjamin. Something with the publishing house.”

  She smirks. “Damn. You could have changed before you came.”

  I glare at her, kicking my luggage. “I have clothes with me! Why does everybody believe I’d come to work like this?” I shake my head, walking back to my office. I need to call Doris soon and tell her what happened. She’s going to be so disappointed with me.

  I shut the door and lock it so I can change. I unzip the bag and pull out my least-wrinkled dress. It’s red and hangs just above my knees. Not too uncomfortable. I slip on black pumps and pull my wavy hair into a loose bun. Taking a quick glance in the mirror, I pout and apply a bright red lipstick.

  It’s going to have to do.

  I push my bag under the desk and go out to get the messages from Kate.

  She whistles as soon as she sees me and it honestly makes my day ten times better. “Damn, you clean up fast.”

  “Thanks.” I beam, leaning back on the desk. “Any messages for me?”

  “Tons.” She hands me what looks like a small booklet of messages and I gape at her.

  “In two days?”

  She nods, grimacing. “Yep.”

  “Damn, I’ll be here till
midnight.”

  ***

  “Thank you for letting us know. We greatly appreciate it, sir…Yes, you too…Have a good rest of your evening.” I hang up the phone, thinking if I have to talk to one more damn person on that telephone, I’m going to lose my shit.

  It’s nearly seven o’clock; I’ve been here for six hours. I’m not hungry yet, and I don’t want to go home, so I take out a stack of papers I was going to save for Friday and start typing.

  My phone rings and I check the caller ID, seeing the front desk on the screen.

  “Hi, Kate.”

  “Hey, I’m headed home. Want to walk out together?”

  “No, thank you though. I’m still finishing some work.”

  “Still? Damn, okay. I’ll see you tomorrow? Want to go to lunch together or something?”

  “Yeah, that sounds good. Have a good night.” I smile, really liking having a friend here. Too bad it won’t matter for long.

  “You too.”

  I take the typed memos I made to put on the board in the hallways of each floor. I walk in a daydream, thinking of still being in the Fairmount, lounging in bed lazily with Benjamin, my head resting on his defined chest, listening to the calm pounding in his chest until long after the sun goes down.

  Why can’t he just give us a try? I could make him want me. Only me.

  After visiting all the floors and placing the memos, I head back to my office to finish inputting the last merger into the system. I push the door open and come to a complete halt, finding a brooding man staring out the window of my office, hands behind his back.

  My heart soars.

  “Ben,” I breathe and he turns. I’m staring at him like a complete idiot. “What are you doing here?”

  He saunters over to my desk, picking up the work I’ve been doing. “I knew you’d be here.”

  His voice is soft and apologetic, a tone I’m not used to hearing from him. It’s a welcome sound.

  “You did?”

  He nods. “Came straight from the plane, huh?”

  How does he know that?

  “Your luggage,” he points out, gesturing with his chin, and I understand now.

  “Did something come up?” I bravely step closer into the room even though I can already smell his alluring cologne from the doorway. He nods.

  I give him a disbelieving look and he smirks. “You look beautiful, Darcy. Red suits you.”

  What the fuck is going on?

  “Thank you, Benjamin,” I respond politely, the memories of the past couple of days flooding my mind. “I-I need to finish my work.”

  “It’s eight o’clock and I can bet you haven’t eaten, am I right?” He sits on the edge of my desk, looking smoldering hot.

  I shake my head, unable to form words as I admire his beauty.

  “Darcy, that’s not healthy,” he reproaches gently. “Come on, let’s go to dinner.”

  “No.”

  He falters a little bit at the rejection. “Why not? You’re hungry. I’m hungry.”

  “Because I can’t go to dinner with you. I’m sorry.”

  “We have things to talk about,” he presses, halting my arm on the keyboard with a light hand.

  “No, we don’t. What is there left to say?”

  “We need to talk about this job. I really don’t want to lose you as my assistant.”

  I narrow my eyes at him. “We already spoke about this, Benjamin,” I snap and pull my hand away. He stands up and walks behind me to fix his sights on the chaotic world below.

  I’m typing angrily when I hear the words I’ve wanted to hear since I first stepped into his office.

  “It’s not just the job.” His tremulous voice is vulnerable and it makes me swivel to face him in my chair. He’s still far away, his attention set firmly on the world below us, like he’s afraid to look at me. “I don’t want to lose you, Darcy.”

  “What?”

  He sighs, drifting a hand over his face, and his rigid shoulders slump before he turns to me. “I want you, Darcy. I want to try. I’m willing to try this.”

  “You want to be with me?”

  He nods, not breaking the intense connection we’re having right now.

  “What made you change your mind?” I ask, mentally praying this isn’t a dream and that I’m not about to wake up in a puddle of drool on my desk.

  He bends down in front of me and takes my hands in his. “I missed you. I realized how much of an ass I’ve been and hopped on my damn plane. I’m not a good man, Darcy, and I know you deserve better than me, but I can’t even fathom you being with someone other than me every night…I do need you.”

  I pull myself into him, hugging him, expressing every deliriously resplendent feeling that’s going through my body, my mind, through the embrace. He relaxes into it, nuzzling my hair as his arms practically crush me.

  “How do we do this?” he asks, an agonized uncertainty in his deep rasp. I know not being in control is something of a taboo for him.

  “We could go on a date?” I suggest hopefully.

  He contemplates that for a moment before nodding decisively. “How about now?”

  Eager. I like it.

  “Let me just finish this and we can go.”

  “No way. You’re worse than me, woman. That’s saying a lot. Come on.” He stands and hauls me up with him, his robust arms holding our bodies dangerously close.

  “I need to sign out. Let me go, you fiend.” I push him back to close the programs on the computer.

  He grins. “I’ll show you fiend, baby.”

  I click hastily, my fingers shaking from nervousness.

  He’s willing to try! He just called me baby!

  I want to jump up and down with joy when he takes my suitcase with one hand and my hand with the other. I’m surrounded in a euphoric state as we wait for the elevator.

  Before I remember something. “Wait. How are we going to do this?”

  His brows narrow in confusion. “Do what?”

  “This. I still work for you for another month. Do we have to hide it?”

  He surprises me when he shakes his head. I thought for sure he would say yes. “Why? Do you want to hide it?” he asks, his voice betraying a hurt suspicion.

  “I just don’t know how this works.” We step into the elevator; he’s still holding my hand. “I don’t want to push you too far. I know this is new for you.”

  “I don’t think we should start anything with a lie. Besides, I want you to keep working for me.”

  “This was all a part of your master plan? Wasn’t it?” I tease and he winks. God, he’s hot. “Well, it’s not going to work. I still can’t work for you.”

  He rolls his eyes exasperatedly as the bell chimes and we reach the first floor. “Why not?”

  “Because you’re my boss, Benjamin.” We shuffle out of the confined space and I think I see Evan’s eyes pop out of their sockets at seeing us together.

  “Good night Mr. Scott…Miss Fontaine.” When he knows Ben isn’t looking, he gapes at me in awe.

  Is it going to be like this with everyone?

  Steve has the same look on his face, although he thankfully doesn’t say anything. We make our way to Benjamin’s shiny car.

  “After you,” Benjamin offers, holding the door open for me. I slide in and his astonishingly large body fills the space next to me in a moment. The tension we create in silence is thick. After the past few days and his confession just minutes ago, I’m desperate for his touch, for his lips. That’s what he’s done to me. I knew the moment I laid eyes on him he’d ruin me for everyone else. I focus on my hands instead of him, trying to retain some sort of self-control I seem to have lost since I signed across the dotted line.

  My raging hormones win. I can’t help but drag my gaze to his bewitching emerald-colored irises, and there’s nothing else to say. We crush together, my hands combing through his tamed hair while his strong arms pull me closer into his body. My lips collide with his.

  His probing
tongue invades my eager mouth and I’m immediately overwhelmed by the relief that washes over me. I had no idea how much I needed this. He pulls back too soon, nudging my parted lips caressingly, seeking only affection. He leans his forehead against mine and we sit in silence, listening to each other calm. I savor the feel of his hands gliding over my prickled skin, exploring and memorizing. I hear him chuckle and wonder what he’s thinking about.

  Pulling back, I raise an eyebrow and he grins. “The car isn’t moving.”

  I look out the window and discover he’s right. Holy shit, Dimitri has been sitting here this whole time, waiting for Ben’s order.

  “Oh my god. Does he think…?” I’m about to ask if Dimitri thinks we’re sleeping together back here but stop myself when I feel a pang in my chest. The harsh pang of reality. No doubt Dimitri has waited in the front seat while Benjamin ravished women in the back seat of this expensive vehicle. The thought is not one I want to dwell on for long.

  “What’s wrong?” Benjamin tilts my chin up with his fingers to meet his eyes.

  I try my best to conceal my worries. “Nothing. Where are we going?”

  Leaning over, he presses the black button and tells Dimitri to head to a place I can’t even pronounce the name of.

  “Of course, sir.”

  The way Benjamin’s arms constrict tighter around me before finally releasing me doesn’t go unnoticed.

  “I’m sorry.”

  His confession startles me. “What are you saying sorry for?”

  “For whatever I just did.”

  I really can’t hide anything from this man. I grimace with regret, frustrated by the fact that I am so transparent.

  “You didn’t do anything.”

  “Don’t lie to me, Darcy. No lying. Ever.”

  “You told me just yesterday that you don’t believe in monogamy, Benjamin. You can’t blame me for being scared to jump into this, as willing as I am to.”

  His features, which resemble the sweet curves of a statue, contort with some emotion. I don’t know what it is. Worry? Fear? Shame? Whatever it is, I don’t like it.

  “I’m going to try, Darcy.”

  I have to believe that.