Survival Instinct

by Declan Conner

  “Ellie, Steve, get your asses up here right now!”

  Sheepishly, they entered the bedroom.

  “Where are all my clothes?”

  “They’re in your trunk for Goodwill. You agreed to buy new clothes,” said Ellie.

  Jamie wanted to blow his top but bit his tongue. They’re only trying to help.

  “Come on then,” said Jamie, “let’s go shopping.” He put his arm around Ellie and they made their way to the shopping mall.

  The mall was an entirely new experience. He was enthralled at the sheer scale of the development, with all glass elevators darting up and down and escalators ferrying shoppers to different levels. There were garden themes for different countries on every floor and the most amazing water displays. Jamie now understood why women spent so much time at the mall. It’s a whole new world! As a matter of fact, he had never seen so many beautiful women under one roof, almost devoid of male's altogether. He watched as women ambled from shop to shop, or merely sat basking in their glory, listening to the piped music or sipping coffee and chatting in the coolness of the air conditioning as the aroma of ground coffee beans circulated.

  This might be a better place to meet someone, he thought. Then he quickly dismissed the idea realizing it would be difficult to know who had partners. I’d better stick with the singles’ club for now. He always left June to handle the clothes shopping and didn’t take an interest in fashion. He was pleased Ellie was with him, as he wouldn’t know where to start. Jamie patted his back pocket to make sure he had his wallet with his credit cards and entered the store with dread.

  At the end of the afternoon, he was exhausted! His legs felt as if he had finished a marathon and his arms felt they were suffering from being on the rack under the Spanish inquisition. He labored under the weight of his purchases. Ellie, equally weighed down, moved about sprightly. He had treated her to some new outfits, and she appeared as if the day had just begun.

  “Ellie, slow down, do you fancy a coffee?”

  Ellie looked back at him and made a funny face.

  “Oh, you’re such a wuss. Let’s sit over there and you can put your feet up.”

  Collapsing on a chair, Jamie wondered if he would have the energy for the singles’ dance. He was relieved he had joined the gym, hoping he could restore some semblance of fitness. Ellie returned with two large cups of cappuccino and some cream doughnuts.

  “Here, I thought I’d better treat you after all you’ve been through. Now, that’s what I call power shopping. Don’t you feel better now the deed’s done?” she asked.

  Jamie grunted and took a sip. Ah, that’s good. It tasted like an elixir of the gods, as he savored his first mouthful, which seemed to rejuvenate his flagging limbs. Looking over the rails to the ice skating rink below and watching the children play, he started to think of the things he should have done. Somehow, he never made the time. He looked at Ellie regretfully.

  “I’m so sorry, Ellie.”

  “Sorry? What on earth have you to be sorry about?”

  “I was just thinking of all the times I was too busy working and studying at college to spend time with you, when you and Steve were growing up,” he said as his eyes moistened.

  Ellie moved to sit next to him and put her arm around his shoulders.

  “Don’t be silly. I don’t remember my childhood like that at all. You’re a great dad.”

  “Yes, but I could have done a lot more. You two are the only good things that came out of my marriage. The truth is, when I came out of the army, your mom and I drifted apart. We had nothing in common. It was more of an ideal than love, and I’m only just starting to realize it. I just threw myself into my work and studying, what with not having a university education. Maybe the divorce is my fault?” sniffled Jamie as a tear rolled down his cheek.

  “Oh stop it, dad. Remember what you told us? Don't beat yourself up; it’s all in the past. Just think of the journey ahead. Only this time you’ll know what you’re looking for. We are here to stop you doing anything stupid, and there’s no need to rush,” she said and gave him a tissue to dry his eyes.

  He knew she was right. It was just that he’d found it difficult to hide his feelings in front of the kids after the separation. But now that the divorce was final, it was even harder.

  Ellie looked at him with eyes of adoration, and he felt closer to her than ever. At the same time, she seemed quite concerned.

  “Don’t look so worried,” he said dabbing his eyes. “I’ll be fine.”

  Jamie looked across the way and noticed a guy looking at him. It struck him that he had seen that face somewhere before, more than once.

  “The dude from the park, wait here, Ellie,” said Jamie as he made his way toward the man. “Hey, you!” Jamie yelled when he looked away. The guy locked eyes with him and started to walk the other way. Jamie hurried his pace and the guy started to run. Jamie almost caught up, when the guy grabbed a cleaning bucket from a startled maintenance worker and pushed it at him. It crashed into his feet, and Jamie fell to the floor. The stranger disappeared through the door leading to the parking garage. Jamie got up and gave chase scurrying down the stairwell. He pushed the door open and caught a glimpse of his stalker getting into a black Mercedes that had screeched to a halt. He watched helpless as the car sped away, tires burning rubber as it disappeared.

  Jamie heard the sound of footsteps and turned to see Ellie coming up behind. She was wide-eyed with fright.

  “Dad, what the hell’s going on?”

  “I don’t know, unless your mom’s still having me followed. I’ve seen that guy before. Maybe I just freaked him out when I went over to talk to him.”

  “You just took off. . .scared the shit out of me!”

  “Forget it,” he put his arm around her and pulled her in. “We better go get our stuff.”

  Contents

  Strange encounters of the 4th kind

  Back at home, Ellie helped her dad unpack, put away his new clothes and ironed the pieces he chose for his night out. With two hours to kill, Jamie relaxed, when he heard his doorbell ring. Ellie beat him to the front door with him coming up behind. There stood a very odd-looking man. Jamie could hear his daughter laugh. Wearing a white suit, bright green shirt with a red, silk tie, and the most ridiculous looking, yellow spectacles, Jamie wondered if a clown had the wrong address for a children’s party.

  “Can I help you?” asked Ellie.

  “Yeah, sure, you must be JJ’s daughter. My name’s Bill. I need to apologize to you about my remark the other night. You can call me, Uncle Bill.”

  With her hand over her mouth, Ellie appeared shocked.

  “Bill!” Jamie finally recognized him. He was surprised at Bill calling at the house.

  “Yep, it’s me all right.”

  “How did you find my house?”

  “Phone directory. Aren’t you going to ask me in?”

  “How did you get here?” Jamie looked outside for a car.

  “My daughter, she gave me a lift.”

  “Oh, sorry, Bill, yeah sure, come on in,” said Jamie remembering Mary had him checked out.

  “I thought you would be changed by now, JJ?” Bill looked at his watch, puzzled.

  “You look great, dad,” said Ellie.

  “Oh well, I’m a bit confused.”

  “I thought I told you, it’s suit and tie night on Saturday,” said Bill.

  “No, you didn’t tell me,” he replied as Steve and Ellie started to chuckle.

  “What’s the joke?” Bill spread his arms.

  “Oh nothing, Uncle Bill, we hadn’t realized it was fancy dress up night,” quipped Steve. He looked Bill up and down shaking his head as he ran upstairs.

  “It’s not ballroom dancing is it Uncle Bill?” asked Ellie.

  “No, the usual DJ stuff, why?”

  “Just wondered,” she said as she glanced at Jamie with a look of relief.

  “At least we got that right. Now go and change,” she said sniggering.


  “Sit down, Bill, I’ll be as quick as I can,” said Jamie, rushing upstairs to change. When he returned he was alarmed to see Bill sitting in his favorite armchair.

  “Right, I’m ready.”

  “That’s a pity, JJ, I was just getting comfortable. Great chair!”

  Jamie glared. He felt like he had only known the guy two minutes and here he was taking liberties. Ellie seemed to sense his anger, knowing how sacred that chair was. She grabbed him by the arm, beckoned Bill and ushered them both to the door.

  “You two have a great night, and look after my dad, will you, Uncle Bill?”

  “Don’t you worry for a second, got him under my wing,” he said. “Don’t wait up, he may sleep over at my place.”

  As they walked to the car, Jamie couldn’t resist asking the obvious question.

  “Bill, not being funny and please don’t take offence, but is there some sort of method to your madness with those clothes?”

  “Don’t beat about the bush, do you? Are you always this straight talking?”

  “I just wondered, what with all the double speak, that it wasn’t some sort of ploy? Kind of like the mating ritual of the peacock?”

  “Ah yes, see what you mean. No, I just have no sense of coordination when it comes to clothes. It always seems to make sense when I buy them. People just accept it as part of my personality and besides, I suppose it does make me stand out.”

  That’s an understatement, Jamie thought. “Perhaps you should go shopping with my daughter. We’ve just spent all day buying new clothes for me. What about your daughter, can’t she help?”

  “My daughter? Jesus Christ! If you think I’m loud, wait until you see her,” he said laughing.

  “Why? What do you mean?”

  “Oh, she’s been seeing this guy for two years, and he’s into the Goth thing; you know black clothes and white make up. Anyway, I’m not sure if he’s some sort of vampire and he’s sunk his teeth into her, but she’s been transformed into something resembling Morticia from that old TV series The Adams Family. Only worse.”

  “Oh sorry, Bill, I didn’t mean to pry.”

  “Don’t worry about it. I’ve stopped caring.”

  Later, at the singles’ dance, they were the first ones there. They sat down near the entrance to get a good view of the women as they entered the room.

  “How come it’s the same woman at the door?” asked Jamie.

  “You mean She-Man? She’s the one who runs the main singles’ venues. She takes the entrance fee, pays the doormen and the DJ. The hotels make money from the bar and the rooms. It’s just a business like anything else. She runs a different venue nearly every night and emails her database to promote the events.”

  “But doesn’t that mean it’s the same people all the time?”

  “Are you kidding? With divorce the way it is, there’s no shortage of new meat. There’s always the regulars, but even they can’t make every event. The theme nights are the best; they get everyone in the mood. Next week she’s putting up a marquee here for Hawaiian night, but the best one’s her Vicars and Tarts night. Everyone lets their hair down for that one.”

  As the room started to fill, Jamie was getting excited. There were some attractive women around his age and, luckily, Bill pointed them out as new members.

  “Shouldn’t we make a move early?” asked Jamie.

  “What and buy drinks all night? Are you nuts? Look I’m used to working alone, so here’s how I work it. I usually circulate and make introductions to as many as I can, just to gauge if there’s any interest. If there is, I keep an eye on her and as soon as her friend seems to be engaged, I move in. But now there are two of us, we need to come up with a new plan. We can work together.”

  “Well, I haven’t got a clue, so I guess I had better leave the planning to you.”

  “Seeing as how it’s your first real night, I’ll give you first shot at the good looking one, but we have to make a pact now. However distasteful the other woman, we have to grin and bear it, even if it’s just to keep them talking to give the other a chance. Agreed?”

  “Let’s not be too hasty, Bill. Let’s just say we will start out that way and see how it goes.”

  “Fine by me, let’s give it a whirl.”

  One of the women Jamie had his eye on had been glancing over at him and working her way nearer. Her friend was only in her late twenties and Jamie didn’t know how well that would sit with the plan. She wasn’t that bad looking either, but maybe it would be difficult for Bill to keep her occupied.

  “Bill, the two over there, I fancy the older one, what do you think?”

  “No problem, but don’t show your hand too quick. Just make an introduction and chat for a while, then move on and see how the night develops. The first taste is not always the sweetest. Remember Petal?”

  Striding over to the girls, introductions were made and all seemed to be going well. Jamie was amused at how well the double speak worked, as the conversation followed the pattern Bill described. But he started to get warning signals when she confessed that although separated, her husband still lived in the spare bedroom.

  Jamie heard the young woman tell Bill she was into poetry. Bill recited what sounded like an old Beatles’ verse in her ear. It seemed to excite her, as the words rolled off his tongue like a bard. Bill kissed her neck, squeezed her hand and told her that he would catch her later as he moved on.

  “Beatles?” Jamie poked him in the ribs.

  “She’s too young to remember the song, besides, she told me she drank a bottle of wine before she came out and it certainly created empathy.

  How many guys in here are going to recite poetry to her? Huh? Definitely a possibility before the night’s out,” he said looking around.

  Out of the corner of his eye, Jamie saw and heard a rumpus, as the bouncer charged through the room. Jamie could just about make out a woman’s silhouette, raining down blows from her handbag, as a hapless male rolled about the floor screaming obscenities. Jamie was surprised, when the bouncer grabbed the man by the scruff of his neck and charged to the exit to eject him.

  “What was all that about?” asked Jamie, noticing the club owner comforting the woman who was in hysterics. She ushered her to the toilet.

  “Didn’t you see who it was? It was that pervert, the mathematician. It’s about time they threw him out. They should bar him forever. I don’t know how he’s lasted twelve months as a member. God knows what his customers think of him; he runs a Greek deli with his mom on West Street. What a geek! I hope he hasn’t ruined the night for the rest of us. It’s best if we’re on our best behavior tonight. The women will feel empowered once word gets out.”

  “I wasn’t thinking of being anything but on my best behavior,” said Jamie raising his eyebrows. After the situation calmed down, he relaxed. Listening to the music, he was amused that he was tapping his feet to the beat.

  “Oh no, look who’s just walked in, Jack Benny and Bob Hope,” said Bill.

  “I thought they were long since dead?”

  “They will be if they move in on any more of my women.”

  “That’s a bit strong.”

  “Maybe. I forgot to tell you, the big problem you have is that if you leave your lady friend to go to the john, she’s a sittin’ duck.”

  “You mean someone else will move in?”

  “Correct, and those two are the worst offenders. Women love nothing better than to laugh and those two are veritable comedians, so beware. Just make sure you empty your bladder if you think you’re in with a chance.”

  “To be frank, Bill, if a woman had that shallow an interest in me, she would be welcome to go.”

  “Okay, but don’t say you hadn’t been warned. If a woman had to write a wish list for her type of man, the ability to make her laugh would come close to the top. Be careful, that’s all I’m saying. Rumor has it those two charm the women into bondage games, sick perverts.”

  As the night wore on they continued to m
ake contacts and Bill seemed to have so many possibilities for later, it left Jamie feeling inadequate. The young woman Bill had first approached came over to speak to him again. She was clearly intoxicated and dragged him onto the dance floor, leaving Jamie to his own devices. Looking around at the women, the ones he had talked to earlier seemed otherwise engaged, as two women in their mid thirties moved his way. Wow, not bad, he thought.

  “Can we have your autograph?” one of them asked.

  “Autograph? What on earth for?”

  “We were just talking and saying how you looked like the image of George Clooney in his younger days.”

  “George Clooney? That’s a new one, the name’s Jamie.”

  “This is Grace and my name’s Sandra. How come we haven’t seen you dancing?”

  “No reason. Just not found anyone to dance with yet.”

  “What are you drinking?” asked Grace. “Your glass is empty.”

  “Orange juice; I’m driving.”

  “Orange juice it is.”

  Not giving him time to protest, Sandra hurried off to the bar and came back with the drinks.

  “How come you two haven’t hooked up with anyone? You’re young and attractive.”

  “We’re a bit fussy you could say. We have a problem in that we always seem to have the same taste?” said Grace as they giggled.

  “Come on, Jamie, down your drink and you can dance with us.”

  Jamie gulped it down as the two girls led him reluctantly onto the dance floor.

  “Don’t be so stiff, get those legs moving,” ordered Sandra.

  Jamie looked down and watched their feet, then closing his eyes he desperately tried to visualize the exercise hologram and soon started dancing to the beat. Jamie didn’t know what came over him. As he started to dance, a circle appeared around him with people cheering him on. He caught a glance of Bill, who was drawing his hand across his throat. Bill mimicked Jamie, pointing his hands in the air, with a frown on his face. Jamie started to draw his hand across his neck alternately, copying Bill’s signal as he danced, and everyone clapped.