For the Love of Suzanne

by Hudecek-Ashwill, Kristi

  He came back empty handed and scavenged around until he found some suitable wood and arranged it in a pile, surrounding it with small rocks.

  She watched him take two sticks and rub them together with fast motions and reached into her pocket, pulling out a dark blue disposable lighter to show him. “I used to smoke,” she explained and lit it.

  He jumped back in horror. “What is that?” he gasped.

  She smiled. “It’s a lighter. You start fires with it. Watch,” she said as she gathered some dry brush and placed it between the small pieces of wood. She lit a piece of brush with the flame and sat back as it slowly made its way to the wood.

  He looked at it with awe on his handsome face. “A lighter?”

  She nodded. “Would you like to look at it?”

  “Yes.”

  She handed it to him and watched him turn it over in his hand several times as he examined it with interest. He was enamored with it and even though he knew what was going to happen when he turned the metal wheel, he tossed it away in fear when the flame appeared.

  She smiled as she retrieved it. “It won’t hurt you,” she assured him and lit it again and let it burn. “See?”

  He sat down beside her and looked on. “Where did you get that?” he asked her slowly.

  “I bought it at a gas station,” she said casually, looking at him with a slightly anxious feeling. His nearness was not unpleasant, but it was kicking up her hormones a notch. It had been a long time since she’d been with a man, but she promptly dismissed the awkward feeling.

  “Gas station,” he echoed. “What is this gas station?” he asked curiously, looking into her eyes, thinking again she may be a person of the stars.

  “It’s where you buy gas for your car,” she said simply. “Cars run on gasoline and the only place you can buy it is at a gas station. They sell other things, too, though. They sell coffee, cookies, candy, soda, chips, bread, that sort of thing.”

  “I don’t know what soda and chips are, but it sounds like a general store.”

  She nodded with a slight smile. “Yes. Kind of like that.”

  He diligently took the lighter from her and lit it again, staring at the flame in awe. “I have never seen anything like this.”

  She smiled at him, feeling the tension ebb from her body. “It is pretty cool. Sure works a lot faster than rubbing two sticks together, huh?” she said brightly, nudging him playfully with her elbow.

  He was surprised she’d done that and didn’t know if she meant to shove him away or if she was teasing him. Deciding not to respond, he handed her the lighter. “Pretty cool?”

  “It’s a term that says you like something.”

  He smiled. “Pretty cool.”

  She laughed, sure that he had never heard that before, either. His innocence was endearing and she’d been right. He did have a great smile and perfect even white teeth. “Pretty cool.”

  He laughed as he made his way to the horse and took the saddle off him and set it next to the fire, followed by the blanket. He then guided him closer to the camp and pulled a bag of feed from one of his saddle bags. He scooped some into his hand and fed it to the horse, knowing they had to make it to camp tomorrow or the horse would die from lack of water and the heat.

  She watched him speak to the horse in a language she didn’t understand and stroke its powerful neck with affection. She admired any man who was kind to animals and thought it said a lot about their character.

  She had taken in a stray cat after she and Beau first moved into the trailer. It had been a big gray male with green eyes. Beau had complained bitterly about the cat getting hair all over and how much food he ate. She never thought he’d hurt the cat, but the cat had mysteriously disappeared. When she’d asked Beau if he’d seen him, he had shrugged casually and told her he had no idea what happened to him and didn’t care.

  Cody came back a short while later and mounted the rabbits on sticks and held them over the fire to cook, trying to avoid looking at her. She rattled him like no woman ever had and it was disconcerting.

  She watched him as the sky began to darken and the first stars appeared. She’d always loved the desert sky at night. There seemed to be more stars and the moon was always brighter. She rubbed her arms to ward off the chill and stood up. “Where’s the bathroom?” she asked looking around.

  He looked up at her. “Bathroom?”

  She nervously ran her hands over her back pockets, not knowing how to explain it. “I have to pee.”

  He knew what that was and pointed away from the camp. “Go wherever. I won’t watch, but be careful of snakes and scorpions.”

  She hesitated at that. Both snakes and scorpions could be deadly and she had no wish to tangle with either of them.

  “Do you want me to go with you?” he offered politely.

  She shook her head. “No, thanks. I can manage.”

  “Don’t go too far,” he called after her as she started to walk away into the darkness.

  “I won’t,” she called back and disappeared behind a big rock, thinking this was not fun. It sucked. She’d never liked to use the great outdoors for this purpose. She knew it didn’t bother most people, but she’d always had a hang up about it. She figured it was just for tonight and she would be back home in the morning.

  Cody waited for her, keeping an eye in her direction as he continued to cook the rabbits, turning them slowly to cook them evenly. He always had his guns close to him, but looked to make sure they were by his feet in case he had to go after her for whatever reason.

  She came back a few minutes later and took her place by the fire, rubbing her arms to try to warm up, silently wishing the fire were a bit bigger so it would provide some real heat. It wasn’t that cold, but she wasn’t prepared for it.

  He handed her the sticks and went to retrieve the blanket that was on top of the saddle. “I’m sure it smells bad,” he said apologetically as he handed it to her.

  She didn’t take it, but looked up at him uncertainly. “What are you going to use?”

  “We’re going to share this,” he said simply and knelt beside her and wrapped it around her.

  “Thank you,” she murmured.

  He sat next to her and took the sticks. “You’re welcome,” he told her with a little smile.

  After a moment of tense silence, she asked him quietly, “What do I call you? Cody or Black Fox?”

  “It doesn’t matter here, but when we get to my village, you will call me Black Fox.”

  She nodded. “Okay.”

  They sat silently for awhile, mesmerized by the small crackling flames, both acutely aware of the other. They sneaked peeks at each other as the flames illuminated their faces.

  He pretended he didn’t notice her, but his senses were more alive now than they’d ever been. It was a strange feeling. He wanted to keep her for himself, protect her and do things he’d done only with the whores at the fort. He knew it would be different with her. She was no ordinary woman; he respected that and kept his hands to himself.

  She was incredibly attracted to him. Beau had been gone for only a month. She didn’t miss his beatings or his yelling and drunkenness, but he had a few moments of tenderness and she did miss those. The last year of their marriage had been more like a war zone and the finer moments had diminished to nothing. She missed male attention and knew Cody would treat her a lot better than Beau ever had. At least, he’d been kind to her so far.

  The baby hadn’t even been conceived in a tender moment. Beau had been drunk; she had been unwilling and he’d taken her anyway. He didn’t remember what had happened when he woke the next day nor did he apologize for the welts and bruises that he had left on her body. He had never apologized for anything past the first beating and that wasn’t the type of environment she wanted to raise her baby in. They were both better off without him.

  She couldn’t deny that she missed him, though. She had still loved him when he died, but now felt relieved the beatings had stopped, freeing he
r from fearing even going home from work. There were no more phone calls in the middle of the night and people weren’t hanging around the house anymore.

  It had torn her heart out to come home in the middle of the day to find him in bed with one of his girlfriends. She’d walked in on them while the woman was on top of him, gasping and moaning with him. She’d merely pulled the door closed on them and left the house without saying a word or making a scene. He hadn’t come after her and when she’d come home hours later, he’d made no apologies. Instead, he’d blamed her for making him seek female pleasure elsewhere because she was as cold as ice. She knew she wasn’t capable of adequately pleasing a man and had decided that she would never try again. That hadn’t been all that long ago and she’d just let him have his way with her as rough and as uncaring as he was.

  Cody faced her when he heard her sniff and was surprised to see tears streaming down her face. He felt an unfamiliar ache that reached to the depths of his soul. He’d never felt that before. He hadn’t seen a woman cry since his father died and left him and his mother to fend for themselves. His mother had wept bitter tears, but he now realized it had been more from fear than actual sadness. She was an Indian woman who had been married to a white man and they had a half-breed son. She hadn’t known what to do so she’d moved them back with her people only to be ridiculed, shunned, and mocked for leaving with the white man in the first place.

  Cody had made his way as best as he could. He had gone to the white man’s schools and learned the white man’s ways. It had been his only chance of surviving. It had been tough being the only Indian child in a white school, but he’d made it by sheer will and determination.

  “Why are you crying?” he asked her softly.

  She shook her head, brushing her tears away with the back of her hand. “No reason.”

  He pushed her hair behind her shoulder affectionately, then gently ran his fingers over her cheek, dampening them with her tears. “Yes, there is. People don’t cry for no reason.”

  She smiled a little. “I do.”

  “No, you don’t,” he said lightly. “Are you afraid?”

  She nodded with a soft sniff. “Terribly,” she admitted with an uneasy laugh. “What are you going to do with me?”

  He looked out into the darkness with a sigh of remorse. “Tall Deer needs a woman.”

  “Who’s Tall Deer?” she asked curiously.

  “Chief Tall Deer. He can be reasonable, but if you cross him, he can be very cruel. Be sure not to cross him,” he warned.

  Her jaw dropped and her eyes widened in shock. “You’re going to give me away?”

  “I have to, Suzanne. I owe this man a debt,” he explained gently.

  She shook her head in denial. “No, you don’t. I’m not a piece of property to be traded or sold or whatever it is you do,” she said coolly and pointed at the big black horse. “Just load me up on that beast and take me back to where you found me. I’m sure I can make my way from there.”

  His compassion came to the surface full force. She spoke with some anger, but he knew she was scared and understood her reason. Her future was uncertain and her past had blown up with her car. Anybody would be frightened, person of the stars or not.

  He set the sticks with the meat on them down on the rocks. “Suzanne,” he said softly and pulled her into his arms to hold her close. “I’m sorry, but this is the way it has to be.”

  She should have fought him, but she couldn’t help but slide her arms around his waist and rest her head on his strong shoulder. It felt good to have someone hold her again even if he was going to give her away. It had been so long…so very long and he’d been more than kind to her. She pushed her fears away and just enjoyed his strong arms being around her and rested her head on his shoulder, silently accepting her fate.

  At that moment, he wasn’t sure he could give her up. This woman was unlike any woman he’d ever met. She was so genteel. Not crass like the whores at the fort or even some of the women in his own village. She seemed to respect him when so few people did.

  He wanted to be sure that Tall Deer would treat her right. He didn’t think she could handle it if he got mean on her. He’d been known to be overly cruel to his slaves, which often ended in their deaths. He did have his times of being reasonable, but he was quick to anger and lash out, and Cody didn’t want Suzanne to feel the brunt of it. She was too soft.

  Still, there was the debt, even if Tall Deer didn’t know about it. It was a matter of honor. He owed Tall Deer a woman, and there weren’t many to be found. He had to give Suzanne to the chief.

  He gently pulled her head off his shoulder and gazed into her tear-filled blue eyes for a moment before delicately pressing his lips to hers. He felt her trembling, but also felt her weak response.

  She clutched his biceps tightly with anxiety. This was exceptionally nice, but it wasn’t right so soon after her husband’s death. She pulled away and hid her face in shame.

  “Don’t,” he whispered, pulling her chin around so she had to face him. He felt bad for making her tears worse and kissed her on the cheek. “It’s okay.”

  “I’m sorry,” she murmured shakily, gripping his wrist.

  “Sh-h,” he comforted, running his thumbs over her wet face. “It’s okay.”

  She met his dark eyes. “I’m so scared,” she whispered.

  “I know,” he said compassionately and pulled her close again. “I won’t let anything happen to you. I promise. It’s going to be okay.”

  Chapter 8

  The next morning, Cody and Suzanne rose at dawn, ate what was left of the rabbits, drank some water and headed for his village. They didn’t say much as they dreaded the outcome of the trip.

  He had held her respectfully all through the night, staying alert for any sort of danger. She hadn’t moved at all and he was sure she was exhausted, but was confident she was feeling better.

  She rode in front of him on the big black horse, trying not to lean against him, but before she knew it, she was dozing and had her head resting against his shoulder.

  He tried to ignore her hair tickling his nose and cheek, but occasionally gave into the urge to kiss the side of her head. She had him upside down and was sure she had no idea she was doing anything. Her tears last night had rattled him. He’d seen plenty of women who were frightened of him, other Indians and even the creatures that roamed the desert, and they had never had affected him like she did. He couldn’t shut off his conscience with her. She hadn’t tried to fight him or run away and had actually warmed up to him. No other woman had ever done that without being paid. He was listening to his heart and it was telling him not to give her up. After all, Chief Tall Deer had no idea that he had aided one of his slaves to escape. Then he reminded himself that this was a matter of honor.

  He would undoubtedly see her around the camp, but his plan was to ignore her, to pretend she didn’t exist no matter how he felt about her. It was just infatuation. She was a beautiful woman with a warm heart who was being kind to him and not judging him. It was a rare thing.

  He could see she wasn’t like the others. She wasn’t rugged or worn around the edges. She was a lady, despite what she was wearing. She spoke like a lady and acted like one. He was hoping the chief would be kind to her even when she crossed him, which he knew was unavoidable. The chief had a quick, violent temper and a dislike of white people. Every woman crossed him at some point and he always punished them severely and publicly. He would humiliate them, mistreat them and allow the other men in the village to do the same, if they so desired.

  He had never taken part in any of Tall Deer’s sadistic rituals. It sickened him to even think about it. The torture he put the women through always left them scarred if not dead. If they survived, they would be shunned, ridiculed and beaten by the other women, and the men would use them as whores.

  Then there was Angelica. She was the slave who he’d helped to escape. She was married with two children and had missed her family to the point where
her own life was no longer worth living. She had done everything Chief Tall Deer had told her to do, but it had never been enough. He used to beat her, cut her with a knife, and even burn her with red hot sticks. He remembered her cascading red hair that the women had cut off at the nape of her neck only a week after her arrival. She had wept and pleaded with them to leave it, but they wouldn’t hear her. After several months, her blue eyes lost their luster and she began to talk to herself. The life had been too hard for her and she had given up.

  Cody had ridden up to the lake, the only one for miles, and saw her walking into the deepest of the water with her clothes on. He’d ridden out to get her before she went under and demanded to know what she was doing. She had just looked up at him with those blank blue eyes and then wrenched away from him and started to move again.

  He couldn’t follow her far on his horse before he jumped into the water as she went under. He’d pulled her up and found her pockets full of heavy rocks and bigger rocks tied around her ankles. How she had dragged them for any distance was beyond him, but he cut the strings and swam for shore, pulling her with him despite her anguished cries to let her go and her futile thumps on his chest.

  That night, he had taken her to the fort and dropped her off at the big gates. He pounded on them and rode away before they were opened and got away unseen.

  He never saw her again, but she never seemed to be far from his mind.

  He looked into Suzanne’s sleeping face and knew he was making a mistake by giving her to Tall Deer. He was so cruel and Cody didn’t think she could stand it. She wasn’t made for this type of life. Where she’d come from was obviously different and, although her hands spoke of the hard work she did, he was sure it was nothing compared to this. It was going to be too hard and she would eventually do what Angelica had tried to do, if she wasn’t killed first. He could see it already.

  As they crested a sandy hill, he saw the village sprawled out in front of them. The small fires produced little smoke and he could see people walking around, children playing, and a group of men talking and laughing, but he didn’t see Tall Deer.