No Tomorrow

by Carian Cole

  “This is awesome,” he says with glistening eyes when he’s reached the end of the photos. “And your poems are epic. Did you know I write poems and songs, too?”

  “Mom told me. But she said I’m not old enough to listen to your music yet because you say bad words.”

  He laughs and gives me a playful side-eye. “She did, huh? Well, that’s probably true. I could write you a poem and give it to you next time I see you.”

  “Really?”

  “Really.”

  “Can I tell my friends I have a dad now?” she asks, touching the ends of his hair.

  “Um, yeah.”

  “Are you going to tell your friends about me, too?”

  “I already did. I told them you’re the cutest, smartest, most badass kid in the world.”

  “Blue....” I nudge him under the table with my foot.

  “What?” he says innocently. “She is.”

  Lyric giggles and I shake my head at them. I can already tell Blue’s going to be the ‘cool dad’ who probably won’t ever be much help in the child discipline department, but that’s okay. He’s here, he’s making an effort, and we’re all getting along great. I can’t ask for anything else.

  “I don’t want to leave.”

  Five words.

  That’s all it took to sway me.

  I’m weak. Defenseless. Craving his touch. Crazy in love.

  Lyric went to bed a little over an hour ago, and we’ve been on the couch all tangled up in each other watching a movie since.

  Kissing, mostly. There hasn’t been much movie-watching at all.

  He rolls on top of me and leans up on his elbows to study my face. “Let me stay...” His mouth covers mine, his tongue licking over my bottom lip, teasing me with what’s to come.

  “Blue....”

  “Say yes.”

  I undo the remainder of the buttons of his shirt and push the material away, running my fingertips from his chest down to his narrow waist.

  “Okay,” I say between kisses. “But you have to be in the guest room when Lyric wakes up. Not in my bed.”

  “I can do that.” His lips curve into a smile against mine. “Didn’t you say you were going to do something so I couldn’t leave?”

  “Do I need to worry about you leaving when I’m not looking?”

  I tilt my head to the side and my eyes fall closed at the nip of his teeth and the flick of his tongue on my neck.

  “Not a chance, Ladybug,” he whispers.

  “You better not.”

  Lifting his head up, he touches my chin, coaxing me to meet his eyes.

  “Trust me.” He takes a deep breath. “Please?”

  I nod, keeping my eyes on his. “I’m trying to,” I say softly.

  He stands and lifts me in his arms, and I wrap my legs around his waist. He carries me to my bedroom, gently putting me on my feet next to the bed.

  “Leave it open a little,” I say when he turns to close the door behind us. “I never close the door all the way.”

  He swaggers toward me with a panty-melting grin on his face, his hands unbuckling his leather belt. “Think you can be quiet, Ladybug?”

  Nope.

  “I’ll have to be, won’t I?” My pulse flutters with anticipation as he closes the space between us, jeans unzipped and hanging low on his hips. I skim my fingers over the tribal ink design that spans his abs and disappears beneath the band of his boxers.

  “Yeah. You will.” The low huskiness of his voice makes me breathless for more. “I think I’ll have to keep your pretty little mouth extra busy.” He fingers a lock of my hair, winds it around his hand, and tugs me closer. “Just to be sure.”

  I’ve missed bedroom Blue.

  My lips part to reply but his mouth crushes mine, his tongue diving deep, the metal bar sliding against the roof of my mouth. I clutch the fabric of his shirt, yanking it off his shoulders and down his arms. He shrugs it off and wraps his hands around my waist, lifting me off my feet. Our tongues clash and caress in a dance of love and desire.

  He lowers me onto the bed and removes my clothes like he’d unwrap an unexpected gift. Slow. Quiet. Intent. His mouth and hands explore. Reclaiming what he never lost.

  My body hums under his touch.

  A soft moan slips from my lips when his hand travels up my thigh, fingers sliding into slickness.

  “Shh...” he whispers, kicking off his boots and stepping out of his jeans.

  His silhouette is stunning in the moonlight filtering through the window. Wide shoulders and chest taper down to that muscular v of his waist. He’s a six-foot-four onyx, rock star statue.

  “Lie down, beautiful.”

  I fall back long ways across the bed and watch him walk around to the other side of the bed. Grabbing my shoulders, he pulls me until my head is at the edge of the bed. Bending over me, he moves his hands over my body, caressing my breasts, dipping down to my waist. He kneels on the bed, legs spread above me. Grasping and spreading my thighs, he lowers his face between my legs.

  Lips on lips. Wet on wet.

  Bending my neck backward, I take his cock into my mouth. I grasp his hips, pushing and pulling him in sync with his thrusts. He spreads my thighs wider, fucks me with his tongue and two fingers. My legs vice around his head. His hair is like cool silk against my sensitive skin.

  His erotic growls vibrate against my lips. He moves us until my head hangs off the bed, and his shaft sinks deeper; pushing against my throat. I gag on his width and he eases his thrusts, softens and slows his tongue, lets me do the same. I surrender to the lust and take more, sucking harder. His mouth is pure magic on my pussy, sending me into that frenzied euphoric place that feels like heaven. I try to hold back, not wanting the ecstasy to end. It’s impossible. He plays my body like he plays his guitar. Expertly. Effortlessly.

  My thighs tremble. I shudder against his mouth, whimper and moan around his throbbing cock. His moans soon echo mine. I swallow his hot spurts and rake my nails down his thighs.

  He separates from me and turns his body around. Our mouths are wet and hot when he kisses me and moves between my thighs, filling me with his still-hard cock.

  Leaning up, he stares down into my face, brushing stray hairs from my damp forehead. “I love you, Ladybug,” he whispers. “This time is forever. I promise.”

  I slide the curve of my foot up and down his leg. “Blue... don’t make promise—”

  His lips linger on mine. “I promise. The only thing in my life that I’ve ever known for sure, the only thing that’s always with me, even when I’m fucked up, is that I love you and you love me. I need you to believe in us.”

  “I do. I always have.”

  I’ve heard his promises before, but this time is different. This time, the emotion in his voice, the shimmer in his dark ocean eyes, prove that he believes his words.

  I’m just not sure either of us can trust him.

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  “Of course Lyric can stay with us for a week,” my mother says, not looking up from the crossword puzzle she’s doing. “Where did you say you were going? It’s a business trip?”

  “No, Mom, it’s not for work. I told you I’m going to Seattle to spend time with Blue.”

  “Who?”

  I press my finger against the dull throbbing in my temple.

  “Blue. Lyric’s father.”

  She lays the crossword book in her lap, takes her reading glasses off, and stares at me.

  “Oh. Well. When did all this happen?”

  “It’s a little complicated. We started talking a few months ago and he’s come to visit us a few times. Lyric loves him. He’s great with her.”

  “Suddenly that loser decided he wants to be a father?”

  I thought my dad was asleep in his recliner across the room, but apparently he’s been just sitting there with his eyes closed listening to us.

  I lean back into the squishy couch cushions and cross my arms. “He’s not a loser, Dad.”

  “
If he’s such a great father now, why isn’t your daughter going with you?”

  “He wants her to. I thought it would be best if I visited him alone first, to see how things go, see where he lives. It’s still very new so I’m being cautious.”

  “Honey, are you involved with him? We were under the impression all that ended years ago.”

  All that. Is that what we were?

  “We’re trying to figure it out, Mom. Right now we’re taking things one day at a time.”

  My father scoffs. “Figuring what out? How he can use you?”

  “Use me for what, exactly?” If he brings up the milking the cow scenario again I’m going to walk right the heck out of here.

  “Who the hell knows? But you’re going to just let him do it, whatever it is.”

  “There’s nothing he could use me for. I don’t have anything. His band has a double platinum album. He’s got a ton of money now. He’s very good-looking. He could probably have any woman he wants.”

  “Then what’s he doing with you, Piper? If he’s living the life of a celebrity what does he want with a single mother living in a small town in New Hampshire?

  “He loves me. Is that so inconceivable?”

  “Actually, it is. If he loves you so much he would have been in your life long before this. And he probably is getting any woman he wants. Why wouldn’t he? Some men just like women they can treat like toys and throw away, Piper. Especially ones that fall at their feet and keep taking them back. That’s not love.”

  My mother shakes her head. “Bill, for God’s sake what’s wrong with you? We don’t even know him.” She turns to me. “It’s a bit of a shock, honey, that’s all. We had no idea you still had feelings for him after all this time. Or that he was any part of your life.”

  I’ve mostly kept all things Blue hidden from my parents over the years, only mentioning him casually. My father has never forgiven me for getting pregnant by a disappearing homeless man. He’s treated me as if I’m carrying a contagious disease since the night I told them I was pregnant. The chances of him ever accepting Blue as part of our lives are obviously slim.

  That’s a bridge I’m going to have to cross if things move forward with Blue.

  “We’ve always loved each other. The timing has just never been right.”

  “And now it is? Just like that?” My father snaps his fingers.

  “Yeah, Dad. Just like that.”

  “So you’re just going to abandon Lyric for a week to run around with him?”

  I slide my tongue over the edge of my teeth to keep myself from telling my father to fuck off.

  “I’m hardly abandoning her. She’s staying with her grandparents.” Grandmother is more like it. “I haven’t taken a vacation since she was born. I think I’m allowed.”

  “Of course you are, Piper. You work too much. You deserve to get away and have some fun. Lyric and I will have a great time. Just ignore your father.”

  “Don’t tell her to ignore me. I don’t want to see our daughter get hurt again by some hooligan who somehow managed to become famous by swindling people.”

  “How are you coming up with this crap? Swindling hooligan?” I snort. “He’s famous because he’s talented and that’s the only reason. Honestly, Dad, it’s ironic that you don’t want me to get hurt, but your attitude toward me is what really hurts me.”

  “I don’t have an attitude.”

  “You do. You have for years and I’m tired of it. You can stop punishing me.”

  “I’m not punishing you. I’m disgusted that you threw your life away.”

  His words are like a punch to my stomach. “And I’m disgusted you threw me away. So, we’re even.” I stand and zip up my pink hoodie. “I’m leaving. I’ll bring Lyric by next Friday, Mom.”

  She stands and walks with me out to the kitchen, to the back door that leads to the driveway.

  “Don’t pay attention to your father. He’s stressed at work and it makes him irrational and grumpy. I know he doesn’t show it well, but he loves you and worries about you. More than he does your sisters. You’ve always been more fragile than they are.” She pulls the zipper of my hoodie up higher. “I think because you were such a teeny tiny baby that we’ve always been overprotective of you. He’s just... abrasive.”

  “He’s like a cheese grater, Mom. Please don’t let him be mean to Lyric while she’s here. She’s not used to condescending remarks being made at her. She’s so happy right now to have her father in her life, I don’t want Dad making her feel like Blue’s a bad person or that she’s some kind of mistake.”

  “I promise you, he won’t. He’s always nice to her. Do you really think I’d let my granddaughter be uncomfortable here or that I’d let him hurt her feelings? I love her just like I love you. I’ll have a talk with him tomorrow about all of this. Don’t worry.”

  “I wish he’d just let it go. It’s been almost nine years, Mom. And you know what? Regardless of how I met Blue and how he was living at the time, I loved him and he loved me. We may not have had a conventional relationship, but Lyric was conceived out of love. We still love each other.”

  She nods. “I know that. And for what it’s worth, I hope you can find happiness with him if that’s what you want. It must count for something that you two have never forgotten each other.”

  I kiss her cheek, grateful that her and I have been getting along better recently. “I hope it does. Thanks, Mom. I’ll see you next week with Lyric.”

  As I back out of the driveway she waves at me from the door. One of No Tomorrow’s songs is playing on the radio.

  So many nights, my heart bled for you

  These veins begging to be slit

  I’ll hold the blade and you hold my hand

  Together we’ll end it all, and I’ll take the fall

  Ladybug, ladybug, fly far far away

  Come back to me some other day

  When the skies are blue and the darkness fades

  Maybe we’ll find some other way....

  The accompanying bass is deep, thumping like a heartbeat, reverberating through the speakers and vibrating into my chest. Blue’s voice wavers and drifts off at the last line, and it gives me chills.

  What goes through your head, Blue?

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  First class.

  That was my first clue that I was entering Blue’s new world—a world I know nothing about other than what I’ve seen online.

  He insisted on making all my travel arrangements for me, including paying for everything. I fought him at first because I wanted to be a strong, independent woman.

  I lost that battle. Right now as I’m sitting on the plane in a seat that four of me could fit into, I’m glad.

  First class is amazing. No strangers squished up around me on all sides, coughing and talking. No bathroom line. No teeny tiny aisle.

  The flight attendant brought me a hot fudge sundae. It’s like she just magically knew I love ice cream.

  I even took a nap, completely undisturbed, under a nice soft blanket.

  Blue promised he would treat me like a princess and right now, I’m feeling like one.

  My heart nearly stops when I see him waiting for me at the baggage claim area. He looks like a whole lot of sexy bad boy wearing faded jeans with ripped knees, untied combat boots, and a long-sleeved black shirt unbuttoned all the way down to the top pack of his six-pack abs. His long hair hangs in tousled waves over his shoulders and down the middle of his back. Several leather corded necklaces with crosses, feathers, and stones hang from his neck.

  He smiles when he sees me, and pushes his mirrored sunglasses up to the top of his head.

  Last year I read an interview on the internet accusing him of wearing mirrored sunglasses to hide his blood-shot, stoned eyes. At the time he replied, “I wear them so people can see themselves and not me.” I wonder why Blue wants to hide from people. Not let them in to meet the man behind the words and the music. Thankfully, he lets me in. Most of the time,
anyway.

  Capturing my face in both his hands, he backs me up against the wall near the luggage conveyer and kisses me like he’s going to do me right in the middle of the baggage claim area. I’m breathless and frazzled when he pulls away.

  “I missed you,” he says, his head still bent close to mine.

  I take a deep breath. “I missed you, too.”

  It’s been two weeks since he last visited us in New Hampshire, but it’s felt like an eternity.

  “How was your flight?”

  “Awesome. Thank you for getting me a first-class ticket. It was so comfortable and quiet.”

  He grins. “I’m going to like spoiling you, Ladybug.”

  “You don’t have to spoil me.”

  “You waited forever for me to get my shit together, babe. You deserve to be spoiled.”

  I run my fingertip over the leather cord of one of his necklaces. “I only want you.”

  “I know.” He winks at me and grabs my hand, lacing our fingers. “Let’s go get your bags and get out of here.”

  I only have one large suitcase, which we find quickly, and then we maneuver our way through the busy terminal to the exit.

  “Oh my God!” a girl suddenly shrieks, jumping right in front of us. “You’re Blue from No Tomorrow! Holy shit!” Her friend has joined her, and they’re now jumping up and down in front of us like Mexican jumping beans.

  “We’ve been to almost all your concerts!” the second jumper says. “Can we get your autograph?”

  “Sure.” He gives my hand a squeeze before he lets go to take a marker that one of the girls has whipped out of her purse.

  “Can you sign my shirt?” she squeals.

  “I’ll sign the back,” he offers.

  “Mine too!”

  I watch with a smile as he signs their shirts and answers their questions about his next tour.

  “Are you his actual girlfriend?” the first jumper asks.

  I stammer for a few seconds, because I have no idea what I actually am or what he wants the public to know.

  “She is,” Blue answers, surprising me just as much as the two fans.