Church Boy

by Kirk Franklin

  The nurses would come in and say, “Can I get you anything to drink, Mr. Franklin?”

  Tammy says I would just look up and say, “Apple juice.” She laughs whenever she says it! Here I was, a grown man, lying there like a big baby saying, “Apple juice”! She even told me that I wasn’t supposed to drive for a while but in that first week I sneeked out at three in the morning to get some Fruit Loops.

  Well, if I was a big baby, I don’t remember it! I don’t remember anything about those first five days.

  The one thing I do remember is that one day I just came out of it. It was like waking up from a long dream. One minute I was out there floating around in la-la land— who knows where I was?—and the next minute I was back.

  I started talking to people and doing stuff as if everything were normal. I didn’t realize what had happened, and I guess it would have been comic if my condition hadn’t been so serious. I fell on a Friday night, and by the following Wednesday I was back among the living. After just five days, I was on my way to recovery. It was nothing short of a miracle.

  I was improving daily, but I still was having monster headaches, and the doctors had to keep me sedated for several weeks. In addition to blood loss and other injuries, I also suffered a brain contusion, which, I’m told, is a serious bruise that involves damaged tissue, swelling, and internal bleeding. So the doctors said I needed lots of rest, and I had to take medications to reduce the internal pressure and relieve the pain.

  I can say one thing for certain—I’ve never had headaches like that before or since. If it weren’t for the medication, I don’t think I could have survived the pain— apple juice or not!

  If you believe the headlines—and I usually don’t—the world of gospel music went into shock for a couple of days after my fall. Somebody told me I was featured on the evening news on radio and television stations all over the country that night.

  Since then, some people have suggested that the accident in Memphis actually launched my career. We were a good group before that, they say, but it was the fall that got people talking about Kirk Franklin and the Family in living rooms all across America.

  Maybe that’s true. I can’t say. But if so, maybe that’s what God was doing all along, and maybe that’s why I felt that something big was about to happen to us that night. I don’t know about that. But I’m convinced the fall wasn’t just an accident. And it wasn’t just my accident. I believe the fall was for all of us—for me, Tammy, the Family, all of us. We’ve learned a lot through that experience.

  It isn’t that anything about me or about my music has changed because of Memphis. The fall didn’t make me a more godly man, as some people have said. I wasn’t having trouble at home before that. Tammy and I were close and very happy together before and after the fall. And it wasn’t as if I needed some kind of accident or tragic event to renew my love for God. I have always considered my music a ministry, so that didn’t change after the fall.

  The fall did make me stronger in some ways, however. I think it gave me a renewed sensitivity and a new intensity for what I do. But I would not say that it made me what I am today. I’ve seen some of the headlines and the magazine articles written by well-meaning reporters saying that the fall in Memphis turned my career around. But people who say that don’t really understand what was happening at that time.

  Before the accident, I always included a bit of dialogue in the program in which I would say, “God is bigger than any accident or illness or injury you may have. He can heal your heart, your soul, your body, and your mind. There’s nothing God can’t do if you’ll let Him.” The fall didn’t change that speech. I still say it, and I still mean it. But today it has new meaning for me. Today I have the living proof that those words are true.

  Even if God hadn’t healed me, that wouldn’t mean that He couldn’t heal. The experience I’ve been through since that night in November 1996 is teaching me that if I have something now it’s because God wants me to have it. If I’m enjoying some measure of success in the music world, it’s because that’s what God has in mind at this moment. It’s not my plan. It’s His plan, and it’s what He is doing in and through the music and the message that counts.

  I love what Paul said in Philippians: “For I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need” (4:11-12). That’s what I mean. That what it’s all about. I have given my life to God, and He has the freedom to use my time and my talents any way He wants to.

  You may remember that right after that passage in Philippians, Paul wrote those words that are so important to anyone who’s trying to live the Christian life in this world: “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (v. 13). That’s the strength that allows us to be conquerors.

  It’s not my strength; it’s His. It’s not my goal; it’s His. And because it is, Jesus gives me the strength to be what I have be, the strength to do what I need to get done. That realization has been an important lesson for me.

  FIRST THINGS FIRST

  Most of the hype that has come out about my accident and what’s happened since then is just that—hype. One of the main reasons I agreed to write a book about my life and music was to set the record straight and to let people know that the popular image of Kirk Franklin is not really who I am.

  But this is not a book about Kirk Franklin and the Family or how great and important we think we are. No way! I’ll leave all that to some of the reporters and media who like to indulge in sensationalism. This is not a book about my lucky breaks or how our sound caught on and launched some kind of gospel music sensation.

  But this is supposed to be my story, and there are a few things I want you to know about me. I have not achieved— nor do I ever want to achieve—the mentality that I’ve arrived, that I’m successful, or that I’m better than where I’ve come from. I never want to come across as a young man who’s gotten caught up in all the media hype.

  That’s one thing I never want to get into, and it’s easy to do in this business if you’re not careful. The world will celebrate with you and applaud you today then chew you up tomorrow, and I’m not interested in any of it. So let’s just be real.

  No, my story is not about success or fame or personal glory or anything like that. First of all, I don’t buy any of that stuff. And second, that’s not the real payback I’m seeking.

  The payback that interests me is not the gold and platinum records on the wall or the money in the bank but the way Jesus can change a young man’s heart, heal a young girl’s hurts, and transform people’s lives. Whenever a young person hears something in my music that opens his or her eyes to what it’s all about, that’s what turns me on. There’s only one treasure that lasts, and that’s the knowledge that I belong, body and soul, to Him.

  So this is a book about people. And because of that, it’s a book about hopes and dreams, about problems and hardships, and about how barriers can be broken down. It’s about victory and how, through faith, all things work together for good.

  I would also like this to be a book about the kinds of doubts and fears that so many young people are dealing with today—about the negative stuff being thrown in their faces and how the church needs to do a better job of responding to that. The world is always telling young people what they can’t do, but God sees what they can do. We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. That’s what gets me excited!

  So, first of all, the story of my life and music is the story of a young man who grew up in God’s house, making music and sometimes traveling too fast. Sometimes I got ahead of myself and ahead of God’s plan for me. I can’t deny that, and I don’t want to.

  I have to admit that there were periods in my life when I was not living in the will of God, not walking the walk. And there were times when the life I was living was hurtful to me and to others. I regret all that now, more than I ca
n say. But God brought me out of it and put my feet on higher ground, and that’s what I want people to hear.

  Most of all, I want this to be a book about how faith still moves mountains. It’s about how God defeats all the negative stuff and gives people hope. This is a book about possibilities and how—with perseverance and determination— we really are conquerors.

  If the story of Kirk Franklin were nothing more than some glorified press release about how I came to be written and talked about like some sort of musical sensation, it wouldn’t be worth the paper it’s printed on. And it certainly wouldn’t be what’s on my heart. There’s so much more to it than that. I know, without a doubt, that God prepares the way for His messengers. And when I see how He has used the hurts and losses and pains of my past to shape the voice and the message of my music, I’m truly humbled.

  God laid the tracks for this journey, then He used certain people and events to give me the exposure. That’s part of my story. He put certain people—like that young record company president, Vicki Lataillade—right where they needed to be (and wanted to be) so the message could get out.

  God sent people like Vicki to be part of my story. In every case, they were people who shared the same faith, the same convictions, and the same determination to break down barriers and touch people with God’s love. They also believed that something big was about to happen.

  I really mean it when I say that I love our traditions from years gone by. I have said that in concerts for years, and it’s the truth. I love my people and the things they’ve taught me about faith, family, and freedom. I love our music and rich history—our African-American roots, our gospel songs, and especially the wonderful hymns of the churches I grew up in. I wouldn’t be here today if it weren’t for all those things.

  But the world of the 1990s is not the world I grew up in. There are a lot more traps for young people now than there were when I was a kid. It was bad then, but the world, the flesh, and the devil have laid death traps for kids today, and the old ways, the old traditions, don’t touch them anymore like they used to touch me when I was younger. That’s why we’re losing so many of them. If some of the churches and parents had done a better job, we wouldn’t be seeing all the gang-banging going on out there.

  You don’t have to believe me. Check out the headlines! Check out the newspapers! Young black men—and young black women too—are under unbelievable pressures from society. They’re being exploited by other people, by the media and the movies, and especially by the street culture. Whether it’s the gangsta thing or this crazy consumer madness that’s preying on everybody, they’re into it, and it’s eating them up. And it’s not just within the black race; we’re losing our kids, period.

  Why? Because of the pressures of life and because of the bitterness that has grown up around them—and in them. I’ve seen it all across America, in every town where I’ve been on tour with the Family. Young people are making bad choices, and it’s killing them. Drugs, crime, sexual promiscuity, AIDS—you name it. It’s everywhere, and it’s killing them.

  My point is not to say that it’s hopeless, because I’m convinced it isn’t hopeless. But yesterday’s way of dealing with these problems isn’t working. The good news is that God hasn’t given up! So we can’t afford to give up either.

  SOME HARD FACTS

  I think it’s important to deal with some of the issues facing young people, like the fact that some traditional churches have not been as sensitive in the past as they could have been to people like me. Some African-American churches—which is the only church I know very much about—have not dealt with the source of the problems facing our culture today.

  It’s the same in the white church, the brown church, the Asian church. And if we’re losing our young people in all these places, then isn’t it about time that we all started turning some corners? We don’t need riots or race wars or protest marches to do this job. We don’t need a political party. What we need is a Holy Ghost party, and there’s no better time than right now to get one started!

  There are some people who wish I wouldn’t say these things, but I have to say them. In every major city in this country, wherever we have traveled on tour, young people have come up to me after the show to tell me about their fears and concerns. They tell me they’re hurting, and I care about that.

  If I have to be a rebel, then that’s what I’ll do. But I’m a rebel with a cause. Even in gospel music I’ve been considered a rebel. But I’m a rebel who wants to see what can happen to America and to the church when we start doing things God’s way for a change.

  I don’t believe in a particular musical sound, but I do believe in a particular message. Regardless of the beat or the groove, the music has to draw us to the cross. That’s the real reason for the existence of gospel music in the first place. If it doesn’t do that, then I’d say it’s a failure, regardless of the sound.

  If our music only gets people excited and doesn’t plant a seed that will eventually lead to salvation, then I’m wasting my time. But if the message is not compromised, then people shouldn’t give us a hard time about the type of sound we make.

  I also think it’s important to speak up about what some of our pastors are saying but not doing out there. A big scandal in the papers a couple of months before this book went to press concerned the president of a black Baptist denomination in Florida who was apparently living a double life. When his people found out what was going on, they didn’t give him a hard time. They just closed their eyes and said it was okay.

  Is that how it’s supposed to be? Is that what Jesus would say? I have to ask myself: If the church isn’t real and if Christians aren’t living the life, then who else is going to do it?

  We all know people who have not been living what they’ve been preaching. Like a lot of people in the church today, I’ve been a victim of that. I’ve been around pastors who have not lived what they’ve preached. There was a time when I lived that kind of life myself, always trying to explain why I wasn’t what I appeared to be. But that has changed now. With God’s help, I’ve turned the corner, and I’m never going back. There’s too much at stake, and Christ has opened my eyes to some hard facts.

  I can honestly say that there was a time when I didn’t see anything wrong with the way I was living because nobody else did either. Nobody said anything. Nobody pointed a finger, and nobody seemed to care. Now I’m here to say that there are a lot of hurt people out there because too many Christians have preached a good gospel without living the life, but that has got to change.

  The church has got to be real. So I say, let’s take off the doctrines and the bylaws and the sanctimonious speech, and let’s just get back to basics. We’ve got to be transparent before God so we can be the people of God. How else can we hope to get people ready for Christ’s return?

  We’ve got to be spiritually transparent and emotionally naked before God. One reason we’re losing so many young people to Satan and the allure of this world is because they don’t want to be what we’ve made ourselves appear to be. Even if they want to live by a higher standard, they don’t like what they see in us. They don’t think they can live by impossible rules, so they don’t even try.

  I want to reach nonbelievers in nontraditional ways. I want to see revival come back to this land. Those are all things we need to talk about, and we need to talk about the war being waged for the hearts and minds of young people today.

  The Bible says it’s up to us to work out our own salvation with fear and trembling. Paul wrote in Philippians, “It is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure” (2:13). God is calling each of us, and He has a plan for us. But we’ve got to keep ourselves humble. We’ve got to keep ourselves focused.

  My message to young people is, don’t be looking to somebody else to solve your problems. Teachers and preachers can’t make you good. The police department can’t make you good. Government can’t clean up your act. Nobody else can get you back in touch with God but
you.

  You’ve got to deal with your own negative upbringing. Government can’t do it for you. Nobody can do it but you. Look to Jesus. He can take the wounds and the scars in your life and turn them into blessings. If you take the first step, God will bless it. No matter how small a step it is, He can handle it. He has given you the right to choose heaven or hell. So which will it be? Only you can make that decision.

  Whenever God makes you choose, it’s always out of His wrath. And there’s no blessing if you’re doing something from God’s wrath. But if you’re doing it from obedience, because you love Him and you want to please Him, that’s when you receive the blessing.

  Sooner or later, we’ve got to break down the walls between black and white people, and between gospel and contemporary Christian music. Racism keeps them there, but God’s love can break them all down. The walls have to come down if we’re children of the King. We’ve been talking about those walls coming down for years, but now they’ve got to come down.

  Unfortunately, I believe racism will continue to exist until the black church and the white church get real, not only with each other, but with themselves. Racism in the church, and in the world, will remain until the children of God start dealing with their differences.

  Of course, there is a difference between black people and white people, and anybody who says there isn’t is being totally unrealistic. But that doesn’t give either race license to turn up our noses or snarl at each other or even to just ignore one another. It’s not enough to say we believe in unity and brotherhood if we turn around and do something else behind closed doors. We’ve got to become transparent—transparent in both our contemporary Christian music and black gospel music—admit that racism exists, and believe that something can be done about it. And we’ve got to open up in every area of our lives.