Stop!

by Alison G. Bailey

  “Yes. Yes it is.”

  We were standing outside my room. It had become our routine to meet after our last class of the day and walk back to the dorm together.

  “Are you ready to experience all the awesomeness that is having dinner with me?”

  “Can one really be fully prepared for such a life-changing event?” I teased.

  I liked being around Risher. I liked our banter. I liked how comfortable he made me feel. I liked the hum of my body while standing next to him. And I really liked the way he looked into my eyes.

  “Doubtful. A date with me is quite mind-blowing.”

  “That’s not the only thing mind-blowing about you.”

  My cheeks got all hot and tingly. At least once during a Risher encounter, words flew from my mouth that shocked me. He brought out the old Hollis, which I loved. He also brought out a bolder version who popped up out of nowhere and usually embarrassed me.

  Green eyes traveled down my face, stopping at my lips.

  His Adam’s apple stalled for a second before continuing the slide down his neck. “You have no idea.”

  A seismic shift in the earth beneath me caused my knees to buckle. I pressed my shoulder into the wall to keep from collapsing. Thank god he didn’t wink. If he had, the aftershock for sure would have sent me crumpling to the ground.

  The wink gets me every time.

  Cocking an eyebrow, I deadpanned. “I was referring to your mind.”

  “Of course you were. I’ve caught you referring to my mind on a few occasions.”

  Holy hell! I’m not as slick as I thought.

  In an effort to rescue me from further embarrassment, Risher thankfully changed the direction of the conversation. “Do you like Italian food?”

  Straightening, I answered, “It’s my all-time favorite.”

  “Great. I asked around and a lot of people told me about this place on Oakland Avenue.”

  “Sounds awesome.” I beamed up at him.

  “I’ll come get you around seven then.”

  “Great.”

  “Great.”

  Neither of us made any move to step away.

  “Hollis, have you noticed we have a problem saying goodbye?”

  “I’ve noticed.”

  “Good to know.” We stared and smiled at each other for another few seconds. “I’m going to go now.”

  “Okay.” I sighed.

  “Feel free to check out my mind as I walk away.”

  “Risher!”

  Leaning in close, he whispered, “By the way, I really like your mind too.”

  I did check out his mind as it headed down the hall. I was getting lost in his swagger when a gust of air rushed by. Leah ran past me and up behind Risher, performing a double-handed ass grab. Closing my eyes, I stood there long enough to hear his laughter before I walked into my room.

  Benton was stretched out on his bed leaning against the headboard, laptop open. In one continuous movement, my backpack slid down my arm and fell to the floor before I flopped face down on my bed.

  “Rough day?”

  “You’re lucky to be a dude,” I muttered into my pillow.

  “I know.” The smile was evident in his voice.

  Rolling onto my back, I stared at the ceiling. I wasn’t imagining the connection Risher and I shared. The guy said point blank he liked me a lot. Every instinct I had screamed that he wasn’t lying. But there was a small part of me that couldn’t understand why he liked me. It’s every girls’ dream to find a smart, sweet, and fun guy who also happened to be hot. The problem was most boys who fit that description usually couldn’t look beyond a girl’s slightly asymmetrical face, the extra padding around her hips, the big zit in the middle of her forehead, or any other surface defects. Most guys wanted a girl who looked like Leah. Luck hadn’t been on my side lately, so to think I had found the one boy who cared more about me as a person was hard to believe. With long sleeves and makeup, I was able to hide fairly well and pass as a normal girl. But when Risher saw underneath the camouflage would he still want to get to know the person I am on the inside?

  “Isn’t tonight your big date with Golden Boy?”

  “Yeees.” I dragged out the word.

  “Why so glum, chum?”

  “Blond curls and grabby hands.”

  “Leah?”

  I groaned.

  “Hollis, you don’t have anything to worry about when it comes to that girl.”

  “She’s got the right amount of boobs, ass, and legs. Throw in the willingness to spread said legs and you have one hell of a lethal combination. A guy can’t resist that for very long.”

  “I love sitting in the back of class.”

  “Benton, you’re quite the master of the conversational transition.”

  Ignoring my comment, he continued. “Not only do I get to hide, I also get to see things people try to hide.”

  My head turned in his direction.

  “Like the first week of class, Risher would stare at the door while his leg bounced like a jackhammer under the desk. You’d walk in and his entire being relaxed. Then there are the times when your gaze is glued to class work. He’ll turn his head toward you for a quick glance and leave it there. When you move, he turns his head away in order not to get caught. A couple of times he did it so fast, I thought he gave himself whiplash. And just today, I saw his hand creep up the back of your chair, heading toward your shoulder. It was about a half inch away from touching you when he lost his nerve. His hand curled into a fist and traveled back down…”

  A warm sensation starting in my chest quickly spread to the rest of my body. Not only did I love the sweet hidden gestures Risher had done, but the fact that Benton was looking out for me.

  Benton glanced over at me. “But you’re probably right. He’ll dive into that boob pushing leg spreader once he’s done wasting time with you.”

  We exchanged smirks.

  “I love that you sit in the back of class too.”

  My expression went flat when I realized I had an even bigger problem than Leah. Benton noticed the shift.

  “What’s wrong now?”

  Propping myself up on my elbows, I let my head fall back between my shoulders. “He’s taking me to an Italian restaurant.”

  “And you hate Italian.”

  “No. I love Italian. My absolute favorite thing to eat is spaghetti and meatballs.”

  “Hollis, I’m not following.”

  I swung my legs over the side of the bed. “Do you have any idea the dating minefield a plate of spaghetti and meatballs is? There’s the obvious splatter factor. Then the noodle dangler…”

  Tilting his head to the side, Benton narrowed his eyes. “That’s not a nice thing to call Risher.”

  “Ha-ha.”

  “What exactly is a noodle dangler?”

  My mouth fell open with a huff. “It’s that long piece of spaghetti that doesn’t wrap completely around the fork and doesn’t make it in your mouth. It just dangles. You slurp it up and the splatter factor kicks in. I don’t even want to think about the sauce-covered balls dropping.”

  Chuckling, Benton said, “You said “balls dropping”.”

  “God, you’re such a dude.” I fell back on my bed. “Spaghetti is definitely not a first-date food. It shouldn’t even be considered until you’ve been dating at least six months.”

  “Simple solution… don’t order spaghetti and meatballs.”

  “But I love them and I haven’t had them in sooo long. If I were home, this would be a no-brainer. I’d just ask my mom to make me some to satisfy my need.”

  “And I thought accepting myself as being transgender was a huge decision.”

  A few hours later I was pacing the floor in my new flouncy white skirt covered in a large pink flower design, a pale pink tank with matching cardigan, and a pair of beige wedge heels. I kept my makeup simple, with pink lip gloss and nude eye shadow. My hair was down and swept to the side.

  “Sit down, Hollis. You’re
making me nervous.”

  “Sorry.” I plopped down on my bed but immediately jumped up and resumed pacing.

  At precisely seven o’clock there was a knock on the door. I looked over at Benton as if the sound was foreign.

  He walked over and placed his hands on my shoulders.

  Looking me directly in the eye, he said, “You’re going to do great. I’m taking you out for spaghetti tomorrow. Have fun.”

  He then disappeared into the bathroom. I promised Benton I wouldn’t tell anyone his secret, not even Risher. I planned on keeping that promise, at least for a while. If things with me and Risher continued, I wouldn’t be able to keep this from him. But for tonight, I needed to focus on making it through dinner without dropping it all over me. Taking in a deep breath, I opened the door.

  Risher’s usual outfit consisted of worn jeans or baggy shorts, some version of a Chambers T-shirt, and tennis shoes. The sight of him in my doorway wearing a pair of dark jeans, an untucked dark green shirt with the sleeves rolled up to just below his elbows, and dress shoes, stole my breath.

  His gaze ran down my body and then back up, making a pit stop at my chest. I had more going on in that region than Abigail did, so I filled out the tank and sweater to their fullest potential.

  “Hey, Buddy, my mind is up here.”

  Risher’s face flushed red. “You look beautiful, Hollis.”

  My cheeks filled with heat and my stomach fluttered. “So do you.”

  Chuckling, he said, “That’s the first time I’ve ever been called beautiful.”

  Risher peered past me into the room.

  “Is your roommate here?”

  “Nah, she’s hardly ever around.”

  “Good to know.” He smirked and winked.

  The winking is going to be the death of me.

  Risher’s hand landed at the small of my back as we walked down the hall. We had almost made it to the exit when Leah stepped out of her room wearing barely there shorts and a flimsy tank.

  “Hey Risher, thanks for the fun time earlier today.”

  My heart jumped into my throat. I felt pressure on my back as Risher escorted me out of the dorm. We made it halfway to his car before my mouth took over.

  “Did you enjoy your afternoon grab ass?” My words were coated in sarcasm.

  “You saw that, did ya?”

  “Mmhmm.”

  Risher opened the passenger’s door for me. I was about to slide into the seat, when he grabbed my wrist.

  “I thought it was you this afternoon. That’s why I laughed. When I saw it was Leah, I got pissed.”

  “Oh,” was the only word that left my mouth.

  I needed to stop looking for the chink in Risher’s armor. He wasn’t the one making me feel insecure and self-conscious about my looks. That was all me. I knew I could run circles around Leah in all areas except for one. The scars were my Achilles heel and she had already picked up on that fact. It was going to take a special guy to look past the ugly part of me. I wanted Risher to be that guy. I just didn’t know if he was. I had been relieved that he never asked why my makeup was thicker than normal or mentioned what he’d seen at the party when Leah ripped my shirt off. We were three weeks into our friendship and I found it hard to believe he didn’t have questions.

  He laced his fingers through mine. “I’m not into collecting girls, Hollis. It doesn’t matter what Leah or anyone else says. I like you.”

  The sun had just set, causing the lights in the parking lot to brighten. As they flickered to life the glow bounced off the brown and gold flecks in Risher’s sincere eyes.

  I so wanted him to be that special guy.

  “I like you too.”

  His body noticeably relaxed. Our hands stayed attached as he leaned in. My heart was two beats away from bursting out of my chest. I hadn’t been kissed by a boy in a long time and I wanted Risher to break my dry spell. His warm minty breath drifted over my lips. My eyes couldn’t decide whether to open or close. Risher lightly squeezed my hand. As he inched toward me, his gaze swung between my eyes and my mouth. When his tongue slid across his bottom lip, I almost imploded. We were so close, I felt the tip of his nose skim over mine. My insides felt as if I had swallowed fifty hummingbirds. Eyes closed, lips parted, heads tilted, and my stomach growled.

  Fuck!

  Everything stopped—my heart, my lungs, my brain, my life.

  Staying perfectly still, I mumbled, “Please tell me you didn’t hear that.”

  “Crickets. All I hear is crickets.” His voice was low, deep, and sexy.

  “Thank you,” I whispered.

  Risher slowly straightened. There was nowhere to run, so I sucked it up and looked at him. He was working really hard to keep the corners of his mouth from curling up.

  “How about we get some food. I’m starving.” He gave my hand its second squeeze of the night.

  Without saying another word, I sank into the passenger’s seat.

  On the drive over to the restaurant Risher and I attempted to put the roar of my stomach behind us. We touched on all the first-date topics—school, hobbies, favorite bands, and movies. And even though the topics were typical, talking with him made them feel unique and special.

  Risher’s hand found its familiar spot at the small of my back as we walked into LaBrasca’s Italian Bistro. The waiter led us to the small outside area. Five tables set for two were scattered around the space, each tucked away into its own alcove for privacy. The white plates and crystal glasses popped against the chocolate brown tablecloths. The weathered sepia tone brick, stone pavers, and canopy of branches, twisted with twinkling white lights, gave the feel of a tiny town in Italy.

  We continued our date conversation until our food arrived. We ate, sprinkling comments in here and there. The smell of sauce, olive oil, and cheese almost caused me to cave and order spaghetti and meatballs. But after the growl heard around the world incident, I stayed strong and went with the safest thing on the menu, parmesan crusted chicken salad.

  My mouth watered as I stared across the table.

  “Hollis, do you want to taste my balls?” Risher grinned.

  I snapped out of my daze.

  “You keep eyeing my balls. You’re more than welcome to try them.” He teased, reaching for his glass of water.

  Other than the digestive utterance from earlier, things were going great until Risher ordered the house special, spaghetti and meatballs. I waited until he was in mid swallow before giving him a dose of his own medicine.

  “No, I don’t want to taste your balls. I’m perfectly satisfied with my crusty breasts.” I winked.

  Risher performed the perfect spit-take into his glass. Wiping the water from his chin, he recovered his composure.

  “Your crusty breasts do look mighty good. Were you planning on offering me a taste at some point tonight?”

  “It’s too early to tell if you deserve access to my crusty breasts.”

  We both fought to keep the neutral expression plastered across our faces.

  Three.

  Two.

  One.

  Laughter flew out of us simultaneously.

  “Wow, we got real inappropriate, real fast. Okay, Buddy Boy, the ball’s in your court now.”

  Risher’s eyebrows pinched together as his bottom lip disappeared behind his teeth. Intense concentration took over his expression. I pushed a piece of lettuce around my plate, waiting for his comeback. Finally, he leaned forward, rested his elbows on the table, and looked me directly in the eye.

  The sweet smile I was getting addicted to appeared. “You make me… happy.”

  #Boom!

  I wasn’t expecting those words to come out of him. Just a second ago we were batting balls and breasts back and forth. Now my head was swimming in swoon. Out of nowhere, my throat closed and pressure built up behind my eyes. I had to go before he saw me transform into a blubbering idiot. But I wasn’t able to push away. Tears trickled down my cheeks.

  His face went slack.
“God, Hollis, I didn’t mean to upset…”

  I shook my head, stopping him from finishing his apology. “I haven’t been happy in a long time. I didn’t think it was possible for me to feel it anymore, until I met you.”

  Risher reached across the table and took my hand in his.

  Running a finger under my eye, I wiped away the tears. “Sorry, I’m such a girl.”

  He chuckled. “Yeah you are. Would you be my girl?”

  Our hands were permanently fused together for the entire drive back to campus. Risher parked, turned the car off, and turned to me.

  “Risher, tonight was fantastic. Thank you.”

  “It’s not over with yet. I have a surprise for you.”

  Narrowing my eyes, I said, “Asking me to be your girl was pretty spectacular. It’d be hard to top that.”

  “Not trying to top it. Just adding to the magic.” Laughter filled the car. “I told you I wasn’t smooth.”

  “You’re smoother than you realize.”

  He raised my hand to his lips and placed a soft kiss on the back of it. My body turned into a huge mass of jello. While I quivered in the seat, Risher got out of the car. By the time he opened my door, I had pulled myself together enough to be able to stand. I was wobbly, but erect.

  We headed across campus, ending up at the back of the music building. I had no idea what we were doing here. There wasn’t a concert going on. The place was deserted. Risher jiggled and pulled at the door handle until the door opened. The place was in complete darkness except for some light spilling out from underneath a closed door at the end of the hall.

  “Risher, we’re going to get in trouble.”

  “Trust me. We’ll be fine. I know someone.”

  “Is that why we had to break in?”

  Grabbing my hand, he led me toward the light, which was coming from one of the rehearsal rooms. The door opened and the air was sucked right out of me. The room glowed with candlelight. A baby grand piano took up most of the space. On top of it was a small vase with red, orange, yellow, and purple flowers. My mind was officially blown. No boy had ever done anything like this for me before.

  “Hollis, say something.” There was a slight unsteadiness in his voice.

  “Wow.”

  A loud sigh came from where Risher stood.