I closed my eyes, knowing the next part was going to get rough, but also realizing that I needed to let Lexie know exactly how much she meant to me.
“Every night before I went to bed, Ma would lay her hand across my stomach just like that,” I said, motioning to my hand still on her stomach. Lexie’s eyes softened at the mention of my mother. Seeing her shift made it even more difficult to speak, but I pushed on anyway. I cleared my throat before I spoke again.
“And she would say that anytime I was scared, like when Pa would lock me in the closet for hours at a time, that I was to remember her hand there on my belly, just like that. And know that even if I couldn’t see her she was there, protecting me. She said that no matter where I was, or how big I grew that her hand would always be there, that she would never let me go. You’re the first person I ever told that story to.”
I swallowed a few more times, allowing the wave of emotions to wash over me then away.
Lexie placed her hand over mine. It looked so small and delicate, kind of how I had remembered Ma’s.
“What I’m saying is that for the first time in my life, I’ve found someone that I never want to let go, someone I want to give my hand to, like Ma did for me. And that person is you Lexie. I want you to know that no matter what happens in the future, whether we’re apart or together, you have my hand. I’ll always be there to hold you, protect you and maybe if I learn how, to love you.”
Lexie’s face filled with emotion, tears streamed down her cheeks in a constant flow and I realized that I was crying too. But instead of feeling like a pansy like Pa would have called me, I allowed the feelings to come. I didn’t push away how broken I felt about Ma dying, or how much it killed me that my father had hated me from the time I was born.
In that moment I saw my life for what it was, and what it had never been. I realized that no matter who you were, what you looked like, or how many mistakes you’d made in the past, there was always someone to see the good in you. Despite how you might have felt broken beyond repair, when you least expected it, love and belonging could grow on the ruins of what once was your life.
31. LEXIE
It had been a week since Ransom’s birthday and we still couldn’t seem to get enough of each other. I had quickly learned that as green as I was in the sex department, Ransom was red hot. It was like he’d had lessons in how to pleasure a woman. I wasn’t sure if I ever wanted to get out of bed with him, as if all the years I hadn’t know what I was missing could be reclaimed with Ransom.
We were still sweaty from our last romp. Ransom was passed out asleep, apparently I was wearing him out based on the state he was in. I felt a little guilty for how greedy I had been, and wanted to give him something back, something that only he would enjoy. The one thing I had noticed about him was that he was never game if I wasn’t satisfied first, like he needed to please me before he could even think about pleasing himself. I wasn’t sure if that was the case with all guys or just him, either way I counted myself lucky. I reached for his hand, limp with slumber then laid it on my belly, stretching his fingers out across my bare flesh.
As had been the case since he had told me the story of his mother, all I could do was remember his words and the absolute beauty of them. Locked away in the seclusion and safety of the cottage everything was possible. In the place that had once held so many painful memories, hope and a life with Ransom grew in my imagination.
But as soon as I remembered the truth of it all, how Sanford was no closer to getting proof that Ransom was innocent than before, or that I knew we couldn’t hide forever, someone would eventually come looking for me, for him, I felt lost inside. I didn’t want to think that every part of my reality, that seemed more like a dream, could be snatched away at any moment. I shook my head, determined not to let anything get between me and enjoying every moment I could have with him.
“Roll over onto your stomach,” I said, touching his shoulder with the palm of my hand.
As usual, Ransom was an immovable force when he was asleep. I shook him until he finally responded in a groggy voice.
“Haven’t you had enough yet?” he asked, not bothering to open his eyes.
“Please Ransom,” I said.
I danced my fingers across his chest. His pecs were by far two of the finest specimens I had ever seen, head and shoulders, above all the shirtless guys I’d ever had a chance to look at in the movies or magazines.
He groaned for effect, but didn’t move.
I pressed my naked body against his side. I slid up and down his slender hip, then wrapped my leg across his pelvis, skimming my calf over his body in just the right spot.
“Out of commission until further notice,” he said.
He slitted his eyes at me and smirked. Judging from his body’s response beneath my leg, that wasn’t entirely true.
“Turn over or…” I waggled my eyebrows at him and pointed in the direction of his erection, steadily growing without his bidding.
He grinned wide then turned over on his stomach on the tangled sheets.
The way he stretched out like a starfish, I half expected him to fall asleep again. I straddled him. I had to admit that I hadn’t planned on doing anything but giving him a back rub, but now that I was spread wide over the dip of his muscled waist I was excited. I pushed away the thoughts because I wanted to give Ransom something that was only about him.
I worked my fingers over the muscles of his back, so well-developed that I could have pointed out every individual muscle in an anatomy class. I massaged his shoulders, planting a few kisses at the nape of his neck. With my face so close to the skin of his back it was impossible to ignore the scars that I had seen before. But now, after all I knew about him, about his gentle soul that was always hidden beneath a rock hard exterior, it made me sick to see the scars. I knew without being told, that Ransom had never opened up to anyone like he had with me. It had me feeling both privileged, but also like the fraud I was.
Even though I was quite sure that I was in love with Ransom, the fact that I had lied so much to him in the beginning, was like having a dead body in the freezer that you prayed no one found, but knew that they eventually would. I knew I was probably being paranoid because I hadn’t exactly shared any of my plans with anyone, still it felt like there was a butcher knife positioned over my head, suspended by a thread that could snap at any time.
My lips replaced my hands, and I was kissing every inch of his bare skin. Before I knew what I was doing, the tears were there, hot and wet on his back. The last thing I wanted to do was cry, but it all seemed to be too much. The weight of my lies felt impossible to carry because Ransom had been so transparent with me. I was a Pandora’s box of secrets. Ransom seemed to sense that I was crying and shifted beneath me, until he was facing me. He sat up, clasping my waist in his hands then pulled me closer. I wrapped my legs around his spine, allowing my behind to rest on his pelvis. He pushed my hair away from my face, stroking my cheek with his thumb, as I continued to sob.
“What’s wrong Lexie, did I upset you?” he said.
I could tell by the tone of his voice that he was having a hard time holding it together. I knew it broke him to see me like that, but I couldn’t stop feeling.
I shook my head mutely. “No, it’s not you,” I finally managed to say between gut-wrenching sobs.
“Holy shit Lexie, you’re killing me here, I want to fix this, fix whatever is hurting you.”
“It’s not about me hurting, it’s that someone hurt you Ransom. Those scars, it’s not right what he did to you.”
I felt his body go rigid against me.
“What do you mean?” he asked. A muscle twitched in his jaw.
“I know that he beat you Ransom, I don’t need anyone to tell me that he’s responsible for those scars on your back,” I choked out. The expression on his face was enough to confirm that I had been right on the mark.
Ransom nodded. He stared straight into my eyes. The pain in his gaze was almost too muc
h to witness.
“You’re right, he freaked out a long time ago and went off on me with an electric frying pan cord, the metal bit was what left the scars. When he finally realized what he’d done, and that I was bleeding, he pedaled it all back because the last thing he wanted was to leave a mark that someone might question.”
“He’s a fucking monster,” I spat out.
“Yeah, probably,” Ransom said.
He brushed his lips against mine.
“I’m okay Lexie.”
I caught his mouth in a kiss, working my lips against his. He gripped me tighter to him, responding to my fervor. All I could think was that I would never let him hurt Ransom again, in fact I was determined that no one in the universe would ever harm a hair on his head again.
Ransom had cut his teeth on violence and hate, he had the marks to prove it. Knowing that he had suffered too many times at the hands of a sadistic creature that claimed to be his father, made me determined to love Ransom with every bit of who I was. I could never remove the scars from his flesh, but I could cover them with tenderness and caring, until all he knew was that love would always kick hates ass to the curb.
And as I felt Ransom push inside me minutes later, I knew that I would never have sex with him again, from that moment on we would only make love.
32. LEXIE
I came alive with fear at the sound of someone pounding on the door like it was the end of the world. Ransom was such a sound sleeper that he hadn’t even stirred. As I leapt out of the bed that I had shared with him every night since his birthday, I prayed it wasn’t the police coming for him. I couldn’t bear the thought of losing him, so soon after I had found him.
I threw on a pair of yoga pants and Ransom’s black t-shirt. Even as panic surged through me like a lightning bolt, I inhaled the scent that was distinctly him. I glanced over at him. Completely naked and bared to the world, his body was male perfection. His ass was well-muscled and rock hard, and perfect for grabbing whenever I had the chance. I wished I could have jumped back in bed and made love to him over and again because it felt that good. There was no question that the genie had been released. Now I was like a horny teenage boy who couldn’t get enough sex, lucky for me Ransom had the exact same point of view.
I tiptoed toward the door. I wasn’t sure what to do, open it and act as if I didn’t know anything, or pretend that no one was home. The only problem with the second scenario was that the rental car was parked like a beacon in the driveway.
I peeked out the peephole. My breath came out in a shudder of relief when I recognized Trinity there, looking more than a tad impatient. I threw open the door, leaning on the frame with a half-grin. Trinity’s expression showed no warmth, and relayed instantly that I was most decidedly on her shit list.
“Hey Trin,” I said, attempting to act casual.
I felt anything but. Even so, I opened my arms for a hug, something I hoped would lighten the glare that I was sure could make a flower wilt on contact if she had directed it that way.
“Hey yourself,” she said into my hair.
I was sorry to hear that her voice hadn’t lost even a smidgen of its knife sharp edge.
She released me quickly, another testament to how very angry she was. I backed up a few steps, sweeping a hand so she could come in. She moved across the threshold without delay. Her thigh-high black leather stiletto boots tapped loudly on the hardwood floor, making me wonder if the heels were made of metal. In a graceful move she threw off her pea green three-quarter-length wool coat, draping it on the counter. With her coat off, the one-piece mini-dress number that came exactly three inches below her butt, was in plain sight. I had seen Trinity in some crazy get-ups but this was by far the sleaziest, though on Trinity with all that blonde hair teased and her blue eyes rimmed in black liner with cat eye points at the corners, she looked like sex on heels with the barest hint of hooker sheik, if that even existed.
I was more than aware how messy I looked in comparison. As I ran a hand through my hair, trying to finger comb it a little, I wondered if she knew that I had jumped the virgin ship, and was now well situated in sexy lane with all the trimmings. I giggled at my dumb analogy, drew in a deep breath, readying myself for the reaming I was going to get.
“Ransom,” she called out at the top of her lungs.
I startled at his name, surprised that she didn’t seem to care about me at all.
She strode through the kitchen, disappearing into the living room before I had a chance to ask her what the hell she was doing. I had to give her credit for being able to move with the speed of a wild cat on three-inch heels, but I didn’t really want to right then, because whatever had her irked had suddenly transferred over to me. Best friend or not, she was definitely stepping across the line.
“Trinity, what are you doing?” I said, racing to catch up.
Unfortunately I was too late, and she had already entered the bedroom where Ransom was still sleeping. When I followed her into the room I was quietly relieved that he had heard her and had slipped into his jeans. He stood with his mouth open wide, as if he couldn’t come up with anything to say.
“Fuck Trinity, what’s going on with you?” I said, finally finding my voice. She turned toward me, shooting me an icy glare.
“Did you really think I wouldn’t know what you were doing?” she said. The accusation was plain in her tone.
“He’s wanted by the police for planting a bomb that almost killed his brother. What were you thinking Lexie?”
She jabbed a finger in Ransom’s direction. He reacted as if she had poked him.
“He didn’t do it,” I said without hesitation.
There was nothing Trinity could say or do that would convince me otherwise.
“And you know this how?” Trinity said with fire in her eyes.
“Because he told me,” I said.
I tried to keep the bitterness out of my voice, but it was a difficult feat to manage when she was tossing her assertions like verbal grenades.
“You’ve known this guy for less than a month, and you believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that he’s on the up and up…”
Her voice trailed off as she took in the room that she had stormed into. You didn’t need to be a genius to know that we had been doing a lot more than sleeping in there together. I winced at the sight of the used condom from just hours before, that hadn’t quite made it to the bathroom toilet yet.
“You’re not only hiding him, but you’re sleeping with him too?” Trinity said. Even though she was talking to me her gaze didn’t waver from Ransom. Ransom shifted his eyes back and forth between us, like an animal that had been cornered by two predators, and had no idea which way to run.
“You know she’s a virgin, I mean was a virgin,” Trinity said.
The acid in her tone seemed to imply that I hadn’t been a willing participant in our romp in the hay.
“Holy shit Trinity, back the fuck off. He did nothing wrong. I’m an adult you know…”
Trinity suddenly deflated like all the wind had been sucked from her sails. She shook her head.
“I get it now, I see what you’re doing and it’s all my fault. I knew I shouldn’t have agreed to that whole Gabriel Sanders thing. It’s been nothing but heartache and grief since…”
She moved toward me, cupping my face in her slender hands. My stomach turned in on itself, and all the blood rushed out of my head, leaving me faint. I knew exactly what she was about to say. I opened my mouth to tell her to be quiet, but it was already too late.
“You don’t have to sleep with him Lexie, it’s not worth you losing yourself just to see a kid who may or may not be able to help you contact your mom again.”
I sagged at her words, my legs felt like rubber. I heard Ransom’s breathing hitch as he understood with absolute clarity what Trinity had laid out for him to see. Bile had reached my throat now. I locked my eyes on his and when I did, I wished I hadn’t. Pain flashed across his expression but rapidly settled into co
ld acceptance. His eyes, that had just minutes before been filled with so much light and understanding, had gone flat and lifeless.
“It’s not like that. Ransom, it’s not like that…”
I closed the distance between us, ignoring that Trinity was still droning on. And I wanted her gone, I wanted to rewind time and be back in bed with Ransom’s strong arms holding me, making me feel safer than I’d felt in a very long time. But it was gone, the look that had said that I was the only person that mattered in the world had vanished, and had been replaced with something else. Something I couldn’t read but seemed to wrench my heart from my body all the same.
I stood in front of him, desperate to make him understand that it wasn’t like it sounded. Being with him might have started out strictly for selfish reasons, but that had all changed. But even in my mind the words I wanted to say seemed wrong. I knew without even trying to explain, that Ransom wasn’t going to believe me.
“I need to walk,” he said, breaking the silence that had closed in around us. His face was impassive, yet I saw a muscle tighten in his jaw. Ransom stalked toward me. He was out of the room before I had a chance to process how everything had gone up in flames. I heard the front door slam a few minutes later. I stared at Trinity. Tears streamed down my cheeks in torrents. I was having a tough time getting in enough oxygen to speak.
I wanted to be mad at Trinity for what she had said, but I couldn’t be. I had been responsible for it all. My obsession and schemes to get exactly what I had wanted had finally blown up in my face, now all I could do was gather the pieces of my shattered life and try to make sense of it.
“Lexie, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”
Trinity gazed down at the sharp toes of her boots, clearly lost for something to say. Needing human contact, to be held and told that everything was going to be all right, I threw my arms around her, sobbing against the satiny fabric of her dress. I knew I was probably getting tears and snot all over her, but somehow I didn’t have the energy to care.
Ransom (Holding Ransom # 1) Page 31