When I finally managed to get it together enough to speak, I told Trinity the whole story, about how I had tried to see Gabriel, about getting drunk at the bar, and how Ransom had saved me and all the other details that had led to the present. I made sure that I didn’t leave out a single fact. It felt good to purge all the lies and secrets at last, but also made me realize how selfish and possessed I had been since Mom had died. I deserved everything I got.
We sat on the bed that had once been Mom and Dad’s, but that had become a place where I had made love to Ransom. A place where I had felt that I truly belonged with him. Without Ransom there the space felt cold, like an arctic wind was blowing around us.
“I can talk to him… explain that I was all wrong,” Trinity said, stroking my hair.
“But you weren’t wrong, not really,” I said. “Any way you want to slice it, the truth is that I didn’t just help Ransom from the goodness of my heart. I had ulterior motives. It doesn’t matter if it developed into something else, it will never change the fact that I lied and manipulated him in the beginning.”
I shook my head. The weight on my chest grew heavier.
“What’s worse is that I finally realized that I don’t need Gabriel after all. I know Mom sent me Ransom, to make me believe that I could still be loved, despite the mistakes I’ve made. I was over it Trin, I was finally ready to close the door on the guilt I felt over Mom’s death and move on…”
Sobs spilled out of me. Even as Trinity embraced me, whispering words meant to sooth against my cheek, I shut my eyes against the world and let the tears and heartache take over.
33. RANSOM
A part of me had always known that what I had with Lexie was too good to be true. She was smart and witty and had a bright future that included college and the whole deal. I barely had a high school education with only a GED diploma that said I had finished school. My body and strength were all I had going for me, hired muscle that knew about putting a stage up and taking it down in twenty-four hours. I was a nursemaid, mother and father to Gabriel. Something I didn’t begrudge him one moment because that’s what you did when you loved someone.
And yet I couldn’t help but feel bitter that once again Gabriel had stolen the spotlight. He had been the real reason why Lexie had offered to help me. Just like every time before, he was the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Knowing that I had been used as a tool to get close to Gabriel, left an unpleasant taste in my mouth. It felt like Lexie had ripped at my heart with her fingernails until I was bleeding all over the place. If I was being honest there was nothing that I had faced before now that had gutted me so completely. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that all the pieces to the puzzle fit. The so-called chance meeting at the hospital lobby, why she had been staying in a hotel that was so close to the hospital, and of course her insistence that I stay at the cottage until things settled down.
Now that I realized that it had all been carefully calculated, I couldn’t believe that I had been so stupid. Normal people didn’t ditch their friends and take off with a stranger who was a fugitive from the law, but people who had hidden motives did. I wanted to brush off the feelings of betrayal, and too much hurt to process, but I couldn’t seem to manage. Being with Lexie had cracked the tough exterior I had shown to everyone in the world except Gabriel. Our connection had allowed me to feel things that I had never allowed myself to acknowledge before. Now it felt like she had cut my throat and had watched me bleed out.
“Fuck,” I said, shoving my hair out of my eyes.
I gazed out at the surf that seemed to mirror how screwed up things were. The waves crashed against the sandy shore, foam racing up closer to my bare feet each time. I edged closer to the water, allowing it to wash over my feet. My flesh seemed to freeze on contact. I couldn’t help but think that if I decided to go for a swim it wouldn’t take very long to suffer hypothermia and die. The salty water seemed to beckon to me like a beautiful mermaid, trying to get me to come in, so she could take me to a watery grave. It would have been so easy to let go, walk into the water and disappear. Because in the ocean there was no Pa, and no need to run from a crime I hadn’t committed, and especially no Lexie, spinning lies in a beautiful web of deceit.
I squinted at the horizon. Dark clouds were rolling in across the water, promising bad weather. In the inky black I knew what I had to do. I took a step closer to the water and closed my eyes. I had a few things to handle before it was all said and done, but after I had taken care of the minor details, it would all be over and when it was, there would be no going back.
34. LEXIE
“You should come back with me,” Trinity said. She had been beside me unmoving for at least an hour or more, and all I could do was cry. Not since Mom’s death had anything hurt this much.
“You can stay at the farm with me and…it will slowly get better and you can start over.”
“But I don’t want to start over,” I said in a croaky voice.
I sat straight up in bed, locking eyes with her.
“I want Ransom, that’s all. I don’t care about Gabriel anymore, or any of the other psychic stuff that I’ve spent the better part of the past year on. I want Ransom. I want him to look at me the way he did a few hours ago. I want to sweep away all this, and make him understand how much I care about him, how much I love him.”
My lips trembled around the word love.
“I’m not going anywhere,” Ransom said from the doorway.
Both Trinity and I whipped our heads around to see him. His hair was windblown, his cheeks and the tip of his nose were red with cold. He rubbed at his biceps with his palms and even managed a sideways grin. It was as if someone had pumped pure oxygen in a room that had been slowly running out of air to breathe.
I leapt up from the bed and was in his arms before he could say anything. I wrapped my arms around his tapered waist holding on as if he might disappear if I let go. Even though his arms came around me, I sensed that something had changed between us. I wasn’t stupid enough to believe that everything could go back to the way it was before. I had some major explaining to do, and was more than grateful that Ransom had come back, so I could begin to mend what I had destroyed with my lies.
Even though he had come back, the cynical part of me wondered if he was hanging around to salvage what we had together, or if he had come back because he had no place else to go. The irony of the situation hit me hard, but I didn’t let it finish me off. As long as Ransom was with me everything else would work itself out.
“I think my work here is done,” Trinity said from behind me.
I spun to face her. She looked even more vampy than when she had first walked in, but unlike the perfection that had greeted me before, her makeup was smudged where she had cried right alongside me.
She brought her focus to Ransom.
“I’m sorry for throwing you under the bus, and blaming you for everything. I was way out of line. Lexie filled me in, and as far as I can see she’s lucky to have you…”
“Luck has nothing to do with it,” Ransom said. I heard the rancor in his remark loud and clear, but couldn’t blame him for feeling that way.
Trinity shoved back her mane of flaxen hair and strode forward, balancing on her stilettos like a runway model. She stopped in front of Ransom, the width of him was blocking the door.
“Yeah you’re right there,” she said with an exaggerated sigh. “Well guys and gals I need to get back to my honey. He’s supposed to get his stitches out today.”
I flushed, feeling more than horrible all over again that I hadn’t even bothered to ask how Aiden was doing, or anything about the accident. I guessed in my mind the cottage had been an alternate reality, where nothing outside Ransom and me existed. It was yet another testament to my selfish behavior. I had a lot of atoning to do for the messes I had left in the wake of my fixation on Gabriel Sanders.
Trinity gave me one more hug then winked at Ransom.
“You don’t hav
e to see me to the door, I know you guys have a lot to talk about,” she said.
She tapped past us down the hall. I followed her with my gaze until she was out of sight. The bang of the front door said she had gone. I turned back to Ransom, unsure where to begin. Before I could get in a word, he placed a finger against my lips, silencing me.
“Shhh,” he said in a whisper. “It’s okay Lexie, we’re okay. I get it, and I’m not leaving. For now that’s enough for me.”
“But,” I started to say, but he captured my mouth with a kiss that drew the breath from my lungs.
I slipped my hands around his neck, drawing him closer. I moved to the button of his jeans, desperate to connect with him again. I knew it was shallow, but I couldn’t help but believe that if we made love then it would be okay. It would prove that everything was going to work out after all.
“Later,” he said, though the feeling of his erection against me said that he was as aroused as I was. He peeled my hands off his neck; later felt more like never. I reasoned that he needed time to wrap his head around everything that he had just learned. Sex wouldn’t fix anything and would only take us away for a little while.
“I’m going to shower,” he said, backing away from me.
I knew that I was probably overreacting, but the way he looked at me felt like goodbye. I nodded then watched him walk into the bathroom and close the door after him. Needing coffee to clear the fuzz from my brain, I strode to the kitchen. The yellow bucket of Legos that I had given him for his birthday took me back to the first time we had made love in the cottage, and the beauty of all that I had felt.
I shook my head. I had to believe that everything was going to be okay, that it was better to have everything out in the open. Even I didn’t believe the lies. I knew that something had cracked between us and I wasn’t sure if it would ever be repaired.
35. RANSOM
It had been forty-eight hours since Trinity had dropped the bombshell on me. I still felt numb by the reality, and despite Lexie wanting to bring me into her world by telling me everything, I couldn’t go there yet, if ever. I wanted to believe her, but it was tough to regain trust when someone had been lying to you with every word they had spoken from the moment you had met.
In spite of that, I couldn’t shut down my feelings for her. Lies or not, Lexie had touched something inside of me that I had thought I didn’t have. She had made me feel like I belonged, as if someone could care about me without me doing anything but be myself. Sure it had been all bullshit, but I couldn’t flip the switch and not feel. No matter what had gone down I still gave a shit about her, and if I had known what loving a woman felt like, I might have called it that. But that didn’t mean I could forget all she had done because there was no way I could.
“I need to get the hell out of here, I’m going shack whacky,” I said when Lexie walked into the kitchen. She was dressed in a turquoise turtle neck sweater, the neckline framed her face. Her black leggings hugged her curvy hips perfectly and had me wanting to strip them off her. As usual her makeup was light. Her lips were glossy with barely pink lipstick. I wanted to take her mouth with mine in a kiss that would leave her begging for more. I almost laughed thinking how Lexie’s dark-haired, fresh-skinned look had replaced the fake tits and ass, bleached-blond bimbos that I had always gravitated toward. I would never again look at another woman and not compare her to the Lexie template.
“We could go for a drive if you want,” she said.
It wasn’t unheard of, for us to pile in the car, hit the highway for the day, and travel to the next town over. I would wear a ball cap and dark sunglasses to maintain a low profile for Lexie’s benefit, since she was so paranoid that someone would see us, me really. I understood her reservations, though I thought that it was a little bit of overkill since I wasn’t exactly on a terrorist list, or at least I hoped I wasn’t.
So far, Sanford hadn’t made any headway on getting me off the hooks, but every time I had spoken to him he had been hopeful. All I could do was cling to his belief that he was going to work something out. The news about Dave and Gabriel had been more positive. Dave’s initial hearing wasn’t for another couple of months, so he was free on bail and was getting some much needed R and R with his family. Gabriel had been checked out of the hospital, and had been admitted to a rehab facility that specialized in the care he needed. In Sanford’s opinion there was a good chance that he would be back doing shows within the next year. I was sure Pa had a lot to do with the push to get Gab back on stage.
“Yeah, I’d like that,” I said, stretching my arms wide.
Lexie took it as an invitation, and jumped into my embrace. She hooked her legs around my waist like a spider monkey, and caught my mouth in a kiss. I responded without hesitation. She always tasted good, and this time was no different. I clasped her hips, supporting her weight as she dipped a hand down the front of my jeans. I abruptly stopped kissing her and put her down.
“Let’s go for a drive, and later…” I raised my eyebrows at her suggestively. She broke into a belly laugh. I loved seeing her like that.
“Fine,” she said, grabbing my hand in hers.
We walked hand in hand to the car, but before Lexie could take her position behind the steering wheel, I grabbed her arm.
“I can drive, it will give you a break,” I said.
She shrugged then scrambled to the passengers side of the car. We glided out of the driveway a few minutes later. As soon as we were on the road, all I could think was how good it felt to be away from the cottage, where both lies and love had grown side by side.
36. LEXIE
The day was perfect, the sky unrelieved blue, the sun was warm through the windows of the car. I ran my hand up the length of Ransom’s arm then gazed at his perfect profile. It wasn’t an angle I was used to seeing, which made it all the more intriguing. We had driven for a few hours and had stopped to eat in a small café that had served fresh cut fries and homemade burgers. It was simple food, but Ransom had eaten it with relish. There was definitely something about men and their meat, and he wasn’t any different.
The drive had served to unravel all the knots that had formed in my muscles after Trinity’s visit two days prior. It felt good to laugh and talk like we had before, as if nothing awful had happened. I was beginning to feel that everything that had occurred had been divinely right and perfectly timed. Even if I hadn’t wanted to admit it, secrets had a way of growing like cancerous tumors inside you, making you feel diseased and sick. Trinity in her own way had excised the tumors and now Ransom and I had a chance at a new start.
As far as I was concerned we could have driven forever, in fact I was looking forward to the possibility that we would stay in a hotel room and go back to the cottage the next day.
I laid a hand on Ransom’s thigh, appreciating the feel of his corded muscles that pushed against his jeans. I closed my eyes, completely content. Before I knew it I had drifted off to sleep.
“Lexie.”
Ransom’s voice pulled me out of my dreams.
I cracked my lids. I was met with his startling brown eyes that held me entranced for a few seconds.
“We’re here,” he said.
“Really, that was fast,” I said, surprised. I was a touch disappointed that we hadn’t got the chance to stay in a hotel room after all.
The sun was just beginning to set, bathing Ransom in a golden light that had him looking absolutely angelic. I brought my hand to his cheek and pressed a kiss to his lips, he responded with passion that I hadn’t expected. He parted my lips with his tongue and I fell in step with his lead.
I grabbed handfuls of his silky hair that had grown longer in the time we had been at the cottage, appreciating the feel of it against my skin. His smell, cologne and soap encapsulated me and had me wanting to ignore that we were still in the car. Right then having sex just feet from the cottage seemed like a perfect option.
Ransom was the first to pull away. I groaned with displeasure. Now mor
e than ever, after the amazing day we’d had together, I needed to possess him in every way possible. I wanted to feel him move inside me, and remember how easy it had once been between us. When he leaned back I saw that we weren’t anywhere near where I had expected. Something shrill and icy worked its way through me. I sucked in a halting breath.
“What’s going on?” I asked, staring at Ransom with absolute horror.
His look of resignation said it all, but the words that came next confirmed it.
“I can’t even begin to describe how you’ve made me feel Lexie. I never thought that anyone could care about me the way you do, or at least the way I thought you did. And even when I realized that it had all been a plan to get to Gab, I couldn’t hate you.”
He raked a hand through his hair viciously, as if it was taking everything in him not to hit something.
“Fuck Lexie, I’m pretty damn sure that I even love you…” His voice wavered for a second before he regained control. “And that’s why I’m doing this, that’s why I’m here, to show you that you mean everything to me, and that your happiness is all I care about…”
One single tear trailed down his sculpted cheek. It meant more than if he had cried a river.
“No, oh my god, no, Ransom, don’t do this you can’t, you can’t.”
The tears came quick and raw, and the sensation that everything in my life was suddenly spinning out of control made me grip the dashboard until my fingertips went white.
“Lexie, it has to be like this…you knew coming into this that it wouldn’t be forever.”
“No, I won’t let you do this…” I screamed.
“It’s already done…” he said.
He moved out of the car, coming around to my side in a few long strides. He opened the door, and reached out his hand for me to take it.
Ransom (Holding Ransom # 1) Page 32