No Tomorrow

by Carian Cole

  I never thought Ditra would be the one to fall in love and get married and I’d be the one single one.

  I park the car in front of the café, Ditra puts her shoes back on, and we go inside. Our Thursday night ritual has been sporadic over the years, but we still do our best to get together as often as we can, whether it’s for dinner, or to grab a latte and pastry like we’re doing tonight.

  “How’s work?” I ask once we’re settled at our table.

  “Crazy busy. I referred Boner to a male masseuse.”

  “Finally! You should have done that weeks ago. It’s so gross and inappropriate.”

  She bites into her apple streusel and nods as she chews. “It happens sometimes when you give people a massage. They get a little emotional, they get a little turned on. It comes with the territory of putting your hands on people. But he took it to a whole new level. I can’t have someone with a monstrous dick having a boner every damn week and staring at me like it’s my fault or something.” She shudders. “In all the years I’ve been doing this he’s the only one who’s ever grossed me out.”

  “I’d probably get turned on if you were massaging me, too,” I tease.

  “You should let me give you a massage. I can see your stressed-out shoulders from here. Are you using the ergonomic keyboard I bought you?”

  “I can’t type on that thing to save my life.” I tried. Really. But the big split in the center of the keyboard and the angled keys drove me crazy.

  “It takes a while to get used to.”

  “I can’t do it. I went from typing ninety words per minute to ten words per minute. It was messing up my productivity big time.”

  “Then you should do the exercises I showed you.”

  “I have been,” I lie. Ditra is all into body therapy and likes to use me as her guinea pig, which I don’t mind because it makes her happy. The keyboard was a disaster, but the back cushion she gave me for my office chair is amazing.

  “You said you wanted to talk to me about something tonight. Is everything okay?”

  I nod. “Nothing’s wrong. I’ve just been doing a lot of thinking and soul searching. And I think it’s time for Lyric and me to get our own house.”

  She lets out an odd laugh. “You’re kidding.”

  “No, I’m serious. I think it’s best for everyone involved. Why? You don’t agree?”

  “You’re not going to believe this. I have something for you,” she says, pulling her leather purse into her lap. She fishes around and comes out with a folded piece of paper that she slides across the table at me.

  “This better not be another dating site,” I say, leering at the paper like it might bite me.

  “It’s not, I promise.”

  I’m surprised to see it’s a real estate listing for a small bungalow style house. I glance over it quickly—three bedrooms, two baths, small yard, cute porch on the front, lots of flowers. It’s perfect.

  I smile, but feel surprised and slightly confused. Although I suppose I shouldn’t feel that way. Ditra’s my best friend. I’m sure, just like me, she also was starting to think that it’s time for me to spread my wings.

  “It’s the house directly behind ours. My backyard touches that backyard. As soon as I saw the for-sale sign go up a few days ago, I thought of you.”

  “It’s like you read my mind. I’ve been debating getting my own place for months. It’s a hard decision to make. Josh and I are so close, and Lyric loves him.”

  “This house would be perfect for you,” she says. “I love you. And Josh. It’s great that you guys are such close friends. But you both need some kind of kick in the ass. You’re using each other as a crutch to avoid getting involved with other people. You guys have taken friends with benefits to a bizarre extreme.”

  “I don’t know about that….” I say, even though I know she’s right.

  “It’s true. And I’m not sure it’s good for Lyric now that she’s getting older. She pretty much views Josh as her father.”

  I shake my head and break my sugar cookie into four pieces, dipping one piece into my latte. “No, she doesn’t. She knows Josh isn’t her dad. He’s like an uncle to her.”

  “She thinks you two are basically married. She doesn’t understand. I think it’s going to give her a warped idea about relationships.”

  I think about that for a moment, and I can understand why Ditra is concerned. I would never want Lyric to be negatively affected by anything I do.

  “You’re thirty, Piper. Even though you still look twenty, but I’ll bitch about that later. But as your best friend, I want you to have more in your life. You should be dating. You should be getting over Blue and not living in la-la land with Josh. And Josh is another story. I think he’s afraid to commit because he doesn’t know if he prefers dick or pussy and he’s afraid he’s going to choose the wrong one.”

  “Ditra! That’s horrible.” She’s right though. I know it and Josh knows it. Everyone knows it.

  “I’m being honest.”

  “I know.”

  “I just really want to see you happy and I feel like you’re letting so much of your life slip away because you’re not letting yourself move on. You’ve been using Josh as a safety net for too long. As you well know, I dated a lot of guys and I figured out what I liked and didn’t like and I knew what I wanted.”

  “And you knew you wanted a guy with a Mohawk and a ring in his nose?”

  “No. I knew I wanted a guy who makes me laugh, doesn’t want kids, doesn’t mind that I’m kind of messy, has a good job and isn’t a lazy ass, and looks at me like I’m the only girl in the world. That’s what I found.”

  She did find that. Billy really is a great guy that was masked behind some strange decor. I’m glad my night of hunting down Blue turned into a happily ever after for them.

  I wish I had been as lucky.

  She taps her fingernail on the real estate listing to bring my attention back to it. “Now about the house. I have the details on it.”

  I smile at her and take a deep breath. While I planned to tell her I wanted to start looking at houses, I had no idea I’d have one put in front of me so quickly. “Okay, I’m listening.”

  “I went over to look at it and it’s beautiful. Everything’s been updated—all the appliances are new, it’s got granite countertops, hardwood floors, all the bathrooms have been redone. The basement is completely finished, too, with another half bath. It’s like a brand-new house. It’s small, but it doesn’t feel small. It’s very open. And, it’s close to your office and Lyric’s school. And me. Did I mention that?”

  “It sounds really nice. I’m not even sure if I can afford this, though. I haven’t gotten that far yet.”

  “You’ll probably qualify as a first-time home buyer. You make great money. Do you have a bunch of credit card debt?”

  “No. I only have one credit card I owe about two hundred dollars on. That’s it.”

  Her mouth hangs open. “That’s nothing! You should see mine. If you have a little money for a down payment for a mortgage, I’m sure you can afford this.”

  I chew my lip. The house does sound perfect.

  “I wasn’t expecting to have to take the next steps so soon.”

  “This is fate, Piper. It’s too good to pass up. You’ll be so close to me if you bought it! It would be awesome. You could come over for dinner, or I could walk over and visit you. Wouldn’t you love that?”

  “It would be nice. We could go walking together.”

  “Yes! I know Josh helps you a lot with Lyric. Billy and I are more than happy to help you. We can babysit, I can pick her up if you have to work late. Just because we don’t want our own kids doesn’t mean we don’t love Lyric and don’t have a blast spending time with her. She’s like our pseudo-kid.”

  “You guys are great,” I reply. “I promise you I’ll think about it.”

  “Will you look at it tomorrow? I talked to the realtor and she said if we call her, she’ll meet us there. She lives nearby.�
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  She’s being pushy, but that’s because she knows I’ll probably drag my feet about this. I’m still a little shocked at hearing myself referred to as thirty.

  Thirty

  Thirty!

  Lyric is almost eight years old now. Where the heck have the years gone? Ditra is right, I’ve let years just go by, throwing myself into work and momming and riding the rollercoaster with Blue. It’s been close to three years since I told him to get out of my life, and that’s exactly what he did. Other than sending a check every month, and that note last year, I haven’t heard from him. No more notes, no emails, no drunken calls, no sweet sober calls.

  There are angry lyrics, though, which I know are directed toward me.

  Picking up the paper, I nod across the table at my best friend. “Can you call the realtor? Let’s take a look at this house tomorrow afternoon.”

  She squeals with delight. “Yes!”

  Chapter Thirty-One

  “You’re moving?”

  I turn from my closet door and nod at him. “Yes. I put in an offer yesterday and it was accepted. It’s a great house, Lyric loves it, too.”

  “She loves it here. I thought you did, too. Did something happen you’re not telling me?”

  “No, of course not. I just think we’ve worn out our welcome here. Do you realize we’ve been living here for five years?”

  He shrugs his wide shoulders. “So? There’s no time limit, Piper. I told you that when you moved in.”

  I sit on the bed and tuck my legs under me. “I know, and we’ve loved living here. I feel like it’s time for me to be on my own and not be leaning on you.”

  “Leaning on me?” He sits beside me on the bed. “I never thought you were leaning on me.”

  “Yeah, I have been.”

  He shakes his head and his blond hair falls across his eyes. “If you were, I don’t care.”

  “I care.”

  He searches my face, and I see confusion—even sadness—in his. A pang hits my heart. I didn’t think he would be upset about me moving out. I thought he would be happy for me, maybe even relieved to have us all out of his house. Especially since Acorn has been having accidents all over the cream-colored carpet. Josh has never acted mad about it, he’s always been understanding, and even helped me when I rented a big carpet cleaner. It must bother him, though.

  “I don’t want you guys to move out. I thought we were like a family here.”

  “We are,” I assure him, touching his arm. “And we love you so much. But on the other hand, we’re not a family, Josh. We’re pretending to be one. We go to dinners and movies, we sit on top of each other on the couch at night, we cook together. I’ve been posing as your girlfriend and you’ve been posing as my boyfriend. It’s probably really confusing for Lyric.”

  “I don’t think that’s true at all. She’s safe and loved. She’s happy.”

  “Yes. That’s all true. But I do think us living together could be confusing for her now that she’s getting older, and I think it’s confusing for us, too.”

  “Life is confusing. Just go with it.”

  I smile. “It is. But I’m starting to think it doesn’t have to be. At least not this much. Look at us. We’ve spent the last five years in a state of massive confusion, together and individually. I think I need a new beginning of sorts. I think you do, too. Does that make sense?”

  He rubs the stubble on his cheek. “It does. But I still don’t want you guys to leave.” The last word takes on a note of anguish, as if the thought is ridiculous and unthinkable for him.

  “I know. We’ll still see each other, Josh. I don’t want this to ruin our friendship. That would kill me. I still want you in our lives. Just in separate houses.”

  “Are you kidding? You’re not getting rid of me that easy. I still expect you guys to come over once a week and eat my latest culinary experiments.”

  I smile with relief. “Of course we will. What would I do without my weekly stomach ache?”

  Leaning across the space between us, I put my arm around him for a hug, and he hugs me back tightly. I close my eyes and sigh against his shoulder. It’s going to be hard not seeing him every day, because he’s been my safe, consistent place for a long time.

  I pull away a little, but linger my hand on his muscular shoulder. It feels good to have a man’s arms around me again. To smell his cologne. He gives me a bittersweet crooked smile, then leans down and presses his lips to mine. When I squeeze his shoulder in response, he touches my cheek, tilts his head, and kisses me deeper.

  After a few moments, he pulls back a fraction, perhaps waiting for me to push him away. I don’t, and he kisses me again. Something deep inside me snaps like a thin unraveling thread, and I get lost in his soft kisses. I move my hand down his arm, slowly sliding my hand under the sleeve of his shirt, feeling the smooth, hard muscle. Gripping my waist, he pulls me until I’m sitting on his lap. I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss his full lips.

  Blue’s face flashes behind my eyes, and guilt comes with it like roaring thunder in my head. He shouldn’t be here wrecking this sweet moment. He has no business invading my life. But he is. And it makes me hate him and it makes me miss him and that makes me hate myself.

  Josh whisks my attention back to him by raining warm, soft kisses from my lips down my neck, inching toward the valley of my chest.

  Cupping his face in my hands, I coax him back up to my lips and he kisses me with growing hunger.

  “What are we doing?” I whisper when we break away for air.

  “I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time.” He kisses me again.

  I can’t deny the sparks between us. But whoa—Josh?

  “I’m... I’m surprised,” I reply.

  He lets out a sigh and strokes his hand across my cheek. “Yeah, me too. So look, once you get settled in your new house, and we’re not all up in this roommate situation anymore… Why don’t we go on a real date? See what happens?”

  I part my lips in speechless shock. I didn’t see this coming.

  Not. At. All.

  I shake my head in an attempt to rattle my brain into working order.

  “Okay. Yes. Let’s try that.”

  He kisses me once more—a deep kiss meant to sweep me off my feet and give me lots to think about.

  Suddenly, Josh isn’t my consistent place anymore. And my plan to un-confuse my life may have just gone up in smoke.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  “Mommy? Mom?”

  Lyric is standing next to the bed in her PJs, tears on her face. Cold fear rushes through me and I instantly bolt up.

  Lyric never cries.

  “What’s wrong? Are you okay?” I scan her from head to toe, searching for blood or bruises.

  “It’s Acorn. He won’t stand up and he’s breathing funny.”

  Oh, no.

  I jump out of bed and follow Lyric to the living room, where Acorn is lying on the floor, panting heavily. Normally, he sleeps in either my bedroom or Lyric’s. He must have come out here sometime during the night. One of the things I love about our new house is that it’s a one-story ranch. Acorn can get to all the rooms without being carried.

  Kneeling down, I pet him and gently run my hands over him, alarmed at how thin he seems to suddenly be. “What’s wrong, buddy? You want to get up? Have breakfast?” I use the words that usually excite him and get him up and moving, but he’s not budging.

  “Is he sick, Mommy?”

  I put my arm around her and kiss her temple. “I’m not sure, honey. I think I need to take him to the doctor.”

  I try to lift him up to stand, but he wobbles and falls back down.

  “It’s okay, pupper.” I kiss the top of his head and he licks my cheek. Biting my lip, I fight against the tears burning behind my eyes. I love this dog so much. He’s like another child and the thought of losing him is breaking my heart.

  “Honey, why don’t you sit with him and pet him really nice while I go call the vet, okay?”r />
  She’s already bringing his food and water dishes and penguin over to him, and plops down next to him, arranging everything within his reach while talking softly to him. His tail thumps weakly and he rests his head on her knee.

  From the kitchen I call the vet and get an appointment two hours from now. Next I call Ditra and ask her if she can come over and hang out with Lyric while I take Acorn to the doctor. Thankfully, it’s Saturday and Dee tells me not to worry and she’ll be over in about an hour.

  I’ve been in the waiting room, which is nicer and more comforting than my doctor’s waiting room, for three hours. Decorated like a farmhouse living room, with oversized brown leather couch and chairs, an electric fireplace, and vintage photos of dogs and cats on the walls, it’s very homey. In the corner is a credenza with a coffee maker, tea, water bubbler, and free homemade cookies. In any other situation I’d be all over those cookies, but I’m too worried about Acorn to indulge in snacks. Instead, I sit in one of the big overstuffed chairs sipping water and trying to read a new book on my e-reader.

  “Miss Karel?” I look up at the tech who’s appeared in the doorway. “Do you want to come with me and speak to the doctor about the tests?”

  I want to scream yes right in her face, but instead follow her down a long hallway with paw prints and numbers on the doors. She takes me to paw number five. Acorn is lying on a thick blanket on the floor, looking even more worn out than he did when we first got here.

  “The doctor will be right in.”

  I nod, planting myself on the floor next to my dog.

  I smooth the fur from his face and whisper to him. “I missed you, pupper. Did they take all kinds of pictures of your insides back there?” A red bandage is wrapped around his front leg from where they took blood. I know Lyric will ask many questions about that when we get home.

  The door opens and I can see a pair of black shoes a few feet away from me, but I don’t look up. I don’t want to hear what I know is not going to be good news. The vet’s tense energy is thick in the air and her mood seeps into me.