Etching Our Way (Broken Tracks Series Book 1)

by Abigail Davies

  Everyone’s silent for point two seconds before Clay snorts, laughter bursting out of him as he throws his head back.

  “Uncle Nate!” Izzie reprimands him, her hands on her hips as she stands in front of all of her presents. “You need to be more careful!”

  “Yes, Princess Izzie,” he says, his head down in mock shame, but I see the smirk on his face.

  “Just because of that, I’ll be opening yours last.”

  “Awww, come on!” Nate throws his hands up in the air, slipping down in his seat and pouting.

  Amelia leans forward, a smirk on her face. “The pouting prince.” She pats his hand.

  “That’s it!” Nate stands up, his chair flipping back as he runs around the table toward Izzie, picking her up before running around the backyard as he shouts, “If you don’t open mine, then I’m going to take you prisoner!”

  “Miss J! Save me!”

  My gaze flicks over to Harmony as she places her drink down gently on the table and slowly stands up. “Nathan Cole, put the birthday girl down and let her open her presents, or I’ll show everyone the picture of your long flowing princess hair from college.” She puts her hands on her hips and smirks.

  “You wouldn’t,” he gasps, standing still with a squirming Izzie in his arms.

  “Hellllp!”

  Harmony takes a step toward him and Nate watches her carefully as I stand, creeping around the edge of the grass; Harmony’s gaze flicks to me and I point at Nate. Her lips quirk up before she walks toward Nate again, keeping his attention focused on her as I get closer.

  I lift my finger to my lips as Izzie sees me and she tries to wink at me but fails, instead it looks like she is closing both eyes and squeezing them shut before opening them again. It nearly has me bursting out with laughter but I manage to keep my composure before diving at Nate and taking Izzie out of his arms.

  “I saved the princess!” I announce, holding her up in the air like a trophy.

  I set her down when she squirms and she runs back over to the presents.

  “You’re such a spoil sport,” Nate says, shaking his head.

  I shrug. “Nah, you’re just a sore loser.”

  He humphs and walks back over to the table to join everyone else, leaving Harmony and me standing in the middle of the grass.

  “Hey,” I say tentatively, stepping closer to her. “I feel like I haven’t see you at all today.”

  “You’ve been hosting, it’s fine. Your mom and the kids have kept me plenty busy. It’s… I guess it’ll take time getting used to her being so…”

  “Nice?” I chuckle, watching her carefully.

  “I guess that’s another word you could use.” She shuffles on the spot. “Anyway, I can see Izzie dancing around her presents so you better go over there before she explodes.”

  I look over at the table of presents, seeing Izzie doing just that. “Yeah.” I grin and walk over there. “Let’s get these presents opened!” I rub my hands together.

  “Finally!” she exclaims.

  Everyone laughs before she dives in and opens two presents in quick succession. She looks over each one and places them in a new pile before coming to her main present from me.

  “This one says… ‘To Izzie, Happy Birfday, love, Daddy.’” She rips the pink paper off the top and jumps up and down as soon as she sees the handlebars with colorful tassels on the end complete with a stuffed unicorn sitting in the little carry case behind the seat.

  “Can I have a ride?” She looks up at me, her eyes sparkling at having her very first bike.

  “Let’s finish opening the rest first, okay?”

  She pouts for all of two seconds before her eyes flit behind me. “Miss J! Why are you standing all the way over there?”

  My head swirls around to meet Harmony’s confused gaze. “I… I’m watching you open your presents, sweetie.”

  Izzie stands up and walks over to the table, taking hold of her hand and dragging her over, placing her next to me. “You can stand here.”

  Her statement is so final that Harmony chuckles and flicks her gaze over everyone. “Okay, whatever you want, birthday girl.”

  Izzie smiles and points to the giant, pink wrapped square Harmony had me bring in from the car and her eyes widen. “I want to open that one.”

  Harmony chuckles and walks toward the table, picking it up and placing it in front of Izzie.

  “This one’s from me,” she says, kneeling down beside her, an apprehensive look on her face.

  Izzie bounces up and down as she rips the paper off what we can all see is a canvas, but she’s standing in such a way that I’m the only one who can’t see what is on it.

  I hear my mom gasp as Izzie stares at the painting with a confused expression on her face, but it changes to wonderment and she wraps her arms around Harmony’s shoulders before pulling away and stroking her fingers over the surface of the canvas. “Look, Daddy, it’s me and Mommy.”

  Everyone is deathly silent as my breath catches in my throat, standing as still as a statue as I take in what she said. “W-what?” I can’t look at Harmony, afraid that I may say something that I’d later regret.

  Izzie turns the canvas around to face me and I stumble back. It’s a painting of Natalia and what Izzie looks like now. Natalia is crouching behind Izzie, her arms wrapped around her as they both smile as they look at each other.

  Seeing something look so real has my heart thumping in my chest and my vision blurring.

  “I…” Hearing Harmony’s voice has my head snapping toward her. “I thought Izzie would want something…”

  I spot Clay out of the corner of my eye as he steps toward Izzie, and I watch as they both stare in awe at the realistic painting. I squeeze my eyes closed, trying to gather myself but it’s no use, because as soon as I open them back up, Clayton and Izzie are sitting off to the side, both watching the painting like it’s one of their favorite movies.

  My eyes meet Harmony’s, but nothing is registering properly because I’m spiraling. I watch her for several seconds, trying to decipher what to say or do, but my temper gets the better of me as I take two steps toward her.

  “That wasn’t your place,” I thunder, my voice low as I point at the canvas.

  “I’m sorry, I should’ve talked to you about it first. I didn’t think, I—”

  “No!” I shout, cutting her off. “You didn’t think!”

  “Come on, kids, let’s go inside and play some games.” No one argues with my mom as she ushers everyone inside the house with Amelia trailing behind her.

  “Tris?” Nate steps toward me, but I don’t look away from Harmony as her eyes mist over with unshed tears. “Come on, man, you’re upsetting her.”

  “I’m upsetting her?” I laugh, deep and loud before swinging my gaze to Nate. “You don’t think she’s upset me by doing that?”

  I turn back toward Harmony, seeing her lips tremble as she wraps her arms around her waist, closing herself off. “I said I was sorry, I thought it’d be nice for Izzie to have.”

  I see red and my fists clench and unclench.

  “Tris.” Amelia’s soft voice has me turning back to the door as she closes it softly. “Don’t do this, not today.”

  “It wasn’t her place, A.” My voice catches on the last word, and all I can think about is the painting of Natalia and how good of a mother she would have been to Izzie.

  Amelia walks forward, past Nate and Harmony before she pulls me aside.

  “I know you’re upset, but don’t do this here, not in front of the kids.”

  My eyes swing over to where Nate is consoling Harmony, and as much as I hate seeing him doing that, I can’t see past anything as I hear her apologize over and over again to him.

  “I… I can’t do this,” I whisper.

  Amelia clasps my forearm but I jump back, not wanting to be touched before spinning around and taking two steps away from them all.

  “Tristan.” Harmony’s desperate voice wraps itself around my heart
and squeezes it tightly, making me stop in my tracks, but I don’t turn around. “Please don’t shut me out. I’m so sorry.”

  Her pleading has me turning around slowly. Her honey eyes beg me not to walk away, but right now, I know that if I stay around her, I’ll say something that I’ll regret.

  “Go home, Harmony.” I sigh, running my hands over my face as I dip my head. “I’ll call you later. I… I need a minute to digest it all.”

  I hear her small voice as she says, “Okay,” and I walk into the house, not looking back.

  Sarah McLachlan—Angel

  Nick Jonas—Close

  Ed Sheeran—Small Bump

  I sit on the edge of Izzie’s bed, watching as she sleeps peacefully. The way her button nose flicks up slightly at the end reminds me of Natalia’s. Her long lashes flutter on the top of her cheeks as she rolls over, clutching the unicorn that I bought her for her birthday along with her bike.

  My eyes wander over to the wall where she wanted the canvas hung. She insisted on having it on the wall to her left so that she can see her mom as soon as she wakes up and opens her eyes.

  I knew that I couldn’t refuse her, no matter how much it hurts to look at. I’d like to say that I’ve calmed down, but the truth of the matter is, I’ve blocked it out. I tend to do that instead of dealing with the problem head-on. I keep telling myself that once today is over, I can process it all. Maybe. Hopefully.

  Standing up slowly, I take one last look at her before crossing the hallway and checking in on Clay.

  He’s never been to Nat’s grave. It’s not that I haven’t offered, because I have, and I’d take him any time that he wanted to go. But every time that I mention it to him, his eyes mist over and I can see his heart breaking through his eyes. It’s not fair. For him or Izzie.

  Closing his door halfway, I walk in the direction of my room, grabbing my leather jacket before making my way downstairs where Amelia is sitting on the bench by the front door.

  “You ready?” she asks, her lips pulling up into a soft smile.

  I huff out a breath as I push my arms through the sleeves. “As ready as I am every year.”

  She nods slowly in understanding, pushing up off the bench and going on her tiptoes as she wraps her arms around my neck. She doesn’t say another word as she lets go and walks away into the living room.

  Grabbing my keys off the table, I pull open the door and walk out into the brisk night air. My body works on autopilot: getting into my car, turning the engine on and driving down the gravel driveway.

  The car is silent, save for the engine as it gently purrs and the rain that beats down on the windshield. It’s almost as if the weather changed to suit my mood. The sky is pitch black, not a star to be seen, much like it was that day six years ago.

  It takes me twenty minutes to get to the cemetery, but it feels more like two. Once I’ve parked in front of the gates, I turn the engine off and grab my flashlight from the glove compartment.

  No time like the present.

  Pushing my door open, I slide out and shiver as the cold rain hits my face, pulling the collar on my leather jacket up and walking ahead.

  The large black gates are partially open, and I slip through the small space, walking along the tree lined path that flows down the middle of the grounds. The path spouts off left and right, taking you further into the grounds, but I don’t take any of those paths. I stay on the main one, bearing left when I come to the end and walking over to the blossom tree that hangs gently over her headstone.

  I stop four feet in front of it, staring at the words engraved in the marble stone.

  Natalia Carter

  Loving mother, wife and daughter.

  Gone but never forgotten.

  A painful lump forms in my throat and I swallow, trying to relieve the tension.

  “Hey, Nat.” It’s stupid to talk to a stone, I know that, but I feel like I’m filling her in on everything that has happened when I do.

  “Izzie turned six today.” I sit down, not caring that the ground is soaking wet; not giving a damn that the rain still beats down on me in torrents. “She’s such a little monkey now.” I shake my head and look down at the grass, sinking my fingers into the dirt underneath it. “She had us all dressing up as princes and princesses for her party. Nate dropped his crown and she told him off.” I chuckle. “She’s so much like you, it’s scary.”

  I swallow again, closing my eyes. “Clay’s getting better, I think. I took him to see someone.” I wince at the rawness of my voice. “A professional... I didn’t know what else to do, Nat. All I knew is that things couldn’t continue the way that they were.” I nod, more to assure myself that I did the right thing than anything else. “It’s working though, he’s sleeping better. Still with the nightlights, but he hasn’t been having the nightmares as often as before.”

  I stop talking, almost as if I’m waiting for her to reply, which is obviously something that will never happen.

  I clutch my hands together tightly. “Harmony is back,” I whisper. “But then you already know that, don’t you?” I laugh sadly. “I never thought that she’d come back, but here she is. We…” I trail off as I stare at her headstone, willing myself to get everything I want to say off my chest. “We’re seeing where things go. I didn’t think she’d even give me the time of day, but she has.” I shrug. “I don’t know why after what I did to her. After everything... but she sees something in me. Maybe she thinks that I’m the same person I was back in college? I dunno.”

  I lift my head up and look out into the distance, watching as the wind catches the branches of the trees, making them sway as if they’re dancing before I turn back to look at her headstone, trying to keep the tears at bay. “I want to hope that you’d approve, that you’d give me your blessing. But I guess none of that matters now.”

  I push my hands through my hair, preparing to tell her about what happened today. “You know how she always loved art? She painted Izzie a picture for her birthday.” My breath catches in my throat as I see the painting in my head clearly. “It’s of you and Izzie as she is now. The look in both of your eyes is… everything.”

  I let my head drop as I stare at the darkened grass, pulling up a few blades and throwing them back down. “To say I didn’t react well is an understatement. You’d kick my ass at how I treated her.”

  I smile as I think about how Natalia would have reacted had she been there; it wouldn’t have been pretty, that’s for sure.

  “I shouldn’t have reacted like that, but she caught me off guard.” I shrug to myself. “I feel like I don’t know anything anymore, it’s like I’m being pulled in two different directions. One day I’m fine and everything's going good, then the next it’s all I can do to try and not break down as I remember everything. It all gets to be too much.” I take a deep breath. “I see Harmony’s face the day that I left her; but the worst is when I see your face. All of those people rushing around as they wheeled you out of the room on that bed… the look in your eyes.” I choke on a sob, clenching my fists on my thighs and squeezing my eyes shut. If I go there right now, I’m not sure that I’ll make it back home tonight at all. “I…” I swallow against the lump in my throat again.

  A tear slips free, tracking down my cheek and mixing in with the rain. Today has been too much: too many memories, too many emotions.

  “I’m not good enough for them, Nat. It should have been me that left you all behind. You would have been able to cope without me; the kids would have been okay without me. It never should have been you.”

  I hear footsteps behind me, the leaves crunching under someone’s feet and I stand quickly, turning my flashlight and illuminating the figure that is walking toward me.

  “I’m closing up,” a gruff voice says as he comes into the light. I can’t make out much but I know that it’s the same person that does this every year.

  I turn my wrist, looking at the time on my watch, not quite believing that I’ve been here for an hour already.


  “Okay,” I answer him, watching as he turns around and walks off without saying another word.

  I slowly turn back toward the headstone, stepping forward and placing my hand on the top. My eyes move down to the fresh flowers that sit in front of it, knowing that Mom comes here once a week to talk to her and place fresh ones down.

  Mom and Natalia were close; especially after Natalia’s parents stopped talking to mine and told her to divorce me. She didn’t listen to them, and for that, they cut her off. That’s when my mom took Natalia under her wing, and I think in a way it made her stronger and gave her the encouragement to do what she loves and to eventually leave my father.

  “I’ll try and come more often,” I tell her, knowing that it’s a lie. I say it every year; but I know I won’t come more than once.

  Lifting my hand to my mouth, I place a kiss on my fingers and touch the stone again before turning around and walking away from her, knowing that I need to fix what I broke today with Harmony.

  As soon as Tristan told me to go home, I was in a state of shock and did what I was told. I’ve been curled up in Mom’s arms ever since I arrived home, still lying on the sofa in the ridiculous princess dress that Izzie insisted I wore.

  I was apprehensive about the painting. I’d spent days staring at it and wondering whether I should paint something different or buy something else for her, but a little voice in the back of my mind told me that this was the right thing to do. I wanted to show that I wasn’t trying to take her place in their lives: I wanted Izzie to have something that she’s never had before, something she could treasure.

  I didn’t know what to expect, but I never planned for a reaction like that. He was furious and I honestly think that this is it—that my thoughtful present will lead to the demise of our budding relationship before it’s even really begun.