Meet You at the End of the World

by Natasha West

  ‘We had to make a few logic leaps here because we didn’t have very long to sort through it all, talk to people, figure out the facts, but I’m assuming he maybe tried to cut you out of the profits? Is that why you killed him? Because he betrayed you?’ Alice asked.

  ‘Ha! That’s a fucking laugh! He wouldn’t have had the balls’ Ruby replied, apparently deciding to throw in the towel. She knew she was finished. And I was also quite certain she’d never been more dangerous. She was a woman with nothing left to lose. ‘That little prick was scared his granny was gonna find out. He wanted to confess. Well, I wasn’t letting everything I’ve achieved here go to waste’ Ruby shouted and now it wasn’t directed at Alice, it was at May, who was sitting very still in her seat, her face unreadable. ‘You have no idea what it’s like on the other side of that bridge. You, with your tea set and your crisp linens. You’ve never seen the real world!’

  ‘Then why did you steal from me? If you feared it out there so much?’ May demanded, her voice calm.

  ‘Because I got sick of being treated like your fuckin’ lackey’ Ruby spat back.

  ‘Lackey?’ May repeated, some emotion slipping onto her face. ‘I took you in, treated you like family-’

  ‘You treated me like staff. Meanwhile, that little shit Spencer, who only ever took from you his whole life, you gave him whatever he wanted. You gave him the shop to run and it still wasn’t enough. It was his idea to rob you’ Ruby declared. ‘Because I go out on supply runs and he stored the wine. And when he thought you were on to us because Jeff kept shouting his mouth off about the numbers not adding up, he decided to confess because he knew you’d forgive him. And he was right. You would have. But you’d have thrown me back out there because I’m not blood’ she finished, suddenly tiring, ‘You people, born into something I wasn’t, you think it’s your right to win. Well’ she said with grim pleasure, ‘I won this one.’

  ‘You’ve won nothing’ May said, disturbed. She gestured at the rest of the guards, still either side of Olly. They came for Ruby and she stood up, grabbing the sawn-off from her belt and pointing it straight at May’s head. The guards froze. Alice took a step back. May looked shaken for the briefest of moments and then her mouth set in determination. ‘Put that thing down this instant!’

  ‘You tell them to clear a path’ Ruby told May coldly.

  I stood, unsure why.

  May looked at Ruby and I didn’t know if she might stand her ground. But eventually, she looked out at the court and said angrily, ‘Clear a path. Let her out.’

  Thirty

  Alice

  I knew Ruby was going to be unhappy when I accused her of killing Spencer. I didn’t expect a courtroom hostage situation. Ruby was outnumbered by several guards with their hands on their guns. But somehow, that made her more unpredictable.

  And as she moved through the hall, further away from her first hostage, May, it became clear that she was going to need another to get all the way out. Backing up to the door, the gun in her hand, Ruby’s eyes came to rest on me and she grinned like she’d just had the most perfect idea. ‘You’re coming with me’ she said, stepping behind me, putting the gun in my back, using me as a shield from the Gable guards.

  I didn’t argue. I let her pull me backwards. Olly stepped toward me, stricken and Ruby said, ‘Don’t’ and pushed the gun deeper, making me cry out. Olly stopped immediately.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Rachel. She was standing up in the gallery, horrified. She wanted to help because she was Rachel and that’s what she did. But she’d watched Olly’s failed attempt and she and I both knew she couldn’t do anything without risking me getting shot. Rachel had saved my arse more than once, but right now she couldn’t help me.

  I thought about what would happen if Ruby got me to the other side of the doors, when I stopped being valuable and became more of an inconvenience. Would she kill me? I’d been the one to publicly shame her, and now she was having to flee and she no doubt blamed me for all of that. And why shouldn’t she? If I hadn’t said anything, Olly would have gone down for her crime and that would have been that, nice and neat.

  Instead, I’d accidently exchanged Olly’s life for mine. But perhaps that was as it should be. The closer we got to that main door, the more I made peace with the time running out on my life. Emma and Jude had Olly back and I’d done what I set out to. It wasn’t enough, not really. But it was going to have to be.

  I looked over at Rachel, wanting to see her, to say goodbye, something, I don’t know. I realised with a shock that she was moving towards us, slowly, carefully. ‘Ruby…’ she said calmly.

  Ruby turned. ‘Oh, look. It’s your bodyguard’ she said into my ear.

  ‘Ruby’ Rachel said, trying to get her attention. ‘I… I know you need someone to help you get out. But you know you’d rather have me, don’t you? I was the one who saw the band and put this together. I’m the reason you’re done in Gable, not Alice. I’m happy to go with you.’

  Ruby thought about that for a moment, tempted. ‘Gosh, what an offer.’

  ‘OK, so just point the gun this way and…’

  Ruby laughed. ‘You know, I might have gone ahead and taken you up on that. If it weren’t for the fact that you’re practically trembling at the thought of what I’m gonna do with your little buddy when I get clear of this place. You know, I think it might be a lot worse for you if I kept her.’

  Rachel licked her lips and I knew she was caught out. Ruby was right, she was more scared for me than she was for herself. And that meant she couldn’t help me. But I was grateful that she’d tried. I really was.

  ‘I’m sorry’ she mouthed to me, her eyes full of deepest sorrow.

  I shook my head and smiled at her. ‘Don’t be.’

  ‘Hey’ said a trembling voice and Ruby suddenly stopped backing up.

  I chanced a peek over my shoulder and I saw someone standing directly behind Ruby that I think everyone had forgotten about in the hubbub. Jude.

  ‘You gotta leave my Auntie alone’ Jude said, trying to mask how scared he was. But a child would have known it. Fortunately, (or unfortunately, depending on how you looked at it) he wasn’t simply relying on machismo. Looking at Ruby’s hesitation, I knew what he’d done. He’d gotten the gun out of Rachel’s backpack and snuck up on Ruby while she was watching everyone else. He had the gun in her back while Ruby had her gun in mine.

  If I was scared before, now I was terrified. Jude had an empty gun on a woman, yet again. Maybe for better reasons than the last time. He was trying to save me. But Ruby wasn’t Rachel. She wouldn’t send him packing with a few empty threats. Ruby was a killer.

  ‘You move out of my way right now and I won’t kill you as well’ Ruby told him. But he didn’t move.

  ‘Jesus, Jude’ Rachel muttered sadly.

  ‘No. Just let her go. You’re at the door, you can make a run for it. Just let her go. Please?!’ Jude asked shrilly.

  ‘Please?’ Ruby said with a half laugh, turning to look at my silly, soft nephew. ‘You don’t say please when you’ve got a g-’

  Crack. Ruby went down like a ton of bricks, the gun skittering to the floor, where it was immediately grabbed by a quick-thinking Gable citizen. Ruby looked up from the floor, her lip split, looking at me, rubbing my sore elbow, which had hurt like hell when it connected with Ruby’s mouth. ‘What the fuck?’ she said, shocked. So was I. But when she’d turned her back to look at Jude, taken her eye off me, I knew it was the one and only shot I was going to get. And I took it. ‘I owed you that one for Rachel. Not to mention my brother’ I said, shaken but still angry as the guards came for Ruby.

  Rachel was quickly at my side. ‘Are you alright? I couldn’t get to you’ she said apologetically.

  I nodded, glad to see her. ‘That’s OK. We did alright in a pinch. You don’t always need to be the hero’ I told her with a smile. I suddenly felt my legs go to jelly and they started to fail. But Rachel had me. As she held me steady, I placed a hand on hers an
d we held onto each other for a moment, longer than was necessary if I’m honest. ‘I couldn’t save you’ she said softly, almost to herself, pain in her voice.

  ‘You didn’t need to. I was alright’ I assured her, shocked by the sudden emotion.

  ‘Yeah. You were’ she said softly, looking at me with those big brown eyes. I looked back into them, wanting to ask her if she was OK. But I couldn’t. I was too overcome.

  May walked past, watching her guards dragging Ruby out of the building. Before the doors shut on her, she shouted, ‘I’ll kill all of you fuckers! ALL OF YOU!’ But it was just the last, dying rage of a woman at the end. No one listened.

  Jude watched Ruby’s removal and when she was completely out of sight and sound, he walked over to us, handing Rachel the gun. ‘I swear, that’s the last time I want to hold that thing’ he vowed to her. She took it from him with an amused grin. ‘Better be.’

  Olly suddenly flung himself at me in a hug and I held onto his skinny ribs. ‘Sis, you idiot. Thank you’ he said into my ear. I was never so glad to be insulted.

  At the other end of the room, we turned to see Emma, slowly walking over. Olly saw her and he let me go, looking to her. They said nothing for a moment. And then she pulled him quickly toward her, holding onto him for dear life. He held on just as tight. Jude ran over to them and jumped on, and Olly pulled him in, the three of them a tight huddle. It was everything I’d dreamed of.

  ‘You’re not gonna join in on the reunion?’ Rachel asked me.

  ‘No, not right now’ I told her. ‘I’m OK here.’

  Rachel took my hand softly and I let her slip her fingers into mine. ‘Yeah’ she said. ‘Me too.’

  Thirty-One

  Rachel

  The van was packed and ready to go. Everything I could need stowed efficiently and tightly into the spare space. My roll mat and sleeping bag, an old camping stove from the Quinn’s storage they’d kindly given me - along with a canister of gas to run it for a while - my clothes, spare boots, medical kit, all ready for the approaching season change.

  The van was now installed with the carburettor from Gable, handed over as a thin compensation by a resentful May as she sent us packing, never wanting to see any of us again. But what did we care? We were free of that terrible place and Olly was alive. And now I had the van, which Olly had handed over happily and gratefully. It would be a more comfortable autumn than I’d known in some time.

  Jude was lingering around the van, watching me pack up, asking me questions about my planned route. But I’d never had a plan before and today was no different. ‘Anywhere that’s not the M1’ was my only answer, eliciting a rueful grin from him.

  Emma came out next, followed by Olly. They were carrying the most enormous box of eggs. ‘It’s all the ones left from the last few weeks’ Olly explained. When we’d arrived back at the farm a few days ago, it turned out the man with the cow from next door had not decided to rob them and eat all their chickens, only taking what he needed. Emma was surprised but she seemed happy enough to be proven wrong.

  ‘Keep them’ I told the pair of them. ‘I can’t eat that many eggs anyway.’

  ‘But you did so much for us’ Olly complained.

  ‘And you fixed up the van for me. That’s plenty’ I told him.

  ‘Take a dozen, then’ Emma bargained.

  ‘Fine. We’ll make it a dozen’ I said with an eye roll.

  Olly ran off to grab a smaller box to hold twelve eggs and I was left with Emma and Jude. ‘Where’s Alice?’ I asked, trying to sound casual.

  ‘Inside. I’m sure she’ll be out to see you off’ Emma said. I tried not to be disappointed. These were the last minutes I had here and I wanted her to be present for them. But I couldn’t say so. I didn’t know how.

  The whole trip back, something was different, and I think we both knew it. I didn’t hold her hand again, I didn’t try to kiss her, didn’t try to do anything that could be considered intimate. But I knew I wanted to.

  But something was still in my way. I’d been alone for a lot of years and I didn’t know how to turn on that part of myself again. I didn’t even know if I could.

  Watching Alice in that courtroom, I’d felt helpless, thinking she was going to be killed any second. It was the worst feeling I’d had since Sarah. It was almost the same feeling, watching her slip away. I was sure Alice would die and my heart would break, all over again. I was shocked to find that my heart was still there to be broken.

  After it was over, I knew something new, something unexpected. That I wasn’t cold inside. There was still something in me that felt strongly. I’d thought I’d done away with that a long time ago. But it was still there. That feeling. Love, maybe. I don’t know, I don’t have a lot of use for that word. And that was my whole problem. I was like the van. It worked. But it was rusty. And I could get the engine switched on now but what if it failed a mile down the road? What then? I’d be worse off than before I’d gotten in the thing. Because I would have lost something I didn’t have before.

  Emma watched me shut the back door of the van and suddenly exclaimed. ‘For crying out loud. Would you just go in there and talk to her?’

  I looked at Emma, shocked. ‘What?’

  ‘I’m tired of this. You two, it’s obvious’ she wailed. ‘You know, I nearly lost Olly and it took everything that happened to know what I had. I was acting like he was a consolation prize, when every other choice vanished. But he’s not that, not at all. We’re not perfect but I love him. And if I lost him again…’ She looked away embarrassed. ‘Look, just stop messing about, would you? You get this life and the way things are… We all lost a lot and I’m sure you’ve got your issues. But Alice, she’s... She’s alright, you know. You should give it a go with her.’

  I didn’t know what to say. Emma was like some part of my own mind, speaking a truth I was trying not to listen to. But as Emma - bloody Emma of all people - laid it out for me, it was impossible to ignore.

  She was right. I’d lost everything. And here I was, at the end of the world and I’d met someone like Alice. Even when the planet had seven billion people in it, she’d have been a rare find. With so few of us left, finding her was like some kind of miracle. The miracle I hadn’t dared ask for.

  Once upon a time, I’d lost someone I loved. She was gone and she’d never come back. But Alice, she was right here. The possibility of a new life, with her, it might exist. It might not be too late. It might not have to be the end of my world.

  If I could find my voice enough to ask.

  I turned to Emma. ‘You’re right. I’m going to talk to her.’

  ‘Good girl’ Emma told me, opening up my van door and throwing in the giant box of eggs. ‘Just take them’ she said, walking off. Jude looked at the eggs and said, ‘God. I’m starving!’ and he ran off back into the house, presumably to scrounge some food.

  I took a step toward the house, a decision made. But what was I going to say? What were the words I needed? I didn’t know, I only hoped they would present themselves at the right moment as I headed for the house.

  And then she appeared at the door. Alice. She was dressed for cool weather, her walking shoes were on, a backpack strapped tightly to her shoulders. I opened my mouth to say something, I didn’t know what. ‘Look!’ Alice quickly said and I closed my mouth to let her speak. ‘I know something happened to you’ she said. ‘I know someone broke your heart somehow and I don’t know the details but I’m risking looking like a fool so you better just listen. My brother’s home now and it’s time I start my own life and I hope I might start something with you’ she said, her eyes nervously flicking to the ground. But then she was her usual fierce self again, saying, ‘I know you can’t stand still and I wouldn’t ask you to. So I’m ready to do it your way. I’ll just get in the van with you and if it doesn’t work out, I’ll go somewhere else. But I want to come with you, and I know - I know - part of you wants me to. So I’m asking for a chance. A hundred miles and you can boot me out a
fter that if you want. That’s all I ask’ she finished, breathlessly, pink in the cheeks, self-conscious.

  I wanted to tell her that she didn’t have to win me round, that I wanted her next to me for whatever came next. That she didn’t need to follow me, that I’d have followed her anywhere she wanted.

  But actions have always spoken louder than words. So I turned from her and walked back to my van, gesturing at the open boot. ‘Get your stuff squared away and let’s go’ I said to Alice. She looked taken aback, as though she’d expected a fight. But she pretended not to be surprised as she strode to the van and threw her stuff in the back.

  I walked over to the driver’s side and slid in and Alice jumped in the passenger’s side. I put my hand on the keys and started the engine, the van roaring to life with a beautiful purr. I’d underestimated the vehicle. She was rusty on the outside, but clearly, her insides worked like a dream.

  ‘What about the family?’ I asked her.

  ‘Left them a note. I think they’ll understand’ she told me. ‘So, we’re doing this?’ she asked, tentatively.

  ‘If it’s what you want?’ I asked, giving her a chance to change her mind.

  ‘Haven’t you heard? I don’t do anything I don’t want to do these days. Footloose and fancy free, that’s me’ she said, allowing herself to relax enough to give me the most natural, beautiful smile. And I smiled back, reflexively. I couldn’t help it. She brightened up the world.

  ‘Any place in particular you wanna go?’ I asked her.

  ‘Actually, I did once hear about a library that’s still running. In the north. People take their old books, swap them for fresh ones. I’ve wanted to go for years.’

  ‘Sounds great’ I said. And then I kissed her. Slowly, delicately. I was still finding my way, still pulling out that rusty part of me, the part that could give Alice what she needed, what I wanted. I couldn’t rush. Alice seemed to understand, her kiss was just as gentle. After we parted, she leaned back in her chair and looked at me with a hopeful smile. ‘Shall we hit the road then?’