“Oh, sorry.” I inhaled one last long drag before I put out the cigarette.
It was go time. I tugged at my dress once again, licked my lips and pinched my cheeks. There was nowhere to run to.
I followed the brick path to the main entrance, smiling politely at the hostess who greeted the guests with bubbling champagne flutes. I found my place card and rushed to my table, keeping my gaze down so I wouldn’t see anyone. Eventually, I’d have to say hello to Lila, Caleb, and their families, but at the moment I needed to locate him before he saw me.
I dropped my clutch on top of the gift I had brought for the happy couple and scoped out the venue. It was beautiful. Tables were arranged throughout with centerpieces featuring white and pink roses surrounded by tea candles bringing light into the room. A grin appeared on my face at the thought of how romantic the atmosphere was. This was Lila’s engagement party—my roommate and best friend who swore she had no time for relationships and who wanted to focus on her career. Yet here we were in a room decorated for a princess who had found her prince.
My happiness for them quickly turned to guilt. Everyone seemed to be moving on with their lives while night after night I was throwing myself a pity party. I sipped on the rest of my champagne then stood, needing to say hello to Lila before I sat and didn’t move again.
My heels clicked across the wood flooring as I made my way across the room. Lila and Caleb stood hand in hand, greeting their guests. Lila wore a cream-colored knee-length dress, her hair loose and wavy. Her makeup looked as if the sun had kissed her—not overpowering, but enough to see the glow in her eyes. Unwanted tears formed in the corners of my eyes. I was her maid of honor, but I had been a shitty friend. We had fought and argued, putting a rift in our relationship, and to Lila, I was more of a stranger now.
“Katherine.” She let go of Caleb and wrapped her arms around me. “I’m so glad you’re here.”
I took a deep breath, hoping my tears stayed inside me. “I wouldn’t miss this for the world,” I lied. In reality, I’d considered every which way possible to bail on this party.
A grin plastered on her face. “I’ve missed you, my friend.”
I nodded before I handed the gift that was in my hand to her. “This is for you.” I choked on the words. “They say every bride needs one. I hope you don’t already have it.”
Lila tore through the silver and white wrapping paper as I gave Caleb a hug and congratulated him. “Kat…” She held up the wedding planner binder and organizer for Caleb to see. “This is beautiful. I have no clue how to plan a wedding, so this will be perfect. Seriously, thank you.”
She hugged me once more, and I kept my head low so my eyes would not meet his hazel hue as I returned to my seat. I knew he was in the room, somewhere close. My skin burned and my heart raced, knowing he was near. I closed my eyes and exhaled slowly, his proximity made it unbearable to breathe.
The waiter approached, asking if I’d like red or white wine. I sat, ignoring Caleb and Lila’s coworkers as they talked among themselves.
Ben was seated at a table with Lila and Caleb’s family. Any other time I would’ve been upset not to be near them, but since everyone was stopping at their table, I was thankful Lila had seated me in the back corner, hidden from everyone. I kept my head down listening to the jazz band play.
My heart sank when I felt cool hands rubbing on my upper back, and my head whipped around, scared of who it could be. “Baby girl.” Ben leaned down, kissing my lips. “I love you, Katherine, and I know that you know that, but you seriously taste like an ashtray.” I shrugged my shoulder and chuckled as he wiped his lips with the back of his hands. “You’re at the wrong table.”
I flipped my seating card at him. “Table nine.”
“Six,” he corrected me, and flipped the card. “You’re supposed to be sitting with us.”
“I think I like it here better,” I whispered.
Ben’s hand reached out for mine. “Can I have this dance?” I rapidly shook my head no. I couldn’t have any eyes on me, especially Cole’s. Not to mention, the last time I danced with Ben, I was left out on the dance floor, and Cole asked me to dance with him. “Come on, I’ve haven’t spent time with you in so long. Please?”
My hands cupped his olive skin, his brown eyes big and upbeat when he looked at me. “Ben, please. I love you to pieces, but please don’t make this harder on me than it already is. I know he is somewhere in this room, and the last time he saw me I was...” High. Drunk. Desperate to not feel. “So please, I’m begging you. If you want me to stay, please understand why I can’t dance with you.”
Ben leaned in and kissed my forehead. “No problem, love. Let’s get together when this is over?”
“Yeah, that works.”
Ben kissed my forehead once more and wandered back to his table.
Before dinner was served, both sets of parents spoke about how thrilled they were for the happy couple. My eyes filled with tears at their speeches. This was becoming too much to bear. The agony I felt made my hand twitch for a pill to calm me down.
Halfway through my meal, I excused myself to use the bathroom. Locking myself in the stall, I popped a pill in my mouth, chewing it into little pieces. I washed it back with two glasses of wine once I returned to my table. Caleb’s employees from Kitchen Step had befriended Lila’s doctors’ friends and were now making plans to hang out. I’d tried to stay sober for Lila, but it was impossible. My heart hurt, and my chest felt as if it was caving in. I had to get through dessert. Once it was over, I’d quickly find the closest exit and sneak out without being seen.
The high-pitched ting-ting of tapping against crystal glasses brought my attention to the table of honor where Caleb and Lila stood holding their flutes. Lila’s smile was wide as she gazed at her loving fiancé.
“I know most of you are just about done with dinner,” Caleb began, “but if you could all please stand, I’d greatly appreciate it.”
Inhaling deeply I stood, and once my vision had passed over an extravagant flower arrangement, I was greeted with bright hazel eyes across the room. I felt my knees grow weak, unable to hold my weight. My hand pressed on the table bracing me so I wouldn’t fall. My lips quivered as the ache I felt in my chest began to pound, my eyes glazing over with tears.
Cole stood only a few tables away, his gaze focused directly on me. Any shred of dignity and strength I had left vanished. I was brought back to all the moments I fell more in love with him.
To the elevator, where he took me.
To his bedroom, where he made love to me.
To his hot tub, where I finally let him in.
My heart shattered into a million pieces in the blink of an eye. I was exhausted, drained and all cried out. I no longer had it in me to fight him. He had this power over me—this control of my emotions and there weren’t enough pills in my medicine bottle to make it all go away.
A sad smile appeared on his face, and I was awash with guilt. I had stayed away from him; I had tried to mend my heart with pills. Hell, I had tried to sleep with other men and failed miserably, because none of them would take his place.
No other human could make me love the way I knew I would forever love him.
With a heavy heart, I turned away from his captivating eyes and faced the happy couple, blinking back tears as I focused on Caleb’s voice. My hand held the shaking wine glass, and my breath came in and out of my mouth in spurts. I was falling apart.
Just get through the speech.
Patiently waiting for the speech to be over, I counted the seconds before I could drown all of this emotional wreckage in the orange plastic bottle that was neatly secured in my purse. I needed the darkness. I needed to not feel.
“As most of you know,” Caleb continued, “I’ve been in love with this woman standing next to me since I was a senior in college. I read once that love is only a word until someone gives it meaning.” Caleb pulled Lila closer and kissed her forehead. “You, Lila, are that meaning.”
Love is only a word until someone gives it meaning.
That was all I was able to take. I couldn’t stand in the love-infested room any longer as the other guests raised their glasses to toast the happy couple. I needed to get the hell out of there—fast. I practically dropped my wine glass to the table before I rushed to the bathroom, scooping up an open bottle of wine a waiter had left unattended on the bar.
13
Cole
“I have a couple of stock options for you to look at,” James said, his whiskey in hand as everyone clapped for Lila and Caleb. Of all the places to talk business, this wasn’t one of them. Not at our friends’ engagement party. I personally would have declined the invitation, I liked Caleb but most of our friends always found a way to talk about work. But I knew she was going to be here. Hell, I’d even confirmed it with Ben four times that she was attending.
“Yeah? Call Melissa and set something up,” I responded, my gaze glued on Katherine. It was the first time I’d seen her since she ran out of my house. Though it was only a few short seconds, it was enough to regret everything that had happened, including not fighting harder for her. She looked scared and lost, and I should have been by her side. She shouldn’t have spent the last few months dealing with this addiction. I needed to fight for her.
Fight harder.
I had seen her when she first walked in—her hair pulled away from her face, her skin fair like she had avoided the sun all summer, and her body frail. Though I’d kept my distance, I watched her. She’d shared quick pleasantries with Lila before she rushed back to her seat, avoiding eye contact and communication with anyone. And she’d refused to dance with Ben when he’d tried to pull her towards the dance floor.
This wasn’t Katherine.
Katherine had a fire that burned through her, confidence and a mouth that made my cock hard within a few seconds. The woman who stood across the room was her shell.
Her head was lowered after Caleb’s speech, and I watched as she placed her glass on the table, grabbed her purse and stormed away from the party. She stopped at the bar, yanked a bottle of wine from the service table and marched straight into the ladies’ bathroom.
I ignored James and his comments about his stock portfolio as I watched the door. It took me all of three minutes before I headed in after her. I know because I timed it.
The woman who stood before me as I pushed the bathroom door open was crying for help. It was worse than anything I could have imagined. Katherine stood over the counter, a lit cigarette stuck in her mouth as she used the heavy wine bottle to crush the capsules she had poured out on the counter. Lost in what she was doing, she didn’t hear the door close behind me. Instead, she was focused on slamming the bottle repeatedly on the counter.
When it looked like she was satisfied with what she was doing, she popped the cork from the wine. Bringing the wine bottle to her lips, she tipped her head back and chugged the wine. After multiple gulps, she came up for air, placed the nearly empty bottle on the counter, and yanked out a credit card and a dollar bill from her purse.
I stood paralyzed. It seemed like I was watching a scene from a movie—an addict needing her fix. Katherine had reached the cusp and fallen off the cliff. The woman I loved was gone. Tears poured down her face as she cut the powder into lines. She was hurting, working as fast as she could to cut the powder until it was fine. Through the mirrors in the bathroom, I could see her devastated expression. She sniffled back, clearing her nasal cavity before she rolled the dollar bill into a straw. She leaned closer to the sink, bringing her nose to the rolled up dollar, breathing slowly as her hand shook.
It was then that I found my voice.
“Katherine…don’t.”
She paused, her eyes closing. Tears dripped down her face and onto the counter, but she still had not moved from her stance.
“Please, Katherine. Don’t do this. I’m begging you.”
Her eyes slowly peeled open, focused on the lines in front of her. “I…need this. I need to feel … numb.” She sobbed, her focus only on the drug in front of her. My muscles began to work again, and I walked towards her, trying not to spook her.
Her head turned faintly in my direction. “I knew you were here.” Her voice was so weak my chest ached. “My body felt your presence. It ignites when you’re around. The hair on the back of my neck stands when you stand close to me.” She closed her eyes, breathing in her pain. “After all this time I can’t turn you off.” She stood, her dull green eyes opening for me. “Why can’t I seem to turn you off?”
“Let me help you,” I said, only inches away from her. The look in her eyes petrified me. The bright irises that once resided in them were gone, replaced with a gloomy overcast. She was out of her own element.
“You can’t help.” The muscles in her throat contracted as she swallowed. “I’m not worthy of your help.”
“Kat…” My hands reached up to cup her face.
“No, don’t Kat me, Cole.” The way she said my name was as if she tasted bile in her mouth. “You want to help now? After all the damage is done? All I need from you is to either leave me alone or fuck me.” Her hands were trembling at her sides. “Just like you did before. Fuck me senseless.”
“I can help you. You don’t need this.” My voice was finally returning.
“Shut up!” she yelled, the pain screeching out of her chest. “Either you fuck me right here and make me forget who I am, make me forget what happened to me, make me forget what he did, or get the fuck out of my life and let me get high.”
I tugged her towards me, my arms wrapping around her frail body as I looked into her eyes. I needed to see that she was still in there. Through all the pain and fear that she was displaying, Katherine—my Katherine—was still there.
Guiding her until her back was up against the counter, my hands reached up and I cupped her face. With her eyes forced shut, she sobbed quietly in my arms. “Look at me,” I whispered.
“Let me go.” Her voice was barely audible.
“Let me help you. I can you get you professional help, Katherine. You have a serious problem.”
Anger flashed through her eyes, and she moved her knee up quickly, slamming it right into my balls. “Fuck!” The blinding pain caused my hands to leave her, and I staggered away. My breath caught in my throat as I tried to breathe through the sharp pain. She pulled away from my grasp and my head lowered as I cupped my balls.
“I never asked you for help. I don’t need help. I’m a lost fucking cause.”
She looked at me through the mirror one last time before she brought her makeshift straw to her nose. Drawing in a deep breath, she snorted the remaining contents. I watched as her eyes rolled to the back of her head and she pinched her nostrils, inhaling deeply before taking the last swig of her wine. She grabbed her clutch and left without a word. I stood bent over in the back corner, shocked, distraught and wounded by what had happened.
When I felt I could walk out of the women’s restroom without limping or making a scene, I fixed my tie and pulled the door open. The party was ending, and Cole and Lila were saying farewell to their friends, but I couldn’t care less. I needed them to explain. My fists locked at my side as I marched over to them. How could they look the other way while their friend was wasting her life away to nothing?
I tried to calm my rapid breathing, but by the time I reached them, there was no use. I was fuming. “Do you know how fucking high she’s getting?” I asked between gritted teeth.
“Cole, you’re leaving already?” Lil
a grabbed my elbow, turning me away from her parents and Caleb, who stood behind her and Ben.
I kept my voice low when I spoke again. “I witnessed her snort half of some pill bottle and wash it the fuck down with wine like she was at a candy buffet.” Ben’s hand massaged his eyes before he pinched the bridge of his nose. “Why haven’t you intervened? You people are supposed to be her friends!”
“Fuck,” Lila cursed under her breath. “I assumed it was a few pills a day not snorting it in the bathroom.”
“You assumed? You fucking assumed! You told me you were looking out for her.” I was furious. For the last four months, anytime I had bumped into Lila or reached out to Ben they’d both assured me that Katherine was doing okay. Ben had informed me she was taking summer classes.
“Cole, it’s not that easy.” I felt Ben’s hand on my chest. “She won’t let us close enough to speak to her.” Ben bowed his head, shaking it lightly. “Three weekends ago was the first time I had seen her in the past three months. The second I spotted her I knew she was high. But how was I supposed to know it had gotten this bad?”
“She rushed out of the restaurant so fast that Ben and I didn’t have a chance to follow her.” Lila’s arms wrapped around Ben’s waist.
“Do either of you know where she’s going?” I asked, hoping for some kind of lifeline. My hopes were quickly dashed when they both shook their heads.
“No,” Ben said, taking in a deep breath. “I didn’t even see her leave.”
“She’s out wandering the streets of New York drunk and fucking high. Can you imagine what kind of trouble she is getting herself into?” She pushed me away once before, and I let her. I’d thought it was the right thing to do. But I was wrong. Dead fucking wrong. She needed me now more than ever. And I wasn’t letting her push me away again, regardless of how hard she tried.
I pulled my cell phone from my blazer’s inner pocket and dialed my driver. “Are you outside?”
“I’m coming right away, sir,” Raul answered, but his voice was muffled.
Redemption (Savior Seires Book 2) Page 7