The Girl Nobody Wanted Lynne Raye Harris

by Lynne Raye Harris

  At precisely a quarter to eleven, Leo arrived as promised. Her heart turned over again at the sight of him. He wore a charcoal suit with a maroon shirt unbuttoned at the neck. It was stylish and daring and fit Leo to perfection. She envied him the ability to get away with color and still look so powerful and masculine. He made her seem dull in comparison, but perhaps it was the truth. She was dull.

  And she wanted to keep it that way. She’d had enough color in the form of media attention to last her a lifetime. Shame flickered to life inside her.

  Have you ever considered that perhaps you are more worried for yourself than you are for the child?

  “I’ve made an appointment with one of the city’s top obstetricians,” Leo said to her. “We’ll need to be going if we’re to make it on time.”

  “Is that necessary?” she asked, gripping the door frame. “I feel perfectly fine. And I’d prefer to find someone on Amanti after we’re married.”

  Leo frowned. “I’m not sure how you envision this wedding happening, Anna, but it won’t happen today. And it won’t happen on Amanti. We are marrying here. And we’re staying here.”

  “I can’t stay in London,” she said automatically, her pulse throbbing. “I’m the Tourist Ambassador to Amanti. I have things to do. A home, family—”

  “So go back to Amanti,” Leo said tightly.

  She squeezed her fingers on the door frame until her knuckles were white. “I can’t do that.”

  “Then we have an appointment to keep, don’t we?” He turned without waiting for an answer and strode down the hall toward the elevator. Fuming, she grabbed her purse and a light jacket and followed him. They took the elevator down to the ground floor and emerged in the bright sunshine of a clear London day. A minute later they were in his limousine, crawling through traffic like everyone else.

  “I didn’t come here to stay,” she said coolly, though her pulse beat erratically beneath her skin.

  Leo swung his head around to look at her. “You expect me to leave my business and move to Amanti because you wish it?”

  “No. But surely we can work something out.”

  “What is it you suggest?” he asked.

  Anna shrugged. “I could go back to Amanti after we’re married. You could visit from time to time—”

  “Out of the question,” he said. “Did you not hear a thing I said to you last night?”

  Her ears felt hot. “I heard you.”

  “Then you’ll know that we’re staying here. For the time being.”

  “Why?” she burst out. “You don’t really want this marriage, or me, so why make it any harder than it needs to be?”

  His gaze was so very cool. Unemotional. And yet she thought she saw a glimmer of heat behind those dark coffee eyes. “How do you know what I want, sweet Anna?”

  She dropped her head, stared at the purse she clutched in her lap. “I don’t want you to pretend, Leo. I know this isn’t easy for you, and I appreciate that you’re willing to help me—”

  He made a noise that brought her head up. His expression, she noted, was patently furious. “You act as if this were an immaculate conception. I believe it takes two to make a baby.”

  “I know that,” she said quietly.

  “Then stop attributing motives to me that are designed to make you feel superior.”

  His words stung. “That’s not it at all,” she snapped. “But I have eyes, Leo, and I can sense when someone is unhappy. You’d rather be waking up this morning with the lovely Donna, not taking me to the doctor, so don’t you pretend you’re offended by anything I have to say. You’d rather this baby didn’t exist, and you’d rather I was back on Amanti and nothing more than a memory.”

  He leaned toward her, his jaw set in a hard line. “If you’re always this charming, it’s no wonder Prince Alessandro found my sister more appealing.”

  Her skin prickled with heat as a sharp pain daggered into her. “Are you always this cruel?”

  “That depends,” he said. “Are you always this self-righteous?”

  She stared at him for a long moment, locked in battle—but she suddenly felt so defeated, as if life had conspired to knock her down at precisely the moment when she was already at her lowest. Anna put her face in her hands, breathed deeply.

  “I’m trying to do the right thing,” she said, her voice coming out muffled and weak. Which made her angry. She wasn’t weak, dammit! She was strong, as strong as she needed to be to protect her child.

  She dropped her hands, thrust her chin up. She would not cower before him.

  “There’s the dragon lady,” he murmured. “If only you would bring her out to play when the press dares to mock you.”

  “It’s an impossible battle to win,” she said with a haughty sniff. “And I’d rather save my energy for other things.”

  The flame she’d seen in his gaze earlier flared to life again. “Yes, perhaps that’s a good idea after all.”

  Anna felt herself coloring. Cool. She must be cool.

  She might not be a queen-in-training any longer, but she hadn’t spent years learning to be serene and unflappable for nothing. She held her head high, determined to be professional and businesslike. “How soon can we be married?”

  Leo chuckled. “Eager, are we?”

  Even the roots of her hair felt hot. Anna folded her trembling hands over her purse. “I’m eager to move on with the plan,” she said. “Before I start to show.”

  “It will take at least two weeks, possibly three.”

  She felt her jaw drop. “Three weeks?”

  “I’ll do what I can, but two weeks is the minimum time needed. You won’t be showing by then.”

  “We could go to Amanti,” she said practically. “The wait time is seven days.”

  Leo shook his head. “That’s hardly worth the trip, Anna. Besides, I can’t leave my business at the moment.”

  “You left your business to go to Santina for the engagement party,” she said.

  “Yes, and I lost several days, most especially when we crashed on the island. Being out of touch with my board of directors for two days during negotiations for a property in Brazil was a bit, shall we say, chaotic.”

  She didn’t like the delay, but what else could she do? She already knew that once the baby was born, everyone would count backward. What did two—or three—weeks at this point matter?

  She turned her head away from him. The limo had ground to a halt near Marble Arch, and happy tourists took photos and gawked at the white structure. They looked so carefree it made her ache. When had she ever been that carefree?

  On the island, a voice whispered.

  Except it wasn’t quite true, was it? She’d definitely had cares—would they be rescued, what would the press say and so on—but she’d felt more like a different person there than she ever had before. A person without so many worries. A person who could swim naked with a gorgeous man and make uninhibited love on a secluded beach.

  Anna clenched her fingers around her purse strap. She could still see him naked, his golden body so hard and perfect in the Mediterranean sun. Leo was flawlessly made, tall and lean and muscular in all the right places. He’d smiled on the island. Made her laugh. Made her moan and beg and shudder.

  It had meant so much to her, she realized. Too much. While he’d returned to London and continued as he’d always done, she’d thought of him endlessly.

  Despair flickered around the edges of her soul, but she refused to let it in. So she’d lost one man she’d been promised to and another she’d given herself to. So what? Others had it worse, didn’t they?

  And she had a baby on the way. There were new, more important worries to contend with.

  In spite of the traffic, they arrived at the obstetrician’s office located in a quiet Georgian town house on a side street a few minutes before the scheduled appointment. Leo exited the car first before reaching in for her, glancing up and down the street as he did so.

  Anna’s heart lodged in her thro
at as she sat on the edge of the seat with one leg poised over the pavement. “Do you see anyone?”

  “No,” he said curtly. “But it doesn’t hurt to be on guard.”

  No, it certainly didn’t. She didn’t know how long it would take the press to discover her whereabouts, but she didn’t imagine it would be long considering the way Leo’s family always seemed to appear in the tabloids.

  She joined him on the street, clutching his arm as she put her heel in a grate and nearly lost her balance. Leo held her hard against him, steadying her with an arm around her body as they came together breast to belly to hip.

  It was the first time she’d been so close to him since the island, and she swallowed, her hands pressing against his chest for balance. They stood that way for a long moment, Leo gazing down at her as she stared back at him, her entire body humming with his nearness. His eyes dropped to her mouth.

  Anna held her breath, surprised at how desperately she suddenly wanted him to kiss her. His fingers skated along her jaw, and her eyes drifted closed. His mouth claimed hers oh-so-lightly that she almost wondered if he’d meant it to happen.

  Her heart beat like a trapped bird, her body straining toward his. She wanted the kiss to be hotter, harder, more intense—and yet it was perfect just like this. So achingly sweet and tender.

  He lifted his head, and then set her away from him as he took her hand and led her into the doctor’s office.

  Eight weeks pregnant. It didn’t seem possible, and yet the technician explained that the math had to do with the day of her last menstrual cycle and not the date of conception. Anna stared at the tiny bean on the screen as tears filled her eyes. She was really, truly expecting a baby. Leo’s baby. She turned her head to look at him. He sat beside her, his gaze riveted to the screen. She reached for him without thought and his fingers closed around hers, squeezing softly.

  For the briefest of moments, she thought it might be all right. That everything would turn out okay. Together, they would protect this child. Love this child. But then the technician turned on the Doppler and the sound of the baby’s heart filled the room. It beat so fast that Anna thought there must be something wrong.

  “The heartbeat is perfectly normal, Mrs. Jackson,” the technician said in response to her cry.

  “I’m not—” She stopped, swallowed. She felt so guilty, as if the technician would know that she wasn’t actually Leo’s wife yet.

  Leo had filled out the paperwork and she hadn’t bothered to check it. She’d answered the questions while he ticked off boxes. It reminded her, forcefully, that this was simply an arrangement. They would not be raising their child together, or at least not in the traditional sense. Leo didn’t love her. A wave of depression washed over her at the knowledge.

  “That is, thank you,” she said smoothly. “I’m relieved to know it.”

  The remainder of the appointment was routine. The doctor asked questions, prescribed antinausea medication, told her when she would need to consider taking a birthing class and informed her when the next visit should be and what would happen then.

  And then she was back in the car with Leo and they were pulling away from the curb, leaving Dr. Clemens’s office behind. Anna chewed the inside of her lip. There was a pain in her chest, right beneath her breastbone, that wouldn’t go away. Not a physical pain, but an emotional one.

  What kind of mess had she gotten herself into? What had made her think she could barrel into Leo’s life and ask him to marry her for the sake of the baby? What had made her think she could do it and remain untouched? Sitting in that room with him just now, his hand wrapped around hers while they listened to their baby’s heart, had been one of the most significant moments of her life. How could she feel this way and not acknowledge that at least some of it was due to him?

  “How are you feeling?” Leo asked.

  How was she feeling? Lost, confused, alone. Uncertain. But she blinked away the moisture in her eyes and turned to him. “I’m fine.”

  He smiled for once, a rakish grin that had her heart turning over. Did he have to be charming when she was trying to keep her emotional distance? Why couldn’t he keep snarling and frowning?

  “It was a bit overwhelming,” he admitted, and the breath squeezed in her lungs.

  “Definitely.” She smiled back, though the corners of it trembled. She hoped he didn’t notice. “I have a feeling it’s going to stay that way for quite some time yet.”

  He sighed, his expression troubled. “I think you’re right.”

  She bit her lip, glanced away. It hurt to see him look like that. As if everything in his life had made perfect sense until she arrived in it. “I’m sorry, Leo.”

  He looked surprised. “For what?”

  She took a deep breath, her heart burning. “For everything. If I’d been stronger on the island—”

  “Stop,” he said, his voice suddenly rough and edgy. “I was there, Anna. I know what happened as well as you do. And I was every bit as much involved in the decision process that got us to this point. Stop trying to insinuate it’s solely your failure that created this situation.”

  “I didn’t mean …” But she did, didn’t she? She meant that he was simply a man, a rogue, acting on adrenaline and hormones and that she was the one who should have been smart enough and moral enough to put a stop to the sexual heat between them before it got out of hand. By inference, she was accusing him of thinking with his penis.

  Of not thinking at all.

  He was insulted, and rightfully so. Anna toyed with her pearls out of habit. Would she ever know the right things to say to this man? A lifetime of etiquette training, and she still couldn’t manage to be diplomatic when it counted most. She was not the cool, serene woman she’d always thought she was. What a joke to think she could have been a queen when she could barely govern her emotions when it counted most.

  “You’re right,” she told him. “I’m sorry for suggesting I was the only one who should have been in control.”

  “I know you think you’re supposed to be in perfect control of yourself every minute of every day, but that’s not the way it works, Anna. You’re human. You’re allowed to make mistakes.”

  She dropped her gaze. “I know that.” And even if she didn’t, she was learning that mistakes were not completely avoidable.

  “I’m not quite sure you do. You live by your calendar and all that bloody training you did to be Alessandro’s wife. You think that rigidly controlling every moment of every day will keep you from faltering.”

  “No one wants to be made a fool of,” she said in defense. And yet it felt like such a weak defense now. She’d been made a fool of more in the past month than she ever had in her life, and she was still here. Still kicking.

  “Of course not. But it’s only when you care so much that anyone has the power to do that kind of harm.”

  “That’s easy for you to say,” she snapped, feeling pinned in from all sides. How could you not care when people said the most awful things about you? Printing lies to sell papers without a care for the truth? She knew what they said wasn’t true, but not everyone did. And it hurt to see censure or pity in the eyes of those around her.

  He had no idea what she’d been through, what she would go through if anyone found out she was pregnant before she was ready for them to do so. Santina and Amanti were far more conservative than the world Leo inhabited.

  “When have you ever been the subject of negative attention? When has anyone ever said anything less than glowing about you?” she demanded.

  He looked at her so steadily that she felt the need to drop her gaze from his. She wouldn’t, however. She would hold steady and be brave, no matter what he was about to say. And she was suddenly certain, whatever it was, that she wasn’t going to like it.

  Once more, she’d blundered. She knew it in her bones.

  “Before I was born, sweet Anna.” His smile was smooth, polished. “My father had an affair with my mother while he was still married. He wa
s at the height of his football career then, and quite the cad. When news of her pregnancy hit the papers, his first wife divorced him. He denied he was my father, of course. It was all the rage for weeks. You can look it up online if you’re curious.”

  He sounded distant, detached, but she knew it had to bother him still. The way he spoke so carefully, his voice devoid of emotion. His expression sadly mocking. As if to say, See, it’s not so bad. I survived.

  “But you’re a Jackson now,” she pressed, because she didn’t know what else to say. Her palms were damp, her skin prickling with heat. Keep digging yourself a hole, Anna.

  “Yes. Another tabloid adventure when I was ten. My mother died in a drunk-driving accident, and I inherited not only her money, but also the DNA test she’d had done to prove paternity. After a stint in court, Bobby finally decided to do the right thing.”

  Her heart throbbed for the boy he’d been. He’d lost a parent who loved him and had then been forced onto another one who had tried to deny him. How terrible would that have been for him? “That must have been difficult,” she managed.

  He shrugged as if it were nothing. “It was a long time ago. I’ve moved beyond it now.”

  “But that doesn’t change the hurt.” How could it? How could you ever forget that someone hadn’t wanted you? She’d grown up in a household where she was cherished, the beautiful, talented, bright daughter. And yet she hurt because she’d failed her parents, failed the King and Queen of Santina. Because Alex hadn’t wanted her.

  “You really are a sensitive creature, aren’t you?” Leo asked. “You’ve lived your life in a bubble and you’ve been terrified to step outside it. But now you have, Anna, and you have a choice. Be brave, face it head-on, or crumple and let them defeat you. They will find out about the pregnancy. You can’t keep a secret like this in our circles. Are you prepared for it?”

  She sucked air into her lungs. Was she? Because she knew he was right. She’d come here knowing all the while it was a secret that wouldn’t remain hidden for long. “That’s why I’m here, Leo. I’m trying to prepare for it in the only way I know how.”