His Sweet Fix

by Sofia Grey

  “Yes. Of course.” That reminded me— I dug in my pocket for my phone, and typed a quick text to her.

  Jasper is fine. We talked. Have a lovely weekend, Caitlin.

  “Who are you texting?”

  We’d almost reached his place. I put the phone away before I replied. “Holly.”

  “She asked you to check up on me?”

  “Yes.”

  He was quiet for a few paces. “I’m glad you did. Not only for taking the dogs home, but... You know. We talked. We needed to.” He stopped and turned to face me. “I’ll miss you, Caitlin. Sure I can’t change your mind about staying tonight?”

  He was close enough to kiss. Despite my common sense, desire flooded my veins. I’d never love anyone again like this, not with this level of intensity. From now on, I’d have a triple-thick wall around my heart.

  It would be so easy to say yes. I wanted to. Burned to feel his lips on mine.

  “No,” I squeaked, surprising myself. “I won’t stay. I think we need some space. Don’t you?”

  There was a moment, when we reached Jasper’s door, and he tried to hug me, and I ducked out of the way. I leaned in and brushed my lips over his stubbled cheek. “Goodbye, Jasper.” My vision was blurry with tears, and it felt wrong. I didn’t want to leave him. I wanted to hold him and pretend we had longer together. That we had forever.

  And then I raced back to my little cottage, as though the hounds of hell were nipping at my heels.

  *

  It was weird, saying goodbye to Jasper, when I knew I’d see him again at the gym. With luck, though, I’d time it for busy periods, with lots of people around and no chance of speaking privately. The sooner I got my new premises up and running, the better. Trish and Helen were moving at light speed on the paperwork, drawing up contracts with their lawyer and the real-estate agent. They’d take the tenancy and sublet part of it to me, and that worked fine. I could leave the legwork to them and get my lawyer to check the details.

  I rose early on Saturday, packed my bags, and left for the city by nine. Back to my apartment. It would remind me of the night I spent with Jasper, but everything reminded me of him. I had to keep myself occupied and stop thinking about him. If only.

  Despite the persistent rain, I walked miles over the weekend, along the waterfront and around the Botanical Gardens, but I still saw his face everywhere.

  I talked to Deanna, and she didn’t mind taking a few more days’ holiday, so I stayed in the city. I’d clear out my stuff from the gym at the end of the week, when I was closer to a move-in date into Oriental Bay.

  The days crawled by. I spent hours in the library, researching cake recipes and getting ideas for new flavors, but none of them excited me. Even a visit to the gorgeous new premises didn’t raise a smile. Jasper hadn’t only stolen my heart, he’d taken all my energy too. My enthusiasm fizzled to an all-time low. I kept asking myself what the point was. If I couldn’t summon any delight for my cakes, why should I expect my customers to?

  Bruce called on Tuesday evening. I thought about letting it go to voicemail, but ingrained good manners made me answer. He wanted to talk to me, but up close, rather than on the phone. It sounded ominous, but I had nothing better to do, so I agreed.

  We met in the Foxglove pub on the waterfront, the next evening. I arrived early and claimed a seat by the window, overlooking the harbor. It was a much sought-after place in the summer months. Tonight, not so much. I nursed a glass of wine and waited for Bruce, while I tried to guess what he wanted.

  He swept in, hair damp from the rain, and shrugged off his overcoat. He wore one of his many pinstripe suits underneath, along with a crisp white shirt and a sedate charcoal tie.

  At one time, I thought he was the most handsome man I knew. Now he couldn’t hold a candle to Jasper. Maybe I preferred the casual look now.

  He fetched himself a drink, and then we settled at the table. “You’re looking good, Caitlin. Did you lose some weight?”

  I forced a smile. It probably came out as a grimace. “Thanks. I think. Why did you want to see me?”

  Bruce fiddled with the label on his bottled beer. “I was thinking about your proposal. To invest in your business? And I’d like to know more about it.”

  Wow. I didn’t expect that. “Sure. I can send you my financial plans and forecasts, but I thought you said Pammy wouldn’t be happy?”

  He picked at the label some more. “Yeah. About that...”

  I’d never seen Bruce squirming before. Even when he dumped me, it was in a cool and confident way. Nothing ever fazed him.

  “Go on,” I said.

  “I figured marriage is a partnership. And that means making joint decisions, not making them on behalf of your partner.”

  I gulped at my wine. “You lost me, there.”

  Bruce sighed and met my gaze. “Pammy is my best friend. She’ll always be that, but marriage is something else.”

  I still didn’t understand where he was going. I twirled my fingers in a carry-on gesture, and he huffed another sigh.

  “I’m making a mess of this. We’re not getting married. We love each other, but we’re not in love, if you know what I mean.”

  I was glad I didn’t have a mouthful of wine, as I’d most likely choke on it. “You’re kidding.”

  “No. And I wanted to tell you to your face. I still feel bad about us splitting up.”

  “No.” I poked his chest with my finger. “You dumped me. There’s a difference.”

  “Okay. I feel bad about dumping you.”

  “As you should.”

  Bruce looked shamefaced, like a little boy caught playing a trick. I couldn’t help it, but I was enjoying this unexpected turn to the conversation.

  “It might be the biggest mistake I’ve ever made, leaving you,” continued Bruce. “And so I want to put it right.” He held out both hands, palms up. “Can we forget the past few months ever happened, and pick up where we left off?”

  That rendered me speechless. I wrapped both hands around my wine glass and lifted it to my lips. I needed a drink before I replied. “Is that a condition of you investing in my business?”

  “What? No. Of course not.” He looked outraged at the suggestion.

  I nodded. “That’s good to know.”

  “You can have some time to think it over. It may have come as a shock.”

  “Did Pammy dump you?”

  “No. It was a mutual decision.”

  I believed him. He was so earnest, sitting there offering what I would have jumped at a few weeks ago. Not now, though.

  “A lot’s happened recently”—I groped for the right words—“and I’m trying to move forward, not make the same mistakes again.” Bruce opened his mouth to speak, but I held up a hand, and he subsided. “Thing is,” I continued, “I loved you, but in hindsight I wasn’t in love with you. Like you and Pammy.”

  “Is there someone else?”

  I’m in love with a guy who doesn’t know what he wants. “Not really.”

  He gazed out the window. “I guess this is what it feels like when Karma bites you in the ass.” Silence fell between us, but it felt comfortable.

  Bruce stood, drained his beer, and shrugged back into his coat. “Send me the business plan. If I can help as a silent investor, I’d love to.” He leaned across the table and kissed my cheek. “Good luck, Caitlin.”

  Chapter Forty-one

  When my phone rang with an unknown number in the morning, I assumed it would be a business call.

  “Good morning,” I said in a cheery voice. “This is Caitlin.”

  “Hey. It’s Jasper.”

  I froze.

  “I got your number from Holly.” He sounded wary.

  I forced myself to breathe and tried to retain my bright attitude. “Hi. Yes. What can I do for you?” Shit. I was talking to him like a customer. I wanted to slap myself in the head.

  “I want to talk to you. Can we meet?”

  This was like a rerun of the call from
Bruce. “I’m pretty busy,” I lied. “Not sure I’ll have time.”

  “I’ll come into Wellington. You don’t need to drive up to Kapiti. Although you’re coming back for your kitchen stuff at some point, aren’t you?”

  “I’m probably coming this weekend, to clear it out.”

  “Okay. But how about meeting today? I can work around your schedule.” He hesitated. “It’s important, Caitlin.”

  When he said my name like this, his voice husky with promise, I’d say yes to anything. “Okay. This afternoon? In the cafe opposite El Roach.”

  “What time?”

  “Two-ish?”

  “I’ll be there. Thank you.”

  *

  What was I thinking? One look at him, and I’d be lost again. I spent the next hours flipping back and forth in my head, whether to go or not. To call off at the last minute. To wear something pretty. To tell him about Bruce wanting to get back with me.

  It’s important, he said. So was my sanity.

  I was ten minutes early, but Jasper was already here. He sat at a window table, flicking his gaze left and right at the people going past. It was unfair how gorgeous he looked, with probably little in the way of maintenance. I, meanwhile, had showered, blow-dried my hair, taken time with my makeup, and agonized over what to wear.

  I paused on the street corner and tugged down my skirt. I liked this one, it was stretchy and flattering, but I still felt the compulsion to make sure it covered my knees. I took a step forward and knew the moment he saw me.

  He smiled.

  Like the sun peeking out from behind cloud, it warmed me inside. I picked up my pace and pushed open the door, to find Jasper standing to greet me.

  “Caitlin.” He leaned forward and kissed me lightly on the cheek, and I did the same. His rough stubble was a delicious prickle against my skin that sent butterflies amok in my stomach. “Thank you for coming. I know you’re busy.” He pulled out a chair for me. “What would you like to drink?”

  “A trim latte, please. In a takeout cup.” In case I needed to run away. I could plead work.

  He walked slowly and unaided to the counter, to place the order. His stick leaned against the wall next to his chair. Would he take it with him when he went abroad, or would he manage without?

  “So,” said Jasper as he reclaimed his seat, “how are you?”

  Well, there was a loaded question. I haven’t slept since I saw you. I can’t stop thinking about you. I constantly tell myself I should have hung onto you until the last possible moment, before you went overseas.

  “I’m fine,” I said.

  His dark eyes filled with concern. “When Holly says she’s fine, she usually means the opposite.”

  “Why did you want to see me, Jasper?”

  If he was surprised at my sharp tone, he didn’t show it. He drummed on the table with his fingers, and then picked up a packet of sugar and played with it. He was nervous about something, but what?

  “I miss you,” he said. “A lot. What we had was good, and I don’t want to lose it.”

  My cheeks burned at the memory of how good it had been. Better than good.

  “Actually, what we had was amazing.” His voice was rough. “And I’d be a fool if I didn’t try to make up with you. I am a fool.”

  This was uncannily like the conversation with Bruce. “Make it up, how?”

  The waitress chose that moment to deliver our drinks, and we thanked her.

  Jasper waited until she left before speaking again. “I’m planning to cancel my trip.”

  My mouth dropped open. “Why?”

  “Because I don’t want to leave you.”

  My heart, already vulnerable, dissolved into a puddle of mush, and my brain spun in circles. I had no words. I wanted to grab him and hold tight, and never let him go, but caution surfaced.

  My hands were sneaky things—they’d drift across the table toward Jasper if I didn’t give them something to do, so I cupped them around the hot drink. “What about all the places you want to go?”

  He shrugged.

  “And the friends you planned to see? Will you be able to get a refund on your flights?”

  “None of it matters. Not compared to what I’d be losing. You.”

  I wanted to believe him. God. I’d longed for him to realize this, but the memory of how he behaved was too raw to step past so easily.

  “You hurt me,” I said. “You’ve been an ass.”

  “I know.” He twisted his mouth, shame clear on his face. “And I’m sorry. I don’t deserve you.”

  “No. You don’t.” I paused and dragged my emotions under a semblance of control again. “What’s changed? And how can I be sure you won’t change your mind again?”

  Jasper scrubbed his face, then met my gaze. I was sure the pain I saw in his eyes was a mirror of my own. “The trip,” he began. “I thought I wanted it. I thought I could walk away from you, but I can’t.”

  A dozen questions bombarded my brain. “What will you do about work? You sold your share of the gym to Sam.”

  “Sam said there would always be an opening for me to go back. We’ll work it out.”

  Could it be this easy? I wanted to believe him. I’d dreamed of a future with Jasper, and now it hung before me, shimmering with possibility.

  What was stopping me from saying yes? Two things. “I’m moving into the Oriental Bay kitchen next week, and I’m going to be working long hours, getting established there. I’ll be living in the city, while you live and work on the coast.”

  “We can work that out.”

  And now for the big one. “I don’t want you to cancel. I think you should still go.”

  “What? Why?”

  “Because you wanted to do this for so long. If you don’t go, you’ll always wonder what if. And one day, you may resent me, for not going when you had the chance.”

  “I wouldn’t do that.”

  “You might.” I paused while I got myself under control. Stupid, useless tears hovered, and my subconscious yelled at me. “I don’t want it to come between us.”

  “So you don’t want to be with me? You want me to go away?”

  I chewed on my lip and composed myself. “Yes.”

  “Well. Fuck.” He sat back and stared at me, searching my face. “I don’t know what to say.”

  I didn’t either. I should be kissing him and letting myself love him all over again, but I couldn’t. He needed to be sure what he wanted, and I deserved better.

  “I have to go.” I shoved my chair back and stood on trembling knees. This was going to hurt more than leaving him last time. I had to do it quickly. A surgical incision. “Goodbye, Jasper.”

  “Caitlin?” He scrambled to his feet, reaching out to me. “Don’t go. Please, don’t go.” He looked like a puppy that had been kicked, and I knew how that felt.

  Tears trickled freely down my face. I turned around and walked away.

  He shouted my name. The desperation in that single word nearly stopped me in my tracks, but I carried on. One foot in front of the other. My vision was so blurred, I couldn’t see properly, but I didn’t halt until I’d rounded the corner and was out of view.

  Was I the bigger fool for leaving him?

  Chapter Forty-two

  I walked up to the Botanical Gardens and found a wooden bench that looked down on the city. I sat there, in a patch of sunlight, and wiped my eyes. Jasper was down there somewhere, or more likely heading back to the coast. If I’d been eviscerated, it couldn’t have hurt more. Was I right to turn him away? I wanted to curl up in a ball and howl my pain.

  Would this be the last time I saw him? Would the memory of the shock and dismay in his eyes haunt me? It’d be so easy to fix. I could call him, and say... What?

  I’d done the right thing, but it made it no easier to swallow.

  It was twilight when I walked into my apartment block and stepped into the lift. I was exhausted. I’d punished my body today by walking for miles, and my emotions had been thr
ough the wringer. I’d have a glass of wine, wallow in the bath, and then crawl into bed.

  Or not.

  Jasper sat on the floor, leaning against the wall, his long legs filling the corridor.

  Hope surged inside. My stupid heart was clearly not on speaking terms with my common sense.

  Jasper pushed to a standing position. “Give me five minutes. Please. And then, if you still say no, I’ll go. I promise.”

  “Okay.” I’d regret this, but I unlocked the door. He didn’t move. I looked at him over my shoulder. “You coming in?”

  Standing in my kitchen, my back to the sink, I gripped the edge of the counter with both hands. “Well?”

  Jasper opened his mouth, but paused. Color flashed across his cheeks. “I planned out what to say. Had a little speech ready. But then I saw you, and it’s all gone.” He took a step closer, and then leaned his stick against the cupboards. “I’m sorry, Caitlin. There aren’t enough ways to apologize for hurting you. I could spend years doing that, and it still wouldn’t be enough. If you give me another chance, I swear things will be different.” He sucked in a ragged breath. “If you tell me to fuck off, it’s no more than I deserve.”

  I couldn’t do that. I regretted leaving him.

  My heart pounded so hard, I didn’t think I could breathe, let alone speak. I let go of the counter and took a step in the right direction. Into Jasper’s arms.

  He clung to me so tight, I never wanted to move.

  “I’m scared to ask,” he whispered. “Are you giving me another chance?”

  I let out a happy sigh and nuzzled against his throat. “Yes.”

  “Thank God. I’ll do everything in my power to make you happy. I won’t let you down again, Caitlin. You mean too much to me.”

  I knew I had a crazy grin on my face, as I straightened up and looked into his eyes. This time they reflected my happiness.

  “That’s better,” he said. “I love it when you smile at me.”

  It wasn’t the same as saying he loved me, but it was close. If I could stop time and hold onto this moment, I would. However, I knew what I had to do, and part of me cringed at what I was going to say. “You still need to go on your trip, though.”