Spirit of the Wolf

by Susan Mallery

  “Yes,” she told him. “I want to be with you. I want to know everything about you.”

  Fire danced in his eyes. The bright passion convinced her as no words could have done. His fingers trembled slightly where they traced her features.

  “Take down your hair,” he said hoarsely, as he reached for the buttons on the front of her blouse.

  That morning she’d put her hair up, just for a change. Now she reached for the pins holding it in place. As she loosened the knot at the base of her neck, he unfastened the front of her blouse, then pulled the fabric aside. His gaze settled on her breasts pressing against the thin fabric of her chemise.

  A trickle of uncertainty made her freeze in place. No man had seen her this way. She wasn’t worried that their joining was wrong—just that she was unsure of the details of what would occur.

  Caleb caught her hesitation. He dropped his hands to his side and swore under his breath. “You’re a virgin,” he said flatly.

  In that moment, she knew the honor of the man before her. His arousal pressed against the front of his trousers. She could see the need in the harsh lines of his face. He wanted her. She didn’t doubt that he hadn’t been with a woman in a long time and that his desire was nearly uncontrollable. And yet he would walk away because it was the right thing to do.

  Warmth filled her heart. It surrounded the old pain and fear, heating it until it melted away, leaving her feeling light and nearly giddy with happiness. Why hadn’t she seen the inherent goodness of him before? He was as much a part of her as the color of her eyes. He had always been a part of her. She’d simply been unwilling to see the truth of it.

  “Love me,” she said simply, and took his hand in hers. She pressed his palm flat against her breast, then gasped aloud at the intense pleasure that shot through her.

  He closed his hand around her curve, moving against her tight nipple and making her cry out. Then she was in his arms, his mouth on hers. She clung to him, wanting him as she’d never wanted anything in her life.

  Still kissing her deeply, he held her against him even as he carefully finished unfastening her hair. Then he slowly removed her clothing until she was in only her chemise and pantaloons. He shrugged out of his own clothing, leaving on drawers that did little to conceal his arousal.

  “I’m a healer,” she said with a smile as he drew back the covers on the large bed and urged her to slip onto the mattress. “I’ve seen naked men before.”

  “Good.”

  He accepted her challenge and responded with one of his own. With a quick, fluid movement, he shoved his drawers to the ground and stepped out of them.

  Ruth had one knee on the bed. She froze in place, her gaze fixed on that most male part of him. Seeing naked men who were ill and seeing this particular naked man were two very different things. He was powerful and sleek, a thick crown of blond hair adorning his male glory.

  As she continued to look her fill, she felt herself ready and swell. An ache settled deep in her belly and radiated to that place between her thighs, then higher to her breasts. It was as if she’d waited for this all her life. She felt only rightness, and a sense of fulfilling her destiny.

  She slipped onto the mattress and held out her arms. Caleb joined her. He touched every part of her, stroking her bare arms, then cupping her breasts in his palms. Strong fingers teased her tight nipples, making her arch against him. They kissed again, and as his tongue stroked against hers, she felt his fingers slip down her belly toward her rising heat.

  Instinctively, she parted her legs, welcoming him. She knew he was going to touch her and that she was probably going to like it. In the village, women talked freely among themselves. Ruth knew about the physical pleasure available to a woman when a man took the time to please her. She responded eagerly when he pushed against the thin layer of her pantaloons and touched her dampness.

  She felt as if she’d been bathed in warm pleasure. Delicious sensation filled her as he rubbed and circled one incredibly sensitive spot. He dipped his head and, at the same time, took a nipple in his mouth.

  The combination of sucking and touching made her call out his name. Suddenly her clothes were too much. She pushed at her pantaloons. Caleb helped her drag them off. She opened her legs for him, practically begging him to touch her again in that way. To make her feel the things she hadn’t known she could.

  He didn’t disappoint her. Instead he slipped a finger deep inside her and used his thumb to rub that magical pressure point. She found herself tensing and squirming, grasping for him and then crying out his name as her world came apart. It was perfect, she thought hazily, lost in the sensation. Perfect and better than she’d imagined.

  When the last ripple faded, she reached for him, drawing him over her, urging him to enter her.

  “Make me yours,” she breathed, then pressed her mouth to his.

  His maleness probed her virgin center. When he reached a hand between them to guide himself inside, she stroked the length of his back and thought how she would like to lie like this every night, knowing that he wanted her and that together they would teach each other to soar and touch the heavens.

  He eased into her slowly. The sensation of something too large stretching her faded into a heaviness that promised another release. A sharp pain made her stiffen, but she didn’t tell him to stop.

  “Ruth,” he murmured, staring deeply into her eyes.

  She gazed back at him, feeling her love grow. He thrust into her fully, then groaned.

  “More,” she told him. “I want to know everything.”

  He drew back and filled her again. The pain disappeared, leaving only a tingling. Next time, she thought contentedly as he moved faster, then stiffened. Next time they would find their release together.

  She held him as he stilled and cried out, then he held her as they curled up together, and slept into the night.

  * * *

  “IT’S MY FAULT Will left,” Caleb said into the darkness.

  Ruth rested her head on her pillow. They had slept for a few hours, then had awakened to make love again. This time they had moved together, both of them soaring at the same moment. In the tender quiet that followed, Caleb had begun to speak of his brother.

  “Why would you say that?” she asked.

  “Because I’m the one who drove him away. I never understood how he hated being second born. Our father insisted on leaving everything to me. As the oldest, I knew of my inheritance practically from the time I could walk. I never thought that Will would resent getting nothing. He lashed out in anger.”

  “What did he do?”

  She heard a rustling sound and knew that Caleb had sat up. A match scratched, then flared. She watched as he lit the lantern on the bedside table. Then he leaned against the headboard and rubbed his temples.

  “I never told anyone,” he said quietly. “At first because I couldn’t believe he’d done it and later because I was ashamed of him. Or maybe I was ashamed of myself.” He looked at her. “Will stole a lot of money before he left.”

  She sat up and drew the sheet to her breasts. Her long hair tumbled over her shoulders. “Do you think he wanted to go somewhere else and start over?”

  Caleb nodded. “At the time I’d been furious, but now I understand. I want—” He hesitated.

  She touched his cheek, rubbing the back of her hand against his blond stubble. “You want him to come back.”

  He nodded. “I don’t know where to find him. I’ve thought of hiring a detective, but I couldn’t even tell him where to start.” He grabbed her hand and kissed her palm. “Brock’s gone, too.”

  “He was always a wanderer.”

  “I know, but this is the longest he’s been gone. I worry that something’s happened to him.”

  He spoke of his brothers and the ranch, his hopes for Zeke. Ruth realized Caleb was a man who held himself apart. He didn’t trust many people with his secrets and she was honored that he was willing to share them with her now.

  “What
do you want for yourself?” she asked.

  He looked at her, but didn’t answer the question. She told herself not to be disappointed. She and Caleb were just beginning their journey. She didn’t know where it was going to end, but this time she wasn’t going to let fear drive her away.

  “I always wanted a wife and a family,” he said at last.

  “You have had both.”

  “No. I have a son, but I never had a wife.”

  He took her hand in his, then gave her a slight smile. “I want you to know the truth, Ruth. But I don’t want to tell you what it is. I’m afraid of what you’ll think of me.”

  She leaned toward him and pressed her mouth to his. While she wasn’t ready to tell him that she loved him, she was more than prepared to offer reassurance. “I know the truth about you. I know you are a good man. You can’t say anything to make me change my opinion.”

  “I hope that’s true.” He squeezed her fingers. “After you went back to the Cheyenne all those years ago, I couldn’t stay on the ranch. There were too many memories.”

  She winced slightly. “I never meant to hurt you.”

  “I know. I even understand why you made the choice you did.” He drew in a deep breath. “To distract myself, I headed to Texas to buy a couple of bulls. The owner of the ranch had a daughter—Marie.”

  Ruth tried not to let the truth hurt her. She forced her voice to stay steady as she said, “You fell instantly in love with her.”

  With his free hand he tucked her hair behind her ears, then smiled. “Not even close. She was a viper-tongued, selfish, spoiled woman who only cared about riding and buying expensive clothes. What I didn’t know was that she’d chased off all the local men and was in danger of being an old maid. She had vowed to marry the next suitable man she met. Who turned out to be me.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  His blue-gray gaze settled on her face. “I missed you,” he said simply. “One night I got drunk and Marie came into my room. I’ll admit I could have turned her down, but I was tired of being alone. So I let her crawl into my bed.” His mouth twisted. “She wasn’t a virgin, but the next morning she told her father that she had been and I found myself facing the business end of a shotgun. The marriage went downhill from there.”

  “I’m sorry,” she said, and meant the words, although she couldn’t help feeling a little happy that he hadn’t dismissed her so quickly by falling in love with someone else.

  “Weren’t there a few pleasant times?” she asked.

  “Some. They’re hard to remember. Marie hated everything about being a mother and she hated Montana even more. The winters were too long and too cold. She wanted me to sell everything and head to Texas. When I refused to do it, she set out to make my life hell. She did a fine job. The only decent think to come out of her was Zeke.”

  He squeezed her hand, then released it. “I want you to know how it was between us. I don’t want you wondering.”

  “I understand.”

  He rubbed his thumb against her skin. “Do you know why I didn’t send for you when Marie died?”

  “No. I thought she’d gone quickly.”

  He shook his head. “She lingered for days, but she wouldn’t let me bring you to help her. It wasn’t because you’re half Cheyenne,” he added quickly. “It was something else entirely.”

  Suddenly she wasn’t sure she wanted to know the rest of the story. But when she didn’t speak, Caleb continued.

  “On our wedding night, when I was inside her, I called out your name,” he said flatly, staring at the far wall. “She never forgave me. When we arrived here, she managed to find out about your stay and how I’d wanted to marry you. She made sure I paid for having loved you.”

  Ruth leaned toward him and rested her head on his shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be. I got over you, in a manner of speaking.”

  “But I’m back now.”

  “For how long? I saw the telegram. My housekeeper won’t be here for a while. Are you staying or leaving?”

  She kissed his neck. “After last night, how can you ask?”

  “After last night the question matters more than ever.”

  “I’m staying.”

  Caleb wanted to ask for how long. Was it just until the housekeeper arrived, or could he convince her to stay forever? Because that was still what he wanted. The same thing he’d wanted all those years ago. He’d realized it the moment he’d arrived at the house that evening and had found her gone.

  The silence of the kitchen, the darkness spilling into every room had nearly destroyed him. Even finding her note and knowing that she hadn’t left but was instead helping a neighbor hadn’t made him feel any better. Because he’d realized then that her stay was only temporary. And when she left, she would be taking the rest of his soul with her.

  He supposed that a sensible man would want her to go now, rather than endure the uncertainty. But he didn’t, because he would rather have these few weeks with her than nothing at all. She’d always been the best part of him. He was a better man when she was around. Talking about his brothers and all he’d done to run them off had reminded him that he needed to be at his best. Not just for them if they returned, but for his son. And possibly even for himself.

  * * *

  THE DAYS slipped by quickly. At times Caleb knew that he needed to tell Ruth that he wanted her to remain on the ranch. He had to confess his feelings and give her the chance to make a decision. However, he never found the right time, or even the right words.

  He walked toward the house one evening, nearly three weeks after she’d first made love with him. He could hear the sound of her conversation with Zeke and their laughter. The happiness in his son’s voice tugged at his heart. Ruth had done so much. She’d brought joy into his child’s life and had shown Zeke that not all women were like his mother.

  “I’m back,” Caleb called after he’d wiped his feet. He stepped into the kitchen and Zeke bounded from his chair to greet him.

  “Pa! You’re early!”

  Zeke threw himself at his father. Caleb caught him in midjump. “I know. What have you been doing with yourself?”

  Zeke hugged him hard, then grinned. “Ruth was reading me a story about a boy and his dog. They’re from England, but they went on a big ship and ended up in Spain. Then we looked at a different book and she showed me where Spain was.” He paused and his expression turned serious. “It’s very far.”

  “I know.”

  Caleb glanced at Ruth. She was busy rolling a pie crust, but she paused long enough to give him a slow smile of welcome that made his blood run hot and had him picturing exactly what he would do with her later that evening when she slipped from her bedroom into his.

  Zeke drew in a deep breath. “Then we went back to the story. It was very good. The boy and his dog made it home and everyone had missed them and he had lots of great stories to tell.”

  He squirmed slightly, so Caleb put him down. Zeke shoved his hands in his pockets. “But Ruth had to start dinner and we were almost finished with the book, so she said I could read it aloud to her and we’d finish it together and I did!”

  Caleb stared at his son. “You read the story by yourself?”

  Zeke nodded vigorously, his too long hair flopping into his eyes. “The end part. So could we order some more books? Ruth says she knows the names of lots of stories about boys and dogs and even horses. And then we can read them together.”

  Caleb looked at the woman who had haunted him for so long. Her dark hair hung down her back in a thick braid, but he knew exactly how it felt when it was loose and spilling over her shoulders, onto his body as she leaned over him, teasing him in the delicious ways he’d taught her. He knew the sound of her voice in delight and in compassion. He knew she would be quick to put everything aside, if someone came needing help, which happened a couple of times a week.

  He knew his footsteps were lighter because of her, and the days easier. What he didn’t know w
as if she would stay.

  Zeke tugged on his sleeve. “Can we, Pa? Can we buy some books?”

  “Of course.”

  Zeke yelled with pleasure, and ran out of the room. He was back in a heartbeat, holding out a tattered envelope. “Tully went to town and brought this back. It’s for you.”

  He glanced at the handwriting. It was nearly as familiar as his own. “It’s from Will.”

  Zeke wrinkled his brow. “My uncle Will? Do I know him?”

  “No, Zeke, he moved east before you were born.”

  Ruth abandoned her pie crust to come stand next to him. “Maybe it’s good news.”

  “I hope so.”

  He took a seat at the table. Zeke slid onto his lap while Ruth put her hand on his shoulder. She squeezed gently.

  “Do you want to read your letter in private?” she asked.

  “No.”

  He opened the envelope and pulled out a single sheet, then read the letter aloud.

  “Dear Caleb,

  “I left the ranch and Whitehorn a long time ago, for reasons that don’t seem so important now. I’ve traveled a long way and seen my share of the world. But no matter how far I go, I can’t forget home. Now I think it’s time for me to return. If you’ll have me.

  “I hope this letter finds you well. I’ll wait to hear from you.

  Will.”

  Caleb had to clear his throat. Will coming back? Was it possible?

  Ruth leaned down and pressed her mouth to his cheek. “Are you going to answer him right away? So much has changed, and he doesn’t even know it.”

  He nodded, not bothering to ask how she’d known that he would indeed welcome his brother home after all this time. Because Will was as much a part of the Kincaid ranch as himself. Will belonged here.

  Ruth belonged here, too. Soon, he promised himself. Soon he would figure out how to ask her to stay.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Two weeks later

  RUTH PUT OFF her trip into town for as long as she could. She knew if she’d mentioned her nervousness to Caleb, he would have accompanied her into Whitehorn, but that wouldn’t force her to face her fears, which was what she wanted to do. So she waited until he had a full day planned out with the cattle, left Zeke in Tully’s excellent care and headed her horse and wagon south.