For I Have Sinned: Bastian and Rob 1 (Southern Sin)

by Julia McBryant

  “Baby boy wants more?” Daddy thrust harder, faster, right against that good spot. “Are you going to come for me, sweetheart? I want to see you come, sprite. Come hard with my cock in your ass, baby. C’mon. I feel you ready to go.” Daddy nibbled on Bastian’s ear and stroked harder. “C’mon, love.”

  Bastian lost it. He half-curled, made a soft cry, and spilled, hot and sticky, between his own belly and the sheets. God, wave after wave of it, pumping and clenching Daddy’s cock in his ass; so hard not to thrust. Daddy buried himself deep in Bastian and came in a hot flood in his ass. He arched up again and rode it the way Daddy liked, leaning into it so he came harder and longer.

  “Oh good boy.” Daddy gasped. “What a good boy you are to take it.” He slipped out gently. Suddenly empty, Bastian turned over. Daddy leaned down and kissed the very tip of his cock. His tongue darted out and licked a few drops of come; he kissed again.

  Very, very gentle fingers caught up some of the come from Bastian’s stomach. Daddy carefully held his foreskin off his head, not too far down, not stretching it too far; he’d learned how to touch Bastian. Keeping his fingers wet, Daddy spread come over Bastian’s foreskin. Bastian purred a little with the sheer pleasure of it; he liked just being touched, and Daddy was so careful it didn’t become too much. Soon he had wet all of Bastian with his own come, made him slippery-slick, and Daddy began gently jerking his soft cock. Bastian curled on his side, buried his head in Daddy’s neck, and let himself feel it. Soon Bastian was stiff in his hand, and Daddy knew enough to use more lube, and to jerk Bastian harder and faster. He tugged Bastian’s balls just a little at the same time.

  “Does that feel good, baby?”

  “Uh-huh.” Bastian had burrowed into Daddy’s chest.

  “Am I doing it right?”

  “It’s a dick, Daddy-O, it’s not complicated.”

  Daddy laughed and smacked his ass gently. Bastian whined. He’d moved his hand. Daddy moved it back and kept jacking him. Bastian nuzzled back into him. “C’mon, you’d think you’d know how to deal by now. God. It’s not that different. You’re so insecure about it.”

  “Do you want me to finish this?” Daddy laughed again.

  “I’m not fussed about doing it on my own.”

  “Hush up, sprite.” Daddy suddenly did it hard, and fast, and Bastian moaned into him. “You gonna come for me again, little brat with the smart-ass mouth I missed so much? I loved spreading come over your cock that way. You know I love that cock. I love to look at it, especially when it gets this stiff. C’mon, baby. I want you to empty it all out for me now. You have a long drive and I don’t want my boy distracted.” Then he suddenly moved down and sucked, oh god, mouth moving on Bastian, tongue under his head with his foreskin slipping over it, and Bastian was gone. He shuddered again and came in hard spurts, pumping down Daddy’s throat. Daddy swallowed every bit, sucking less and less, like he wanted to get every drop. Bastian shivered and finally flopped back, totally limp.

  “Good?”

  “I have to like, eventually get up. That’s a grave injustice.”

  “Well, you also have to pack all your shit. Because you’re moving for the summer.”

  “The packing is also a grave injustice.”

  “And everything for the dogs, the frogs, the snakes, Ziggy Stardust, and the cats.”

  “I suppose the cats. Bastard cats. We can’t leave until tomorrow. I have to get like, cat tranquilizer.”

  Rob laughed and laughed.

  But they packed everything, eventually, even the cats and dogs, and it took a day and a half, but they left two days later. Good-fucking-riddance, good-bye. Bastian choked when they turned up I-95, that long, long road to everything. He followed Rob’s Kia up, up, up the coast, then down the Eastern Shore. They arrived in darkness. Rob sighed. “The house is closed up, but we can’t stay anywhere else without the animals, so let’s get to it.”

  Who the fuck cared. They were somewhere else.

  They set up the master bedroom for themselves — Rob had his parents’ personal things cleaned out long before — and passed the fuck out.

  Bastian woke at dawn, the dogs sleeping in piles around the bottom of the bed. Rob still slept, flat on his back, small snuffles coming from him. His hair had grown longer now, spiking out, and his face stubbled. Bastian liked it that way. Maybe he’d keep it, if Bastian asked, and if it didn’t scratch his face too badly.

  Bastian pulled on some clothes and walked outside. A short trail through some brush took him to a tiny beach with a dock, an inlet of the Chesapeake spreading out in front of him. He kicked his sandals off and began to wade. The ground dropped off eventually. He walked back to shore, ditched his shirt, and went back out. It dropped further, further, until he could lift his feet up, until he could swim, oh God he could swim, swim in water that wasn’t a pool, wasn’t the sharp salt of the Atlantic, but something lighter, more brackish, darker and flatter. Bastian swam hard, freestyle, the scoop and pull through the water, the streamlined feeling of liquid making way for him, a familiar kind of magic. He almost wept with the beauty of it.

  When he emerged from the water, Rob was waiting.

  “You found the bay, kelpie.”

  “You said you wouldn’t call me that again.”

  “You said you’d never swim again, little one.”

  “It was there.”

  “That it is.”

  “It’s not —” Bastian almost choked. “It never belonged to anything.”

  Rob wrapped around him. Bastian pulled his arms in against his chest. “It was mine once. It was mine before I left. Now it’s ours, little kelpie.” He kissed Bastian on the head. “Because you did snag me and drag me under, beautiful thing.”

  “Daddy?”

  “What, baby?”

  “The other day. When we were — when we were having sex, you said —”

  “I know what I said.”

  “Do you really?” Bastian’s heart wanted to slam out of his chest, but he needed to hear it.

  Rob laughed at him — he actually threw his head back and laughed. “You little idiot. I drug you all the way up here with your menagerie, including a goddamn possum. I left the fucking priesthood in no small part because of you. You think I’d’ve had the balls to do it without you? Fuck no. I’d’ve stayed, no matter what the hell I believed, because it was easier. Same’s I went in. It was fucking easier to do it than not.”

  “You never told me why you did.”

  “Why I went in? Because I’d loved Jack for three years and he broke up with me, and it was easier to turn around and believe in Jesus than face the world by myself. Not like I didn’t go to church and rationalize, rationalize, rationalize anyway. But when he left they were there to throw open the doors for me when no one else did. And I might have left seminary eventually, but then my parents died, and — well, you get it, Bastian. You know what it feels like.”

  “Yeah.” Bastian cuddled closer. “Yeah. You get so lonely it’s just easier.”

  Daddy kissed his head again. “I needed you, little one, to drag me out when I was too stupid to drag myself out. So yes, I love you. Christ, Bastian. Of course I love you. I didn’t think I needed to say it.”

  “Daddy?”

  “Hmm?”

  “Did you think maybe I needed to hear it?”

  Daddy sighed. “I suck at this daddy thing. I try so goddamn hard, but I don’t take care of you like you deserve, little one. No, it didn’t fucking occur to me. Ever. And it should have, a long-ass time ago.” He sort of deflated, a kind of sagging. “Come in the house. The least I can do is put you in a warm shower, kelpie.”

  Bastian wormed under his shoulder as they walked back to the house. “It feels good to hear you call me that.”

  “What?”

  “Kelpie.”

  “Why’s that?”

  “Because it’s mine again,” was the best Bastian could come up with.

  Daddy had kept the electricity and water on, and he ru
mmaged around for Bastian’s shower stuff while the water warmed. Bastian got cold as fuck waiting. Daddy put him in the enormous shower, stripped, hopped in with him, and stood him under the water. Bastian stayed still and let Daddy take care of him. Daddy washed Bastian’s hair and did a good job, too, digging his nails in and really scrubbing hard. Bastian groaned with pleasure. Daddy conditioned it too, even though he teased Bastian about using conditioner. Finally, with a murmured, “I forgot a washcloth,” he poured body wash into his hands and ran them all over Bastian’s body. All over Bastian. He hardened, and when Daddy got that far, he laughed again. “Should’ve known.” He kissed the back of Bastian’s neck. “Rinse off, baby boy.”

  Daddy dried himself and held out a super-warm, super-fluffy towel for Bastian. “Thank my mom. She loved fluffy towels.”

  “Thank you, Mrs. Arthur,” Bastian said into the ether.

  “Her name was Patty, Bastian. His was John.” He paused. “I’d take you to bed, but good boys don’t skip meals. So get dressed and let me take you to my favorite diner.”

  The diner turned out to be silver and sort of gritty, and you turned over your mug for coffee: everything a diner should be. The waitress eyed up Rob. “Shouldn’t you be a priest, Robinson?”

  “I left, Lucy, and good morning and how are you and I’ve missed your face too. And this is Bastian.”

  The snaggle-toothed waitress with gray hair verging on mulletude eyed up Bastian. She snorted. “I’d’ve left for him too, son. Coffee and pie. The strawberry’s fantastic. Bacon and extra bacon for both of you?”

  “God yes.”

  After she left, Rob leaned in to Bastian. “They make the best bacon here. And you always order the pie. Always.”

  Bastian smiled. “You know I’ve only felt so free one other time in my life? You’re going to laugh and call me a rich prep school kid.”

  “No, tell me.”

  Bastian blushed. “On a class trip to Antarctica.”

  Rob roared.

  “No, for real. It was a different world. Did you know there are geese there? We looked up and saw a flock of them headed south at one point.”

  Rob furrowed his brow. “There are no geese in Antarctica.”

  “I fucking saw them, so there are. And penguins, and whales, and these ice floes you wouldn’t believe. Blue blue water. Blue, blue, electric blue, like the Bowie song. I kept singing it over and over in my head. Sound twists there, too. It gets all weird over the water.”

  “What the hell would the geese eat?”

  “I don’t know. Fish. Lichen. Each other. But I saw goddamn geese. So did everyone else in my class. Get over the geese. My point is that I felt … free. Like it all dropped away. Brendan and the stupid round-and-round of school and swimming and my mother and the loneliness. It didn’t matter in the face of something that big.”

  Rob smiled a little. “This isn’t big, little one.”

  “But it’s all gone again. For the first time it’s all gone. I’m eating pie alone in a shiny diner with you and it’s somewhere else.”

  “And it can be over now, baby. You can build something from here. You can make friends in college. I won’t stop you from going out and doing all the stupid shit freshmen do, just don’t fuck anyone and come home afterwards.”

  Bastian looked at the table and played with his pie. He dropped his voice very, very low. “Why would I want to fuck anyone? I love you, Daddy.”

  Daddy let out a breath. “I think I needed to hear that too, kelpie.”

  They walked out hand-in-hand, the world for once not a small choking thing, not a school tiled in green linoleum, but long rolling states stretching on and on, shiny and new. Nothing stood between them, no more suffocating, small boxes where they talked through screens. No more gray mists wrapping around him. No more concrete holes filled with water, but an almost endless bay that belonged to nothing and no one and both of them all at once.

  Bastian was finally free.

  III

  Being Daddy

  Chapter 7

  Rob sucked at this daddy thing.

  He only wanted to do what Bastian had said he needed: to make him behave and to take care of him. Bastian did need someone to make him behave, to keep him in line, and to take care of him. Between his naturally bratty tendencies, his raging libido, his laziness, and his ADHD, he did best with a person keeping a close eye on him and disciplining him when he fucked up. He’d forget to eat if he got too focused. And he was so damn lonely, that core of deep sadness masked with sarcasm and brattiness, that he desperately needed love. And Rob always loved to take care of people. He had loved his students. As a child, he had always brought home hurt animals and carefully nursed them back to health. He’d become a priest because he thought he could fix the broken.

  But he sucked at Bastian.

  Christ, he hadn’t thought to tell Bastian he loved him. The most basic thing, the easiest thing, the thing Bastian needed the most, and he’d never told him. Rob swore he’d do better. He swore he’d baby the hell out of Bastian like he deserved. He’d spent years ignored by his mother, years drifting alone. He needed loved and cuddled. It almost made Rob laugh to imagine such a long-legged, sarcastic thing stretched out on his couch needing cuddled, but he needed it desperately.

  So after breakfast, Rob put Bastian back to bed. “What time did you wake up? Boys need their sleep. Daddies know better how much sleep they need. If you can’t sleep, you can lie in bed and read. But I expect you to make a good try of it. I’ll sit and pet you for a while. No sex. Just petting. You’re too tired for sex. You don’t need it right now.”

  “Daddy-O, I always need it.” Bastian smirked. “See?” He rolled over. Rob had made him a warm little nest and spooned him. Bastian rubbed a stiff cock against Rob’s shorts. “And it’ll help me sleep, Daddy.”

  “Slutty brat.” But Rob rose against him. “Tell Daddy what you need.”

  “I need kissed and fingered and fucked, Daddy. I can’t sleep otherwise. I’m too hard.”

  “You have a mouth on you, kelpie.”

  “You like it, Daddy.” Rob swore one of Bastian’s chief joys in life was saying absolutely filthy things — and God help him, he fucking loved it. “You like when I say bad things — how much I like your fingers fucking my ass, or how full your cock makes me. Do you wanna stretch me out? Do you like the way my ass looks after you finger me open? You want your come all over my thighs? You love to look at my come, Daddy.”

  “I would spank your ass if I didn’t like this so much, slutty boy.”

  “You like me slutty, Daddy. That’s your big secret. You like a slutty boy in bed with you. You know what you really liked?” Bastian wiggled up to his ear. “You liked putting those red silk panties on me and rubbing my cock through them. You don’t even know why you liked it so much. But I bet you still jack off thinking about it, Daddy. I just liked the way it felt. But I think you liked making your boy a little bitch for you. Bet you’d like me twinked out in eyeliner and nail polish. Not like a girl. But like a little twink, the kind who bends over and begs.”

  Bastian rubbed against him. “Finger-fuck my ass, Daddy. My cock’s dripping for you. I’m so stiff and I want it bad.”

  God, did it turn him on. He couldn’t help it: he moved down the bed, lifted Bastian up onto his knees, parted his pale, muscled cheeks, and licked. Bastian moaned. Rob had never done this to him, which meant no one had ever done it. Rob concentrated on the middle of his tiny pink, puckered hole, closed up tight now: an alluring little circle above the big, smooth balls dangling between Bastian’s legs, a perfect little secret hidden between those little cheeks. He began twisting and licking in tiny strokes until it started to open up. If he drew back, he’d see a bright pink beginning to show, and it made him want to jerk his cock. Then he slipped his tongue inside, onto that smooth bright pink, and kept licking along those delicious ridges, Bastian moaning and arching his back, until Rob fucked his tongue in and out him. Bastian was coming undone.
Rob grabbed the lube and fingered him quickly — he couldn’t last long with teasing — and as soon as Bastian asked for it, he slid his cock into his boy’s tight hole, now open for him, visibly open and stretched, oh God, not so much a perfect little pucker as a small hole. Bastian whimpered a little at Rob’s dick — he was big, after all, especially his head, big but smooth; Rob stroked him and told him what a good boy he was, how sweet and good, such a little angel, daddy’s little angel, daddy’s sweet fairy boy. When Bastian relaxed, Rob grabbed both his slim wrists and held them tightly behind his back. What a pretty picture: Bastian’s back arched, hands pinned, knees in the air and dark head bent down on the pillow, Rob buried deep in his ass. He could look down and see it, see his cock all the way inside, his curls pressing against Bastian. When he had swept up Bastian’s wrists in one hand, Bastian immediately calmed and closed his eyes.

  “That’s it. You like that, don’t you? You want me to take you like this?” Rob began gently moving inside him, and he couldn’t decide where to look: at the peaceful, half-lidded pleasure etching Bastian’s face, or at his slick cock sliding in and out of his boy’s ass.

  “Uh-huh.” Bastian had gone over into that dreamy voice. “I’ll do whatever you want, Daddy.”

  Bastian always said that. And Rob couldn’t even remember to say he loved him. Jesus Christ, he was awful at this.

  “I want you to be a sweet little angel while I fuck your tight ass. I want you to stay like this and get fucked —” Rob thrust hard “— like a sweet boy. Then I want you to lie down for me and sleep like I asked, because you need to sleep.”

  “You know what I need, Daddy.” Bastian spoke in that faraway voice, lost in it. “Oh, Daddy, your cock’s so good. Fuck me harder. Do I feel tight for you? Do you like my tight ass, Daddy? You make me feel so full with your big thick cock. Make yourself feel good on me, daddy.”

  Bastian talking at him made his cock even harder. So did staring at the long, smooth planes of his muscled back arched up to his dick, that perfect ass clenched and straining up to him. Rob moved until he found that good spot that would drive Bastian crazy and began stroking. “You like that right there. That’s what you wanted, baby boy. Little kelpie needed his sweet, tight ass fucked. Come for me without touching your dick. C’mon, little one. Come for me. I wanna see all that good, sticky come. Get it out for me, baby. You can’t do what I asked until you get all that come out. You know I love all that come from my little angel.”