In the Heart of Forever

by Jo-Anna Walker

  I gasped.

  “I was so angry. Furious that he was scaring you,” he said against my shirt, gripping me tighter.

  “Rave…” I didn’t know what to say. Words were lost on my tongue.

  “It brought back so many memories, Jesse. I…I…” His voice broke.

  I hugged him to me and just held him. Not saying anything, I just held him to me. No words left our lips for the next little while. We just held each other, comforting the other with just a simple touch.

  I didn’t know where Allan was. Maybe Rave scared him. I almost laughed. Allan didn’t seem the type to scare easily. I had to ask though. “Rave, where’s Allan?”

  His body tensed under me. “He won’t hurt you anymore. Not today at least.”

  I frowned. “Rave.”

  “I hit him.”

  I leaned back and looked at him. That’s when I realized his lip was swollen. Looks like Allan got some punches in as well. My eyes filled with tears. “You hit him?”

  He nodded.

  I placed my lips on his, kissing him gently. “Oh Rave. I’m so sorry he hit you back.”

  He pushed me off of him and rose to his feet. “Don’t fucking apologize for him. You hear me?”

  “Rave.” I watched as he started pacing my room.

  “No, I’m sick of it. You can’t keep apologizing for him. Allan is a douchebag. He shouldn’t be hitting you…” His eyes were dark, angry and hard.

  I stood up, walking towards him. “Rave, please. I’m so…” I frowned, stopping myself.

  He turned to me. “Whatever that asshole gets, he deserves.”

  My eyes widened. “What did you do?”

  He grimaced and looked away. “I didn’t do anything. I wanted to. Oh God, Jesse…I…”

  I closed the distance between us as he crumpled to his knees.

  Chapter 14

  Having Rave break beneath me broke my heart. All of the agony we had both faced in our young lives, melded as one as we cried together. I didn’t know his story. His dark past. Something happened. I could feel it in my bones.

  He knew Allan beat me and he knew there was something else. I had a story of my own. If only we could find the courage to talk to each other. Neither of us would hurt the other but fear froze our tongues.

  I held him against me as he shuddered, shaking in my arms. I didn’t press. I didn’t ask him what was upsetting him. I just comforted him with my touch instead.

  His hands ran down my back and lower. My breath hitched when they went to my hips. “Rave?”

  He lifted his head and looked down at me. He grabbed my hand, kissing my knuckles. “I need to get you the hell out of here.”

  “Where am I supposed to go?”

  He placed a soft kiss on my lips. “We’ll worry about that later.”

  I ran my thumb over his mouth and sighed. “Whenever you’re ready to talk, I’m here.”

  He kissed my thumb and nodded.

  I leaned back against my bed and played with the hem of his shirt. I bit my lower lip and took a deep breath. “The way I feel about you scares and excites me.”

  Rave didn’t comment right away but ran a hand down my hip, stopping at my knee. “I like the way you look at me.”

  I looked up at him, meeting his stare.

  “You look at me like a normal person. You don’t judge me and you don’t believe the rumors,” he whispered.

  “I can be myself around you. You look at me for me and…” I grabbed his waist, tickling him a touch.

  He squirmed, raising an eyebrow and grabbed my hand. He brought it up to his lips and kissed my knuckles.

  “…you like the same music I do.”

  He smiled lightly.

  My heart thudded. I was falling hard for him and quickly. I wasn’t sure what I felt for him but I knew it wasn’t some immature crush. It was deeper than that.

  A sad look came across his face and I didn’t know what else to say. So many unanswered questions flew around us but I didn’t know how to ask.

  “I walked in on my stepfather raping my sister.”

  My eyes shot up to Rave’s, the world feeling like it literally stopped at his confession. I opened my mouth to say something when he shook his head. Like he was trying to get rid of the memory.

  “She was thirteen and I was twelve. She was beautiful. My role model. I looked up to her. Ren was the star athlete and she was the smart one. There was just Ren, Emilia and I. My father died when I was six. He got hit by a drunk driver.” His breath caught.

  My eyes watered but I didn’t say anything, thinking that if I commented, he would close up again.

  “Soon after my mother married our step father, my sister became sick. She got diagnosed with schizophrenia. Do you know what that is?”

  I shook my head. I had an idea but I didn’t know exactly.

  “It’s a mental disorder. She became paranoid. Delusional. She thought she was seeing things and hearing voices in her head. It was a long process but the doctors finally figured out what was wrong. Before I knew she had schizophrenia, she came to me one night. Oh God, Jesse. If I would have only listened to her.” His shoulders shook.

  I grabbed his hand, squeezing it.

  “She told me Jim was…” He swallowed. “raping her. I didn’t believe it. I couldn’t. He was such a nice guy. He was good to my mom. He was a cop for God’s sake. Who would think a cop would rape anyone let alone a kid?”

  Tears pricked at my eyes. I felt sick at what he was telling me.

  “I…I…” His face fell, his chest rising and falling with each emotional breath.

  I threw my arms around his neck and held him. “We don’t have to talk about this anymore.”

  “But I…”

  “Rave.” I lifted my head and looked down at him. “Will you spend the night with me?” I asked quietly.

  His eyes widened.

  My cheeks heated. “I mean to just sleep. I don’t want to be alone.”

  He nodded. “Yes, I’ll stay with you but not here.”

  I frowned, remembering the threats that Allan had given me. “But what about Allan? What if…”

  Rave grabbed my chin, placing a kiss on my lips. “He won’t hurt you tonight.”

  “How can you be so sure?” I asked, panic swirling in my belly.

  “He was shitfaced and after I hit him, it knocked him out. He’ll be passed out until tomorrow for sure,” he said reassuringly.

  “Ok, well…where is he?”

  “In his room. I pushed him in there after he hit me,” Rave was calm, collected.

  I wanted to believe him but something was telling me that there was more to his story that he wasn’t sharing but I didn’t press. I was tired. Emotionally drained from tonight’s events. Were things going to pick up from here? Would our lives get better now? I knew it would take time but having Rave there with me, while a monster was down the hall, made me feel better…for the time being at least.

  I rose from his lap and walked over to my dresser. “Is it just you that lives at your place?” I asked him as I threw stuff into my book bag.

  He cleared his throat. “Yeah. Ren lives at the shop.”

  “Oh…” I frowned. “Why don’t you live with him?”

  His shoulders tensed. “Just grab your stuff,” he said, not answering my question.

  We left the sanctuary of my bedroom. I looked back at Allan’s door but heard nothing. Was he really just passed out? I shook my head at that thought. Rave wouldn’t…no…that was crazy.

  After leaving the house, we walked hand in hand to Rave’s car which was parked a street away. The cool evening air, nipped at my skin, sending shivers down my back. We slid into the black beauty of a car and Rave started it up, turning on the heat soon after.

  Rave drove us downtown, past all of the local shops, grocery store…places that were familiar to me.

  I watched as the quiet town passed us by. Several people milled about getting ready for the next day. About ten minutes l
ater, we pulled into a parking lot behind an old building. I saw this apartment building before but didn’t pay much attention to it. It was in a less safer part of town according to the news, so most kids stayed away from this area.

  Rave turned off the car, got out of the vehicle and walked around to my door. He opened it for me, grabbed my hand and helped me out of the car.

  My phone rang as I stepped out of the vehicle. Reaching for my phone, I saw that it was Allan. My stomach dropped and I looked up at Rave.

  He snatched it from my hand.

  “Rave.” I went to take it back but he held it at arm’s length.

  “Hello?” he asked, answering my phone.

  Oh God. Allan’s going to freak out.

  “I’m sorry. You have the wrong number,” Rave said a moment later and hung up the phone. Handing it back to me, he wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

  I chewed my lip and followed him to the big building. “I can’t believe you hung up on him. He’s going to be pissed.”

  “He doesn’t know it was me that answered and besides, he called the wrong number.” He said as we reached the door to the building.

  “He’s going to know that he didn’t actually call the wrong number. He has me in his contacts, Rave,” I argued.

  “Jesse, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it. He’s not going to find you here.” He led me down the hall and we stopped at the second apartment on the right. He was on the first floor to the three story building. Rave unlocked the door, motioning for me to enter first and shut the door behind him. His apartment was small, it being only a bachelor pad. A large bed was in the living room, surrounded by bookshelves and clothes. “Sorry about the mess.” He said as we walked into the living room.

  “No, I like it.” I smiled up at him.

  “Make yourself at home.” He kissed my head and walked into the kitchen.

  Home.

  I took a deep breath, letting out a sigh that I didn’t realize I’d been holding for quite a while. Home. This felt more like home then my own.

  I placed my bag on Rave’s bed and walked over to the large bookshelves filled with books. Feeling warm all of a sudden, I pulled off my sweatshirt, throwing it on the bed. Focusing back on the books, I ran my fingers lightly over the spines. Rave had a collection that would make anyone envious.

  “I love that you feel the same way about books as I do.”

  I jumped at Rave’s voice, standing a few feet away from me. I turned to him and smiled. “They help me escape.”

  He walked up to me, wrapping his arms around my middle. “They help me escape too.”

  Leaning into him, I sighed. “Rave, I don’t know what to do.”

  “We don’t have to worry about that right now. Let’s just get some sleep, go to school tomorrow, read some books and hang out. Just you and I.”

  I smiled. “I like the sound of that.”

  “I want you to spend the night here this weekend,” he said, his voice lowering.

  My heart skipped a beat. “What about Allan?”

  “Jesse.”

  I turned in his arms, linking my fingers around his neck. “It’s not that I don’t want to…I just don’t want a replay of the other day.”

  “It’ll be safer here for you.”

  I thought a moment. He had a good point. “Ok, I’ll stay here with you. I’ll make up an excuse with Allan or something. I’ll figure it out.”

  He smiled. “We will figure it out.”

  I grabbed my pajamas out of the bag and headed to his washroom, my hand hovering over the door knob. I turned back to him and saw him approach me. “Will you stand outside the bathroom for me, please?”

  He nodded and opened the door for me.

  Taking a deep breath, I took a tentative step out into the hall and walked quickly to the bathroom.

  Rave stood against the wall and smiled down at me.

  I didn’t close the door all the way. I needed to see him. Knowing he was out in the hall, protecting me, made me feel like I could conquer anything thrown in my path.

  I needed out. I couldn’t live like this. Living day by day, terrified that the monster down the hall would beat me…or worse. I was graduating in less than six months but there was no way that I was staying there any longer. I couldn’t expect Rave to spend every night with me and it would be stupid for me to even ask. I didn’t know what to do.

  The answer came to me when I opened the door and stared up into the coldest pair of eyes I had ever seen.

  Chapter 15

  The cold set of eyes weren’t directed at me personally. They were from years of pain and hardship over what happened to his sister and family, it’s like they were now permanently icy.

  “Rave?”

  His mouth was set in a grim line.

  I walked back to the bed and yawned.

  A click from the door to the apartment, locked, clicking in place. My heart jumped.

  I turned my head to Rave and saw him watching me. He was leaning against the door, arms crossed under his chest, looking at me through hooded eyes.

  My throat went dry at his heated gaze. Ignoring the way he was looking at me, I crawled under the covers.

  He took a deep breath and kicked off his shoes, pulling off his t-shirt at the same time. He was slim, with well-defined muscles for someone so young. He definitely worked out and with his brother being huge; I had bet that they worked out together.

  Butterflies flew around in my stomach, when he pulled off his jeans, revealing plaid boxers.

  I hugged the covers around myself and turned towards the wall.

  Oh God, this was not good.

  My body hummed for him. All of these different emotions battled inside me. I didn’t know how to react to them.

  A moment later, the large bed, dipped with extra weight. Warm arms wrapped around me, hugging me tight against a hard body. It felt good in his arms. I wanted to lie like this forever. I was safe, secure. Surrounded by someone who cared for me. Rave didn’t say it in so many words but his actions told all.

  I could feel the scratchy hair of his legs, rubbing against my smooth ones, tickling me. This felt…normal almost.

  My body was tense, I couldn’t relax. I knew it was my idea to spend the night with him but now, this felt too close. It was too tempting. I wasn’t that experienced and with Rave kissing me plenty of times, my body reacted to him in a way I never knew was possible.

  “I won’t hurt you Jesse,” he said into my hair, his hot breath scorching my skin.

  Tingles shot through my body, goose pimples erupting on my skin. “Rave,” I whispered.

  “Shhh…just sleep.”

  My cheeks heated. I grabbed his hand and wrapped it tighter around me, kissing it before closing my eyes. I pushed against him and gasped.

  “Jesse, you keep doing that and I won’t be able to control myself.”

  I smiled to myself, a giggle escaping my lips.

  “You think that’s funny do you?” he teased, kissing my shoulder. “Get some sleep. Doctor’s orders.”

  I laughed and curled the blanket around us both. Knowing that Rave would be there when I woke up in the morning, set the panic and fear that had made permanent residence in my belly for the last two years, simmer a touch. I felt calm for once in my life.

  ***

  I woke the next morning to birds chirping outside my window. Rave’s warm body was pressed up against mine and I smiled. Oh if Allan could see this now. He would flip out. A part of me was terrified at being caught with Rave in my room again but then I remembered that I wasn’t at home. I was at Rave’s. My heart fluttered.

  I giggled to myself.

  “Now that’s a nice sound to wake up to,” Rave said his voice husky with sleep.

  My face went red hot at his compliment.

  His hand that was wrapped around me, roamed down my side, stopping at my hip.

  My breath caught when he kissed my neck. “Rave.”

  The hand moved up my body, finger
s grazing under the hem of my shirt.

  My skin buzzed with anticipation and my heart beat fast against my chest. I needed to take things slow but with Rave, that seemed to be damn near impossible. I wasn’t sure if I was ready for more but maybe, just a little something to ease the ache. I needed that…I didn’t know what I needed but I needed…a taste.

  Rave’s hot tongue, slowly licked up the side of my neck, his lips closing and kissing in its path.

  “Rave,” I breathed, pressing into him. I gasped. He may have been young but he was very much a man in some areas and I couldn’t shake the feeling of needing him right then.

  I turned onto my back and grabbed his face, staring intently into his eyes.

  A hint of mischief flashed in his gaze. He pulled me under him, covered my mouth again and ground his hips against me.

  I ran my hands down his back, kneading and massaging his muscular flesh.

  He pushed his hand up under my tank top and grazed his fingers over my breast. He released my mouth and trailed kisses along my jaw and down my neck. I arched under him when he lifted my shirt, the cool air washing over my skin. “You’re so beautiful.”

  My cheeks heated and I gasped when his wet mouth covered my nipple. The velvet of his tongue ran over the budding peak, making me melt under him.

  He groaned and released me, leaving a path of kisses to my belly button. He ran his hand down my hip and rested his head against my stomach.

  I curled my fingers in his hair and tried calming my racing heart. “Rave?”

  “I just…need a moment,” his voice came out deep and husky.

  I giggled.

  He turned his head, kissed my stomach and looked up at me. “Are you laughing at me?”

  I shook my head. “No.”

  “I think you are.” He blew a raspberry on my belly and I busted out laughing. Squirming and wiggling under him.

  He chuckled and kissed back up my body to my lips. “I love kissing you, Jesse.”

  I smiled and ran my fingers down the stubble on his jaw. “I love being kissed by you. We should get ready for school.”

  He nodded and then kissed me softly on the lips. He placed his hand on my cheek. I closed my eyes, leaning into it. He sighed, kissing me on the forehead before releasing me completely.