Survival Instinct

by Declan Conner

  “Jamie. . .Jamie, you still with me?” Bill called.

  “Sorry, guess I was daydreaming.”

  “Oh yeah? And what’s her name?”

  “No, nothing at all resembling that. When you mentioned Afghanistan, it just brought back some dusty old memories, that’s all.”

  “I guess it was a bad time for you then?”

  “Yeah, the worst years of my life you could say, until now?”

  “You can talk about it if it helps, but if not that’s fine too.”

  “Maybe another day. It’s all a bit painful to talk about. I need to phone the glazier to have the glass pane fixed,” said Jamie, as he picked up the handset and dialed the phone. After the call Jamie and Bill relaxed, watching television until the glazier arrived.

  “Where’s the problem?” he asked.

  “Back kitchen door, it’s only a small pane,” said Bill and then carried on watching television until the glazier made his way past them to go to his van.

  “Lost your key?” he asked.

  “No, why?” Jamie replied.

  “There’s screwdriver marks on the outside, it looks like someone’s tried to lever the glass pane out.

  “Maybe it was Bill cleaning the broken glass?” said Jamie as he turned to his friend.

  Bill shrugged his shoulders.

  Contents

  Uneasy feelings

  The time had flown by, as Steve walked through the door. He looked surprised to see Bill.

  “Hi, Uncle Bill, how’s it hanging, or should I say swinging?”

  “Maybe you should ask your dad that?” said Bill.

  Jamie glared at him and Bill took the hint.

  “Sorry about putting your dad out of action, Steve, just here to look after him and see he doesn’t come to any more harm.”

  No sooner had the words escaped from his mouth; Ellie followed Steve through the door, equally surprised at the visitor

  “Hello, Uncle Bill. I didn’t expect to see you here. How are you?”

  “Fine. I’m just looking after your dad like I promised.”

  “Great, maybe you can stay for dinner?”

  Jamie enjoyed Bill’s company, but he would rather have gone to bed to rest. Maybe it’ll be good for the kids to get to know Bill. He had a feeling somehow, he was going to become part of the furniture.

  “Ellie, Steve, do you know how a pane of glass got broken in the back door?”

  “No,” they replied.

  “Probably kids, dad, fooling about,” Steve laughed. “Remember, how I threw stones over the back garden, smashing the glass in Dave Brogan’s greenhouse next door? Maybe he’s out for revenge after all these years.”

  “Yeah, you’re probably right. It's a good job I’ve had it fixed.”

  Jamie didn’t know if it was out of some strange sense of loyalty, but everything centered around his armchair that evening, as they played Scrabble, making Jamie the scorer and keeping him occupied. The doorbell rang. It was late and Jamie sent Steve to the door.

  “Hi, Mary, come in. The walking wounded is over this way,” said Steve.

  “Mary, this is a surprise, is there a problem at work?” asked Jamie.

  “No, don’t panic. Everyone’s concerned, so I said I’d look in on you.”

  Mary and Jamie joined the partnership at its inauguration. There had only been Mary, Jamie and Mr. Cuthbert, the senior partner in those days.

  Cuthbert had emigrated from England and only employed Jamie and Mary because they accepted low wages. Having no experience in marketing whatsoever, Jamie learned everything he knew from Cuthbert and Mary was invaluable as secretary, chief cook and cleaner.

  The first account Cuthbert brought in was for a double-door glazing company. The brief was to design a marketing brochure. It was only a small job by the partnership’s current standards, and Cuthbert cut the price to get them off to a start. Jamie came up with the theme for the brochure. The idea was to have a guy standing outside a stained-glass double-glazed door, waiting to enter holding his collar up to guard against the cold and snow. As the brochure opened, it showed the inside of the house, a log fire burning in the den. Waiting inside was the dutiful wife, dressed as if it were a sunny day. The slogan they developed for the front of the brochure was, ‘Step in from the cold’ and on the inside ‘Step in to the warmth of a Solar Shield home’. The client was ecstatic and gave the go ahead. That was when Cuthbert dropped the bombshell.

  “That’s great, Jamie, do you have a digital camera?”

  “Yes, why?”

  “Sorry to tell you this, but we’re on a tight budget, so grab Mary and drive around the estates to see if you can find a suitable house. See if you can talk your way into taking some photos.”

  “Where do we get the models, and what if it doesn’t snow?”

  “You and Mary will have to be the models. Now get to it and don’t worry about the snow, just pick a windy, wet day.”

  Jamie and Mary played the husband and wife on the brochure. June was a little peeved, especially when she stood at the bus stop one day and the slogan was plastered all over the side of the bus with a picture of Jamie and Mary smiling back at her as the happy couple.

  The rest, as they say, is history. Jamie just thanked God the partnership could appoint professionals now, but that brochure still took pride of place, framed on the office wall.

  In those early days, Mary was busy bringing up two kids on her own as her husband had deserted her, and she doubled up working as a waitress in the evenings to make ends meet. Her second marriage hit the rocks when her husband started to beat her up. Mary came into the office one day with a bruised eye, confiding in Jamie. He went to her house and kicked the living daylights out of the asshole.

  The police arrested Jamie, for the second time in his life, and he was fortunate to escape conviction. Luckily, the husband dropped the charges and they were divorced. That was when Cuthbert shipped Jamie off to England. Since then Mary had vowed never to have another man in her life.

  “Let me introduce you to Bill. He’s the guy I told you about from the singles’ club,” Jamie informed her.

  “Bill, this is my assistant, Mary.”

  Shaking hands, Bill eyed her up and down, and Jamie felt awkward, sensing Bill was about to make some embarrassing remark. Bill clearly took a shine to her, judging by the look on his face. Jamie quickly interrupted.

  “Why don’t you join us, Mary?”

  “No, I have to be getting back to put the cat out, when do you expect to be back?”

  “Give it a couple more days, and I should be good as new. Is the Martin’s project progressing?”

  “It should be ready to put together by Friday. The scripts are in and it’s looking good, but we‘ve had to tone the bottles down to overcome some of the state’s obscenity laws. Incidentally, that joke you asked about was on the net, just worded a little different. But we didn’t need it; the scripts and captions are hilarious.”

  “That’s great, Mary, at least the joke helped us get the account. Sorry I can’t see you to the door,” said Jamie, thinking he owed Bill one for the blond joke, but was too embarrassed to tell him. Bill jumped up from his seat, sensing an opportunity.

  “Here let me see you to the door,” said Bill. Following her, he placed his hand at her waist to lead her away. Mary pushed his hand away and she left, closing the door behind.

  “Did you have to do that, Bill? Christ sakes man, she’s my secretary.”

  “Do what? I was only being the gentleman.”

  “Some things are out of bounds and Mary’s one of them.”

  “You jealous, JJ?”

  “Don’t be ridiculous.”

  “Now now, no need to have a lover’s tiff. Uncle Bill’s right, he was only being a gentleman,” said Steve.

  “Come on, dad, lighten up, Uncle Bill was only trying to help,” said Ellie, as they ganged up on him.

  Jamie was furious. Not only had Bill taken over his armchair, his crossword an
d his home, now the kids where sticking up for him. A dark mood descended on Jamie, probably because of the exhaustion and pain, he thought.

  “Look you lot, I think it’s time I turned in. I can’t get comfortable and it’s getting to me.”

  “Let me help you to your bedroom,” said Bill.

  Jamie tried to get up on his own but had to accede to Bill’s offer. Jamie turned off the bedroom light and could hear Bill with the kids giggling away.

  The dark mood wouldn’t go away, as he fought his demons. He had moods from time to time that used to be common when he was courting June. The jealousy of her flirting with other boys would consume him. He had more or less managed to overcome it, but he thought maybe his jealousy of Bill and his kids had caused it to surface again. Jamie knew he was wrong to have snapped at Bill; he was after all only trying to help.

  Hearing Bill leave, his depression subsided, and out of sheer exhaustion, Jamie drifted off to sleep and into his dreams. He saw himself at the singles’ dance and everyone was naked on the dance floor. Then Bill came over with a bunch of grapes and handed the grapes to Sandra and Grace. He suddenly found himself on the hotel bed. After the two women fed the grapes to him, he eagerly participated in a pure, unadulterated orgy. The girls left closing the hotel room door leaving Jamie to fall asleep. Jamie awoke with the pain stabbing between his legs, and for a moment, he thought he was still in the hotel bedroom.

  Throwing back the bed covers and switching on the light, the realization struck him that it was a dream as he recognized his surroundings. This time there was no condom, but he was feeling the most incredible erection from his erotic dream and the pain it caused was of an intensity that defied belief. Despite his agony, he charged into the shower and pulled down the showerhead. Once again, he turned the dial to cold. To his immediate relief, the problem subsided.

  Jamie took four painkillers, overstepping the mark a little, but felt he had no choice. Lying back down on his bed, he tried to think of anything but sex, but started having intermittent flashbacks to his night with Grace and Sandra. This time it was not a dream but real flashbacks. On this occasion, there was no arousal, as the thoughts of it sickened him and he felt ashamed.

  It may be every man’s dream and a favorite topic for discussion, with overly boastful and testosterone-laden males, but the reality of it happening against his will played heavily on his mind. To have your house robbed is one thing, but your body robbed and abused for the evening, is another matter. He sympathized with all those women who had suffered rape and the battles they must have with their minds to report it to authorities. Bill was right, in that single ‘moment of truth’ and the scenario he laid out, it would have been futile to report the incident to the police.

  Jamie felt degraded by the sexual act in his mind. It was not as if his life had been threatened, but the thought that someone could invade his moral beliefs and hijack his body, without as much as a please or thank you, left him feeling numb.

  His mind started to spin around in circles, when he remembered his psychological training before going to Afghanistan. The training was brutal, as interrogators put a bag over his head and tried their best to beat the crap out of his mind. It was so realistic, most broke down before twenty-four hours, but Jamie overcame the torture, acting in a controlled manner. His ability to blank out his thoughts, developed during his days in bomb disposal, helped. This, he determined, was what he had to do now. Jamie now knew his reaction to Bill, telling him the morning after the incident he was finished with the singles’ club, was merely a response to the event. The best way forward was to remain in control of his mind and to face his demons.

  Contents

  Unwelcome guest

  Jamie awoke feeling dreadful. His sleep pattern during the night had been erratic, but at least the pain had diminished. He rose from his bed to go to the bathroom when he heard Ellie call.

  “Dad, your breakfast is ready. Do you want it in your room?”

  “No, I’ll be down soon. I just need time to dress.” Looking in the mirror, his eyes were bloodshot and he noticed dark patches. Added to that, he hadn’t shaved yesterday and his mouth had a bad taste. He set about trying to transform his appearance, taking a shower, shaving and brushing his teeth. After dressing, he returned to the mirror for some measure of reassurance. I look like hell. Pulling out his penis, it was a fright. The scarlet bruising had turned black but it seemed to be healing. Making his way down for breakfast, he felt some encouragement that at least he could walk.

  “Good heavens, dad, you look terrible,” said Ellie.

  “You look like me after a Friday night,” laughed Steve.

  “Thanks a lot. Honestly, I feel a lot better. I just had a bad night’s sleep, that’s all, but if I slept in, I’d only feel as bad tomorrow.”

  “Uncle Bill says we’re all going bowling on Wednesday. Are you sure you’re okay with that?” asked Steve.

  “Bowling? Oh yes, I’d forgotten all about it. I should be okay. At least I can walk today. Let’s just see how I am tomorrow.”

  “On Sunday he says we can go to his log cabin at Brakes Lake. Uncle Bill keeps a boat there and we can go fishing,” said Steve

  “Oh he did, did he? We’ll have to see about that. I haven’t discussed it with him yet.”

  “Oh go on, dad, it’ll do us good to go out together,” pleaded Ellie.

  “Maybe, let’s see how the bowling goes. I’m out Saturday night at the singles’ dance. It’s Hawaiian night.”

  “Sounds great. Pity we threw your Hawaiian shirt out,” said Ellie and giggled.

  “I forgot all about that. Guess we’ll have to go shopping again on Saturday,” said Jamie, pleased he had an excuse to go with Ellie again. He had enjoyed his time with her alone.

  “That’s great! I’ll invite Uncle Bill along and maybe we can sort out his wardrobe,” said Ellie as Jamie spat his coffee.

  Bill, Bill, Bill, he thought, all I hear around here. This guy is driving me batty!

  “Okay, I’ll ask him tomorrow night.”

  “There’s no need. After you’d gone to bed last night, he told us he’s calling round today to keep you company,” Ellie informed him.

  This time Jamie nearly choked on his bacon as he swallowed a big lump.

  “That’s great, Ellie,” he lied, “just what I needed to cheer me up.”

  Jamie wanted to scream. He felt like he had a stalker on his hands, but he just smiled at the kids and carried on with his breakfast. As soon as they left for work, Jamie took the crossword page out of the newspaper and hid it in the kitchen drawer. Settling down to watch the morning news, he wondered if perhaps his thoughts were a little childish. The telephone rang and he hoped it was Bill to say he couldn’t make it.

  “Oh, hi, Mary, it’s you. I was hoping it was someone else. ”

  “Don’t sound so enthusiastic.”

  “No, no, it’s not that. Sorry I didn’t mean it to come out like that. It’s Bill, he’s becoming a pain in the rear end, and I was hoping it was Bill saying he couldn’t make it. I can’t seem to shake him. He was here all day yesterday and the kids have just told me he’s coming back again today.”

  “I’ll let you go then; I was just calling to see if you’ll be in on Thursday. The modeling agency phoned, they have some blonds for you to look at.”

  “Blonds? I should be in, but if not, I trust Ben’s judgment.”

  “Oh? That’s a surprise. I thought you’d jump at the chance. You know, blonds. . .the ones who have more fun?”

  “I’m off women at the moment,” said Jamie. Ooops, the thought struck him as the words escaped his lips. He knew it would be a cue for a third degree interrogation and wished he’d kept his mouth shut.

  “Now I am intrigued, tell me more?” asked Mary.

  Jamie thought he had better choose his words more carefully, but instead opted to change the subject.

  “By the way it looks like Bill’s taken a shine to you.”

  “Don�
�t go changing the subject on me, JJ, besides you know I want nothing to do with men. Don’t for one second think you can offload that guy onto me, thank you. Now come out with it, what’s all this about you being off women?”

  “Honestly don’t ask. It’s embarrassing.”

  Now I’ve done it, he thought. That was the most stupid thing I could ever say to Mary. She loved gossip. She would want every juicy detail and would spout it to the rest of the team.

  “Okay, keep it a secret then,” she said, “but remember, a problem shared. . .whatever. You can tell me when you’re ready.”

  “How’s Betty shaping up?”

  “She’s doing fine. Don’t worry; I’m keeping an eye on her. She’s hidden herself away in the conference room to practice her pitch. I was just thinking, if Bill’s still there at teatime, why don’t I call on my way from work and say you have a meeting. Maybe then you can get some peace. We can have a quick coffee and then I would drop you back home?”

  “Mary, you’re an angel! Great idea! Give me a call just in case he’s not here before you arrive to save you the journey,” said Jamie. Just then, the doorbell rang. Bill called out and walked right in.

  “Gotcha,” Mary replied.

  “Talking about pains in the butt, guess who’s here? I’ll speak to you later.”

  Bill breezed in wearing a white suit with black pinstripes and a black shirt with white pinstripes. It made Jamie dizzy trying to focus. Perhaps Ellie’s right; we should sort out his wardrobe.

  “How’s the patient?”

  “You shouldn’t have bothered, Bill, I am feeling fine today. I think I’ll be well enough to go back to work tomorrow.”

  “You don’t look well; looks like you've been on a bender.”

  “Oh that’s just tiredness. I didn’t sleep well last night; a good night’s sleep will sort me out.”

  “I was thinking. I know you said not to go there, but that Mary’s hot. You’re the one who said this singles’ club lark is a waste of time and I should look elsewhere. I just thought maybe, I could take a look in her direction?”

  “You’re wasting your time Bill. She totally distrusts men, prefers to live on her own.”