“You don’t have to eat it. You don’t conceal your expressions very well.” He laughs, reaching for the plate.
I slide it toward me, not wanting to offend him. “No, I’m okay. It’s good, really.”
“Stop. You’re not hurting my feelings by not liking my food, Darce.”
Darce.
I hitch a breath and allow him to take the plate away from me. My heart is beating rapidly after hearing him say the nickname my parents used to call me.
“You called me Darce,” I mumble, recalling a million memories. Happy memories.
“Is that bad?”
Smiling, I shake my head. “No, no. My…my parents just used to call me that.”
“Oh,” he responds, in obvious discomfort. “I’m sorry.” He gets up to clear the table.
“Don’t be. I liked it.” I focus on my hands. The emerald ring is twinkling, dancing in the sunlight pouring in from the windows.
I liked it a lot.
I collect the silverware from the table, and take it over to the sink where Benjamin is filling it with water, his hands coated in fragrant dish soap.
Benjamin Scott is washing dishes. What is happening?
“You don’t have to do that. I can—” I reach for the plate but he shakes his head.
“You need to rest.”
“I slept until two. I’m well rested. I can do a couple of dishes,” I argue.
“Go sit down.”
I obediently take a seat at the table.
“Did you leave?” I ask after a moment, when I notice he’s wearing new jeans and a different sweater.
“No. I had Dimitri get me clean clothes. I also had him take the liberty of picking up your prescription.”
“I don’t even need the prescription.” I roll my eyes. I hate medication more than anything.
“Yes, you do. Aren’t you sore?”
“It’s nothing I can’t handle.”
“It’s okay to feel this fully, Darcy.” I can tell by just the look in his eyes that he’s trying to read my emotions right now, so I force myself to continue to meet his gaze. “Last night you were pretty upset. It’s okay to feel that way, considering what’s happened,” he says, twirling a clean dish between his hands.
“And what’s happened, Ben?” I ask sharply, my mind attempting to comprehend why he’s trying to help me, why he showed up at the bar…why he is still here. “It’s not like they went through with it.”
“I know they didn’t. I’m just trying to provide some support. Let you know that you can talk to me.”
I close my eyes and breathe out, not wanting to be harsh with him. He’s done a lot for me. I owe my life to him. “I can’t talk to you.”
“Why?” He sets the plate down inside the sink.
“Why do you think, Mr. Scott?” I hold his gaze bravely.
He leans against the counter and crosses his arms. “I shouldn’t have said that, Darcy. I know. I shouldn’t have acted the way I did regarding that entire situation.”
“No, you shouldn’t have.” I get up to make the bed. “But what’s done is done. I’m grateful for your help last night and now.”
He senses the forced formality in my voice and moves around the table. My heart skips a beat when I realize he’s coming to help me make the bed.
“I can do it, Benjamin.”
“Let me help you,” he insists gently but sternly, his eyes bright and determined.
We straighten the sheets in silence and I refuse to look up at him. The attraction between us that has always been there is heavy and ever-present, making the air in the room thick with trepidation and fear on my part.
I will not give in to him. He destroyed me. I never want him to be able to hurt me like that again.
“I can be your friend,” I suggest.
“Friend?”
“Yes. That’s all I can do.” I finally risk a glance at him. He frowns, his brows curving in to each other, though he looks more confused than angry, to be honest.
“Darcy, please. I know I was an asshole.” He drops the pillow on the bed and moves swiftly in my direction. I barely have time to take a breath in surprise before he cups my cheeks between his hands, his face just inches away from mine.
Fuck.
“I know I should have spoken to you about it. I regretted it the minute you left.”
“And still you didn’t come after me?” He doesn’t say anything and it infuriates me. I step back out of his grasp and raise my hands to my face, rubbing my temples.
“I called, Darcy. I had no idea you would have changed your number that fast.”
“You could have come here…done something,” I retort coldly and he nods, grimacing.
“I know I should have. I’m a coward. I was scared. I had never felt anything like what I felt when I heard you talk to my brother that day. It hurt to think of you with him. I wasn’t expecting that.”
“What were you expecting then? Did you not care about me at all before that moment? You would have been fine with him just screwing me before that?” I exclaim rather irrationally because I know he wouldn’t, but there’s no bounds to my rage right now.
“You know I wouldn’t have!” he growls, running a large hand through his thick locks. “God, Darcy. I didn’t know what I felt. This is all so new to me. I’ve slept with women, a lot of them, and never cared whether or not I spoke to them the next day!”
“And I was different.”
“I’m here, aren’t I?” he says exasperatedly, and I shrug.
“How are you sure this isn’t just your conscience talking? You’ve had relationships. You’ve fucked tons of women since we broke up or whatever we were when you fired me, haven’t you?” He turns away from me, shaking his head in anger. Of course I know the answer.
“That means nothing, Darcy.”
“I’ve been with no one,” I state, definitely sure of myself. “No one. I couldn’t. I still can’t, which only validates why I can’t do this again.”
“I’m sorry,” he says and surprisingly, takes my hand in his. “I’m so sorry. Please, forgive me.”
I stare down at our hands in silence, wanting with all my might to kiss the soft indent of skin that’s oh-so-familiar to me just below his palm.
“Please.” He places his fingers on my burning cheek, moving slowly until his hands are in my hair, holding me tenderly. I struggle to breathe, refusing to look up.
Dear God, help me resist this man right now.
“Look at me. Just look at me, Darce. I need you to,” he whispers, and I can’t help it. I do.
He leans down, tilting his head to gain access to my mouth. He kissed me yesterday when he saw me in the hospital, but I was too dazed to take it in. Now I can remember everything. I remember the feel of his body pressed against mine, the vivid scent of fresh aftershave and cologne. I can remember the taste of him perfectly. I gasp softly, knowing that kissing him is going against everything I’ve just managed to say to him, but I’m defeated. And he knows it.
He tugs at my hair, thrusting his tongue into my mouth hungrily, expertly.
Stop, Darcy!
My body reacts to him. The magnetic pull electrifies between us, shocking me to my core as he pulls softly on my bottom lip. Releasing the swollen skin, he groans, his hands traveling down the curves of my body.
“Fuck, I’ve missed this.” He sighs against the skin of my neck.
I shiver, reaching up to cradle his head in my hands.
This can only end badly, Darcy!
I try to force my arms to move. I need to stop him, but I’m putty in his arms. Even as he spins me and we lower onto my mattress, I’m paralyzed.
His eyes are determined and lustful as he moves on top of me. Our mouths collide, hard and wanting. I revel in the pleasure I’ve missed out on for a month now.
He didn’t, though. He didn’t miss out on this.
“Ben…” That thought shakes me and I want to stop. I shake my head, but his lips are already travel
ing down my body, his tongue gliding against the skin, tasting me.
Fuck. I have no words. I don’t want him to stop. I never want him to stop. I lift my pelvis as he nibbles on the skin above my hipbone gently, sending tingles straight to my core.
“Yes.” I nod to myself.
This is just sex. Don’t think about the man doing it. Just focus on the pleasure.
“I’m so hard for you,” he groans, sitting up. He pulls his sweater off in one swift movement and I gawk at the violent rise and fall of his chest. My god…has he gotten bigger since I last saw him? His fingers fumble with his belt and in seconds his pants are down as well.
“Are you okay with this?” he asks, but I’m too busy staring at him to respond. “Darce? Are you?”
Yes, yes. I’m okay with this.
“I want you,” I moan, pulling him to me by the band of his briefs. He grasps the hem of my nightgown and lifts it up over my body.
“Oh my god.”
I tear my gaze away from his concealed erection to find his face dazed and what’s worse, horrified.
I follow his gaze to my legs and quickly realize he hadn’t seen the new bruises on my body. He scowls so long I snatch my nightgown from his hands and cover myself.
My breath hitches, partly because I’m embarrassed beyond belief and partly because I’m so incredibly turned on.
He sits down next to me, pinning me with a look of intense pity. “Darcy…”
“It’s not as bad as it looks.”
“I’m going to get your medication.”
He stands but I stop him, resting my hand on his arm. “Stop. Talk to me.”
“Is this my fault?” he asks suddenly, and I note the worry in his eyes.
“No.”
“You’re hurt right now because of me.”
“No,” I repeat, shaking my head. “No, I’m not.”
“Those guys that attacked you were his friends, were they not?” he presses in disgust. “God.”
“You were protecting me. I could never blame you for what they did.” I take his hand, but he removes it from my grasp in retaliation like I’m trying to poison him.
“Please, Darcy. Just don’t touch me right now.”
“Why?”
“Because I feel sick.”
“Tell me what to do,” I say helplessly.
“I-I need to get out of here.”
He crumbles in front of me.
What the hell is going on?
“What? No, stay,” I protest, but he’s already headed for the door. I’m unable to get a single word out before the door slams shut, leaving me completely alone. I eye my entranceway in dismay, unable to comprehend what just happened.
How could he think it was his fault? They were drunk.
I sigh, retrieving my nightgown from the floor. Might as well shower while he’s gone.
Is he even going to come back? Will I ever see him again?
Panic seizes me and I tremble, hoping my fears are just overreactions.
***
I’m in bed, showered and dressed in yoga pants and a tank top when I hear a soft knock. Benjamin quietly reenters my living space, shuts the front door behind him.
He glares at me disapprovingly. “You should have locked the door.”
“I was hoping you were coming back,” I say. “I wouldn’t have heard you in the shower.”
“I would have waited. Darcy, never leave your door unlocked.”
I refuse to respond, because if I do, I’d tell him he’s crazy if he thinks he can order me around. He runs a hand through his hair. He’s a complete mess.
Wordlessly, he comes to the bed and lifts the covers, to my surprise settling in beside me. I roll over to face him and he does the same.
“It’s not your fault, Benjamin.”
“I’d really like not to talk about that right now,” he whispers, his voice controlled.
“Why did you come back?”
He pins me with his emerald eyes and shrugs. “I don’t know.”
I hate that answer. I stare at him, hoping my persistence will force him to talk.
“I want to help you. Maybe that’s it.”
I look away, trying to conceal the flash of pain that crosses my features. Why can’t he love me? Is he incapable of love?
“What do you feel for me, Benjamin?” I shouldn’t even be asking him this in the first place, but I can still feel his lips on mine. I can’t resist knowing.
“I care about you, you know that.” He lays his hand over mine and I study their compatibility closely—the shape, the lengths, the curves. We’re the perfect fit. His hand is much larger than mine, but when put vertically together, they look like one.
“I know you care about me. I’m really not asking that.”
“Darcy, I-I don’t believe in what you do. That hasn’t changed.” He exhales, squeezing my hand tightly. “I believe in lust. I believe in wanting someone more than anything in the world. But the love you’re looking for? That doesn’t exist.”
I keep my mouth shut, still trying to rein in my emotions so I don’t lose it in front of him.
“These books you read, they fill your head with silly notions that the world has to revolve around your partner, that they are all that matter. It’s just not true. There are more important things in life than love.”
Like what?
“I’m sorry,” he murmurs, resting his hand on my back. I move away from him.
Removing his hand from my crawling skin, he sits up slowly. “I do want you, Darcy. I want you more than anything. Doesn’t that mean something?” he asks, his voice desperate.
“Please, just go,” I choke out, pressing my hand to my heart.
“Darce,” he whispers, reaching out to touch my cheek. I have no doubt he can feel the tears that have escaped, but he doesn’t remove it.
Don’t let him see you like this, Darcy. You’re stronger than this.
I take in a brave breath and shift so I’m out of his reach. Sitting up, I wipe under my eyes quickly, forcing the other tears that threaten back into my skull.
“Please go,” I say as sternly as I can. My lip trembles and I fear I’m going to crack before he makes it out the door.
God damn it, just fucking go!
He sits, just staring at me. He doesn’t even look like he’s breathing. He finally stands to leave but halts, his hand on the doorknob. “Who will take care of you?”
“I’m fine on my own. I’ve been doing it for some time now.” I manage a small smile, but he doesn’t return it. He walks out, shutting the door firmly behind him.
Goodbye, Mr. Scott.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Kevin stirs the broth on the stove, probably still taking in all I’ve said in the past hour. I take the plates that Benjamin washed this morning and set them on my small oak table. My mind is going through a never-ending cycle of flashbacks from today, recounting every move, every word that was said. I can still feel his hands on me, smell him on my sheets. Is he thinking about me? Is he regretting what he said? Will he come back to me?
Perhaps he’ll change his mind. But I know him. He’s stubborn. Even if he did love me, he’d never admit it.
“Wine?” Kevin asks, reaching in the fridge. I’m not used to him being here, but I like it. I never have anyone over.
Because I push people away. But not Benjamin. I never wanted him to leave.
“No, I think I’m gonna stay away from liquor until the sting subsides. You have some, though. I need some tea.”
I mechanically go through the steps to make my favorite brew, forcing myself to think of other things, like my job, and the police interviews I have in the morning.
“How’s Marilyn?” I ask as he sets the bowls on the table.
“She’s worried about you. She’s gonna call you tomorrow, but she told me to tell you that you can have as much time as you need before you come back…if you want to even go back.” He places the French bread down and takes a seat at the table.
“I’m going back,” I tell him confidently, knowing I have no other option.
“You sure you can?”
I nod and sit down with my cup, sipping carefully. “I’m sure.”
“You’re a brave one, babe.” He runs his hand through my hair, attempting to comfort me.
“Thanks.”
He sips his soup, talking of the many things that are going on in his life, and I suspect he’s trying to get my mind off him, but it doesn’t work.
I wonder if Benjamin’s in his large, emotionless apartment. Is he sleeping? Is he playing music on his piano I’ve never heard before? Is he out? Is he kissing someone? Is he caressing her face? Skimming her lip with his thumb? Is he making her shiver? Forget her own name?
Where is he?
“Darcy?” I look up into Kevin’s worried brown eyes. Shit, what did he say? “Where are you?”
I shake my head. My throat is too constricted to speak.
“You know what you need?” He picks up his phone.
“What?” I reply warily as he unlocks the screen.
“A sexy one-night stand, baby! You need to think of someone else tonight!” He grins and I shake my head wildly. Dear God, no.
Not only do I have bruises the size of small planets on my thighs, but I’d probably end up whispering Benjamin’s name in the guy’s ear.
“No way! No.” I take the phone from his hands.
He groans in mock disappointment. “You need to get out there, Darcy! You’ve barely even seen what other guys can be like. Trust me, girl, every man is different.” He waggles his eyebrows. “If you know what I mean.”
Unfortunately, I do know what he means. If only he knew how fucking perfect Benjamin was everywhere, he wouldn’t be saying anything right now.
“I will, in time. It’s too soon.”
Kevin narrows his eyes playfully but thankfully doesn’t press the issue any further.
***
I step away from the tall, slim man in the police uniform and snag my jacket from the chair at the bar.
“Thank you for giving your statement so soon, miss. We’ll keep you informed,” he says, so serious, then leaves with the other deputy.
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