No Tomorrow

by Carian Cole

  I’d be happy with a string on his finger.

  “I love it.”

  The saleswoman beams. “That one is platinum, and symbolizes pure and everlasting love. It’s very durable, but can show some scratches and may patina eventually.”

  “I can dig that. I don’t want it to look perfect and shiny forever. I kinda come with some scratches and dents. Right, babe?” He nudges his shoulder playfully into mine.

  “I love your dents and scratches.”

  “I’ll take this one,” Blue says, taking the band off and handing it to the saleswoman.

  “It’s a wonderful choice, Mr. Von Bleu. And we’re honored to have you as a client.”

  He thanks her and turns to me with a worried expression. “I think we should get Lyric a ring, too,” he says softly. “So she feels like we’re all in this kinda together. I don’t want her to feel left out. What do you think?”

  There is no way to describe the intense feeling of love that slams into me when Blue does amazingly sweet and romantic things like this. He’s always so unsure and shy when he has these ideas, and that just makes them all the more special. I struggle to hold back tears and not smother him with kisses in the middle of the jewelry store.

  “I think that’s the sweetest idea ever. I know she’ll love it.”

  He smiles and we start to hunt around the store for the perfect ring that will symbolize love, commitment, and family to a young teen girl. We find a dainty white gold ring shaped into the infinity symbol with a tiny diamond in the center.

  He pulls me against his chest and kisses the top of my head as the woman puts our rings in a glossy black bag. My wedding band is just as beautiful—a platinum diamond eternity ring that fits against my engagement ring.

  As we leave the store I’m feeling a bit in shock. We just bought wedding bands. Now we just have to pick a date and figure everything else out, but—rings!

  “Are you happy?” he asks when we get in his car. “You’re sure you like the rings?”

  “Are you kidding?” I say excitedly. “I can’t believe we just bought wedding rings. Oh my God!” I bounce up and down in the passenger seat. “I wish we could wear them right now.”

  “Me too. You’re so fucking cute. Come here and kiss me.”

  I lean over to kiss him and he grabs my waist and pulls me onto his lap. We laugh and kiss, tapping our teeth into each other’s but we just laugh and kiss until our giddy happiness morphs into hungry desire and we’re pulling at each other’s clothes.

  “I want you right now,” he whispers. He slides his hand under my shirt and squeezes my breasts, then moves his lips to the cleavage revealed at the front of my shirt.

  “We’re in a mall parking lot,” I remind him, grinding myself against the rock-hard cock straining under his jeans. Even I’m tempted—but there are people walking by.

  “We won’t be for long.”

  Ten minutes later we’re ripping each other’s clothes off against the wall in a tiny room at a hotel across the street.

  Later when we’re driving home and he’s holding my hand and singing love songs with his gorgeous, happy, heart-stopping smile, I’m wondering how I got so lucky. Wedding bands and spontaneous sex in a random hotel before noon on a Saturday afternoon. We’ve got plans for dinner and a movie later with our daughter. Then there will be late-night candlelit snuggles.

  I seriously cannot wait to marry this man.

  I’m pouting. I don’t care. Watching Blue pack always gives me a hollow feeling in my chest and a lump in my throat. I don’t think there will ever be a time that a little part of me won’t worry that he might never come back. It’s just one of those scars that may have faded, but will never truly disappear.

  “How long will you be gone?” I ask, even though I’ve asked this at least three times already over the past few days. I keep hoping the answer might magically change.

  “Two or three weeks,” he answers, zipping his suitcase shut. Archie walks across the bed and plants himself on top of the suitcase, which he does every time Blue packs his clothes. I smile as Blue leans down and kisses the cat’s head.

  “I really don’t want to go, babe. But the band agreed to it months ago, so I gotta honor contracts and agreements and all that other shit.”

  “I know. I’m just going to miss you. Everything’s been so perfect.”

  He strokes his thumb across my cheek and gives me a sad smile. “I’m gonna miss you guys, too. But as soon as all this stuff is over, we can get married, go on an awesome honeymoon, and just…be together. Right?”

  I turn my face into his hand and kiss his palm. “Right.”

  We could get married any time, technically. But we really want our wedding and honeymoon to be as stress-free as possible, with nothing hanging over us that we have to rush back for. Once Blue’s commitments are complete, I plan on giving my notice at work.

  “Are you going to watch me on TV?” he asks, grabbing his favorite guitar from its stand in the corner of our bedroom and putting it in its case with one of his old notebooks. It’s the same guitar he played years ago in the park when I first met him. He takes it everywhere with him and I’m shocked he hasn’t lost it with all the travelling and crazy rambling around he’s done over the years.

  “Of course. Lyric and I are going to make popcorn and watch you. I’m going to record it, too.”

  “When I smile at the camera, it’s just for you. So you know I’m thinking about you.”

  No Tomorrow is playing at a live music awards show in two days. The next day they have an interview with a talk show, when they’re going to announce that the band is going on a hiatus for an undetermined length of time. A few days later they have a guest appearance on another television show, then they have meetings with the lawyers, and the following week Blue has a guest appearance singing with another band. He’ll be staying at his bass player’s house in California while all this is going on since so many recording studios are near where Koler lives.

  “I’ll be watching for your smile,” I say, already looking forward to seeing his special smile on our television screen. When he doesn’t reply, I realize he’s still kneeling on the floor with his guitar case, staring into it with a faraway expression.

  “Blue?”

  He stares blankly into the guitar case like it’s a black hole.

  I cross the room and lightly tap his shoulder. “You okay?” I ask softly.

  He blinks, then suddenly looks up at me. “What?”

  My forehead scrunches with worry. “You just spaced out. Are you all right?”

  He shakes his head, pushes his hair out of his face, and closes the case.

  “Yeah,” he says, not looking at me. “I think I’m just tired.”

  I wonder if he’s getting sick. It’s eleven a.m. He slept until eight, and we got about nine hours of sleep last night, so he really shouldn’t be feeling tired.

  “Do you want to take a nap before I take you to the airport?”

  He stands, still with a bit of a lost expression on his face, and forces a crooked smile.

  “Will you lie down with me? And put the rain on?”

  I wasn’t expecting him to want to nap, but there’s no way I’m going to turn down even a moment of cuddle time with him—especially when I’m not going to see him for weeks.

  Wordlessly we remove each other’s clothes, kissing softly in between, then we spoon under the blankets with the sound of the soft rainfall coming from the nightstand.

  “I think I just needed more of this before I go,” he whispers. “I just want to stay like this forever.”

  Me too.

  Chapter Fifty-One

  “I can’t believe Blue is on TV, Mom,” Lyric says, her eyes bright with excitement. Mickey is sitting between us on the couch, hoping we drop some of our popcorn. I may have accidentally dropped a few pieces already just to see his cute face munch on treats.

  We’ve tried to keep Blue’s band, his fame, and everything that comes with it out
of Lyric’s life so she can just be a normal young girl and not the daughter of rocker Evan Von Bleu. Blue and I decided since he’s leaving the band, and because he promised the song they’d be playing would be a clean acoustic love ballad with no swearing, that we’d let Lyric watch him play live on television tonight.

  And now she’s absolutely entranced watching him sing and play his guitar. I’m surprised to see him playing his old beat-up guitar tonight, and a flash of pain hits my chest when I see he’s got Acorn’s worn black collar wrapped around his wrist. He sings with deep, haunting emotion, his voice raw and raspy like razors are slicing out the words.

  If I could stay, I think I would

  If I could’ve saved you, I think I would

  If I could bring you with me, God knows I would

  But I’m on this road alone, doing nothing that I should.

  “Why is Blue so sad, Mom?” Lyric asks.

  “He’s not sad, sweetie. It’s just the song.”

  She shakes her head, not taking her eyes off her father on the screen.

  “No. He’s sad. I can see it.”

  I wish I didn’t love you

  I wish you didn’t love me, too

  I wish I could change the things I do

  I wish none of this was true.

  Toward the end of the song he looks into the camera and his lips curve into a quick sexy smile before he turns away.

  My heart swells. That smile was for me

  “I didn’t know he could sing like that,” Lyric comments, with that same faraway expression Blue gets.

  “Yeah. Your dad’s pretty amazing.”

  She nods and tilts her head to the side as she watches him on the television screen.

  “He really is,” she agrees. “I wish he looked happier. When he plays for me here, he always looks happy.”

  I smile and pet Mickey. “He’s happy. A lot of musicians have stage personalities where they look, dress, and act different than they do in their normal life.”

  “Kind of like acting?”

  “Yes, exactly like acting.”

  She ponders that for a moment while Blue rises from his stool on stage and bows in thanks to the audience as they stand and clap. Even with his air of melancholy, he’s magnetic and charismatic on stage.

  “Someday if I play the harp for lots of people like Blue does, should I be different, too?”

  “That’s up to you. You’ll have to see how you feel. It might be easier for you to play in front of people if you pretend to be a little different. Or you might just want to totally be yourself.”

  “I think I just want to be myself. It seems a lot easier.”

  I smile, knowing that would be my little girl’s answer. She’s always been authentic and true to herself and I love that about her.

  “If Blue calls tonight, can I talk to him? I want to tell him how much I loved his voice and his song. And I want to make sure he’s not sad.”

  If he does call, it will probably be after midnight, but she’s so proud of him and excited to have seen him play live that I can’t say no to her.

  “I’m not sure if he’s going to call since it’s late, but tomorrow’s Saturday so if you want to sit in bed and read or watch television for a while in case he calls really late, then you can.”

  She jumps off the couch to kiss me goodnight, then races to her room. She and Blue have an adorable bond and I hope it keeps getting stronger as she gets older. I know the teen years can be hard but I’m keeping my fingers crossed that she doesn’t go through a rebellious or ‘I hate my parents’ phase.

  While I wait up hoping Blue calls, I sit in bed reading a wedding magazine with four others piled next to me. These magazines are a rabbit hole of magical dreams. Pages upon pages of gorgeous flowing dresses, colorful bouquets, hair and makeup to die for. And cakes. Oh wow, the multi-tiered cakes that have intricate lace icing and candy pearls. I want everything. Blue said I could have anything and everything for our wedding. Honestly, I just want me and him and Lyric, in cool clothes, on a beach or in Vegas or in a gazebo in a park. That’s all I need to be happy. This other stuff is fun to look at, but I don’t need all this extravagance.

  I’m starting to nod off and dropping the magazine every five minutes when he calls.

  “Hi, handsome,” I say into the phone. “You were incredible tonight. Was that a new song?”

  “Yeah. It’s the first time we’ve played it live.”

  “I loved it. And Lyric was just in awe watching you play on TV. She was glued to the screen.”

  “She really liked it?”

  “Hon, I wish you could’ve seen her face. She really wanted to talk to you but I checked on her a few minutes ago and she’s asleep. It’s three a.m. here, so she’s exhausted.”

  “Shit. I couldn’t get away from everyone. I can never get away from everyone, Piper.” Exhaustion weaves through his voice like a vine.

  “Don’t worry, she understands. It’s okay.”

  “It’s not. I want to talk to her again.”

  “You can try tomorrow. We’ll be here.”

  He’s silent on the other end of the line.

  A few more seconds tick by.

  And then a few more.

  “Blue?”

  Nothing.

  Did he fall asleep?

  “Are you there?”

  “Hm?”

  A familiar faint clink of metal vaults memories of Acorn to the forefront of my mind and heart. It’s almost as if he’s right here in the room, resting his head on my leg. But he’s not. It’s his name and rabies tags jingling together on his collar that must still be wound around Blue’s wrist.

  I swallow down the immense sadness that came with the unexpected memories.

  “Are you all right? You just kinda stopped talking.”

  “I’m just tired.”

  “Is your head hurting again?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Are you at Koler’s house now?”

  “Yeah. I’m in my room.”

  “You should try to get some sleep. Did you eat?” I’m turning into a level-ten mom but I don’t care. I worry about him when he gets like this and I wish I could morph myself through the phone line and take care of him.

  “I’m not hungry. I miss you.”

  “I miss you, too. Especially after seeing you on TV. You looked exceptionally hot tonight,” I tease in a flirty voice, hoping to make him smile.

  “Did you see me smile at you?”

  “I did. Thank you for that. It made me all woozy inside.”

  “I’m gonna go lie down. Love you, Ladybug. So much.”

  His words seep right into my soul. Every time he tells me he loves me it feels like the first time. My heart still races, my insides still tingle with butterflies, he still takes my breath away.

  “I love you, too.”

  Chapter Fifty-Two

  “I can’t believe you made a raspberry danish.” I take the plate from Ditra and set it in the middle of my kitchen table. “Were you really bored, or was this a dare of some sort? Did you lose a bet? I need a backstory for this danish before I eat it.”

  “We were at Billy’s parents’ house the other night and his mom was going on and on about how much he loves danish and how she used to make it for him when he was little and how we have to keep a man fed and give them babies to make them happy and I seriously just wanted to smack her but instead I went home and found a recipe for danish because this chick right here is never having a baby. I’ll give that man all the danishes he wants, though.”

  “That seems fair to me.” I pour boiling water into two cups with tea bags waiting in them and carry them over to the table where she’s sitting.

  “I thought so. I made two so I could give one to you and Lyric because that’s the neighborly thing to do.”

  “I never bring you food.”

  “Because you’re not a good neighbor, Piper,” she says with a playful smirk. “But you are a great best friend. Didn’t you take m
e on a shopping spree last week and clean my entire house when I had the flu?”

  Archie enters the room and flops on a sliver of sunbeam shining on the floor.

  “I can’t believe that cat is still alive. How old is he?”

  “I think around sixteen.”

  “Damn. How long do cats live for?”

  I cut two pieces from her danish ring and put them on plates for us.

  “At least sixteen years, apparently.”

  “He’s almost old enough to drive. Think about that.”

  “His age doesn’t matter since he wouldn’t be able to see over the dashboard or reach the pedals.” I take a bite of the danish and I’m pleasantly surprised. “Dee, this is delicious. Did Billy like it? Was it as good as his mom’s?”

  She nods. “He loved it. He even called his mom and told her it was better than hers. She probably hates me.”

  I cut another piece. “I definitely hate you right now. I’ll eat this entire thing and gain ten pounds.”

  “You could eat twenty of these and not gain a pound.”

  I wish. Since I lost the baby I’ve had bouts of anxiousness and depression and I’ve been soothing myself by eating chocolate and ice cream.

  My cell phone rings and I get up to grab it from the counter, licking raspberry puree off my fingers on the way.

  “Hello?” I say, hoping it’s Blue since I didn’t get to talk to him yesterday. All I can hear is heavy breathing and gasping on the other end of the call.

  “Hello?” I repeat.

  “Piper.”

  “Reece?” His voice is barely recognizable. I can’t tell if he’s laughing, crying, or choking. “Are you okay?” My chest is already rising and falling fast with anxiety. It’s five a.m. where the band is. Nothing could possibly be okay with a phone call this early in the morning.

  Especially when it’s Blue’s best friend calling me.

  Ditra flashes me a look of concern.

  “Blue’s fucked up...you need to get out here.”

  My stomach twists up into an immediate knot of fear. “Wh-what?”